Mike Shlort's Journey To Becoming A Real Man

[MikeShlort]

Have you tried stretching by tugging from the base instead of near the glans? Even if the glans are sensitive targeting other areas should be okay.

I tried this. It seems I get too much skin stretch and don't feel it in my ligs as much. I have loose dick skin due to pumping, even before pumping it didn't work gripping anywhere other than right below the ridge of the glans.

Any suggestions guys? I imagine this way of stretching mimics a hanger more. Anyone have good results gripping anywhere other than right below the glans and how did they grip to make it effective?

 

[DLD]

It depends. I guess my biggest flaccid is maybe .5"-1" shorter than my erect length. If I have a good EQ though it gets bigger than any flaccid state I could have. Normally though it is at like 3.5-5 inches, 6 when I see a slender blonde with black roots. The PGE1 gives me a nice flaccid hang.

How bad do you turtle if you don't follow the same regiment?

 

[MikeShlort]

I can't really say. I rarely go more than a day without Penis Enlargement. I turtle most when I've jacked off like 6 times in a day (like everything, I go overboard when I do). Sometimes a day off gives me a nice flaccid. Sometimes over training turtles me. Sometimes not training turtles me.

For me, the best flaccid hang is when:
1. I haven't masturbated for a good while
2. I've been killing it physically (gym, cardio etc) - especially leg shit - bike rides, leg day etc.
3. I've been keeping up with Penis Enlargement but not over training
4. The day after a PGE1 shot if I haven't over trained it.

 

[MikeShlort]

Testicle Massage
2-3 piss pulls

Gym (back)

15 min manual stretch session with scrotum stretches

Penis head still a tad numb. Very frustrating injury. Everything else is okay.

Track: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pB13bvc_No

 

[DLD]

Testicle Massage
2-3 piss pulls

Gym (back)

15 min manual stretch session with scrotum stretches

Penis head still a tad numb. Very frustrating injury. Everything else is okay.

Track: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pB13bvc_No

With your glans issue, you could try some basic head ballooning and expansion with simple forced squeezes, pushing as much blood into the head as possible and squeezing it back out...this may help bring feeling back faster.

 

[MikeShlort]

Testicle massage
10 min manual stretch

25 min swimming

4 piss pulls

Gym (legs)

PGE1 shot @ 9:50 (18) in base of right side. Still engorged at 12:20 but going down. Next dose will be 16, in left side high up.

Dick head still hurts, PGE1 shot brings out pain in head the most. Not sure I will get a manual stretch in tonight as I'd hoped. Will hit it first thing tomorrow.

 

[MikeShlort]

Fuck insomniac.

Erection lasted til fucking 1:30am (3.5 hours). Hurt to lie on it in bed. For Christ sake, all I want is 1.75 hours. Next dose will be a 14.

Now I am heating it with heating pad to hopefully heal quicker. Feels good.

 

[Papi Champagne]

Subbed to the thread

 

[DLD]

Fuck insomniac.

This has been me for the past 2 weeks. I can't say it is insomnia, as I am not trying to sleep, it is more like just being awake during the day. I know this comes in the beginning of my mania (hypo-mania) so I am hoping for some chemical happiness soon, if not, then I guess it may be insomnia.

 

[MikeShlort]

Yesterday:

Testicle massage
15 min manual stretch
2 piss pulls

Gym (shoulders)

15 min manual stretch
1 piss pull

Had a good day working length. Nice flaccid all day. Had erections all night, woke up with one too.

 

[MikeShlort]

Saw a kid sitting on the grass as I was biking home, pounding his fist into the ground. He was probably 16 or so. I was like what the hell, this kid is as pissed off as I am. Then I saw a girl farther down the street walking away from his direction. I knew exactly why he was pounding his fists after that. She didn't have a pleased look on her face either. I've seen this look before. The look of guilt when you've just shat all over someone. I took had many assumptions. One thing I noticed is he looked like a little boy but she looked more like a young adult. Maybe she thought she was more mature than him, because she could walk away composed, knowing she has options, whereas he could just sit and pout. Either way, the kid was probably around 10 years younger than I am but I still have a ways to go to get to where he is at.

