My Account of Blood, Sweat, and Tears

I think the worst is over
That was SO hard !
Thanks for understanding

I pumped twice in public restrooms, for a gal who tans naked on the roof thats not much of a challenge but it was definitely interesting. Orgasms where the best on the beach in the privacy of the restrooms of course. I've been told the new place has closed bathrooms so I can get back what I'm missing out on also I should not miss another day from today on:)!
 
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its going to be so much better where im going anyways. my family is abusive here. i dont usually like going into details of the bad things that occur. Maybe i am talking to myself here more or less...... it is kind of a way for me keep notes for my books. i was really exhausted this week brothers not using drugs, i took a bath today and half way through it i had to empty it and refill it because there was so much dirt in it ew. i had alllot of time to think and there was almost 24 hours of silence from my mouth everyday. God spoke to me very clearly. Im excited about the future and [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] because i love u
 
tomorrows the night i leave for a fuckin shelter hur-fucking-yay: at least they will pump me with all the best legal hormones available to the nation. That is the cost of a car payment. The rest is kill or be killed Finger nail eating black smog choking L.A. I used to call it the Devils asshole.

One night I got stranded on skid row at 3 am. in 09

ive been journalling over 3 years daily and have close to 25 full note books

I was on skid row the other morning well before the sun rise. Trying to find a computer to talk to u guys. Whata fuckin idiot. u know being at skid row aint so bad it aint. I just imagine when i finally get out of here, i can take a really long golf club and smash the shit out like some new technology thats keeping people from figuring out when something is fucking right in your lap to stop trying delete it!

seriously what im trying to do u think its safer to be celibate and walking in worst part of the ghetto at night/locked up in a facility 24/7 w psychopaths OR a guy who said u can do all the things u want to do in ur dreams for free.....................but i could turn out to be a serial killer or child molestor.

Im 1000% serious ok guys

say something to help me or fukcin buzz off
 
its free hormone treatment bc of some seriously fucked up shit that happens to tgirls: not bc yay they make trannies there!! anyways YAY
 
Well you are getting into a secure place tomorrow so you will be safe and able to work on other issues. I have been in the same place many times and I am stronger for it. You will be fine/
 
And seriously Dld ur fucked up for sending me ur number/and hanging up on me when i calledc claiming not to know who made u those BLOGS. Im out here backpacking all my belongings in shinny silver heals and long sleeves and pants bc i love u enough to rather die than imagine a life without u. What did u guys do take away my mod status and call me a druggy. i dont talk to myself ok. this is the fucking stupid fucking internet and real life is so real i have only stayed because of something i cant explain here. It happen to me when i was a child and i dont remember anything before it.

I apologize for having such a brass tone, but it is just that it is the truth.
 
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You got that phone number through a user name that had Salvini in it! Why the hell would you do that? Lets not play coy here.
 
doublelongdaddy;413211 said:
Well you are getting into a secure place tomorrow so you will be safe and able to work on other issues. I have been in the same place many times and I am stronger for it. You will be fine/
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that is true it is just the panic before the storm

doublelongdaddy;413213 said:
You got that phone number through a user name that had Salvini in it! Why the hell would you do that? Lets not play coy here.
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Thats what u really think of me?
 
Thank you so much
REDZULU2003;413822 said:
How are you doing Turnover? PM me if you like.
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you really probably would not know how good it really is to hear something.

I'm not able to really chat these days. I'm over tired, I have a knot the size of Kansas in my lower abdomin, I want to complain and complain and complain some more.

I wont. Later Im going to try and get back here and catch up. If you didnt know [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] is the best part of my day....and thats why if I were to even die I would die with this stupid smirk on my lips.
I also have been taking tighter shape.
 
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just a quick update i might be at my moms tonight not that she is happy about it, she made me practically humiliate myself which she loves.....if u guys really want to help me the best way is to visualize I am where I want to be at. Then I will be

Otherwise Im at my moms computer desk right now and they have my chair at the computer that I have used for a year while Penis Enlargementing 5 hours a day.... u know how much jizz i have dumped here...lol...damn nugga
 
I THOUGHT- this has to be the worst thing I've ever been through but then I thought- "Yeah, but I get to be the shit, so what if 4 weeks wasted in hell. I learned so MUCH" I'm really fucking ready for it to be good again though.

I'm so tired I was just closing my eyes and was hallucinating visions of suns and rain- I'm not even stonned a little bit, completely sober. I'm about to pump and crash.

I have not missed one day pumping. I pump every day, my favorite place is the public restrooms in Venice beach. If I cant get a full 30 min Im sure to get 15 a day and sometimes I just split it up into 2 sessions, not always the same restroom.

