Would you share your girl?

User_Name · Mar 21, 2005

that "fairy tale" love that you speak of -is- unconditional love.... meaning not being swayed into acts of lust just because it sounds like a good idea. Though I'm sure what you mean by unconditional is being able to have sex with others to get your jollies off and think nothing of it. You might want to rethink using the word devotion as well:

Main Entry: de·vo·tion
Pronunciation: di-'vO-sh&n, dE-
Function: noun
Date: 13th century
1 a : religious fervor : PIETY b : an act of prayer or private worship — usually used in plural c : a religious exercise or practice other than the regular corporate worship of a congregation
2 a : the act of devoting b : the fact or state of being ardently dedicated and loyal (as to an idea or person)
3 : obsolete : the object of one's devotion
synonym see FIDELITY

(I just like using the dictionary ^_^;; )

But, just because you think that kind of love doesn't exist doesn't mean it isn't real.. (I'm sure I probably used too many negatives there but I'm too tired to try to rethink of how to phrase it properly). True love is already strong... so strong that you don't need others to be happy in your relationship... so strong that you don't even need sex to be happy in your relationship.

Stuff_ · Mar 21, 2005

Indeed, you don't even need sex to be happy in a relationship in which you have true love. True love is above and beyond such things.

iwant8inches · Mar 21, 2005

I think what it comes down is whatever you and yours feel is necessary or right for you...in other words whatever floats your boat. Enjoy life and enjoy your intimate relationships, but when it comes to marriage it can be even harder to see the swinger lifestyle as anything but infidelity or giving into lust...those against it are probably more likely to to ask why get married in the first place if you won't fulfill your loyality and such and such. If two people can have sex with other people openly and honestly without any jealousy then I'd say they are still being loyal. They are loyal to the agreement they have with one another, but to some like I said it just isn't being loyal or committed to being with your husband or wife.

Personally, I could never do it. I would just be heart broken to hear that my love does not feel I am enough to satisify her. The lifestyle to me seems a bit more for the insatiable. That I am not. Green eyes, brown hair, a nice face, and a personality of any kind is good enough for me and sex is less important than being honest, caring, and loving for one another. So, on that rationale I guess that is why I can see how sharing or swapping as disgusting to me as those terms are is along the same line of "being" with the one you love-as in co-existing in a relationship with- whatever the kind. Most people just can't get past the sex. It's the same for everyone no matter your position. One side is opposed to it because of the sharing of a sex partner and the other is for it because they get to share with other partners. So, as with anything love is what it is even when it seems like it ain't...

iwant8inches · Mar 21, 2005

User_Name said:
believe it or not sikdogg, not everyone watches �� and not everyone lusts after every good looking creature they see. And I might have thought that once before being in love or when I was younger with raging hormones and no partner.

To just go around and having sex unrestrained is like cats and dogs. As a human we should know better. Small children are forgiven for stealing candy because they do not know better... just as no one looks down on animals for mating with as many partners as they want because they do not have enough intellegence to think for themselves, they just live their lives searching for ways to satisfy their senses and nothing more.

And yes, 10 years from now we will still be in love and want to be with no one else because love never grows old. You don't need to add things to it to make it better because it's perfect the way it is and there's nothing you could possibly do to "make it better".

But that does bring up another question.. would you really want to be going around swinging when you have kids? How would you explain it to them? Would it be something you want to encourage them to do when they grow up?

That's not a good or even relative analogy. Kids for the most part do know not to steal. They know better because they are typically told to and most do understand that what is not theirs should not be taken without permission. It does all have to do with behavior and what one believes or is told at an early age however and I think you are onto something relative to a more adult level situation. What you are getting at I think is the idea that we should know better from our intelligence or prior experiences. That is to say your theiving children know not to steal because they've been punished once before for doing so. Even so that is only applicable if you think said topic is wrong. I'd say that when it comes to this topic there is a rigid line dividing those that are unable to see it for more than sex with more than one partner while in a marriage therefore seeing it as a correctable or salvationable offense...and others seeing that their marriage still works because they still love each other enough to stay with the other. The former would suggest swinging is a correctable habit or forgiveable sin while the latter sees a fulfillment in an otherwise less than fulfilled relationship. To say the idea of swinging is like a child stealing candy without seeing his wickedness is just not adequate. I understood your point though. But it's so hard to see another person's view or perspective isn't it? It's as if when we argue something we fail to see that most of our arguments are being based on what we believe almost in an effort to keep from believing in or validating the opposition's stance. It is funny to see people argue over whether something is right or wrong especially when there are so few things in life that are just one way or the other.

aares · Mar 21, 2005

You guys have brought up some different aspects/opinions about the swinger lifestyle that I havent thought about, but I still say no way. Im not saying that anyone is trying to change anyone's mind about this subject, either.