 

[MikeShlort]

Testicle massage
10 min stretch session (rushed)
3 piss pulls

55km bike

PGE1 shot (15) in high left side at 9:35. Went very high this time, near middle. Didn't feel a thing. Will go higher up from now on. Next dose needs to be a 13. 12:45 just starting to drop.

I did add 10 min of edging in after 2.5 hours of engorgement. Felt like a good idea since no time to stretch, still hard, going to bed.

Tomorrow morning I will stretch the second I get out of bed, no warm up, nothing. Last dose, I had a great sore feeling in penis next morning, but warmed up then stretched and lost that feeling plus got a bit of girth to counter act the stretching. So this time I will yank immediately after waking and hopefully will have that sore feeling again.

Dusty ol' SP-1200: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLvaVrb4ezk

 

[MikeShlort]

Thursday night:
Ended up doing a 10 min manual stretch session after PGE1 went down. Was good, kind of like erect stretching because I still had some engorgement.

Friday:

Had great erections all Thursday night.
10 minute manual stretch session
15 minute manual stretch session with scrotum stretches
Testicle health massage. I like doing this after the scrotum stretches and after manuals, as my balls were hanging low and big.

Was horny as fuck all day and had non stop erections and a big flaccid, on the verge of becoming erect nearly all day. Had to edge. I'm going to try to not edge again, as I believe it makes my penis shrink (http://www.mattersofsize.com/forum/showthread.php?67354-Why-Some-Men-Don-t-Gain-A-MikeShlort-Theory).

Edged for 15 min
After that, I did another 15 min manual stretch session. Pulled extremely hard. This was a good session.

On 9th day without ejaculation. Going to try to not edge either. It's hard though when I constantly think of dirty sluts with their assholes in my face. I do like the state of constant engorgement though, where I could have an erection at any given time. I think this is gaining territory.

 

[MikeShlort]

Thought of something that is helpful for manual stretching in the up direction:

Grip glans with two hands. have your forearms on your hips for leverage. Grip really tight and pull your pelvis back, like your ass will be sticking out. It's like you're pulling your penis away from your hands by using your body. Standing up works really well but you can also do it while sitting. It's easier to keep your grip solid while your body does the work of pulling your penis in the opposite direction rather than gripping really tight and pulling your penis with your hands away from your body.

Make sure you take it easy and slow doing this because it is very easy to pull something in this position and pulling in this direction.

 

[DLD]

Thought of something that is helpful for manual stretching in the up direction:

Grip glans with two hands. have your forearms on your hips for leverage. Grip really tight and pull your pelvis back, like your ass will be sticking out. It's like you're pulling your penis away from your hands by using your body. Standing up works really well but you can also do it while sitting. It's easier to keep your grip solid while your body does the work of pulling your penis in the opposite direction rather than gripping really tight and pulling your penis with your hands away from your body.

Make sure you take it easy and slow doing this because it is very easy to pull something in this position and pulling in this direction.

Good idea, smart exercise. Stretching the Tunica is a big job and requires a big effort. This seems to fit the bill.

 

[MikeShlort]

I feel that stretch in a ligament most of all. One that seems to be running along the underside of me on both sides. Very different lig than stretching SO or SD I believe.

 

[MikeShlort]

http://www.xvideos.com/video2050337/huge_cocks_and_depraved_sluts_compilation

Look at these fucking cock sluts. This is the shit I want to do to women. This is what got me here in the first place. Comparing myself to these guys and not feeling worthy of fucking a slut with my pathetic shlort. It's great to be back.

15 min manual stretch session. I pulled hard.
Pretty much was tugging on it and lightly stretching it throughout the day.

Gym (arms) (did chest yesterday)

PGE1 shot (13) @7:40 into high right side. Lasted about 2 hours, pretty good dose. 13-14 will be my dose until it changes. After that, I did a couple piss stretches. This got me out of the short and thick state into a longer with less girth.
Then, I warmed up with a heating pad for 15 min or so.
15 min of manual stretches, pulling very hard.
Testicle massage.
Now I am heating again. Will do some more piss pulls before the night's end. Would like to jelq but feel that would be over training.

