My Account of Blood, Sweat, and Tears
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The place is actually really fucking awesome. I had some problems at first with dirt and a little mouse, Otherwise I cant believe I get to make it on my own, bc I found all these alternatives for the work I need done (like hair removal, implants etc) so I don't NEED anyone to pay and I didn't have to be a whore to be a girl I get to just feel like I really honestly wanted to feel/thanks to you DLD, I'm really grateful about that too. The 2 programs are like job training for a couple weeks with job placement. I found a 7 month course for a business license I'm seriously considering pursuing, it's mostly about working online. Where I live at night is really really scary so I do my best to stay off the street at night, I walk realy fucking fast though, I knew all that exercise last yer wsa going to pay off
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Finally Hell Is OVER
So there is so much good going on for me right now, it hit me this morning that it's here, all I need is my lap top. I never got to add anything good that happen yet because it was so incredibly disturbing I didn't want to confuse it with like "yeah, thats not good BUT it's not that bad" because it WAS that bad.
On Feb. 13th I was in Venice I passed a bus stop with a bunch of nice clothes sitting there they were all my size and they were all girl clothes. A day or two ago I visited a center where they have services i.e therapy, lunch, computers, etc, and they gave me a bunch of clothes that I didnt have. When I threw out all my girls clothes in September 2010, I had almost nothing left since I started my transition. The clothes I have now are even nicer than the clothes I had from back then.
Some other good things happening to me is I always have enough food, there is cable tv in my room with all the movie channels, the train is ghetto as fuck but it only costs me 50c to get to and from Downtown L.A. or anywhere in southern cali- not to mention I already live by the ocean. My brother hooks me up with weed, this week I'm starting a work program and the business training will be great for experience to incorporate for this site(MOS). This morning a bum asked me for money and a 2nd bum gave me a little speech and then asked me for money, I put my hand on my chest and I said "Do I look that nice? I just had no where to live for like 4 weeks and I found a G.R. building" Nobody knows what a G.R. Building is, literally nobody has heard of them so I must be pretty damn fuckin lucky
My routine is getting up early like 3-4-5am I pump 45min-1 hr I kegel all the while I pump and all day, hardcore [words=https://officialhydromaxpump.com/?uid=6&oid=2&affid=98 ]Bathmate[/words] stretches. I stretch in bed at night. Theres a little more but I have posting from so many different computers I'm sure they're onto me at the Library and anywhere else I go. I think its great to get the Penis Enlargement message out!
My sister just became like my best fucking friend, and she has a 14 month old Haitian, Puerto Rican/White baby who is my niece. The thing is after I finally found somewhere to sleep at night I just started kicking it with all the people that had been helping me all this time. Even the night before last my mom demanded I spend the night at her house and when I got here she yelled at me like when I alwys use to live here, now we both just laugh about it. We had a really close talk while we painted my old room about how I can't feel what its like the way they feel about me as a girl.(etc)
This also makes me think about when the guys here call me "bro", it's incorrect anymore. I don't ask to be called she, but I would like to stop being referred to as "he", if anybody even reads this. Its just that when people are mean or rude to me they refer to me as "he" when naturally I pass as female even without makeup or very fem clothes. ANYWAYS it gets so confused with gay, I'll write about that one day. Right now I saw Red's announcement for Article Subscriptions writing so that's what I'll start concentrating on now.
I feel really bad I got so paranoid out there when I had no where to go. Overall everything just became extremely easy, later I'm going to go to a Buddhist Temple and pray and get super stonned, and post here, and live by the beach, that aint even bad a little. I'll write about the Buddhist Temple later too. When I get this lap top I can keep up again the way I like. The reason I never had a lap top is because in L.A. you don't need one. But I love [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] man I mean it, I crave writing and posting, I just dream about documenting it on film. My penis was really looking large yesterday so I'd like to have some kind of photo proof before I start the hormones- I think it will be pretty cool.
So there is so much good going on for me right now, it hit me this morning that it's here, all I need is my lap top. I never got to add anything good that happen yet because it was so incredibly disturbing I didn't want to confuse it with like "yeah, thats not good BUT it's not that bad" because it WAS that bad.
