How to ask her to lose some weight.

kong1971 said:

I'm not changing my mind or my advice. He admits that she looks good. She is not obese. His desire for her to lose weight springs from his own vanity AND he is shallow enough to dump her because of it, meaning he is only interested in her body... he needs to look for someone else. Miss Cleo sees bad things in the future for this couple, honey-chile.

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I can understand that. My only real point is that women pull fickle, vain shit all the time and I could so see the average chick dumping her man for gaining a few pounds.

Kong, you need to realize when you read some of my posts that my general feelings towards women are bitter and cynical at best. I have been viewed as such a piece of shit in their eyes that I tend to often have little sympathy for them.

My personal favorites are the ones that get beat and then are stupid enough to continue the relationship. I work with a girl like that. She is a nice girl, but a stupid one. I could inherit a billion dollars tomorrow and I wouldn't give one fucking nickel towards a domestic violence charity. I've had no shortage of women shun me over the years and I just shake my head every time one of them women goes back to her abuser. How the hell can anyone expect a man like me to have any sympathy?

Sikdogg and Kong bring up a great point in that what you might expect of her depends of how much she weighed when you met her. I would also ask something else: Is she lazy when it comes to taking care of herself?

I work with a woman that used to be a beauty pageant contestant and was into dance and shit. She is 5'6" and I'm guessing that her old stats were around a healthy, somewhat muscular 135 lbs. She has now ballooned up to 220 lbs., only eight years later. The problem is she freely admits, with a "don't give a fuck" attitude that she is too lazy to exercise or do anything about her situation. She says she truly wants to lose weight, but she will not exercise. Sweating is beneath her and disgusting, according to her. She has been married about three or four years now and she has probably added 30 to 40 of those pounds after the wedding.

Of course none of that is any skin off my back, and this is not relevant to minnieme's situation. His girl is nothing like the size of my coworker, but I'm simply offering warning signs. I can tell you that I am a pretty patient and understanding person. However, if a woman lets herself go to the point where there is an obvious, substantial, and undeniable problem, I would walk out of that relationship in a nanosecond if she flat-out refused to make any effort towards remedying the condition. If there is a special circumstance that makes weight loss extraordinarily difficult, a real man will stick by his woman. However, apathetic laziness is a failure on a person's part to fulfill his/her responsibilities in the relationship.

I don't see why weight has to be treated so differently to everything else.

Hypothetical: Your a slob, you wear old clothes, they have holes in them, they are dirty and smell bad. Your partner says "you are becoming a slob, you will look good in some new clothes, lets go shopping and you can get some new clothes". You get the new clothes and feel fresh and spiffy, and your partner thinks you look great. Everybodies happy.

BUT, if it was weight, oh no, can't fuckin mention that, its to taboo, and your a shallow bastard for even being concerned about it. It's bullshit.

Society has caused weight to be created into such a social taboo, and it is treated so differently from the hundreds of other aspects of physical appearance. Double standards everywhere.

nah see I am with kong on this one. I married my wife who when we got together was always between 125-135 and stands 5'3". her weight is and size is not the standard norm for women. she had a flat stomach, and pretty toned every where and not nasty see her ribs skinny. Perfection in my eyes. anyways after we got married she did the depo birth control shot and gained a large amount of weight and freaked out about it. the dang shot screwed up her body and possibly for life. I personally am not with her for her appearance (that to me would be pure arrogance) I love her and her body, and I still think she is beautiful. so dude either you are with her for her, or you are with her for some eye candy to hang on your arm? you need to decied which it is. if it is the later, you should cut her loose so she can find someone who appreciates her. and you can get that eye candy you are after. then in the long run everyone is happy.

BTW, I do recommend approaching this from the angle of the two of you should workout together.

In the event that a woman should ever find me a worthwhile enough person to venture on a relationship with, and I overcame my anger enough to pursue such a venture, I don't think this would be a problem. Despite my being a disgusting fatass, I do about 3-5 hours of cardio per week. I am wanting to get my thyroid, HGH, and testosterone levels checked, as something just can't be right within me. Anyhow, I love exercise, as it's therpeutic to me. I would never be with a woman that showed zero interest in exercise and fitness, because it's just something I love so much. So, her own vanity should already be built-in.

loco said:

nah see I am with kong on this one. I married my wife who when we got together was always between 125-135 and stands 5'3". her weight is and size is not the standard norm for women. she had a flat stomach, and pretty toned every where and not nasty see her ribs skinny. Perfection in my eyes. anyways after we got married she did the depo birth control shot and gained a large amount of weight and freaked out about it. the dang shot screwed up her body and possibly for life. I personally am not with her for her appearance (that to me would be pure arrogance) I love her and her body, and I still think she is beautiful. so dude either you are with her for her, or you are with her for some eye candy to hang on your arm? you need to decied which it is. if it is the later, you should cut her loose so she can find someone who appreciates her. and you can get that eye candy you are after. then in the long run everyone is happy.

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Very well said :clap:

5'5 and 135lbs is perfect.

Shit, I'm 5'8" and 135lbs and I'm a fricken bean pole.