I'm going to be one of those fuckers in that video. I also want big balls.

ANYONE KNOW OF ANY TRICKS FOR BIGGER BALLS/SCROTUM?????? THANKS.

Track: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OE_QRezRCYM

 

[MikeShlort]

Hardly any Penis Enlargement today. Couple piss pulls today

 

[DLD]

Hardly any Penis Enlargement today. Couple piss pulls today

Some times Penis Enlargement has to be touch an go, just to keep you in the system. A few piss pulls is still Penis Enlargement and it counts...sometimes thats all you can do!

 

[MikeShlort]

Some times Penis Enlargement has to be touch an go, just to keep you in the system. A few piss pulls is still Penis Enlargement and it counts...sometimes thats all you can do!

Ya, definitely need to be stretching everyday as much as you can. I strongly believe in your theory about constant stretching (the t-shirt analogy), the doctor even confirmed that doing about 6 one-two minute stretches per day is the way to go.

It was more a matter of I was tired as fuck. I usually get minimal sleep Saturday night, then Sunday I always work a 9 hour shift at my job where I do a lot of lifting and moving around all day (the job where I can't wear my [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]extender[/words]). I was so beat yesterday, there was no way I could grip as hard as I needed to for 15 min so I just did some stretches here and there.

I wish I had the strength though because I really believe that for me, constant stretching and no edging is the way to go. I edged last night for 10-15 min because I could not sleep and having an orgasm without ejaculation is the next best thing to jerking off and going to bed. But I feel edging hurts my length. Even when I edge, I have a nice girth but the length suffers. Last night when I was edging, my girth was killer - fat base and consistent thickness all up the shaft and head was mushrooming huge, but it was around a half inch shorter than my max. If only I were an inch longer, I would feel confident with that girth I had and an extra inch length.

Its funny how many different type of boners there are. I have a PGE1 boner right now, it's longer than last night, but skinnier, more of a curve and smaller head. Can't win. Even my flaccid sizes vary just like this. I have the short and tight with no girth, which gives very little give when I stretch (this one is usually from over training), then I have the short and fat, which is very girth and has even less give; just stops dead when I stretch. There is also the long, skinny but stretchy state, where there is absolutely no girth whatsoever, but it can stretch very long and has lots of give on the ligs, doesn't stop dead like the other states, but not as much give as the jelly state. Then I have that nice jelly state, where it's almost like it's engorged but it's still stretchy and pliable in every direction and the ligs feel like they can stretch forever (relatively). That is the coveted state. The only problem with that state is I achieve that state when I haven't ejaculated in awhile (unless it was just a one time ejaculation I might be okay later on or the next day) , usually at the end of the day after I've worked and gone to the gym (testosterone flowing, blood flowing) and when I'm horny as fuck. Like very bad horny. Boners in public horny. So I usually start thinking "I wonder what this girl at my work's asshole looks like" then I edge and ruin everything, back to the short and fat flaccid that goes nowhere when I stretch.

I believe my key to gaining is keeping myself in the jelly state. That means not touching my penis other than for Penis Enlargement (although the truth is sometimes after a few days of non jelly state, if I haven't ejaculated in a while, a little bit of edging will bring me back to the jelly state), continuing my fitness routine and keeping up with Penis Enlargement. I haven't ejaculated in 10 days, now I just need to keep that up and cut out the edging. Will be tough but I'm confident I can last a good while. Also, raging boners all through the night are a great indicator that I am in this state. I was getting those all last week and waking up to one. Great times.

 

[MikeShlort]

Yesterday:

Let's see if I can remember.

15 min manual stretch session.
Many piss pull throughout day, stretching away when I got a chance. Not extreme force though, just strong.

Gym (chest)

PGE1 shot (14) in middle left side at 9:40. Started going down at 11:40, but then I kept thinking of this woman female and how I want to introduce her to Mike Shlort, so it stayed very, very hard past 11:40. I was going to do a manual stretch session, but I was tired as fuck. I went to bed around midnight, or a bit after. I may have gotten up shortly after that to do a piss pull, but that's it. First great night's sleep in almost 2 weeks. Body felt great today.

