Many of us will look in the mirror and see our penis as part of our body. We may have big hands, a large build or some other factor that lessens the size of our penis visually, but we are the size we are (although for most of us it's getting bigger all the time). You can also look at someone like Mandingo who has a huge penis and a tiny build...his penis looks enormous. There are many factors that can make the penis look bigger or smaller than it really is and the size we see is not always the size we are.
This visual defect is difficult to shake. We may see ourselves, in the mirror, as the man we used to be. It is difficult to change our self-view, especially when it comes to the penis. I remember growing up as a very skinny boy. I used to look in the mirror and feel so sad that I was so thin and I would envy all of the more muscular, bigger boys. I worried so much about what girls thought of me. I was convinced they saw me as a wimpy, skinny weakling. I felt inadequate and regardless of what I really was, my mind saw a definite image of a boy who was skinny, weak and pathetic. I remained thin until my early 20's. I quit smoking around this time and I packed on 80 pounds! I gained a ton of weight and it was all around my waist. I looked like an Ethiopian, malnutrition child
I was 80 pounds heavier and I knew it looked unattractive but I was not sure what to do. I had to either settle for the body I had or do something to look better. I decided to try to change the fat into muscle and I joined a gym. I quickly became obsessed with body building and had a much better body in no time at all. I started to look muscular, manly and every other good male quality. WIthin a few months I had an incredible body, I was big and muscular (just like the boys I used to envy. What did I see in the mirror? Anytime (every time) I would catch a reflection of myself I would have a quick mental response to see a skinny, pathetic boy. No matter how muscular I got I never could shake the image I had burned into my brain. The man in the mirror was the skinny, pathetic boy. Everyone around me, my friend and family all would tell me how big I was, how muscular but I was never able to take that compliment. I had a much tougher person to impress and that person was me.
Why do we see ourselves as something were not? Why do we hold ourselves to standards that we would never expect from someone else? Why do we spend so much time putting ourselves down? This self view stuff can become a full time job. It is hard enough to deal with with our outward appearance but once we bring the penis into the mix we have to work overtime to cut ourselves up. I sometimes think many of us are addicted to suffering and this is why we try to destroy our self view. Who knows for sure but it is a very real problem and most men deal with it on some level.
Years have passed since I went from skinny to fat to muscular and I have learned allot about my self view. Today I am pretty much regular, body wise. (a nice place to be). The strange thing is every now and again I still see that 90 pound weakling...go figure.
For much of my childhood, during puberty, I saw my penis as being too big. When mostly grown my penis was about 6.5" long and my girth was average but that penis on my skinny body most likely contributed to thoughts that my penis was too big. I knew that I was bigger than the other boys I had seen naked but it never really struck me as a big deal. I felt this way for most of my life up until about 7 years ago. I had been with many women and most of them complimented my penis but when I started to date a girl who had been with many men in her past my self view started to change. I would obsess about how many guys she was with and how many of them were probably much bigger than me. Even though she would tell me I was big it made no difference. I was convinced she was just saying it to make me feel better. I remember one night she told me about the two biggest men she was with. I listened with complete envy and even though she told me I was about the same size I could not shake the thought that I wasn't. Today I realize that at 6.5" is way above average and she was most likely telling the truth. I wish I could have reacted differently and had more confidence but I did not and that is the reason she left me. Regret always comes a day late, right?
I am very aware that if I never went through that pain and suffering I would have never created [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]Matters of Size[/words]. A sort of alchemy but I suppose most of the losses and gains in our lives live by this balance of transformation.
I spent much of the last 5-6 years building [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words]. I have created many penis enlargement exercises. I have made gains in penis size that are beyond incredible. I have physically changed my penis size. It is now beyond above average, it is in the 99 percentile of the biggest penises out there. On any other guy my penis would look massive but on me, for much of this period, it looked just as it did before penis enlargement. The insecurities I picked up while dating that girl stuck with me and it ultimately became part of my self view. I still get that negative picture of every now and again when I see my reflection. For the longest time I would avoid mirrors completely. I knew if I saw my penis in the mirror I would be spending allot of time obsessing about what it looked like...something that could take hours. Looking back on this makes me sad. I spent allot of time self-suffering. I waisted valuable moments on further reinforcing the negative way I saw myself.