This is all for you [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words], I'm making a personal commitment to you that I'm going to make it and when I do it's for you. This is officially bullshit it is so fucking fucked up. When I'm done I just want to come back here I don't belong to anybody else. I wrote an outline to one of my books and I can't wait to share it. My whole life was waiting until now to buy a laptop and now I finally know why.
 
I just worked so hard to make these 4 Youtube videos and the audio was destroyed every track. I take [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] very serious. I'm going to leave one video open on Youtube with a ruined audio because it is a song you cant find anywhere else and its a good song to do a workout or just enjoy, I really do (Except for the minute at 1:20-2:20 THE WORST OBNOXIOUS hissing) . I was waiting to post pics of my gains and weight loss when I met someone special so they could help me take the pics. Now I dont know when you guys will be able to see them. Anyways heres the new songhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5UN62xxEAY
 
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I see this is a thread with more than enough going on in it. Take a break. I spent all morning bumping threads on a jacked up computer but I'm going to do that as often as possible. Don't worry about missing threads, and comeback when you get enough rest.
 
It is very easy to keep track of new threads by clicking the tab at the top: What's New....from here you can mark all forums read and then click What's New again and it will show you all the new posts, threads and blogs in the past 24 hours.
 
doublelongdaddy;414915 said:
It is very easy to keep track of new threads by clicking the tab at the top: What's New....from here you can mark all forums read and then click What's New again and it will show you all the new posts, threads and blogs in the past 24 hours.
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I log in so often I cant see threads I missed on days I only have time to log in and out really quick.

Victory At Last

Oh God it feels so good to finally hear some good news!!!!

I had given all hope. I was waiting in a new waiting room and imagining never writing in this thread again.. I was there 3 hours and nobody called my name. I almost walked out. All the people are old, smelly, dirty, sick, drug addicts, and theres me preppy, clean, and cute.... I knew something good was coming this morning when my friend gave his cell phone to call him and let me borrow $20 in case of emergency..

So she finally called me in and it was sooo simple. I told her I've got nowhere to go and heres why and heres where Ive been. I told her at the last shelter the men litterally grabbed me and pulled me out of line and called me a "faggot" and then I had to sleep in the same fuckin room as them. I told her I lost my job and my mom kicked me out for my transition and she said, "what transition" and I said male to female like I did when the cop asked me and she said "ohhhh" and she got up and closed the door. lol she said have you gotten the surgery yet lol everyone thinks I want SRS.

I told her I was on G.R. and food stamps, I write everyday, and ther is someone very special in my life, and its totally fucked up because I'm so stressed out and guess what she fucking said to me after that...!

She said you have G.R. AND FOODSTAMPS. I can get you into a G.R. bed tomorrow 1st thing in the morning and if u need somewhere right now I can get u an emergency bed and nothing like guys grabbing u will happen here. I got all teary eye'd, its been the same story everywhere I go. I couldnt get into the other place that was a great place because there is a freaking waiting list.

After I left this really old man was really sweet and stopped me. I was in such a good mood I said Goodafternoon Sir and he told me "I wanna get with you, you look so nice" I laughed really hard. When I walked away he stuck his tongue out and did a licking motion, i laughed really hard again and called him a pervert.

I get my 1st hormone shots on the 24th or at least the consultation. I was so excited about the future and I really want to be happy they will help me find a decent job for me and I have G.R until April s that is more than enough time I will be in Long Beach too.

Now Im going to go take a bath. My friend is going to help me out one more night. I hope its not too late that my journal is so ugly now. I wrote everyday since March 24th and it means so much to me. You guys were like my only friends for so long and I could never tell you. And now I feel like I fucked it up, but I can make it ok again. I finally can relax.
 
Excellent news! I knew you would work it out. Keep up the good work and you will be in great shape.

It does not matter when you come to [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] and what posts have happened, you can use the directions above to find ALL threads and posts from the last 24 hours. I use it 10 times a day:)
 
doublelongdaddy;414982 said:
It does not matter when you come to [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] and what posts have happened, :)
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Maybe not to you, but to me until I get my laptop, every second I'm here counts:)
 
Turnover;414983 said:
Maybe not to you, but to me until I get my laptop, every second I'm here counts:)
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You cut out half the quote! What I am saying is whenever you get on you can find all posts and threads from the last 24 hours by clicking WHAT'S NEW
 
Ok going to keep this brief.. I paid my $220 and I have a room:) Its on Martin Luther King street (I was like I DO have a dream!) 10 blocks from the Beach!! 3 blocks from the Library where I am now. It is literally 7 streets from an old apartment I used to rent a few years back so there is no where else I plan on going:) There is a bathroom, a kitchen, a smoking patio. The cerfuw is 12 midnight. It is "sober-living". They didnt search my bag or anything and I'll be mostly to a room by myself with a hallway leading to other rooms and only 4 others in the entire house. The center where I found this place has a job placing program they said I can start right away! I thought of a new really awesome Youtube video idea WAYYYY better than what I did last so that will be in motion.....Its no paradise, Im so happy I made it it may as well be paradise!!!Thank You MOS fINALLLLLLLy
 
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EXCELLENT NEWS!

