Simply looking in the mirror and telling myself I had a big penis would not work, I needed to see this image in my mind. The first thing I trained myself to do was look, accept and move on. This is a very good tool with self view and obsession because it denies the monster of it's livelihood. For instance, I would step in front of a full length mirror, look at my body while nude, have a thought and step away. The thought I had was final and I would not permit myself to further explore it. I had to accept it, good or bad. This was probably the most difficult thing to do because I used to look in the mirror, see my penis, have negative thoughts and stand there looking until the thoughts would change to something acceptable...that was punisHydromaxent. Allowing myself to sit with a feeling, even f it were negative, was imperative towards destroying this monster. At first I struggled. I wanted to make my physical view as something acceptable,l obsessively, but this had to change. Eventually my ritual of mirror self-attack was replaced with mirror acceptance. I realized that some times I liked the view and sometimes I didn't and this taught me that my own self view was not very reliable. Soon I was able to look at myself and really "see" myself...not my penis. What a revolution this was, I felt as thought a million pounds of weight was released from my back. I now look in the mirror and see Mike, a handsome, deserving, adequate, healthy, and competent individual. Yes, I have a penis but it is not the star player in the silver.
This type of practice helped me get to a level of acceptance and as many know acceptance is the first step in change. I next started to seek out reality on the internet. Side note: It is funny how we now have a internet of information, images and video that show us what the world "should be". When I was a child, the closest thing you could get to what the rest of the world saw as "real" was a dirty magazine. Today we have millions upon millions of outlets to show us what "reality" is...this is kind of scary. Anyway, I accepted myself as who I was and I now needed to credit myself for who I have become. I felt great about the forgiveness I granted myself but now I needed to feel proud of the changes I had made. I had written down every thing I felt was wrong about the people I had hurt and I had changed those things. I had become a better person because of the pain I put others, and myself through. This felt great but now I wanted to feel good about the penis I had created. I felt as though my eyes had a clear view and I wanted to clearly see the massive size I had created. Measuring myself, posting pictures, looking for validation from my piers never helped. I would feel good for a while if they gave me compliments on my penis size but it never lasted...I needed to believe it myself.
I would watch �naked people movies� and see these incredible films where men would look massive, then every once in a while you would catch a view from the camera that showed their "real" size and I knew I was beyond this. How was I going to change my acceptance into pride? One word: isite. To many this may mean cam, or some other video connection to your computer (fuck, I guess it could even be a cam-corder outside your computer) but the idea struck me as valid. I decided to set up my cam for self view. I put my cam in a perfect angle, an angle that gave me the best possible view of my penis and I commenced to masturbation. I found a wonderful program that records online video and I set it up and put my cam in the background. I recorded myself while I went about my normal masturbation rituals (which can take up to an hour or more when I am feeling sexual) and forgot it was recording. Half way through my masturbation ritual I remembered the video. I stopped and wondered what I looked like. I was really curious to what my penis would look like in an optimal, sexual position. To me complete joy I watched the video and I was blown away. I looked huge, everything I ever hoped to be and more. I watched the recording over and over and each time it blew my mind. I could not believe what I saw and I could not help wondering that if I had a "professional" take the same video If I would be LARGER THAN LIFE. This simple exercise truly cured my negative self-view. I could not deny what I saw on film. I know I have shot hours of Penis Enlargement video but this was different, this was sexual and what I saw in this light was incredible and I knew that this is what others saw. It changes my self view almost immediately. I not only saw myself as competent, I saw myself as huge! I even started to compare myself to those I previously felt envious of and it was night and day compared to the negativity I felt with the man in the mirror.
Today the mirror does not scare me, even when my thoughts are bad. I know that if I just walk away and accept my thoughts they will never consume me. I now know that "big penis" �naked people movies� is, for the most part, angles, lenses and other trade tricks. I now know I am everything I have ever wanted to be, my mind only needed to catch up.
DLD