This type of body dysmorphia can be crippling. It can slowly destroy many things in your life that are really important. The penis is not the entire male world, it is a small part in many senses. On average, most men, who have penis issues, actually use their penis less than 5% of the time but it takes up 95% of their thoughts. This type of obsessing will ruin your relationships, interfere with your work, eliminate quality and fun from your life and many other negative consequences. But even with me telling you this, many of you will go on with this negativity as you are addicted to it. So what are you to do?
For those that "think" or really do have a small penis there is penis enlargement. You can make your penis as large as you like. Penis enlargement will help it get longer and thicker. It will help you with impotence, pre-mature ejaculation and many other sexual wants and needs. The thing that penis enlargement will NOT do is change your self view. A nice analogy to this is mental health. Lets say a psychiatrist sees a patient suffering with Bi-Polar disease. (Bipolar disorder (BD) is a type of mood disorder. It is a psychiatric illness that causes major disruptions in lifestyle and health.) Lets say that the doctor prescribes the proper medication to help control this disorder. Even if the patient takes his medication and the chemical imbalance that causes BD is corrected the patient will still be ill. The medication, like physical penis enlargement, is only one part of the tools necessary to recover but if the patient does not do cognitive work he will never completely recover. So for many guys, you can do penis enlargement until you are blue in the face and massive in the pants but until you change the way you see yourself and your penis the gains you make will never be of much value. As a matter of fact penis enlargement may make your penis-self-view worse. This is why the cognitive portion of any life changing event is imperative to complete success.
Cognitive change, pertaining to the mental processes of perception, memory, judgment, and reasoning, is vital to the emotional and volitional processes. Without a mental change in self view physical change is worthless. The only reason I can make this statement is because I have lived it for most of my life. Making a complete emotional and volitional change one needs to put in effort. It is not a quick fix. If you have had a 5 inch penis for all of your adult life adding 2 inches to it will not make it real to you until you truly see it. We need to throw away the mental garbage, empty our emotional trash and replace it with self love and confidence. I happen to be Bi-Polar and for a long time, with the proper medication, I was seeing no change. It wasn't until I started seeing a counselor and started working on the cognitive portion of my illness that I saw any real change. Today I am a very happy, well adjusted, mentally stable person thanks to the medication but mostly thanks to my emotional work I have done.
In penis enlargement I made huge gains, measurable gains, real, physical change. So many men would tell me how they would kill to have a penis like mine. So many men who suffer with obsessive issues come into penis enlargement and really believe it is going to fix their problems once they make their penis bigger. When they don't feel better after making their penis larger they feel helpless, their issues become much broader. Just like myself, they can not see through the scars of their past. They can't see the change they have made, they are emotionally blind and stuck in their past self-view.
This problem returns over and over and until something is done it will grow larger and larger (not the penis, the negative self view). I like to look at this thought process as a monster. When it starts off it is small, almost non-existant but as time goes on we feed it with emotional negativity until it becomes much bigger than us. It is not until we starve this monster that it will leave us. Every time you look in the mirror and have a negative thought, every time you watch a adult entertainment and compare yourself negatively to the actor on screen, every time you hide your penis in the locker room, every time you have sex in the dark to avoid your partner seeing your penis, with every bit of this negative, emotional food we fatten the monster. This monster loves living in us and will never leave until we go to war with it and completely destroy it. Discrediting the thoughts, positive affirmations, rational self analysis, cognitive therapy all of this denies the monster from life and eventually it will be at bay. But as I have said, this is not a one time fix, it is a daily fight. Obsessiveness is chronic.
WHAT I DID:
After my girl left me I was at the height of my self degradation. I hated what I saw in the mirror, I was convinced my gains were only an illusion, I only saw the man I was when I saw my reflection. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much penis enlargement I did, the haunting was ever present. I was at wits end and I knew it was either sink or swim. I sat down one day, view my life, saw where my head was at and I realized my self view was the source of my inadequacies, not my body. I looked at how much I lost because of this obsessiveness, I looked at where I could be if I never allowed the monster to overshadow me. I was fed up and I no longer wanted to hurt myself.