On Feb. 13th I was in Venice I passed a bus stop with a bunch of nice clothes sitting there they were all my size and they were all girl clothes. A day or two ago I visited a center where they have services i.e therapy, lunch, computers, etc, and they gave me a bunch of clothes that I didnt have. When I threw out all my girls clothes in September 2010, I had almost nothing left since I started my transition. The clothes I have now are even nicer than the clothes I had from back then.
Some other good things happening to me is I always have enough food, there is cable tv in my room with all the movie channels, the train is ghetto as fuck but it only costs me 50c to get to and from Downtown L.A. or anywhere in southern cali- not to mention I already live by the ocean. My brother hooks me up with weed, this week I'm starting a work program and the business training will be great for experience to incorporate for this site(MOS). This morning a bum asked me for money and a 2nd bum gave me a little speech and then asked me for money, I put my hand on my chest and I said "Do I look that nice? I just had no where to live for like 4 weeks and I found a G.R. building" Nobody knows what a G.R. Building is, literally nobody has heard of them so I must be pretty damn fuckin lucky
My routine is getting up early like 3-4-5am I pump 45min-1 hr I kegel all the while I pump and all day, hardcore [words=https://officialhydromaxpump.com/?uid=6&oid=2&affid=98 ]Bathmate[/words] stretches. I stretch in bed at night. Theres a little more but I have posting from so many different computers I'm sure they're onto me at the Library and anywhere else I go. I think its great to get the Penis Enlargement message out!
My sister just became like my best fucking friend, and she has a 14 month old Haitian, Puerto Rican/White baby who is my niece. The thing is after I finally found somewhere to sleep at night I just started kicking it with all the people that had been helping me all this time. Even the night before last my mom demanded I spend the night at her house and when I got here she yelled at me like when I alwys use to live here, now we both just laugh about it. We had a really close talk while we painted my old room about how I can't feel what its like the way they feel about me as a girl.(etc)
This also makes me think about when the guys here call me "bro", it's incorrect anymore. I don't ask to be called she, but I would like to stop being referred to as "he", if anybody even reads this. Its just that when people are mean or rude to me they refer to me as "he" when naturally I pass as female even without makeup or very fem clothes. ANYWAYS it gets so confused with gay, I'll write about that one day. Right now I saw Red's announcement for Article Subscriptions writing so that's what I'll start concentrating on now.
I feel really bad I got so paranoid out there when I had no where to go. Overall everything just became extremely easy, later I'm going to go to a Buddhist Temple and pray and get super stonned, and post here, and live by the beach, that aint even bad a little. I'll write about the Buddhist Temple later too. When I get this lap top I can keep up again the way I like. The reason I never had a lap top is because in L.A. you don't need one. But I love [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] man I mean it, I crave writing and posting, I just dream about documenting it on film. My penis was really looking large yesterday so I'd like to have some kind of photo proof before I start the hormones- I think it will be pretty cool.
I was thinking this thread should be put to rest, but I figure I don't plan to stop posting in a routine page regularly so may as well keep this one open until I get myself completely ready to relax.
I had my consultation today 35 days until my 1st shot! If all of this didn't happen getting thrown out of my moms idk if I'd have ever started hormone therapy, so that felt like a victory today
My nails are growing back. When I was in Los Angeles I noticed right away how the air had eaten away at my fingertips. I treated them with a coat of protection and theyre finally growing back.
The train ride today was the longest most boring train ride I ever rode. No wonder people get so bored and start causing murderous drama, it really made me appreciate the ghetto a little.
The best thing about this place is there is no curfew. The laptop had a catch of a 2 year contract. I should be able to find a place to start working next week.
I had my consultation today
35 days until my 1st shot! If all of this didn't happen getting thrown out of my moms idk if I'd have ever started hormone therapy, so that felt like a victory todayMy nails are growing back. When I was in Los Angeles I noticed right away how the air had eaten away at my fingertips. I treated them with a coat of protection and theyre finally growing back.
The train ride today was the longest most boring train ride I ever rode. No wonder people get so bored and start causing murderous drama, it really made me appreciate the ghetto a little.
The best thing about this place is there is no curfew. The laptop had a catch of a 2 year contract. I should be able to find a place to start working next week.
I had such a freaking bad day today OMG! But, I found a computer shop with $3 an hour computers so that made it all better
I was feeling so sad about what I'd posted in the weeks I was in trouble, but today I remembered how bad it was then so today it helped me not feel like it was at least as bad as it was then, when everything that could go wrong was going wrong!! Some days are like that I'm sure this week is going to be a really good week for a change.