Make sure you follow all of their rules so you can really use this beautiful opportunity to change your life. It sounds like paradise to me especially with the beach so close. Keep us up to date and stay safe!
 
God, I spent ALLL day waiting around and waiting to make my Youtube video and FINALLLY I made it, then it wont upload.....I'm so tired of the internet:( they said I can try again tomorrow
 
I am so grateful [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] works at the Library near my new house. Some places wont let me log in [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words]. I am really lucky to find the place I am in now. Having technical difficulties for my new video. That gives me a little more time to make it that much better.
 
The quality is not up to par for my standards, I'm excited too share it, so I am going with gusto and will post this but I may do a remake:)
<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="640" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/26jXG5VeRpM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
 
That was an incredible video! Everybody should have a watch as Turnover shows many different tools of Penis Enlargement from air-clamps and cable clamps to the [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/forum/showthread.php?83577-Length-master-official-order-thread-now-shipping-06-16-2014!!!]LengthMaster[/words] and [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]Penis [words=https://shop.mattersofsize.com/products/sizegenetics-penis-extender]Extenders[/words][/words]. Very well done and very comprehensive.

Turnover, Is this your new room?
 
People don't want me to post: bc I love doing it. It's like everyone wants to keep me from it until the last second they get the chance- the whole time going like this ha ha ha ha.

I hate when I can't get online, I hate when I can't get online! The whole reason I've decided to go through all of this is to come to here, and I hardly have any time to do it. Trust me if I don't make it 1st thing every morning on MatterOfSize it's against my will power AND if I were to somehow end up never posting again, please believe me when I say, I'm not ever so angry at anybody here- I hold nothing against anybody here at [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words]. Don't mess with me when I haven't signed on [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] and not smoked my weed- Lord give me streng>:(:cool: (I really only bring this up bc this town is seriously fkkkd- and i got genuially frightened last night in my neighborhgood)

My new routine is going to consist of basic clamping if possible longer than 5 min cuz @ this point I can't even hold on a couple minutes of edging right now and always pumping. 15-30min ea day
My experiment is going to be with androgen blockers starting March. I t stops testsoterone I will also be injecting estrogen. There is a techiniqye I always wanted to try and the theory is to shrink and stretch so to further stretch after each time and so my plan is to try stopping testoerone and taking breaks every so often all the while strethcing, make sense?I hope to be able to document it on web cam here with my routines/body changes.

I'm signed up for 2 job programs starting 1st thing next week.

EDIT: Just in case the video isn't working above a new link is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26jXG5VeRpM
 
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That is awesome that you will have a job! Is this all being done from the house you are in? If so, what great people.
 
The place is actually really fucking awesome. I had some problems at first with dirt and a little mouse, Otherwise I cant believe I get to make it on my own, bc I found all these alternatives for the work I need done (like hair removal, implants etc) so I don't NEED anyone to pay and I didn't have to be a whore to be a girl I get to just feel like I really honestly wanted to feel/thanks to you DLD, I'm really grateful about that too. The 2 programs are like job training for a couple weeks with job placement. I found a 7 month course for a business license I'm seriously considering pursuing, it's mostly about working online. Where I live at night is really really scary so I do my best to stay off the street at night, I walk realy fucking fast though, I knew all that exercise last yer wsa going to pay off:)
 
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Finally Hell Is OVER

So there is so much good going on for me right now, it hit me this morning that it's here, all I need is my lap top. I never got to add anything good that happen yet because it was so incredibly disturbing I didn't want to confuse it with like "yeah, thats not good BUT it's not that bad" because it WAS that bad.

On Feb. 13th I was in Venice I passed a bus stop with a bunch of nice clothes sitting there they were all my size and they were all girl clothes. A day or two ago I visited a center where they have services i.e therapy, lunch, computers, etc, and they gave me a bunch of clothes that I didnt have. When I threw out all my girls clothes in September 2010, I had almost nothing left since I started my transition. The clothes I have now are even nicer than the clothes I had from back then.