I asked my girl of almost 10 months now, what she thought about the idea, just out of curiosity. I was actually nervous because what would I think if she said "yes"? Basically, it went like this:

Me: Would you ever want to swing? (proceeded to explain what it was)

Her: (about 30 second pause) .........NO, WHY?

Me: I was just curious...I only brought this up once before and we never really talked about it.

Her: So you are saying you want to make love with another girl? (anger in her tone)

Me: No, no, no, I was just asking...I didnt admit to anything. I am just asking if you would ever do it with another guy or another girl with me in the same room?

Her: What the fuck xxxxx, (she uses my last name when she gets angry/upset) you are scaring me.

Me: So you are saying you WOULD in fact do it?

Her: (type of grunt when exhaling air like when you are ticked off) *click*

I called her back and asked some more questions to explain more, but she definitely is not into it, thank god.

Im glad some couples enjoy the swinging lifestyle, but it definitely is not for everyone.

iwant8inches · Mar 21, 2005

kong1971 said:
I'm with Sikdog. You kids are young. 10 years down the road, you may begin to realize that all these ideas about loyality and spirituality being the antithesis of sensuality are a little bit immature. Not to be hurtful or argumentative, but it seems more like a crutch for feelings of insecurity and jealousy and repressed sexuality. I think your feelings about sex change when you begin to reach an age when it is more about pleasure than procreation. The kids are grown up, you've been with the wife for ages and have worked out all your petty little jealousies and insecurities and you've actually become soulmates and not just married. You don't hide the �� collection anymore and she actually tells you how she wants it when you're in bed doing it, cause you've actually opened up to each other and accepted the real persons. It's hard to put it all down in words because my wife and I are just now starting to get to that stage. I think if she said she wanted to have a threesome with another male or female, I would seriously consider it. I might not go along with it, but I wouldn't get pissed and slap her around or leave her.

Now Kong, come on that is not even close to being true. For some it might be close, but to most I'd say love between one person forever is really what most want. If that changes down the road then fine they will deal with it. On the other hand there is certainly nothing wrong about wanting true love and wanting only that person for yourself. As men I think we are prone to never really giving up our days of trying to fuck everything we see and try our best to merely supress the urges. For love I'd say that is a loyal thing as much so as someone swinging for their lover's sake. Both parties need to know what is up-what the other desires. But it can't possibly boil down to repressed sexuality. Isn't that what your days of fucking everything you see are for anyway lol? I don't have a problem with the idea of swinging and others doing it, but for me like I said it is for the insatiable. That's my take. It's very indulgent and yeah probably for lust, but once again it's not for everyone obviously.

kong1971 · Mar 21, 2005

I am a highly sexual person so keep that in mind when you read my opinions on things. I always have been and always will be, I suppose.

I don't have any problems with the way the kids believe. Swinging is not for just anyone, but like anything else, it is just a sexual practice, and is no more right or wrong than masturbating while married or viewing ��-- seeking gratification beyond the mate. I only am trying to caution them about this "true love forever" thing they keep going on about. That, to me, leads to breaking up and, if married, divorce, more often than anything else. The feelings they have are common. Everyone feels that way towards their new romance. Unfortunately, that feeling fades after awhile, and reality sets in. She doesn't get up early to put her face on before he gets up. He starts farting and scratching his balls in front of her. The little princess and the knight in shining armor turn into plain ole him and her. Considering how hig divorce rates are, I believe that this is normally when people think, I don't love you anymore, and break up, moving on to the next person to get that thrill of "fairy tale love", thinking it's going to last forever next time, if they can just find Mr. or Mrs. Right. I just want them to know that it's never ever ever going to last and that if they plan to stay together, they have to learn about "real love". There's no rainbows and butterflies. It's kind of plain and sweet and simple. It's about being friends and trying to make each other happy and support one another and accepting the ugliness that we keep hidden from each other the first 7 or 8 years of marriage.