I'm with someone know that weighs more than that and she still looks good.

I think you just need to find someone else if 135lbs is too big for you. That's fricken vain as hell.

Spektrum, technically Im not sure what it is for women, but for guys the theory is 5 lbs of body weight for every inch of height so at 5'8 she would technically weigh 150. Which is either a big framed girl, or a girl that has a bit of fat on her.

thefranchise,

if I just did the math right then at 5'8" that is 68 inches tall times 5 lbs per inch would give you 340 lbs. that can't be right. if that is case I'm skin and bones at around 240lbs at 6'2". lol not sure that can be right or you left out part of the formula.

thefranchise said:

Spektrum, technically Im not sure what it is for women, but for guys the theory is 5 lbs of body weight for every inch of height so at 5'8 she would technically weigh 150. Which is either a big framed girl, or a girl that has a bit of fat on her.

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For women, my wife told me sometime back that it depends on their hieght so if they are 5'5" tall, you multiply (5x5=25) then add 100 (25+100=125) to get her ideal healthy weight.

So for a woman that is 5'7" tall:

5 x 7 = 35
35 + 100 = 135

That weight can vary a little (+/- 10lbs) depending on her frame size. So if she's big boned, she can be 135lbs or if she is petite she can weight 125. But if she is more than 10lbs over that weight, she is considered a little overweight.

i think that the key thing is that if SHE feels that she's too fat. if she's insecure and sensitive about her "belly" or "big ass", then help her. someone suggested before that you work out together, that's the best idea. everyone can stand to get into more shape. if she wants to lose and you wanna get trimmer then work out together, go for runs, lift weights, have more sex (cardio)...hehe....there are tons of options. but this is only if she feels like she needs to lose, if it's only your opinion then maybe you need to see things from a different angle, not break up with her or anything like that, just take the time to see her for the beautiful woman that she is, then you'll just want to be close to her. if you feel close to her, then you find her more attractive, etc. it'll take some work on both your parts. you could even take the step further and say that your eyes were starting to wander and you wanted to tell her how you feel. honest convorsations help out mostly.

Thanks guys, I appreciate all of the help. Yes I am vain and she is a great girl. I now feel rather guilty and wrong for being the way I am.

fuck that, if you think she's too fat, that's ok. don't let these guys tell you you're an asshole. you're not. if you're not turned on by her but you love her, what the hell can you do?
this discussion is so damn stupid. he simply asked for advice, why do people think they have to tell him what fat is, that she's better off without him and all that BS?
sometimes this board really sucks.
but there was some good advice, so do what you've been told, try to do some sports with her, eat healthy etc.

I wouldn't say it's vain minnieme. People act like you are forcing her to get implants or something. A lot of times with women it's more eating habbits than anything. Moniter her diet, see if she drinks a lot of junk food or pop etc. Suggest altering it for health reasons. In the end she'll probably feel better too. I do personal training, so if you want go ahead and give me a PM and I can help you out with some stuff if needed.

Pharaoh said:

this discussion is so damn stupid. he simply asked for advice, why do people think they have to tell him what fat is, that she's better off without him and all that BS?
sometimes this board really sucks.

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lol

He asked what we thought. That's called "asking for advice". We told him. No one's coming to his house to shoot him. It's ultimately up to him what to think and do about the situation, but one way we "learn" and "grow" intellectually is to consider alternate ideas and beliefs. This board doesn't suck, but it's sometimes a little overun with opinionated children who think they know it all and are threatened by ideas that run counter to what they believe. Go watch MTV. I think a discussion forum is a little too challenging for you at this stage in your life.

lol

minnimie,i can understand were your coming from ive always found slim petite women a turn on,my wife was only 98lb at 5'3 when we first got together and no she didn't look anorexic,on her small frame it looked healthy.
After having our first daughter she developed a thyroid condition but it wasn't diagnosed for about 9 months and her weight went up to 138lb and yes she did look fat,her face was puffy,her arms looked flabby she had love handles and a double chin.i still loved her and would never think of leaving her but sexually i admit i didn't find her that much of a turn on,we have no control over our sexual desires at the end of the day.
Once she was put on medication for her thyroid she lost all the weight and went down to 112lb and looked great,she is currently just over 7 months pregnant and only weighs 140lb.
So all the folks that are saying your girl carn't be fat need to take into consideration the size of her frame.

kong1971 said:

sometimes a little overun with opinionated children who think they know it all and are threatened by ideas that run counter to what they believe.

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sorry kong, but this applies to you more than to anyone else

Coming from being a woman myself, one of the number #1 rules and thekey to a good relationship is to never ask your girl to lose weight. Stuff like that makes people hurt. Think twice. If you really love this girl then don't ask her to do stuff like that, if it comes down to it, she will be the one to break it off with you.

Pharaoh said:

sorry kong, but this applies to you more than to anyone else

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agreed.

Minnie the trick is to make her decide to lose weight without any overt prompting from you. Maybe if you go on a health kick she'll want to go too. Telling anybody that they are too heavy will have a negative influence on your relationship with them.