It seems like a lot of people have helped you so far. This is good, and that's what is fantastic about the forum. For that, I applaud everyone who has replied.
My share is this: I'm no guru in Penis Enlargement, and I've only been doing it for a few months, so I can't really help you much in that area. However... wishing on your own DEATH?? Never, EVER do that.
You've heard the old adage 'Be careful what you wish for, you might actually get it.' Well, the reason why that saying is so popular is because it's TRUE. Thoughts CREATE who you become. What you are now is the outcome of what you've previously thought. Your thoughts actually send out magnetic frequencies to the universe that draw the parallel back to you. Energy attracts like energy, just like in Chemistry, except that this is in a more macro-
scale.
Proof is everywhere that the world works on a micro/macro
scale, in that what happens at a microscopic level also happens in our perception of the real world. I'm no quantum physicist or bio-physicist, but I do know that there are similarities in how the organization of information in the cells of our body work similarly to how, say, a Nation or a family would, or a business company.
Notice also how the people who speak mostly of negativity seem to ATTRACT negativity into their lives. Words have much power.
Perfect example: I knew this kid growing up in my old neighborhood in Colorado who was a homosexual. Of course, being what he is, he was made fun of a lot in school. I was the only one who stuck by him, because I didn't really care what his orientation was, I just knew that we were good friends and we've shared many good times together. He was a fun kid to hang out with, but there was one thing that always annoyed the hell out of me. No matter what the topic of conversation was that came out of his mouth (yeah, he did most of the talking), it always involved something very negative. He always talked about how he hated people, or how people hated him, or what wrong affairs were going on in his family, or whatnot.
Turns out that I was the only real positive influence in his life. Here's the crazy thing... I moved away about 7 years ago, and when I returned to town to visit, I saw him. You wouldn't fuckin' BELIEVE what happened to this kid in all those years.
His uncle was pushed off a cliff, his parents divorced, he was sent to a psychiatric institution after being pushed down the stairs by his father, he had a sex-change and is now a woman who goes by the name of Lilly (god I hope he/she still doesn't have a penis and is reading this...), he/she's gone under much trauma and is diagnosed with various conditions that won't even allow him/her to lift 5 lb. of which he/she has to take medication for, his/her brother was jumped by 4 guys and was sent to the hospital (this actually happened a few days ago), he/she and his/her family are known as the neighborhood outcasts, he/she has been raped (yeah.. I know. Who would want to? haha), AND... he/she's only 18 years old, and much, much more...
When I visited him/her just a few days ago to catch up on old memories, I was utterly SHOCKED at what had happened to this kid. EVERYTHING about his/her friggin' changed. He/she was a completely new person, from the way he/she looked, talked, walked, etc. etc.
Wanna know the single most underlying commonality between his/her current personality and his/her former? Everything that came out of this kid's mouth was negative bullshit about how people treat him/her so terribly, about how much he/she hates the world, and about anything disgusting that you could imagine. I don't give a shit HOW badly you think your life is fucked up... whatever it is, it is not NEARLY as bad as this kid.
Point is this: We BECOME what we think about. Everybody saw what was going to happen to him/her coming because that's all he/she ever talked about. Death. Destruction. Negativity. Bullshit. Do you think he/she was just BORN this way, and that this was his/her destiny? Hell no! That would be cruel as hell to know that a God would create such hell for someone.
We've seen it before. We've seen the kid who has nothing, who is constantly spat on, and who's got no future ahead of him bulk up and take the world on to become the Hero. Those become the best stories. Take a look at Lord of the Rings. A hobbit saves the world. How grand. Oh, it's just a story? Take a look at the life of Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah. Talk about glory in the face of great adversity.
It's not 'what's been done to you', it's what 'you're going to do about it'.
I want you, if you are doing it, to stop thinking badly of yourself and start thanking god for what you have. Think of NOTHING else but what is possible.
You might want to call this wishful thinking. Go ahead. I must admit, affirmations alone will not save you. You've gotta actually FEEL the growth. You've got to FEEL the warmth of wishful thinking. KNOW that what you want is yours, and leave your old days behind you.
Jesus knew. He said, "Ask and you shall recieve. Knock and the door will be opened to you."
Ask the universe/God/Allah/whatever what you want, know that it's yours, and recieve it.
Sure, live in reality if you must, but always THINK the impossible. Always.
You've come to the right place, brother. This forum is awesome, and there are always people here to help you. Let the journey of your new beginning... well... BEGIN! Right now!
That is all.
~Dash