I think I'm running out of cum, is that possible?
I was feeling so sad about what I'd posted in the weeks I was in trouble, but today I remembered how bad it was then so today it helped me not feel like it was at least as bad as it was then, when everything that could go wrong was going wrong!! Some days are like that I'm sure this week is going to be a really good week for a change.
I think I'm running out of cum, is that possible?
Turnover;418078 said:I had such a freaking bad day today OMG! But, I found a computer shop with $3 an hour computers so that made it all better
I was feeling so sad about what I'd posted in the weeks I was in trouble, but today I remembered how bad it was then so today it helped me not feel like it was at least as bad as it was then, when everything that could go wrong was going wrong!! Some days are like that I'm sure this week is going to be a really good week for a change.
I think I'm running out of cum, is that possible?
I thought you were copping a netbook?
Turnover;418383 said:It doesn't matter how much I'm losing whenever I win I laugh like I was never losing ever at all
I've got quite an update coming!
You have heard me say it before but I will say it again, situations do not matter, only state on mind matters! You are living this now. Once you are able to see heaven in hell it is easy to live a life of complete happiness. I hear so many people say "I can't handle this, it is too much!" I say, "pray for broader shoulders!" The experience you will gain through these "so called" bad places if priceless. Perseverance is the soul of the spirit! Never say this is a "bad situation" I am in! Always stop and look for the clues to what you were meant to learn in the present situation! Smile! Everything is Penis EnlargementRFECT! The things you will learn will be the food of your future, it will feed your growth in a forever flux of living and learning.
I wanted to try a practice exercise, I’ve been struggling to write about this day I had. I think I am having so much trouble writing about it because it is really against what we feel is natural to usually write about when we want to manifest what's truly good. So I wanted to see if I could make this approach work. Well I feel like the outcome was good.
A couple days back I had an awful day. I am not a lazy person- not that I haven’t had my moments. I wake up every morning at 3-5am. Most people get to bed at midnight or later, I’ve already been asleep for 5-6 hours by then. What I dislike about waking up in the morning earlier than everybody else is most people don’t start their day until 10am to 12pm afternoon, this has been my routine since Oct. 2010. I spent the night at my mom’s on the 28th in February I had this happen: I was going through some old pictures of myself it really broke my heart. It was probably unexpected how I felt. I never knew I deserved love and am nothing like what this person I felt had to be weird. In fact the only people that treat me any different (like I haven’t always been this way that I am) are people who only knew me before I made this full-time switch back. These pictures of myself I was looking at are from when I lost all of my friends. At 22yr/o that feels like an aftermath. I don’t think I went out of control with sex; actually I never got the opportunity, but I did portray myself as a slut of my own personal photographs. I let other people treat me a certain way and then I believed it.
So I fell asleep with that the night before. When I got up after my regular routine, I was writing a couple emails, for some reason my mom was awake and first thing she proceeded to do was shout at me. It was an awful start to an awful day. After I sat in the bathroom and cried, for what felt like 20min hot tears down my face, I decided it would be a good day to try and finally see the Buddhist Temple. Sometimes riding the train or bus is less complicated than driving in L.A. especially with the pain of car maintenance, not to mention gas prices. Not that I'm complaining either way I'm just stating some facts. Well this morning I forgot my bus pass this would make it the 3rd time in a row, but I didn’t forget it because when I couldn’t find it back at home it was in this coat pocket of a jacket I never wear, I still made it back to the stop in time for this bus luckily. Everything was fine until I got to my 3rd stop. I’m not sure where Westwood is, it is definitely higher in elevation, on a mountain top.