It may sound like I'm trying to burst your bubble or be cynical, but I am very happily married and have been with my mate 11 years now and still going strong.

Think I'm wrong? Come back and tell me that in 10 years, after you've been through the dirty diapers, and the crushes, and temptations, seeing your mate crap and bleed and be stupid and fart, gain weight, lose weight. Come back and tell me after the past lover confessions and the secret fantasy confessions and the flus and colds and diarheas. The fights, the bad fucks, the family squabbles...

True love doesn't wear blinders, it's eyes wide open seeing everything...and still loving them anyway.

KiTTie8695 · Mar 21, 2005

REDZULU2003 said:
I myself wouldnt wonna share my girl with others, but maybe to a close freind...thats a maybe. I certainly dont get turned on by the idea of it, or the whole swinger scene.

i second that, even though i'm not a guy in this situation, i wouldn't dare to be shared myself, or have him shared with another girl. even though i am the way i am, i would not want to do it, because #1 i'm respectful and it wouldn't do anything for me, nor him, i don't think. but like you said with the whole not getting turned on thing, i totally agree and see where you're coming from.

aares · Mar 21, 2005

Kong...thanks to you, im NOT getting married, ever.

sikdogg · Mar 21, 2005

I agree with you Kong... the concept of true love is often disappointing to most as it can't be measured by anything other than time. The sky high diverce rate proves this and most don't realize how much work love and marriage is. If one is truely in love with their partner, then they are willing to work hard at keeping the relationship fresh and moving forward long after the bliss has past. The first few years everything is always great, it's the years after that will determine your love and devotion. I'm currently 38years old and have been married to my wife for over 15 years, we met in high school and althogh i've dated many other women besides her, she was and is the only woman that i can say i truely love. We've been through periods where we didn't get along and times where sex was far between, but love and devotion transcends that and teaches you that love doesn't mean sitting around all day for years on end in bliss. It is a dance where you sometime give and other times you take, but always with both of your best interests in mind. As Kong mentioned, when you can still find beauty in each other after knowing all of your dirty little secrets, that is true love.

My wife and i constantly communicate with each other in a course of a day through e-mail and cell phone. We openly talk about any/all subject matter (and are genuinely interested in what the other has to say) without fear that the other person will judge you. It always amazes us when sitting at a restaurant how other couples just sit there barely able to keep a conversation during the coures of a meal, it's not like that for us at all... Swinging and sex to us has nothing to do with love, it is a physical act of pleasure. Love for us takes place the rest of the day, when we aren't fucking.

After 11 years of mariage, Kong knows what i'm talking about...

iwant8inches · Mar 21, 2005

kong1971 said:
I am a highly sexual person so keep that in mind when you read my opinions on things. I always have been and always will be, I suppose.

I don't have any problems with the way the kids believe. Swinging is not for just anyone, but like anything else, it is just a sexual practice, and is no more right or wrong than masturbating while married or viewing ��-- seeking gratification beyond the mate. I only am trying to caution them about this "true love forever" thing they keep going on about. That, to me, leads to breaking up and, if married, divorce, more often than anything else. The feelings they have are common. Everyone feels that way towards their new romance. Unfortunately, that feeling fades after awhile, and reality sets in. She doesn't get up early to put her face on before he gets up. He starts farting and scratching his balls in front of her. The little princess and the knight in shining armor turn into plain ole him and her. Considering how hig divorce rates are, I believe that this is normally when people think, I don't love you anymore, and break up, moving on to the next person to get that thrill of "fairy tale love", thinking it's going to last forever next time, if they can just find Mr. or Mrs. Right. I just want them to know that it's never ever ever going to last and that if they plan to stay together, they have to learn about "real love". There's no rainbows and butterflies. It's kind of plain and sweet and simple. It's about being friends and trying to make each other happy and support one another and accepting the ugliness that we keep hidden from each other the first 7 or 8 years of marriage.

It may sound like I'm trying to burst your bubble or be cynical, but I am very happily married and have been with my mate 11 years now and still going strong.