Today:

I had good erections all through the night. Even better, I woke up with a nice plump flaccid. That jelly state! So, I immediately did:

15 min manual stretch session. I pulled hard.
Piss pulls throughout the day pulling hard.

Gym (legs). I went hard. (Good rest is great for everything)

15 min manual stretch session when I got home, pulled hard as hands are strong today. Good session.
Nearly 2 hours in the [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]extender[/words] after that. First time in nearly 2 weeks I've used the [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]extender[/words].

Great news! My glans is probably 90% healed. I even used the [words=https://www.internetzahlung.de/cc-aktuell/bestellung.php3?PID=PM0440A&Sprache=en]PMP[/words], which I had to avoid weeks ago, now with minimal pain! And my erections have been solid over the past month with my injury, no loss of feeling in the glans now, so I'm happy with the way I handled it. Glad I listened to DLD and continued doing conservative manual stretches as opposed to listening to some other people and stopping completely for a month.

Flaccid is nice right now. I'll do a few stretches before bed and that's it. I will be starting back up with extending as well, probably for 2 hours at work tomorrow. Will do it in 1 hour sets.

Track: Here's the album version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKq5top9Dhk
Here's a later version, more reverb: http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=rWNsL1OhF_c

 

[DLD]

Ya, definitely need to be stretching everyday as much as you can. I strongly believe in your theory about constant stretching (the t-shirt analogy), the doctor even confirmed that doing about 6 one-two minute stretches per day is the way to go.

It is important in that way but also just to keep your head in the game. If I miss a day I get anxious and if I miss more time I get lazy...best for me to do something everyday.

 

[MikeShlort]

Testicle massage
15 min manual stretch session
3-4 piss pulls
1 hour [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]extender[/words] (PMP)

Gym (shoulders)

PGE1 shot (14) in middle right side @ 10:15. Lasted a bit over 2 hours, mostly a fat flaccid 70% engorgement after 1.5 hours.
10 min manual stretch session as soon as I could do it. Head kinda hurt when pulling.

 

[Papi Champagne]

what the hell is a piss pull?

 

[DLD]

what the hell is a piss pull?

It is a redneck event that features tractors and a lot of pee.


A piss pull is stretching every time you take a piss. So, go to the bathroom, take a piss, shake it out and stretch it

 

[MikeShlort]

what the hell is a piss pull?

Ya it's just a short form for a random stretch that lasts from 30sec-two minutes. I do them in the stall at work.

 

[MikeShlort]

Yesterday:
15 min manual stretch
Piss pulls all day
2 hours [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]extender[/words] at work
15 min manual stretch
1 hour [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]extender[/words]
More pulling
10-15 min edging

 

[KingCobra]

Yesterday:
15 min manual stretch
Piss pulls all day
2 hours [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]extender[/words] at work
15 min manual stretch
1 hour [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]extender[/words]
More pulling
10-15 min edging

Nice workout!
How are the injections working for you?

 

[MikeShlort]

Nice workout!
How are the injections working for you?

Thanks.

So far, so good. Mainly just increased EQ is what I'm noticing. I think I may have gained a .1" or so at max arousal. Hard to tell though. I won't consider anything a gain until it's a half inch, something easy to distinguish

 

[MikeShlort]

Yesterday:

15 min manual stretch
Lots of extending, at least 5 hours
2 15 min edging session (horny :/)
Another 15 min manual stretch

 

[MikeShlort]

Sept. 29:

Testicle massage
15 min manual
4-5 hours extending?

Gym (arms) - Did chest on 28th, forgot to note

PGE1 shot (14). Lasted about 2 - 2.5 hours. Initially injected into left side base, but was not in right spot (plunger stuck) so I had to pull out and go right side base. So I must do left side top tomorrow.

After the injection went down, I did a nice 15 min manual stretch. It hurt. I think I extended a bit too but can't rememeber

Sept. 30:

Couple piss pulls [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]Extender[/words] 3 hours.
That's all!