When I exited the bus immediately my lungs begin to feel like they were both on fire! I hadn’t eaten and at the same time my stomach began shooting waves of pain that made it troublesome to concentrate. This location was very populated, it’s at a University. I was holding my midsection and there were cars everywhere! There were restaurants and I was feeling faint so many people were laughing and crowding every street corner. The cars were going 5 different directions. I was looking for my last bus and saw it across the street. It was at a red light and when the light turned green the bus left leaving me stranded. I was sitting across the street from a Burger King, my lungs burned so badly at the high elevation from smoking marijuana regularly so I had to smoke a little to reduce the pain. I was wearing rainy weather clothes but the sun was blaring above me today. I remembered I had some beef jerky so I reached my hand in the bag to grab it and sliced my finger at the tip in 2 places. It didn’t hurt just, the high elevation made blood oozing like water out of my hand streaking blood criss-cross on the dirty sidewalk. So many people were around suddenly I begin having that dizzy feeling you have like when your having blood withdrawn. I just clutched myself and it made me feel better to cry; the beef jerky was spicy: now it can be humorous, at the time it was an overwhelming feeling.
When the bus arrived it wasn’t a moment too soon, there weren’t any hassles boarding the only thing was the bus route had stops on every few streets, it was tearing down the mountain, no one was pulling any stops, so every couple seconds the voice that announces each stop was reading names off like it was having a personal conversation with itself. I pulled my bus stop and spent my last $2 on a bag of chip I found at a market even though they were the worst kind of chips- it was good to have food. First thing I noticed was the address of the Temple was about 2,000 numbers off. I walked about 500 numbers down and I found another street with the same exact street-name that was where the bus had left me originally. I didn’t care much if I had taken the wrong stop or not, for it was a beautiful site. There was an ocean that looked like blue liquid clay the sun reflected a mirror of blinding light back and forth on the motion of the current. The Temple is called “Lake Shrine”, and it is on a mountain landscape in the Pacific Palisades. Why the map had me exit the bus in the middle of the mountain, I cannot tell you, it was in a way pleasant, I smoked some ganja marching downward, a heard or some gang of motorcycle club roared by, I could not figure out why the sidewalk ended. As I rounded the mountains bank, I saw the Temple. It was magnificent, it was extraordinary, it was closed. I searched for the front entrance; I had so much trouble finding it because of a construction site in progress blocking the cliff’s foothill. I considered getting a closer 1st hand look at this ridiculous beaches ocean, I decided against it because a bus was waiting for me not even ready to leave yet at my stop home. It looked like the best bus ride home because my head was throbbing from a headache. I sat waiting until it was time to go after this the bus ride home was not a smooth ride.
It was only 1 o’clock, after hours later I made it home. I had a few things I had to get with my sister and I wanted to check on her phone the [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] “What’s New” before I get back to my place. But no way, the phone is trapped in a force-field and the pages wont load. Only one page and that I could not respond too. We got everything I needed and she even let me chill in the parking lot for more 10 min apparently with no reception = no connection. This was probably like not much to anyone else but to me it was just an apathetic feeling. I got to my place and threw my stuff down to locate a building I knew they had internet on days I had no other option but I never could find the building I was shocked when I found a computer store where they sell computers they had internet. That was the night I posted you guys I had a bad day like a post or 2 up. I was really feeling good I could do that before I go to sleep because I get anxiety and can’t sleep if I feel so depressed. I tried writing about this day 3 other times and this time it was even tough. You don’t know it because this day I had that was so bad was hardly even like a day when I was having nowhere to live. It really helps me to update it regularly however I can.
On February 12th, around 10 o’clock, I was struck with a feeling of absolute peace. It was while I was out for my usual earlier walk time than for other people. I smoked some weed and breathed fresh clean ocean air like I do most every morning, when suddenly I was overcome in a sense of comfort so strong and powerful I had no will to stand. It was a complete moment of privacy although I was out in public I suddenly was surrounded in a sense-like-silence. I thought it was going to vanish in a moment but it kept on energizing around me, it was a feeling of a dreamlike state. A few moments went by and I felt I wanted to speak in this quiet it was just such a good feeling, I asked a guy the time- he told me. I replied, “ I don’t know where I am, I know this is Long Beach, I just had the most beautiful feeling of peace here just now.” He was like “aaaa….” On February 22nd this same type of feeling happen to me, it was a different feeling of peace though. It wasn’t in a sense so strong that I had to sit like the time before, it was heavy like but not like a weight keeping me from feeling light.
