I feel you and you know I can relate. If it gets too hot, please, have no reservation about hitting the psych ward, best place to get your meds straight. If you think you can get through this I definitely want to hear from you everyday to make sure you are ok. I no longer have any of the issues I had before, I am at complete peace with myself but this only happened because I spent 6 months in the hospital until I got my meds straight. It is such a relief not to have anxiety or depression, the panic attacks, etc. What worked for me is first cognitive work mainly in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), this is a wonderful way to keep yourself in a safe place and learn to combat negative thoughts with rational, influential thoughts. Very good stuff. Next part was the medication. Today I take the following:
Seraquel
Lamictal
Klonopin
Wellbutrin
This cocktail has allowed me so much more freedom and peace of mind. I rarely would advise on medication but with more than 14 visits to the hospital over the last 14 years has taught me quite a bit. These medication not only will fix the issues you are having, they also have very nice side effects. Serequel will allow you to sleep straight through the night with no interruptions while it is an antipsychotic to help control ill rational thoughts. Klonopin is a long acting Benzo, meaning it does not get you high, it releases medication slowly, over 8 hours. This allows me to relax and think with a clear mind. The Lamictal is a mood stabilizer and it does a GOOD FUCKING JOB! Last, the Wellbutrin will destroy depression but also help you quit smoking and it will also help you lose
weight. Now when you add all this up you can see that life can get better. I am here for you in every way, if you need anything, let me know. You are in my prayers!