Some other good things happening to me is I always have enough food, there is cable tv in my room with all the movie channels, the train is ghetto as fuck but it only costs me 50c to get to and from Downtown L.A. or anywhere in southern cali- not to mention I already live by the ocean. My brother hooks me up with weed, this week I'm starting a work program and the business training will be great for experience to incorporate for this site(MOS). This morning a bum asked me for money and a 2nd bum gave me a little speech and then asked me for money, I put my hand on my chest and I said "Do I look that nice? I just had no where to live for like 4 weeks and I found a G.R. building" Nobody knows what a G.R. Building is, literally nobody has heard of them so I must be pretty damn fuckin lucky:)

My routine is getting up early like 3-4-5am I pump 45min-1 hr I kegel all the while I pump and all day, hardcore [words=https://officialhydromaxpump.com/?uid=6&oid=2&affid=98 ]Bathmate[/words] stretches. I stretch in bed at night. Theres a little more but I have posting from so many different computers I'm sure they're onto me at the Library and anywhere else I go. I think its great to get the Penis Enlargement message out!

My sister just became like my best fucking friend, and she has a 14 month old Haitian, Puerto Rican/White baby who is my niece. The thing is after I finally found somewhere to sleep at night I just started kicking it with all the people that had been helping me all this time. Even the night before last my mom demanded I spend the night at her house and when I got here she yelled at me like when I alwys use to live here, now we both just laugh about it. We had a really close talk while we painted my old room about how I can't feel what its like the way they feel about me as a girl.(etc)

This also makes me think about when the guys here call me "bro", it's incorrect anymore. I don't ask to be called she, but I would like to stop being referred to as "he", if anybody even reads this. Its just that when people are mean or rude to me they refer to me as "he" when naturally I pass as female even without makeup or very fem clothes. ANYWAYS it gets so confused with gay, I'll write about that one day. Right now I saw Red's announcement for Article Subscriptions writing so that's what I'll start concentrating on now.

I feel really bad I got so paranoid out there when I had no where to go. Overall everything just became extremely easy, later I'm going to go to a Buddhist Temple and pray and get super stonned, and post here, and live by the beach, that aint even bad a little. I'll write about the Buddhist Temple later too. When I get this lap top I can keep up again the way I like. The reason I never had a lap top is because in L.A. you don't need one. But I love [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] man I mean it, I crave writing and posting, I just dream about documenting it on film. My penis was really looking large yesterday so I'd like to have some kind of photo proof before I start the hormones- I think it will be pretty cool.
 
I was thinking this thread should be put to rest, but I figure I don't plan to stop posting in a routine page regularly so may as well keep this one open until I get myself completely ready to relax.

I had my consultation today:) 35 days until my 1st shot! If all of this didn't happen getting thrown out of my moms idk if I'd have ever started hormone therapy, so that felt like a victory today:)

My nails are growing back. When I was in Los Angeles I noticed right away how the air had eaten away at my fingertips. I treated them with a coat of protection and theyre finally growing back.

The train ride today was the longest most boring train ride I ever rode. No wonder people get so bored and start causing murderous drama, it really made me appreciate the ghetto a little.

The best thing about this place is there is no curfew. The laptop had a catch of a 2 year contract. I should be able to find a place to start working next week.
 
I had such a freaking bad day today OMG! But, I found a computer shop with $3 an hour computers so that made it all better:)

I was feeling so sad about what I'd posted in the weeks I was in trouble, but today I remembered how bad it was then so today it helped me not feel like it was at least as bad as it was then, when everything that could go wrong was going wrong!! Some days are like that I'm sure this week is going to be a really good week for a change.

I think I'm running out of cum, is that possible?
 
Turnover;418078 said:
I had such a freaking bad day today OMG! But, I found a computer shop with $3 an hour computers so that made it all better:)

I was feeling so sad about what I'd posted in the weeks I was in trouble, but today I remembered how bad it was then so today it helped me not feel like it was at least as bad as it was then, when everything that could go wrong was going wrong!! Some days are like that I'm sure this week is going to be a really good week for a change.

I think I'm running out of cum, is that possible?
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I thought you were copping a netbook?
 
It doesn't matter how much I'm losing whenever I win I laugh like I was never losing ever at all:)
I've got quite an update coming!:)
 
Turnover;418383 said:
It doesn't matter how much I'm losing whenever I win I laugh like I was never losing ever at all:)
I've got quite an update coming!:)
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You have heard me say it before but I will say it again, situations do not matter, only state on mind matters! You are living this now. Once you are able to see heaven in hell it is easy to live a life of complete happiness. I hear so many people say "I can't handle this, it is too much!" I say, "pray for broader shoulders!" The experience you will gain through these "so called" bad places if priceless. Perseverance is the soul of the spirit! Never say this is a "bad situation" I am in! Always stop and look for the clues to what you were meant to learn in the present situation! Smile! Everything is Penis EnlargementRFECT! The things you will learn will be the food of your future, it will feed your growth in a forever flux of living and learning.
 
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