 

[MikeShlort]

It's been 17 days since I've ejaculated. I am getting erections all over the place. It's ridiculous. I get huge erections in the middle of the night. Really starting to feel like I need to fuck a woman.

How does one go about getting a woman to have sex with? I don't know how.

 

[Papi Champagne]

It's been 17 days since I've ejaculated. I am getting erections all over the place. It's ridiculous. I get huge erections in the middle of the night. Really starting to feel like I need to fuck a woman.

How does one go about getting a woman to have sex with? I don't know how.

Shit by that point you must be looking at your pillow like it is asking for it.

As for when it comes to women just show that you know how to ravish them. They should pick up on where you are going with that and will either go with it or deny it.

Just remember the difference between ravishing and raping a woman is the love connection you make with them. Women just love to choked and shit like that.

Your boy,

Papi

 

[MikeShlort]

Okay thanks, but I was more asking about advice on getting the woman in the first place. Like is there any tactics for picking up women at a club by yourself (without a wingman etc). Is there a protocol for trying to get with a girl at your work? How do you randomly ask a girl for her number, maybe a cashier you've seen a number of times but haven't really talked to. These are the only encounters with women I have, just seeing them around. It seems so difficult. I just feel my growing penis deserves a home at this point.

 

[DLD]

Okay thanks, but I was more asking about advice on getting the woman in the first place. Like is there any tactics for picking up women at a club by yourself (without a wingman etc). Is there a protocol for trying to get with a girl at your work? How do you randomly ask a girl for her number, maybe a cashier you've seen a number of times but haven't really talked to. These are the only encounters with women I have, just seeing them around. It seems so difficult. I just feel my growing penis deserves a home at this point.

There is a cool forum called Don Juan Forums where they teach how to pick up women and other stuff. Pretty neat and some good advice. We started the Dating and Seduction Forum to collect as much data as we can on the issue. I would love to have the forum take off.

 

[MikeShlort]

Cool shit, thanks DLD I will check that out. Too bad I live with my parents and only wash my balls on Sunday, I should do something about that first..

 

[DLD]

Cool shit, thanks DLD I will check that out. Too bad I live with my parents and only wash my balls on Sunday, I should do something about that first..

lol...Once a week!?!? I only shower once a month and that is if I am lucky

 

[MikeShlort]

Oct. 1:

15 min manual stretch
5-6 hours of extending
Piss pulls/pulling throughout day

Gym (back)

PGE1 shot (14) in upper left side. Think I went too deep, could not aspirate. Still had a 2 hour response, after about 2.5-3 hour I did:
10 min manual stretching (had to stop, head kinda hurt. I think due to lots of [words=https://www.internetzahlung.de/cc-aktuell/bestellung.php3?PID=PM0440A&Sprache=en]PMP[/words] lately)

Oct. 2:

15 min manual stretch [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]Extender[/words] - 6 hours today, maybe more.
Couple piss pulls, not many. Mostly extending or resting.

Gym (legs)

More extending after gym, included in that 6 hours.
10 min manual stretch session.
Ligs are toughening up. Hard to pull and get that stretch. Need [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/forum/showthread.php?83577-Length-master-official-order-thread-now-shipping-06-16-2014!!!]LM[/words]

Track: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m39AB6eHjKQ

 

[MikeShlort]

Mirror test shots:

Taken right after taking off [words=https://www.internetzahlung.de/cc-aktuell/bestellung.php3?PID=PM0440A&Sprache=en]PMP[/words] [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]extender[/words], flaccid larger than usual.

 

[MikeShlort]

15 min manual stretching

Basketball 30 min

Couple of piss pulls
3-4 hours extending

Gym (shoulders)

PGE1 shot (16) in right upper side @10:30. 1:22, still engorged, going down now. Can't wait for it to go down more for manuals, going to bed.

 

[DLD]

Mirror test shots:

Taken right after taking off [words=https://www.internetzahlung.de/cc-aktuell/bestellung.php3?PID=PM0440A&Sprache=en]PMP[/words] [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]extender[/words], flaccid larger than usual.

Excellent hang Mike! Looks like you are flaccid at 6"? Close?