It was the same type of morning where I was out walking about the same time. First I had a little marijuana but it isn’t that because I smoke the same herb regularly and these experiences happen after very little marijuana. I felt like stretching my legs so I sat on a bench in front of a pretty little house like a cottage in this town. The sun was heating my body, and there was the refreshing ocean breeze. Instead of the feeling overwhelming me like the previous peaceful experience this one settled onto me. I first realized there were no people screaming at each other or bursting out in laughter. If there was anybody around they were in a bubble of their own atmosphere of concentration. I wasn’t hungry I wasn’t tired. It was mostly consciousness than physical I see now looking back. It was a moment of heartbreak feeling a chance to rest. It was understanding and independence after chaos and frustration. I remember I felt nothing except a hint of boredom it was only for a moment. Cars rode by in a quite hum. Like they were not there to creep past or lollygag. If only for a moment.
Those were some feelings I was struck by lately. My breasts are forming underneath my shirt. I was laying on my back the other day sucking in my stomach; I can see they are like 2 cupcakes, like tiny little islands. I showed my sister and she said they were ‘cupping’ I know they have an effect on my emotions and I mentioned estrogen will intensify everything. The natural hormones I’m on make my emotions feel very strongly whichever way I am feeling them. One day I had a slight decrease in sex-drive and it has been the same pretty consistently. Before it happen I had an extreme urge of ongoing erections. I take Saw Palmetto, Red Clover Blossoms, Fenugreek, Flax Seed Oil, and PABA. When I start real estrogen there will be a much more powerful effect of my emotions. I had a couple shots in 2008 I remember I quit because they made me feel like I was starving yet I was heavier at the time. When I quit I cried way more than usually off the treatment. I don't mean to sound like it is not something I can hang with. The truth is the explanation is going to be in my book so you will just have to wait to understand if you don't already I know it will help me out so much to be able to keep an update here. I feel like it has really saved my life sometimes.
I should have the money for a laptop this week. There was someone who helped me find an endless supply of job resources perfect for someone like me yesterday, they have job training, now I need to just decide what I’m going to start for building a career.
A couple days back I had an awful day. I am not a lazy person- not that I haven’t had my moments. I wake up every morning at 3-5am. Most people get to bed at midnight or later, I’ve already been asleep for 5-6 hours by then. What I dislike about waking up in the morning earlier than everybody else is most people don’t start their day until 10am to 12pm afternoon, this has been my routine since Oct. 2010. I spent the night at my mom’s on the 28th in February I had this happen: I was going through some old pictures of myself it really broke my heart. It was probably unexpected how I felt. I never knew I deserved love and am nothing like what this person I felt had to be weird. In fact the only people that treat me any different (like I haven’t always been this way that I am) are people who only knew me before I made this full-time switch back. These pictures of myself I was looking at are from when I lost all of my friends. At 22yr/o that feels like an aftermath. I don’t think I went out of control with sex; actually I never got the opportunity, but I did portray myself as a slut of my own personal photographs. I let other people treat me a certain way and then I believed it.
So I fell asleep with that the night before. When I got up after my regular routine, I was writing a couple emails, for some reason my mom was awake and first thing she proceeded to do was shout at me. It was an awful start to an awful day. After I sat in the bathroom and cried, for what felt like 20min hot tears down my face, I decided it would be a good day to try and finally see the Buddhist Temple. Sometimes riding the train or bus is less complicated than driving in L.A. especially with the pain of car maintenance, not to mention gas prices. Not that I'm complaining either way I'm just stating some facts. Well this morning I forgot my bus pass this would make it the 3rd time in a row, but I didn’t forget it because when I couldn’t find it back at home it was in this coat pocket of a jacket I never wear, I still made it back to the stop in time for this bus luckily. Everything was fine until I got to my 3rd stop. I’m not sure where Westwood is, it is definitely higher in elevation, on a mountain top.
When I exited the bus immediately my lungs begin to feel like they were both on fire! I hadn’t eaten and at the same time my stomach began shooting waves of pain that made it troublesome to concentrate. This location was very populated, it’s at a University. I was holding my midsection and there were cars everywhere! There were restaurants and I was feeling faint so many people were laughing and crowding every street corner. The cars were going 5 different directions. I was looking for my last bus and saw it across the street. It was at a red light and when the light turned green the bus left leaving me stranded. I was sitting across the street from a Burger King, my lungs burned so badly at the high elevation from smoking marijuana regularly so I had to smoke a little to reduce the pain. I was wearing rainy weather clothes but the sun was blaring above me today. I remembered I had some beef jerky so I reached my hand in the bag to grab it and sliced my finger at the tip in 2 places. It didn’t hurt just, the high elevation made blood oozing like water out of my hand streaking blood criss-cross on the dirty sidewalk. So many people were around suddenly I begin having that dizzy feeling you have like when your having blood withdrawn. I just clutched myself and it made me feel better to cry; the beef jerky was spicy: now it can be humorous, at the time it was an overwhelming feeling.
