My Account of Blood, Sweat, and Tears

At ANy moment! some strange man can walk in here and catch me with my pumped up erection in a bra and goggles . where are u man . GOD theres a webcam about another min GOD u know
 
and there is no way i can complain about any of this . i am thankful for the opportunity to experience another dimension of life . i hate it it feels like my soul caving in . how can i look the best and cutest ive felt ever and live in a subway station in Los Angeles ?
 
I would answer that with you have never been in real love before ever in your life and you may never ever know: so the jokes on you motherfuckers: ha ha
 
and what is all this shit i keep hearing about whores! wtf is this bullshit there is no more celibacy in the planet or something do u even know how good that feels?ok. its not a woman who is a slut ok. that fat ugly old white lady at the supermarket who is slobbing on a burrito is not a prostitute. ok i cant even watch adult entertainment ok. it makes me sick signing on here at times because i can practically wipe my ass with pages from the Bible and it would disgrace my ass and all i fucking keep hearing about is waht a goddamm slut these whores are.
 
omg this is never going to stop this is giving me the sickest twisted fantasies Ive ever had this is going to make my erections never go away
!
 
terrible man absolutely terrible. ive never had a cavatity ive never had an std, ive never even been stung by a bee and people treat me like the worlds iron clad bag of jizz.

dld threatened to have me banned and took away my mod status. so thats it. i love this place dude. wtf im not on dope at all. i just lost my job for my transition. it doesnt even matter anymore because i dont even want to do it anymore. all i want is to be friends with you guys here and i even lost that. im losing everything i lived and loved, i wrote all those poems. i worked all night on them they meant more to than u guys could understand. i learned the english language better- how to write and use proper gammer because i want to be the best writer for [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] that there ever was. and look at this man this mess. for what because i lost 35 lbs because i became celibate dreaming one day everything DLD writes in his quotes will come true for me too. and i just feel like i cant go on.

u think im not stronger than even u MAXAMEYES. ts has to be stronger than police, thugs, christians, pedophiles, druggys the list gos on and on. i did not expect to lose u guys. i would have never said anything i have been this way since a young child. i am still going to wait for my lover it is just going to be who i knew it would be if he not who is god DLD is god to me
 
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No one wants you banned, your always welcome here. Discuss what is troubling you IN THE OPenis EnlargementN now and we will help you!
 
No one wants you banned, I said that I took away the mod status until I could figure out these multiple accounts. You can understand that I was angry about the account with the Salvini email, it gave me false hope and when I found out it was not a Salvini, but you I was pissed. We are all your friends and we DO worry about our own. You are a great writer, member, friend but I think a break from modding will help you get to a better place. The Mods are on your side and want to help too. I will make this mod-ban for 1 week and try again. Please ask for help so we can help you.
 
I have found some sites to help you for the addictions you have.

http://www.addictionsearch.com/ or phone 800-559-9503
http://www.addiction-treatments.com/
http://www.treatmentusa.com/ (888) 842-3167
http://www.recoveryconnection.org/ 1-800-993-3869
http://www.12steptreatmentcentres.com/

We are always here but you need to speak to a professional like I have had to do. DONT make a severe mistake in your life and allow the horse to bale while you have a chance to do something! Do that something NOW before its too late.
 
I enabled your 10zenIIgain account again...but please let me know when you open up another account so this does not happen.
 
I wish you all the best turnover.
Take some time off to clear your mind if you have to.
Don't give up, you will have the live you want.
Try to get closer to your ideals everyday, bit by bit.
The road is hard, never give up, push forward!!!
You can do it!
 
what can i say man. can u guys ever forgive me Jesus? I fucked up so bad man I always do this to myself. Thanks KingCobra I really appreciate that. i just fucked up so bad man i could not look at myself in the mirror this morning because i insulted Jesus. how can i fix it

still struggling out here. this thread is not about that , the next time i bring it up i will be able to share i am somewhere safe and secure.
 
So, I've got better news than I or anyone could have dreamed, but I won't be certain if it's really really true until afternoon tomorrow:):)
 
Ok just got back from L.A. for idk......the 500th time this week.....found somewhere that i should have been a long time ago, made just for tgirls....wtf

i can get in in a week. i broke down in her office and she said bla bla bla ill get u in. there are computers, showers, a room for me SAFE! and they have hormone treatment therapy down the street - free niggaz- so next week they will take me and i think ill be legit there until i can get a new job and get my own room with a laptop still- congratulations to me:)
 
Excellent news! I am happy for you. Private rooms and computers for free? You have been blessed.
 
I'm going to imagine last night wasnt horrible....................................................................................
 