The first thing I did was forgive myself for not only the pain I gave to the people around me but myself. I had hurt so many people around me because I had spent so much valuable time on a problem that was purely an illusion. I could not say sorry to my girl because she was gone and that was the hardest place for forgiveness. Eventually I came to peace with my indiscretions and the process began. I wanted to see myself as the person I was not the fabricated figure created from insecurity and complete irrationality. Simply looking in the mirror and telling myself I had a big penis would not work, I needed to see this image in my mind. The first thing I trained myself to do was look, accept and move on. This is a very good tool with self view and obsession because it denies the monster of it's livelihood. For instance, I would step in front of a full length mirror, look at my body while nude, have a thought and step away. The thought I had was final and I would not permit myself to further explore it. I had to accept it, good or bad. This was probably the most difficult thing to do because I used to look in the mirror, see my penis, have negative thoughts and stand there looking until the thoughts would change to something acceptable...that was punisHydromaxent. Allowing myself to sit with a feeling, even f it were negative, was imperative towards destroying this monster. At first I struggled. I wanted to make my physical view as something acceptable,l obsessively, but this had to change. Eventually my ritual of mirror self-attack was replaced with mirror acceptance. I realized that some times I liked the view and sometimes I didn't and this taught me that my own self view was not very reliable. Soon I was able to look at myself and really "see" myself...not my penis. What a revolution this was, I felt as thought a million pounds of weight was released from my back. I now look in the mirror and see Mike, a handsome, deserving, adequate, healthy, and competent individual. Yes, I have a penis but it is not the star player in the silver.
This type of practice helped me get to a level of acceptance and as many know acceptance is the first step in change. I next started to seek out reality on the internet. Side note: It is funny how we now have a internet of information, images and video that show us what the world "should be". When I was a child, the closest thing you could get to what the rest of the world saw as "real" was a dirty magazine. Today we have millions upon millions of outlets to show us what "reality" is...this is kind of scary. Anyway, I accepted myself as who I was and I now needed to credit myself for who I have become. I felt great about the forgiveness I granted myself but now I needed to feel proud of the changes I had made. I had written down every thing I felt was wrong about the people I had hurt and I had changed those things. I had become a better person because of the pain I put others, and myself through. This felt great but now I wanted to feel good about the penis I had created. I felt as though my eyes had a clear view and I wanted to clearly see the massive size I had created. Measuring myself, posting pictures, looking for validation from my piers never helped. I would feel good for a while if they gave me compliments on my penis size but it never lasted...I needed to believe it myself.
I would watch adult entertainment and see these incredible films where men would look massive, then every once in a while you would catch a view from the camera that showed their "real" size and I knew I was beyond this. How was I going to change my acceptance into pride? One word: isite. To many this may mean cam, or some other video connection to your computer (fuck, I guess it could even be a cam-corder outside your computer) but the idea struck me as valid. I decided to set up my cam for self view. I put my cam in a perfect angle, an angle that gave me the best possible view of my penis and I commenced to masturbation. I found a wonderful program that records online video and I set it up and put my cam in the background. I recorded myself while I went about my normal masturbation rituals (which can take up to an hour or more when I am feeling sexual) and forgot it was recording. Half way through my masturbation ritual I remembered the video. I stopped and wondered what I looked like. I was really curious to what my penis would look like in an optimal, sexual position. To me complete joy I watched the video and I was blown away. I looked huge, everything I ever hoped to be and more. I watched the recording over and over and each time it blew my mind. I could not believe what I saw and I could not help wondering that if I had a "professional" take the same video If I would be LARGER THAN LIFE. This simple exercise truly cured my negative self-view. I could not deny what I saw on film. I know I have shot hours of Penis Enlargement video but this was different, this was sexual and what I saw in this light was incredible and I knew that this is what others saw. It changes my self view almost immediately. I not only saw myself as competent, I saw myself as huge! I even started to compare myself to those I previously felt envious of and it was night and day compared to the negativity I felt with the man in the mirror.
Today the mirror does not scare me, even when my thoughts are bad. I know that if I just walk away and accept my thoughts they will never consume me. I now know that "big penis" adult entertainment is, for the most part, angles, lenses and other trade tricks. I now know I am everything I have ever wanted to be, my mind only needed to catch up.
DLD
