Iwant8inches' Trip to Ideal State of Mind

nah, I don't know that she is engaging in sexual relations with other guys. I wouldn't say she's a slut or anything just that she's been through one of the most horrible things that any woman can experience and that I can tell she puts herself out there in a way that would make her seem like she wants to do things in spite of herself. When she was explaining her situation to me her voice was all ashamed and choked up. It isn't like she's playing me. We've only been out once so far and before that we were just casual friends. I want to know what she wants right now and tell her that I'm fine being just someone she's hanging out with even if she is hanging out with other guys. She does have a lot male friends, but I am not sure if she is actually like that with her friends. If she is then that's who she is and I'll find out sooner or later. But I'd like to know what's what, but like I said we're not a couple or dating or anything so it matters little to me what she's doing right now. We're just hanging out too. It's just that she's a friend of the family and it's probably hard to deal with feelings for someone's son whom you are close.
 
8, why don't you just ask her what your status is? And to find out if she is a slut, as her what her roster looks like. I would rather just "hang out" with girls, rather than be a couple, as it's the best way to kill the love that brought both of you together in the first place. For example: some couples are completely shut-off from the outside world, as they are so much into eachother, nothing else exists.
 
I'm just asking for the same chance she'd give anyone else. This whole I don't want to hurt you ever shit doesn't make sense. Saturday night she then said she wanted this to go as slow as possible. I'm not sure I can just ask her what my status is with her. I know I'm a friend at the moment and that she likes me enough to tell me that she is attracted to me. She's just confused right now. I mean I don't think she is out there partying and having sex with random or any guys at the moment. It just wouldn't fit with the story she's told me. Especially after she has said that she doesn't want to be tied to one person, that she wants to go as slow as possible, that she's just only recently gotten out of a relationship with one guy for the last 3 years and was engaged to him, and then called it off because of something absolutely horrible. She asked me how I can expect her to trust any guy after what happened to her. I'd think that she has a few guys she's already been out on a date with or just hung out I should say since then. She hasn't had a boyfriend since her breaking off the engagement. I know for sure one guy at the least who she went to high school with and talks to on the internet has taken her to a family function. I'm not worried about what is happening with the other guys so much as I am with what she is doing with her life. I talked to her today and she was getting sick again. Everytime and I mean everytime we hang out she gets sick. She literally has gotten a cold that week we have gone out. She sounded bad on the phone. I'm completely into her, but I don't want to be a sap about it. I was telling her to get her ass off the couch and get to work tomorrow. I was messing with her of course. I guess she didn't go or something. She went to a concert yesterday. Probably she was half hung over and half getting sick. Who knows though. I asked if she was getting enough sleep and she said no, I slept fine last night. I'm trying to just be myself around her again. It was a tough turnaround from the middle of the week when she asked me to go somewhere with her this weekend to Friday when we told each other the way we feel in which she basically tugged me one way and then pushed me the other way to Saturday when I still had too many questions to ask to feel comfortable enough to make any kind of affectionate move. All I was looking to do was hold her hand. I think that's slow enough. I am wondering where I could ask her to go next. I was thinking a baseball game because we were talking about how we've both only ever really been to a few professional sports games in person. But probably not this weekend. I have plans already and I'm not sure if she already has plans. I'll ask Wednesday what she's doing this weekend. I mean if anything I can't afford to do is to let communication break off. I've never been one to constantly call someone anyway (so a call twice during the week is probably something I can and will do) and just gab unless it was all I could do with the girl at the moment. It's been a long time for me (being in any kind of relationship...hell a date) and I'd like to get her to be comfortable with the fact that I'm not some pushover and that I'm not afraid to show her I want something physical even if it is only holding hands. I'm a sensitive guy though and when she told me what happened to her several months ago I definitely got a bit less interested in how well I was going to entice her on Saturday and how devestating her life had become. So I will continue talking to her and doing whatever feels right.
 
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actually hung for 2 hours 20 minutes last night and am doing so again right now....then if I go out tonight I'll hang again for an hour when I get back.
 
just thought of something.

I don't have shit to do right now.

Maybe I'll hang for a 3 hour block today something I have yet to do.

then hang tonight as well.

Wet jelq for a bit tomorrow and then hang for 2 hours 20 minutes.

I'm measuring on the 26th and then measuring again on September 26th.
 
damn I'm not sure if I have to work today now.