Think I'm wrong? Come back and tell me that in 10 years, after you've been through the dirty diapers, and the crushes, and temptations, seeing your mate crap and bleed and be stupid and fart, gain weight, lose weight. Come back and tell me after the past lover confessions and the secret fantasy confessions and the flus and colds and diarheas. The fights, the bad fucks, the family squabbles...

True love doesn't wear blinders, it's eyes wide open seeing everything...and still loving them anyway.

Oh, no...I'm not talking about the unrealisitc true love. Love is enduring a life with someone with the flaws the good times and bad I understand that. You just pointed out what love is, but not very many people would be able to handle even the suggestion of swinging after years of marriage. What I was saying is that there is nothing wrong with or unrealistic about wanting to make love to one person for the rest of your life and not ever thinking about (fantasies are what keep us going...they aren't wrong) and I mean seriously thinking about having an affair or bringing another person into the bedroom.

sikdogg · Mar 21, 2005

I agree with you, that's why the swinger lifestyle isn't mainstream. It's definitely not for everyone... it requires a certain mindset. Both people in a committed relationship MUST be on the same page about it, if only one is then it just won't work and will only serve to cause damage to their relationship.

User_Name · Mar 21, 2005

kong1971 said:
I only am trying to caution them about this "true love forever" thing they keep going on about. That, to me, leads to breaking up and, if married, divorce, more often than anything else. The feelings they have are common. Everyone feels that way towards their new romance. Unfortunately, that feeling fades after awhile, and reality sets in. She doesn't get up early to put her face on before he gets up. He starts farting and scratching his balls in front of her. The little princess and the knight in shining armor turn into plain ole him and her. Considering how hig divorce rates are, I believe that this is normally when people think, I don't love you anymore, and break up, moving on to the next person to get that thrill of "fairy tale love", thinking it's going to last forever next time, if they can just find Mr. or Mrs. Right. I just want them to know that it's never ever ever going to last and that if they plan to stay together, they have to learn about "real love". There's no rainbows and butterflies. It's kind of plain and sweet and simple. It's about being friends and trying to make each other happy and support one another and accepting the ugliness that we keep hidden from each other the first 7 or 8 years of marriage.

Think I'm wrong? Come back and tell me that in 10 years, after you've been through the dirty diapers, and the crushes, and temptations, seeing your mate crap and bleed and be stupid and fart, gain weight, lose weight. Come back and tell me after the past lover confessions and the secret fantasy confessions and the flus and colds and diarheas. The fights, the bad fucks, the family squabbles...

True love doesn't wear blinders, it's eyes wide open seeing everything...and still loving them anyway.

everything you said is common sense about love... I don't know what kind of love you figured me and stuff_ were talking about if you think we don't know all that already o_O.

Plus we've already been through the "past love confessions"..and we've discussed people that we used to have crushes on in school, and so many other things.. we've even gone into telling each other things that we don't/didn't like about the other... all within a year. It seems strange that it would take people several years of marriage to reach that "stage". It isn't a stage, it's the way you're supposed to be with someone you truely love at all times... open and honest.

Divorces and break up happen with lust... two people meet each other and they lust madly for each other... wanting to be together because they like the way the other looks or they touch them in all the right places or various other reasons.... and they convince themselves they're in love because everyone wants to find love... but rather than actually trying to realize it.. they just convince themselves they already have it.

There is nothing fairy tale about wanting to be with only one person the rest of your life... wanting to be with no one else but the one you love. The feeling that no one could satisfy you or make you as happy as your love does is not fairy tale.

samzman · Mar 21, 2005

you would think that it would be somethin that any guy would be into but nope. in the past i have thought about bein with two women, but not with someone i really love. now that i have kittie i'm not even thinking about that type of stuff. i couldn't share her with another girl and ESPenis EnlargementCIALLY another dude. i would chop his dick off and ram it up his ass. nah i wouldn't do that because i wouldn't be in that situation to begin with. i love her too much to actually do that, i don't feel secure enough to let that happen. to me, sex is too emotionally connecting. even when kittie and i are just fucking to get off..there is still a closeness. to me that closeness is a key part in the relationship. i'm a very very sexual person and i can't seem to separate sex from emotions. to see her with another guy would wreck me because that connection would be her with someone else. or not just a guy but another girl too.

sikdogg · Mar 22, 2005

User_Name said:
...Plus we've already been through the "past love confessions"..and we've discussed people that we used to have crushes on in school, and so many other things.. we've even gone into telling each other things that we don't/didn't like about the other... all within a year. It seems strange that it would take people several years of marriage to reach that "stage". It isn't a stage, it's the way you're supposed to be with someone you truely love at all times... open and honest.