When the bus arrived it wasn’t a moment too soon, there weren’t any hassles boarding the only thing was the bus route had stops on every few streets, it was tearing down the mountain, no one was pulling any stops, so every couple seconds the voice that announces each stop was reading names off like it was having a personal conversation with itself. I pulled my bus stop and spent my last $2 on a bag of chip I found at a market even though they were the worst kind of chips- it was good to have food. First thing I noticed was the address of the Temple was about 2,000 numbers off. I walked about 500 numbers down and I found another street with the same exact street-name that was where the bus had left me originally. I didn’t care much if I had taken the wrong stop or not, for it was a beautiful site. There was an ocean that looked like blue liquid clay the sun reflected a mirror of blinding light back and forth on the motion of the current. The Temple is called “Lake Shrine”, and it is on a mountain landscape in the Pacific Palisades. Why the map had me exit the bus in the middle of the mountain, I cannot tell you, it was in a way pleasant, I smoked some ganja marching downward, a heard or some gang of motorcycle club roared by, I could not figure out why the sidewalk ended. As I rounded the mountains bank, I saw the Temple. It was magnificent, it was extraordinary, it was closed. I searched for the front entrance; I had so much trouble finding it because of a construction site in progress blocking the cliff’s foothill. I considered getting a closer 1st hand look at this ridiculous beaches ocean, I decided against it because a bus was waiting for me not even ready to leave yet at my stop home. It looked like the best bus ride home because my head was throbbing from a headache. I sat waiting until it was time to go after this the bus ride home was not a smooth ride.
It was only 1 o’clock, after hours later I made it home. I had a few things I had to get with my sister and I wanted to check on her phone the [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] “What’s New” before I get back to my place. But no way, the phone is trapped in a force-field and the pages wont load. Only one page and that I could not respond too. We got everything I needed and she even let me chill in the parking lot for more 10 min apparently with no reception = no connection. This was probably like not much to anyone else but to me it was just an apathetic feeling. I got to my place and threw my stuff down to locate a building I knew they had internet on days I had no other option but I never could find the building I was shocked when I found a computer store where they sell computers they had internet. That was the night I posted you guys I had a bad day like a post or 2 up. I was really feeling good I could do that before I go to sleep because I get anxiety and can’t sleep if I feel so depressed. I tried writing about this day 3 other times and this time it was even tough. You don’t know it because this day I had that was so bad was hardly even like a day when I was having nowhere to live. It really helps me to update it regularly however I can.
On February 12th, around 10 o’clock, I was struck with a feeling of absolute peace. It was while I was out for my usual earlier walk time than for other people. I smoked some weed and breathed fresh clean ocean air like I do most every morning, when suddenly I was overcome in a sense of comfort so strong and powerful I had no will to stand. It was a complete moment of privacy although I was out in public I suddenly was surrounded in a sense-like-silence. I thought it was going to vanish in a moment but it kept on energizing around me, it was a feeling of a dreamlike state. A few moments went by and I felt I wanted to speak in this quiet it was just such a good feeling, I asked a guy the time- he told me. I replied, “ I don’t know where I am, I know this is Long Beach, I just had the most beautiful feeling of peace here just now.” He was like “aaaa….” On February 22nd this same type of feeling happen to me, it was a different feeling of peace though. It wasn’t in a sense so strong that I had to sit like the time before, it was heavy like but not like a weight keeping me from feeling light.
It was the same type of morning where I was out walking about the same time. First I had a little marijuana but it isn’t that because I smoke the same herb regularly and these experiences happen after very little marijuana. I felt like stretching my legs so I sat on a bench in front of a pretty little house like a cottage in this town. The sun was heating my body, and there was the refreshing ocean breeze. Instead of the feeling overwhelming me like the previous peaceful experience this one settled onto me. I first realized there were no people screaming at each other or bursting out in laughter. If there was anybody around they were in a bubble of their own atmosphere of concentration. I wasn’t hungry I wasn’t tired. It was mostly consciousness than physical I see now looking back. It was a moment of heartbreak feeling a chance to rest. It was understanding and independence after chaos and frustration. I remember I felt nothing except a hint of boredom it was only for a moment. Cars rode by in a quite hum. Like they were not there to creep past or lollygag. If only for a moment.