I could use some money though. I need to find a higher paying job soon too. I'd like to move out by next summer. If I can transfer schools this winter I could probably move into an apartment with a few people. For now though I'm feeling like a huge loser.
 
hanged 8 20 minute sets....1 10 lbs...2 13 lbs....2 15 lbs... 1 18 lbs.... 2 13 lbs...

tonight....wet jelq....then 1 10 lbs 20 minute set and 2 20 minute 13 lbs set....
 
didn't wet jelq

Just not in the mood to get hard.

She was at my place this weekend....called ME up. I had no idea she was going to and she decides to come over....everything is fine except she is on the other couch...ever since I told her I like her she has been less flirty...we were cool though and laughing and there was a moment where she was commenting on her getting "old" and I was telling her I was going to throw her in my pool (she said she wanted to on the phone...decided against it as she'd be drinking she said) I kept saying don't say that shit around me...if you say anything about you being old again I'm throwing your ass in that pool...and she smiles to herself and says sort of under her breath "I'm getting old..." I didn't do anything...I'm still cautious around this woman. She's been through sooo much in the last year alone and then I mess things up not a half hour later trying to share the worst experiences of my life and it strikes a nerve with her and she gets offended and is all quiet and then I fuck up and look at her and it came out in such a terrible rude way...telling her she's done after that beer she had in her hand....she gets up "all right..."gets up as quick as I've ever seen anyone get up and just gets her keys off the counter and leaves...and says "...just don't ever go there with me again..." I literally drink four corona lights in 15 minutes. 3 in about 10 minutes. I'm fucking crying because I was trying to open up to her some intimate shit. I end up waking up at 6 in the morning and look up flower shops and I go get all these flowers...carefully picked them out and got a vase and delivered it myself to her doorstep....I also wrote her a letter explaining myself for the night before and what I was trying to tell her. I think that the letter might have set me back with her...she's said before that she wants to take it as slow as possible and after I call her and she actually answers...she's cool with it...everything....and that no one has gotten her flowers in years...she said that it was all right...(I've never been a wuss around a woman that I like except with her) but then she said..."it's all right...we'll just pick up where we left off...as friends..." this made me wonder just exactly how much she really was thinking of coming over that night because this would seem contradictory to what I assumed that night for two reasons...she said she was sitting next to her dad though while she was talking so maybe she said this because I've never met her dad and two the reason I think she does like me...she knew my parents were out of town that night too...she was like "your parents are out of town aren't they? Okay..then I'm definitely coming over to swim in your pool".... man I blew it! I wasn't going to try to have sex with her or anything...just get a kiss or some form of contact....I haven't talked to her since that day...I called her monday and she hasn't called me back...she's busy though....she has to get a dress and shoes still for her brother's wedding...plan the rest of the bachelorette party....etc...so this weekend I probably won't be going out with her or even see her at all. I need to call her or talk to her or something before Friday most likely otherwise I think this will be the last time I see her or hear from her in a while if I let it go longer than tomorrow. The wedding is next weekend. I'm just hoping she isn't going with someone that likes her and she likes him you know? I wish I could explain her situation to someone but I'd be betraying her trust completely. I feel ashamed for posting this right now.

I've gotten the you don't want to get involved with a girl like me....I'm not ready for a relationship yet (but even her best friend says this to my parents...she didn't say it to me...) we're just friends...but I've also gotten let's just take things slow...She's said to me "I mean it's obvious I like you...but I just broke up with a..." long time bf/fiancee.

I don't know what to do...every time I see her we either get into a tense situation or it becomes awkward or we argue about whether or not she really wants anything with me...I'm getting a little sick of it, but that's really too selfish of me...I want this girl and I know it's going to take patience like no time I've ever known.

I need some advice...should I call her and ask if she wants to do something Sunday or should I just call her up and see what's going on? I mean literally like what's going on for the wedding/bachelorette party etc.? I will call her today or tomorrow.
 
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yesterday 3 hours 20 minutes of hanging

today....???? so far 2 hours 20 minutes...might do one more set at 13 lbs for 20 minutes...then maybe even some more...feeling small and confused right now...might as well hang some more....then lift and then Hydromaxmm....drink myself to sleep?????

I probably shouldn't drink though...not tonight.

I will hang for a little while longer. Take a 12-15 minute break after this set which will make it be 2 hours 20 minutes then go for another 2 sets at 13 and 10 lbs. Then I'll lift....maybe even jelq....before that I'll go to the store...rent some movies or something....then hang for an hour tonight....1 10 lbs set and 2 13 lbs sets.
 
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plus last night I got in 200 wet jelqs.

Gave up the opportunity to go out and party last night. I was probably feeling down for the stupidest reasons, but whatever. I'm not hungover and I am hanging right now.
 
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