My Account of Blood, Sweat, and Tears

5/6/11
FRIDAY

40cc estrogen lower left buttocks. I thought I had gained weight but I am the same as last month:) Which is currently 203 fully clothed and wearing shoes:P Had a good stretch the day before last through the hole in my jeans on my moms couch haha. I have not got an erection in like 3 days!...Not happy about it. I jerked off last night and felt great, did not get fully hard. I heard I could take viagra that will be helpful. I kicked ass last year enlarging my penis and in one month destroyed all the evidence! Even my huge balls have shrinkage. Well that is the price of ingenuity. More update coming soon, can't wait til this weekend will have my laptop and that means no more hours of waiting for online access and just overall peace of mind for me.
 
What do you guys think of my banana? DLD could you make me a bigger [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/forum/showthread.php?83577-Length-master-official-order-thread-now-shipping-06-16-2014!!!]LengthMaster[/words]?
 
I told my sister about the hard circle behind my areola and she told me that all women have that behind their breasts...I felt hers and she felt mine and they feel exactly the same so she told me that means I now have breasts and fat tissue will start growing around that. It is a little sore and she said it will always be that way and after we squeezed hers it was sore she said. It feels wonderful because when I masturbate it is the best orgasms I have ever felt with feeling my own chest because it feeling so much different than when I did not have estrogen. My orgasms are weaker; instead of shooting out they slowly push out in bursts of puddles about 5 total. I use to drown my sheets and now it is still not absent but it is definitely less. My erection was hard and it was not like before when it was a throbbing hard but the way I think is it feels like having sex pulling on my dick and my nipple can reach my mouth so every time I cum I make a vocal noise I cannot hold back.

Ok so anyways I stretch every night as I have always; the Lig Push stretch is one of favorite stretches while in bed. I do a lot of out, left, right, and mandingo stretches. The session will usually last 20 minutes at most. Sometimes I will stretch randomly through the day. Note to self wearing see through underwear with a pair of jeans with a hole in the crotch is probably not the best idea:) I have been stretching through this hole of these pants I like wearing and the hole has been gradually getting bigger. I didn't realize these under pants are virtually see through and all weekend I have looked down and my penis is showing. I missed a couple days pumping whenever I end up spending the night at my moms otherwise I have not missed any days there pumping approx 20min every day.
 
Turnover;429801 said:
Netbook acquired!!!:):cool:;)
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SO happy for you! Now you can spend ALL DAY on [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words]:) Find a nice Starbucks and set up shop:)
 
doublelongdaddy;429862 said:
SO happy for you! Now you can spend ALL DAY on [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words]:) Find a nice Starbucks and set up shop:)
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I know, I wish more mornings were like this morning. When I got to the train station the train arrived, when I got to the bus stop the bus arrived, nobody was fighting with each other, nobody was screaming at each other, nobody was saying nasty things to me, there was only a few people around, when I got to my moms a new computer was sitting here for me, I just got off the phone with someone who told me they for sure got me a job as a receptionist at a hair salon! What a fukn day! If I had more days like this I would love the area I live in and now that I just found out about this great job opportunity it looks like that is really coming right around the corner:)
 
Awesome! Things keep improving for you and imagine where you were 8 months ago???? Miracles never cease!
 
doublelongdaddy;430107 said:
Awesome! Things keep improving for you and imagine where you were 8 months ago???? Miracles never cease!
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yEAH It has been a real struggle like I nver had, sex is a major privilege to this life. A luxury people abuse, I am looking forward to when it pays off I hope its groundbreaking.
 
I made a video masturbating and Wow I am so proud of myself. If someone could help walk me through how to upload videos I would love so much to share my progress. I did not shave for the video or wear anything I thought to be erotic and I feel like I was looking so good. First I'll talk about my penis, it has doubled in size!! I wouldn't say its huge but it has definitely grown in length and girth. if I didn't know my stats and I was seeing me for the first time I would say my length were to be 8" fully erect. The girth is looking surprisingly thick. Like I said not monstrous like in some of those pics in the thread we were conversing in earlier, but if I have ever felt like I was lacking in confidence in my life I do not have that any more because my size is looking very nice and I would admit if it were otherwise. The other side of the spectrum I was so happy about is how the hormones have made so much progress in a short time. My chest was bulging out of my shirt, my hips were not looking like my own waist; my ass was like a bubble I look exactly how I want to look already and thats why I say I wasn't wearing anything sexy because I wasn't even trying. I was looking at some naked photos of a couple shemales and for a moment I felt jealousy but I know I have something those girls don't, and I was thinking I should not throw away the opportunity to prove it to the world, but it will be so much more special for my lover when we meet if I can hold off. I keep getting more beautiful as time goes on anyway. When I think I look so nice I feel like it will be over when I wake up and it sometimes causes me to feel emotional or frantic.

Without shaving, wearing make up, wearing anything nice, and for a 10min stroke film I think just that video alone could get me some views in a porno advertisement. My penis is not 8" I think 7" bone pressed maybe more, like I have said the estrogen has caused some loss in my E.Q. and flaccid hang, so I assume it has probably effected all the work I've done.