Those were some feelings I was struck by lately. My breasts are forming underneath my shirt. I was laying on my back the other day sucking in my stomach; I can see they are like 2 cupcakes, like tiny little islands. I showed my sister and she said they were ‘cupping’ I know they have an effect on my emotions and I mentioned estrogen will intensify everything. The natural hormones I’m on make my emotions feel very strongly whichever way I am feeling them. One day I had a slight decrease in sex-drive and it has been the same pretty consistently. Before it happen I had an extreme urge of ongoing erections. I take Saw Palmetto, Red Clover Blossoms, Fenugreek, Flax Seed Oil, and PABA. When I start real estrogen there will be a much more powerful effect of my emotions. I had a couple shots in 2008 I remember I quit because they made me feel like I was starving yet I was heavier at the time. When I quit I cried way more than usually off the treatment. I don't mean to sound like it is not something I can hang with. The truth is the explanation is going to be in my book so you will just have to wait to understand if you don't already
I know it will help me out so much to be able to keep an update here. I feel like it has really saved my life sometimes.I should have the money for a laptop this week
. There was someone who helped me find an endless supply of job resources perfect for someone like me yesterday, they have job training, now I need to just decide what I’m going to start for building a career.
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Alright there are 5 things you guys know really well about me. You know what I like to eat, I like to exercise, I like Penis Enlargement, and I like to post. This is a penis enlargement site where we focus mostly on our weaker traits to make them stronger. Well there is really so much more to the person that is me and you don't know about I wanted to place it in the records of a post.
*I've done well in school so far. I passed my last two years of highschool with amazing grades. In college I always aced the classes I cared about the most
I had my first job when I was 15 years for 2 years and have worked ever since.
*I am an amazing cook. You guys know I like to eat what you dont know is how I like to create different flavors I bbq so well my family wants me over just to eat my food. Whenever their friends eat what I cook I am told to make that my career. I prefer massage therapy.
*I started playing piano when I was 6, guitar when I was 13. My dad is a musician, my brother is a musician, both of my sisters are musicians, and my mom is a piano teacher.
*I love to create art. In Venice you can paint your pictures and sell them on the strip by the water. I use to go down there with a friend and play guitar and sing it was a blast and we got paid.
*I live in Long Beach, California. Right outside my doorstep is access to all the tourist locations in Southern Cali, 6 flags, Disney Land, Knotts, Beverly Hills, world famous schools, museums, endless historic landmarks too many to count, I see movies made here and commercials on a regular basis, if you want to meet celebrities you can just hang around the popular malls or clubs, even coffee shops.
*The beach is a couple blocks away, the mountains are just over an hour away.
*I've traveled from here to Mid-West USA to the East Coast to Mexico.
*I started working with therapists when I was in 8th grade. They helped me understand how to listen and not judge others quickly and believe in myself.
*I don't consider myself a stonner I always say I smoke as little weed as possible to get high.[LIST/]
*I can sew:s
*I've done well in school so far. I passed my last two years of highschool with amazing grades. In college I always aced the classes I cared about the most
I had my first job when I was 15 years for 2 years and have worked ever since.
*I am an amazing cook. You guys know I like to eat what you dont know is how I like to create different flavors I bbq so well my family wants me over just to eat my food. Whenever their friends eat what I cook I am told to make that my career. I prefer massage therapy.
*I started playing piano when I was 6, guitar when I was 13. My dad is a musician, my brother is a musician, both of my sisters are musicians, and my mom is a piano teacher.
*I love to create art. In Venice you can paint your pictures and sell them on the strip by the water. I use to go down there with a friend and play guitar and sing it was a blast and we got paid.
*I live in Long Beach, California. Right outside my doorstep is access to all the tourist locations in Southern Cali, 6 flags, Disney Land, Knotts, Beverly Hills, world famous schools, museums, endless historic landmarks too many to count, I see movies made here and commercials on a regular basis, if you want to meet celebrities you can just hang around the popular malls or clubs, even coffee shops.