  • Who would have thought a pretzel would have tasted so good
  • So it is confusing
when you are so hated AND you are so loved
  • estrogen would be a good idea for dicks that are getting too big
  • Nothing happening has changed shit for me; [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] you still mean that much too me
  • I AM traveling the ends of the earth
  • We're just waiting for my hair to get loooooooonger
  • It means more going through it than not for me

 
on the bus ride there a nice young lady with I think down syndrome said "I like your shoes" . You don't know the weight of aggravation it takes to remember nobody knows I'm a guy, I said "OK"

Long silent moment. "That store over there by Stater Brothers is where I got these...."

"O h"

I was freshly stonned and it was early early early. I was in my mind somewhere accepting 6"x6"x6 staring at my fist- When I looked to my left it was the young lady with her fist in my face lol

It was THE PUNCH. She said "See, I can be hip too!"

lol
lol

And she left

On the train I saw the most saddest small black female with bruises or scabbing asking for money and she was pregnant. I gave her all my snacks and told her to get on food stamps. God needed me there.

I got to the place I was going after a really really no really extremely placement on route. Or should I say I got the bus stop that was taking me to the place I was going. There was black guy at the bus stop I exited screaming "Somebody HELP ME Please!!"

omg omg im carrying all my shit what do I do. I looked over and it was a police officer yanking on his arm and he was resisting screaming "please o please wont you help me!"

omg i had to walk away and it was miserable. I prayed and I prayed and walked away and 4 more cop cars pulled up, across from my stop.

Well aside from the fact that my bus never came I saw the whole thing and he got away:) I cheered in the sky with both hands and clapped and a police officer pulled up next to me and proposed if I had ever been arrested.

Never no no and I'm waiting on the corner with a sign for a bus behind a tree and a main intersection. I told her" I got kicked out for my transition" and she was like "what transition" and I was like fuck.

I tld her m-f and she got like squirrmy in her seat. bla bla bla BLA the bus never came so I walked 3 major blocks in new shoes that you dont walk in I dont think....

You wouldnt believe I was sitting right outside the building and I didnt even know it I was looking all over for this place. I saw a bus dam I should try and run and catch it!!!!!!

I ran so fucking hard I flew like the wind. The bus doors closed and I was so close and I was screaming "WAIT WAIT STOP THE BUS NOooooo"

And the doors opened and I looked to the street we were and it was my stop

Well I got to this little place called THE ARMY NATIONAL GAURD *chills* I HAVE NO CHOICE to go here I had to get a paper signed to get into the best one for me.

Well those people are sent from Heaven although there are a few from HELL. They treated me well and with respect but its a huge room with all the hobos from VENICE

Just like you would expect a bunch tree hugging hippies gone cold. They let me sleep and shower with the women but the showers are communtiy so I said "no thanks"

lol should bring my [words=https://officialhydromaxpump.com/?uid=6&oid=2&affid=98 ]Bathmate[/words] tonight....

i smoked weed in the park bathroom and someone gratified in there right after

LA is the best man the best . I got my warm warm super warm Rag doll coat and if these stinky people just keep there respectful distance there is 2 tvs movies a soda machine, board games, dinner, snack, and 3 of the nicest volunteers I hope to never stop knowing.

Well thats not it of course how much more could I write I dont have the righhht
 
Sounds like it is a better situation then you were in before. Does everyone sleep in one big room or do you get your own room?
 
I'm not sure if I will even have a private room in the next place but I promise I would not be going anywhere near these types of places if I hadn't sworn an oath not to have sex. Trust me ok I wouldn't have let it get this far if I was going to give up now. So I jackt it in some bathrooms.....is that the right txt
 
Turnover,
you really gotta get yer head straight man. Reading the last few weeks of posts is like a double-dip of bad brown acid. Stream-of-conscoiusness is one thing...sheer incoherence is an ironclad sign of trouble.

Get your mind striaght, man, get yer mind straight.
 
Let me be clear about something, I'm not not having sex for Dld or something. This is all me now. Nothing compares to this fantasy it doesnt work with out it.

If you dont like what you might see in my thread, I wish you would not comment and not read it.

I post every single solitary motherfucking day since I joined this site. And Im going through Hell right now. So I ask you keep your negative attitudes to yourselves. Lend support or get bent.

Yeah this isnt something you may think is real. ok My body is bangin baby and I cant wait to share it with that one soul even if I die alone
 
Thats good to know you have a roof over your head and a safe place but are you seeking help for the addictions? did you try those sites/numbers I posted? That needs sorting and than the root of why you take those can be dealt with. I'm in the same boat as you know. PM me your name (First name) and I'll pray for you.
 
If I ever touched a drug I would instantly stop caring about [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] . I miss you guys more than you will ever understand. Sky
 
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