Since going out people have been just as ignorant as they ever are and again I am stuck in this ghetto(yuck) full of disgusting people...nobody has made outright comments yet, aside from the occasional snickering. I feel so much confidence after that video, I see people the way I did years ago when they were "normies", I have always been different, whether it was because I was a punk rocker, or whatever, it has been hard for me to not feel stupid when people are mean because I feel awkward dressed down(i.e. not trying to be attractive) sometimes. I was rushing to leave my moms house and my brother and his friend were tired of waiting to give me a ride and right when I was walking out I heard one of them say, "this fool is a cock sucker" and it pisses me off because I get treated like a fag or something when they are mad when I am not even having sex- if I was boy if I was.......these kind of people have no idea. I know my body has everything I have been after this entire time I have been a resident at [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] and from here on it is going to just keep looking better and better. Especially happy with my penis looking proportionate to the rest of my body WOW that is honestly amazing. If I wasn't posting here so often I would be at a point I would say I have reached all my goals like I have heard some long time members post with an updated picture. Of course I will never be done, I have an obsession with LARGE and I want a long fat cock and huge tits so even though this is a good place I am going to go over the deep end like I do everything:):)
If someone can help me upload a video please let me know it would really be cool to take that step.
 
Ok I'm sry there is so many I know I am a pervert for doing this:blush: I thought I would update this in another 4 months but I was so excited how the video turned out. It is not like it matters no one checks this thread except DLD anyways and he never comments on my boobs:P This was from the video I shot earlier today, remember if you are checking this, I have not shaved in it, combed my hair, no make up, or not in a fancy outfit, so in my opinion I am doing pretty damn well myself for not looking too shabby, no?
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:cool:
And starbucks is so fucking relaxing after going through the hell I went through, I am loving this!:)
 
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If who I am is not good enough there is not a thing I can do about it. I cannot believe I have gained this much breast tissue in only 2 estrogen shots. I love posting pictures of myself and I like seeing how much changes I'll be going through. I say in the next 4 months I will wear something nice and post it but I know myself too well and suddenly the moment will present itself I will make a really good video all fixed up and everything. These pictures here I have not put a razor to my chest, I have clipped it recently in a weeks time, but you can see the estrogen has prevented much growth of hair anymore. A person I know told me she knew a girl who started hormone shots with a flat chest and in 12 months had huge boobs. Is there anything better than having your own pair of breasts 24/7- the answer is no, ok. I can't explain how good it is, it is like having your own two best friends with you at all times, even though these are still small:) ok enough with the jokes :) I also wanted to restate on my previous pictures I never planned on posting as photographs, when I said penis doubled in size it would be accurately described as double in volume. Well what ever the case I have the perfect before photo for it when I am feeling like posting them. Currently my update will only be this pointless rambling to myself, just like most of my journal has always been, it doesn't bother me. Its not as important to me what anybody else thinks as it is important to me that I have documented my life, the changes and the thoughts through it. I get embarrassed sure, that is not as strongly conscious as I feel accomplished that I've done it. I do feel disappointed when I do not record something special and as it has ended how much I wish I had done it.....very few things get away but as they have in the past if I could go back and do it all over again I would in a heartbeat. Those events are never possible to recreate. What is it so amazing about creation? Is it the satisfaction of seeing your own talent make a piece of the world in your own personal style, or a vision come to life, or the freedom to do what with it whatever you wish, or having the pride it being yours and from you? This is not really my concern as it is to succeed in whatever it is I am creating. Failure has never really been an accepted direction for myself. Do I ignore failure or do I simply postpone its inevitability when I am so determined to get what I want? Whatever the answer is I have always felt like in some classification I have created something sincere and estimated with great works of art; at least their same unique product of design

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df-eLzao63I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SVuHV7suhQ&feature=related


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KingCobra;431619 said:
Wow, you already got boobs. That's quick man.
For what cupszie are you aiming and are the results of the estrogen shots permanent?
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WOW, I just saw these pictures! What the heck? How in the hell did you get boobs so quick? Crazy! I like your hair much better now. Did not care for the wig too much, you look much better natural.
 
Hey seriously thank you. Breast hormones are permanent, I think once you stop taking them the soft skin on the body isn't so soft and if you have body hair it wont have the effect of not growing anymore. I plan on lasering everything so it wont be an issue. I don't have a size currently I'm shooting for, the doctors say whatever your mom and sisters are is what someone on estrogen will be and my mom had to have breast reduction surgery and my sisters boobs are giant ol' titties so naturally by genetics mine should be the same. At the end of it all I may get implants if I am unhappy with the size, although I doubt I will be, if I'm dating someone and they like huge boobs I think implants would be fun, I am saving money for them either way just in case. My wig was so beaten up it has never been taken care of and it was cheap to begin with. I only wore it in the videos because it brought the whole look together but I hated wearing 'em! my hair is still very short and in those pictures I did not comb them and I haven't had laser yet so I was pretty embarrassed but also proud because I was surprised at how fast I had a couple positive changes. I have super wavy hair, when I was young I use to wish it was straight so much I would put so much goop in it and growing long hair was never something I liked because at the length it is now its the worst, so I would always cut it. At this point it will take a full year from now for it to grow about as short as I will think it is appropriate, and it is very wavy and I feel like it is perfect for the look I am going for. I never knew why I had such light brown curly hair but I think it is because it is going to be a stunning look I have never accomplished.:)
 
I'm going to try and just upload pictures of my progress from now on. We'll see how it goes. And yes I am totally sucking in my stomach in this 1st picture- it's a part of manifestation!:cool: They are shaping nicely and my next shot is June 9th and the doctor said he would give me a prescription for androgen blockers this time!

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Don't you wish the dick was as easy as the boobs to enlarge?
 
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