*The beach is a couple blocks away, the mountains are just over an hour away.
*I've traveled from here to Mid-West USA to the East Coast to Mexico.
*I started working with therapists when I was in 8th grade. They helped me understand how to listen and not judge others quickly and believe in myself.
*I don't consider myself a stonner I always say I smoke as little weed as possible to get high.[LIST/]
*I can sew:s
- I've always had a very good sense of judgment. I have never been arrested, I have never had to run from the law.
*When I messed up on drugs I cleaned up my act and spent years in outpatient programs working on my issues and addictions. I completed a program after 1 full years and spent time in many others.
*I love animals. Mainly my dog Sadie shes a Labrador, my sister is training to become a Veterinarian, we love to talk about anything and everything that has to do with wild animals or nature.
*I prefer not to drive. I had my 1st car when I was 17, and my 2nd car at 21
*I prefer to not keep a cell phone: it fills up with numbers of strangers too quickly bc everybody wants to be my friend
I'll probably remember other qualities about myself not included in this list at the time. I think this is a general idea of what I wanted to share. It wont even matter, I just feel better having it. On a forum it is so easy to have a bias opinion when all you know about a person is what they are here for help with. I feel a strong sense of power when I help make others feel encouragement. [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] is really a great forum, maybe its fun to tease each other along the lines of fun, the roots of the message are what makes it sincerely worth while.
My routine has been random times of stretching. Usually after I jerk off, bathroom breaks, a lot of erect stretching etc. The trick to erect stretching is to gently pull. I promised my sister I wouldn't post for a couple days, and as soon as we hung up I grabbed my dick and started pulling. I keep signing in to write something HUGE. I get discouraged when I read something that is breaking my heart so I just want that to stop now. Can you guys change this routine thread name to My Account of Blood, Sweat, and Tears
??
probably you wont bc I'm too crazy...<
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We have a lot in common. I started playing piano when I was 4 and still play today. I am not sure if you know but I am a semi-accomplished artist I actually have a show at the Starbucks on March 15-April 15, I will post a video when it is up. Very cool read Turn!
I actually have a show at the Starbucks on March 15-April 15, I will post a video when it is up. Very cool read Turn!dAMMN, Lucky 1! !doublelongdaddy;419860 said:We have a lot in common. I started playing piano when I was 4 and still play today. I am not sure if you know but I am a semi-accomplished artist
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DoDoBiirdy;419920 said:
I really am. I got this gallery 3 years ago exactly at the same Starbucks. It does not seem like a big deal but I am showing in Northampton, MA (one of the most populated cities by artists.) so it is truly an honor and opportunity to get big gallery shows. This is the first show I have decided to sell, most of my art that is shown I file away (or my family does, it is quite a large collection). The paintings that will be showing this time will be sold. They are all oils on canvas and just precious...it will be sad to say goodbye
Aw anyone who is blessed with a painting of yours is one lucky cat. Dont be sad it is something that comes with doing art. Every person gets to take a part of you home and that's really special, you need to be rejoicingdoublelongdaddy;419951 said:I really am. I got this gallery 3 years ago exactly at the same Starbucks. It does not seem like a big deal but I am showing in Northampton, MA (one of the most populated cities by artists.) so it is truly an honor and opportunity to get big gallery shows. This is the first show I have decided to sell, most of my art that is shown I file away (or my family does, it is quite a large collection). The paintings that will be showing this time will be sold. They are all oils on canvas and just precious...it will be sad to say goodbye
! What a fantastic opportunity! Wasn't Hitler hateful of the Jews because they labeled him an artistic failure? You're already on your way to even MORE successful GoodLuck. O yes and please do get us photography on that HD video I'm jealous I'm won't see in person this time
I had a pretty good workout the other night. I noticed the day after much fatigue. My erection has less extention and kegels are not as easy. Still pump every day, had the [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/forum/showthread.php?83577-Length-master-official-order-thread-now-shipping-06-16-2014!!!]Length Master[/words] out and felt sore after 10min. Lazy ass stretches all day. I was surprised to see I have only made 400 posts 4 months. I've still gotta a lot of work to do, I'm thinking I've really seen the last of the worst.