Bro, i'm sorry to tell you but you're still in the bliss stage. You haven't even experienced love yet... In another year or two, you will get to a point where you will get to know who she really is and after year five or so, you get to a point of complacency, then after a few more years, you become indifferent. Then you get to a point where you two just can't be in the same room without getting in some argument or fight. Then you begin to go with the flow just to avoid a fight. Then if you stick it through long enough, you fall in love. You come to find that if she's willing to stick around even after everything that's happened, she is truelly special. You grow to love her for her faults, not in spite of them. Then you come to the realization that you can't imagine spending one day without her. You will find that she has actually become more than a friend and more than your lover, you will find that she is your other (better) half.

Divorces and break up happen with lust... two people meet each other and they lust madly for each other... wanting to be together because they like the way the other looks or they touch them in all the right places or various other reasons.... and they convince themselves they're in love because everyone wants to find love... but rather than actually trying to realize it.. they just convince themselves they already have it.

I agree, but breakups also happen all throughout the love process. It's always easier to walk away than to work at something when the going get tough. Most people think that the bliss of lust is actually love (typically the first two years), they are mistaken. Real love doesn't happen until you two have walked thru fire together. The unfortunate part is that as the fires of lust dissipates, people think that they've fallen out of love. They don't realize that this is god's or cupid's sick joke on us mortals.

There is nothing fairy tale about wanting to be with only one person the rest of your life... wanting to be with no one else but the one you love. The feeling that no one could satisfy you or make you as happy as your love does is not fairy tale.

What you're describing IS Fairy tale. Fairy tales are great, but everyone only sees the happy beginning and the happily ever after part. No one ever talks about the important parts in the middle. The part that actually takes hard work to lay the groundwork so that you can live happily ever after. you may think you know about relationship and love, but take from someone who's walked the talk, you don't have a clue... yet.

sikdogg · Mar 22, 2005

samzman said:
you would think that it would be somethin that any guy would be into but nope. in the past i have thought about bein with two women, but not with someone i really love. now that i have kittie i'm not even thinking about that type of stuff. i couldn't share her with another girl and ESPenis EnlargementCIALLY another dude. i would chop his dick off and ram it up his ass. nah i wouldn't do that because i wouldn't be in that situation to begin with. i love her too much to actually do that, i don't feel secure enough to let that happen. to me, sex is too emotionally connecting. even when kittie and i are just fucking to get off..there is still a closeness. to me that closeness is a key part in the relationship. i'm a very very sexual person and i can't seem to separate sex from emotions. to see her with another guy would wreck me because that connection would be her with someone else. or not just a guy but another girl too.

That's a very honest answer... much appreciated. I hear you and totally understand your position bro.

esteban · Mar 22, 2005

I don't think I could ever do it. I had enough troubles knowing what I knew about my ex's ex-boyfriends, without having to see it, or know that it happened while we were together.

I guess for me it just boils down to knowing that someone else, another man, is getting sexually pleasured by my girlfriend/wife. And, she is being pleasured by him...hopefully not moreso than with me. I would personally probably always have doubts about whether or not she really wanted to be with me more than another person from that point on. I just don't think I could do it. I respect others' right to do so, but I just couldn't do it.

samzman said:
you would think that it would be somethin that any guy would be into but nope. in the past i have thought about bein with two women, but not with someone i really love. now that i have kittie i'm not even thinking about that type of stuff. i couldn't share her with another girl and ESPenis EnlargementCIALLY another dude. i would chop his dick off and ram it up his ass. nah i wouldn't do that because i wouldn't be in that situation to begin with. i love her too much to actually do that, i don't feel secure enough to let that happen. to me, sex is too emotionally connecting. even when kittie and i are just fucking to get off..there is still a closeness. to me that closeness is a key part in the relationship. i'm a very very sexual person and i can't seem to separate sex from emotions. to see her with another guy would wreck me because that connection would be her with someone else. or not just a guy but another girl too.

