Took the plunge

Thanks Zam. You took that well. I knew you would bro. That's one of the things I like about you. You're a good friend and I didn't take that fir granted but I did know you could take that well.


My experience with 12 step groups of 3 different kinds, marriage help peer group program, divorce after care peer group, lodge work and now I'm getting into FPU financial program with an accountability group... people don't appreciate arm chair quarterbacks of their life and family. The advisor has nothing invested here so if their theories fail the test no loss to them, they got no dog in the fight... What people do appreciate is sharing from ones own personal experience.

O, "in my family, my parents did this... Xyz.. in my relationship .." and "what I think I would choose to do for myself if that happened to me is..."

Those kinds of statements are welcome, well, if asked for input they are... Going into telling someone what decisions to make in their marriage, kids involved especily... that's beyond the line in any setting I've experienced. That's what I meant.

I've decided Im not going to say what I would do personally in this situation, I'm saying if nmg wants to try I respect that and offer some sources of support that might help. My default from my Biblical/Catholic belief system is to support the marriage if at least one wants to try. Nmg you say you want to try so I'm passing on those two groups from my XP that there are people who've suffered what you have and found healing in their marriage from those groups.

Hi Zam and LHD,

I know i keep saying this but your support is so amazing...I would just say that there are so many ways that the thoughts and experiences of others are helpful.

Zam, I understand your point of view. And, as LHD indicated it many not be based on the experiences that indicate you've been through it. that said, sometimes, an uncomplicated view point can make one think in a different way. ultimately the decision is mine and my wife's.

LHD, i appreciate your perspective, advice, and understanding of what i might be going through. like i said, an uncomplicated view can be good, but the view point of someone with similar experiences is truly priceless. and, i would tend to agree that one should not just throw away 12 years of marriage. that is why i fought so hard for our relationship and was willing to give so much for it. i believed that we should have been able to work through our issues. but since the duration of our troubles have spanned 5 years and there has been growing disdain for each other, the time has passed for reconciliation. It takes two to make a marriage work and she does not want to try anymore. She has started to date other people in the real sense so the decision has been made to move on. the divorce will happen and i am doing all the i can to avoid be hurt yet again. i just want this done so i dont have to think about it like this anymore. i have always been holding on to hope that it may work out but this past week has proven that there is no way that it will be possible. that is where the internal pain has been coming from, the hope...and then subsequent devastation. at least i can say that i did everything possible. i do think that she will regret this someday in the future...but i will not be there for her. once i move on, there is no going back.

again, i want to thank everyone here, all my new brothers! i have started some of the exercises and will be able to make them more ritual now. within the devices, my size reaches 7", its exciting just to see the possibilities!

all the best!

From here onward do what you feel and think is best! If your divorce is a fact- just make sure to have a serious talk with your son (treat him just as an adult, someone with equal understandings as every mature adult) and explain how things go- how it's better for both of you. The reason I am giving you this advice is that my parents divorced and I was even kinda happy for them just cause I saw my mom happy finally. You have our support and we wish you happiness and joy! Keep us in touch with your progress and I hope we see you around more.