 

[MikeShlort]

Thanks, ya probably 5 something, I don't really measure it. I think normally it's 5 inches. Nowhere near where it needs to be.

 

[MikeShlort]

I don't really have a flaccid goal but I'd have to say 7 inches flaccid at all times. If that's possible to gain that much.

 

[MikeShlort]

7" flaccid is probably a possibility, but I just think it isn't realistic to think you could stay the same size limp all the time. Silly Schlort.:s

What I really meant is 7 inches flaccid without having any engorgement/being aroused. Then I can have sex with sluts without having to give them free rent.

 

[DLD]

Lots of extending and/or [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/forum/showthread.php?44-Ace-Strapped-Jims-Joint]uncle jims[/words] wrap will get the flaccid size closer to the erect. Lazy ass stretches are also very good with this. I also found that if I warm down with a heating pad my flaccid comes damn near my erect for a few hours anyways.

 

[MikeShlort]

Ya my flaccid size is slowly growing, the gains are slow on all fronts though.

Yesterday:

Not much Penis Enlargement. Just a couple piss pulls and 3-4 hrs extending.

55km bike ride

Edged for a bit

 

[MikeShlort]

15 min edging session
Another 15 min edging session

Gym (chest)
[words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]Extender[/words] at work for 2 hours

PGE1 shot (14) into left mid side. Lasted a good two hours. Edged for 15-20 min with PGE1 erection. Dropped significantly after edging, but feels good.

Track: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a6A6oTFdcw

 

[MikeShlort]

A 7x5 or something is significantly bigger than most dicks, as you know.

You guys need to stop saying things like this. You are even starting to subliminally warp my mind. Maybe a 7x5 is a big penis compared to the whole world, but compared to guys who are sexually active with attractive women, it's around average.

Believe me when I tell you that 90% of good looking girls in their early 20s who are sexually active have been with a fair amount of guys (whether it be vaginal sex or otherwise) and they have seen their share of 8"s and then some. You guys need to stop brainwashing yourselves into believing these "average sizes" statistics. They are irrelevant. They include places like India and China. What does India and China have to do with sluts in North America? Their 4.5 inch average brings the average down significantly.

These average size surveys are useless information because they are including everyone. Fat white guys in their 40s outnumber physically fit black guys in their 20s in North America. There needs to be a survey among guys who are fucking attractive women for there to be any time of useful average figure.

I'm pissed off because being on this forum, I allowed myself to subliminally be brainwashed into believe I had a decent size, but any experience in the real world proves otherwise. Guys who are in contention for the desirable women are usually:

a) tall
b) physically fit
c) good looking
d) intelligent
e) driven
f) I'm guessing have large penises. Why wouldn't they? Most men are proportional to their bodies. Then you have extremes on either side of the spectrum.

These qualities are what I believe make up the alpha male.

It's important to keep all this in mind because these are the people who are in contention for the desirable girls. Ya, even if you're not all these things, you can still get a sexy girl. But she will be used to good sex, and that puts you at a disadvantage if you are inadequate.

 

[MikeShlort]

I added more to that rant but the stupid 10 minute time limit to add to a post fucked me over and I lost everything I added. I am not going to re-type it. Such a pain in the ass.

The gist of the rant is I don't care about anything and everyone should lick my scrotum. I'm probably going to pay for a prostitute to see what I can do with my white Shlort. Hopefully I don't get herpes, AIDS or genital warts. Crabs I wouldn't mind. I posted this in my thread to offend the least amount of people as possible.

Oh ya, at least you guys aren't as bad as pegym. Those assholes are so delusional. Every third thread is "women love average dicks!" or "my wife cheated on me with a bigger dick but it's not actually because she was bored with me sexually, so I'll keep letting her live in my house!".

If I ever get a girlfriend, and if she hasn't had huge penises, I'm going to force her to read kingsnakes entire thread and all the rest of the articles on the subject that I have saved on my browser then ignore her until she goes out and gets busted by said penises, then ignore her even more if she ever comes back. In other words, I'll never have a girlfriend.

 

[Papi Champagne]

Why fuck a prostitute when you can just go out and find a college slut?