Thats well put, and exactly how I feel. Just like you said, you'd think as a guy you would want to be with other girls as well, but when I'm with someone, I wouldn't ever feel right about being with another person. Sure that sounds stupid to some, but its not about the physical act itself, its about the mental side that would bother me. Thats why it really doesn't matter to me if a girl cheats by just kissing someone else, or by sleeping with them. In both cases she still chose to cheat...made a conscious decision to do so. Thats kind of a different issue, but is related in my mind.

Scheinen Herz · Mar 22, 2005

My boyfriend 'shared' me once. It was a blast! We had so much fun that night. I was so drunk. Haha!!

kong1971 · Mar 22, 2005

sikdogg, I don't think they get it. I don't think they can get it right now. They thought I was talking about high school crushes, for Pete's sake! :D I was talking about crushes during the relationship! It happens. My wife got a crush on our car mechanic. I knew it. It cost me alot of money in car repairs, ha-ha. I also teased her ruthlessly about it. Did she do him? Nope. She loves me. Was I jealous? Yes. But you hash things out. I had a crush on a co-worker. Did I do her? Nope. Did my wife find out? Yeah, I told her. She was jealous, but also glad that I confided in her and trusted me that I loved her enough to resist temptation. Does this mean that our love is somehow flawed or "not true love"? Is your love stronger than ours, or have you just not been together long enough to face temptation? I think it's sweet that you talked about old boyfriends and girlfriends and told each other how you don't like some things about each other. It's a good start. It might help get your prepared for when you find out the real dirty laundry! I'm talking things like the guy you didn't know she lived with before you because she never quite got over him and was afraid to tell you about him, and who got molested, and who really slept with more women than he let on at first, and even had a threesome. Before you look down your nose at those things, we're also talking about the guy who sat next to her hospital bed for two days straight crying and praying when she almost died from post-toxemia, and the woman who went against her parent's wishes to marry a skinny kid with no money and nothing to give her but his heart. We're talking about the guy who works night and day to make sure there's enough money to pay the bills, and the woman who makes sure they're paid. Before anyone else goes on about true love, I think you ought to lay your shit on the table and tell us how long you've been together and what your current level of commitment is. There's a big difference between boyfriend/girlfriend and husband/wife...and 10+ years vesus 10+ months!

User_Name · Mar 22, 2005

I'm perfectly aware that you weren't talking about high school, but it's already been established that we are younger than you and sikdogg... commenting on the high school crushes was just an example of our discussions.

You and sikdogg also seem to assume that because it takes most people years to reveal all things to their lover that it would take us that amount of time as well... but as I told sikdogg earlier... no matter how many times you prove the case for most, it still doesn't mean all. Not all people begin the first few years of their relationship fueled on lust alone then after coming to grips with reality learn to love their partner.... and then after so many years resort back to being fueled with lust to make the relationship seem "fresh".

I have already accepted the fact that no matter what I say you will always just stick your fingers in your ears and say "I'm older than you so I know more".. but I will continue to say what I believe because no matter how much you say it is false and fairy tale, I still believe it to be true... if that makes me immature, I have already told you that I will remain that way, then. And I believe I have already said how long we've been together, but since you missed it, I'll once again say it's been a year.

And being married for years doesn't prove love... my own parents are a case of this. They've been married for over 20 years and still don't love each other.. they have grown used to being around each other and dependent on the other being there because it's what they are accustomed to. My mother even cheated on my father and they stayed together.. not because of love, but because she had no where else to go and she didn't want to leave her children behind... she had to do that once before in a previous marriage. And my dad used to treat her like shit and ignore me and my siblings.. and spending money on things he wanted instead of things we needed.. some would consider it love to have stayed together through these things, but my own mother will admit that it wasn't love, but nessesity.

And even now she thinks at times that he is off having sex with another woman, but she doesn't care. It's not because they have "matured beyond petty jealousy and insecurity"... it's because they really don't care. There is no love between them and that is why it wouldn't bother them.

Would you share your girl?

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