How to ask her to lose some weight.

minnieme · Jun 6, 2005

Hey,

Names Minnieme. I've never really posted much on this forum, but I have a problem and I figured most of the people on this board seem to be nice guys, so I mind as well ask.

My girlfriend weighs between 135-145 and she is about 5'5. I know it is vain of me but I really want her to lose weight. I have been thinking about breaking up with her, because I am just not turned on by her body. Don't get me wrong she isn't the size of shamu (spelling?), however, I can't help it that I am more turned on by thinner girls. So, how can I go about hinting to her that I want her to lose weight, without hurting her feelings?

kong1971 · Jun 6, 2005

Go find a Twiggie. If her weight is not a health risk, you have no right to ask her to lose weight. I'm normally very supportive of my fellow forum members, but you should love someone because of who they are, not what you think you can make them into. I think you should do the right thing and break up with her. Maybe she can find a guy who appreciates her, and you can find a nice anorexic who will play to your vanity. Personally, I think those fashion show freaks look like walking cadavers. I like a gal with a little tits and ass. Not bones and starvation induced canker sores.

minnieme · Jun 6, 2005

Whoa, Kong. I was only seeking advice. If I was not interested in being with her I would just break up with her and that would be that. But I am interested in being with her and I am trying to look past the physical, but I am human and if I am not turned on by something that is just how I am. I think she is an awesome person and I would not want her out of my life just because I am not turned on by her appearance.

And no. I said nothing about wanting anorexic girls, so that was uncalled for.

bigsack · Jun 6, 2005

Fat is never attractive, I totally understand what you're talking about. There's such a backlash in this country to the "too thin" models and "beautiful people of hollywood", that we've forgotten that being in shape means being healthy, too. We're telling ourselves it's okay to be overweight, and at the same time heart disease is the number one killer in our country. 30% of our children are obese. We shouldn't be so worried about hurting the self-images of people, but rather more concerned with longevity.

As for politely getting your girlfriend to lose weight, I wouldn't recommend any direct mention of you having a problem with it. You can get around that by doing physical activities with her like running together or joining a gym with her and helping her with weights if you're into that. When you go out to eat, lead by example in choosing healthy foods and smaller quantities. It's all up to her though. As they say, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink, ha.

As for me, I choose to date only girls that are already in shape. My personal, possibly erroneous, judgement is that if a girl is overweight in her younger 20s, she's gonna be obese later in life. Age, slower metabolism, and other stresses tend to result in a one pound weight gain each year. If you find yourself looking at other girls and wanting to date them, you might not really be all that into your current girlfriend. But if you love her, support her and lead by example.

Shithead · Jun 6, 2005

minnieme, the best way i can think of is if you say to her that both of you can lose weight together, but if your pretty fit already then that won't work.

Kong, your being completely irrational. asking a partner to do somthing that will make her more sexy, to her partner and to herself is FINE. its just like asking her to get a brazilian, or wear a certain perfume, or her asking you to wear a smart looking outfit, or tone up a bit.

It benefits both people which is why its okay, if minnieme was asking her to do somthing like shave her head coz he likes it that way, then thats different.

or if she told minnieme that she feels the sexiest at that weight, and any thinner makes her feel weird, then im sure if it was a caring relationship, minnieme wouldn't ask her to lose the weight.

penguinsfan · Jun 6, 2005

kong1971 said:
Go find a Twiggie. If her weight is not a health risk, you have no right to ask her to lose weight. I'm normally very supportive of my fellow forum members, but you should love someone because of who they are, not what you think you can make them into. I think you should do the right thing and break up with her. Maybe she can find a guy who appreciates her, and you can find a nice anorexic who will play to your vanity. Personally, I think those fashion show freaks look like walking cadavers. I like a gal with a little tits and ass. Not bones and starvation induced canker sores.

Take it easy. I don't know this guy or his girlfriend, buyt there is no end to the demand that women put on men, so this is a reasonable request. God knows there are many women that would look elsewhere in this situation. And if she put on any signficant weight during the relationship, he has every right to encourage her to work her way back to top form.

That being said, I have no advice for how to broach the subject.

kong1971 · Jun 6, 2005

I could understand if her weight was hazardous, but 5'5 and 135 lbs...? That doesn't sound morbidly obese to me. That sounds like a healthy weight for a woman who is above average in height. Women are supposed to have a little body fat. Where men are supposed to be lean and muscular, women are supposed to be soft and curvy. Now, if you would have said she was much heavier than 135 lbs, I would have suggested asking her to go for walks with you, go shopping with her and picking out healthy food and complimenting her when she did trim down. Positive reinforcement that is not going to damage her self-esteem [ cause women are really sensitive about this, like we are about dick size]. Maybe I'm not picturing her right, but 5'5 and 135 lbs does not sound fat to me. It barely sounds like a little cushion for the pushin'. Also, if she's naturally big-boned there's not going to be a whole lot she can do about it. All you skinny people can cry fattie and think we're lazy, but you can be genetically disposed to a larger body size and higher percentage of body fat, and all the salad and mineral spring water in the world isn't going to change it. Sorry. The fat guy weighs in on this subject with a little bit of predjudice.

kong1971 · Jun 6, 2005

This gal is 5'4 and 135 lbs and she looks good to me. We're not talking Rosanne here, guys.

http://www.harleyrace.com/wlw/profjosie.htm

penguinsfan · Jun 6, 2005

kong1971 said:
All you skinny people can cry fattie and think we're lazy, but you can be genetically disposed to a larger body size and higher percentage of body fat, and all the salad and mineral spring water in the world isn't going to change it. Sorry. The fat guy weighs in on this subject with a little bit of predjudice.

Dude, as a certified fatass myself, I understand what you're saying. Women sure as hell don't cut me a break, in judging me, so I tend to have little sympathy.

penguinsfan · Jun 6, 2005

kong1971 said:
This gal is 5'4 and 135 lbs and she looks good to me. We're not talking Rosanne here, guys.

http://www.harleyrace.com/wlw/profjosie.htm

No chick is going to look gross at those stats. I'm sure minnieme's girl doesn't look bad either. That being said, for whatever its worth, there is some difference between those weights with muscle (as someone involved in wrestling would have) and little muscle mass. My neighbor girl is 5'7" and weighed 143 lbs. when she got on the scale before my very eyes. I told her she looked more like 115 lbs. The she flexed and I could actually see considerable muscle for a female on her. She said she lifts weights after school and she throws the discus on the track team.

kong1971 · Jun 6, 2005

I'm not changing my mind or my advice. He admits that she looks good. She is not obese. His desire for her to lose weight springs from his own vanity AND he is shallow enough to dump her because of it, meaning he is only interested in her body... he needs to look for someone else. Miss Cleo sees bad things in the future for this couple, honey-chile.

minnieme · Jun 6, 2005

She definitely does not look like the girl that you posted, because she does not wreste, workout, or even run for that matter.

What is the deal with the name calling and pointing fingers at me, Kong? I said it was a bit vain, but so be it. It makes sense to want to improve both your partner and oneself in a relationship. And if you can't understand that, then that is fine with me. But please, there is no need to go around insulting me when you don't know a thing about who I am outside of these forums.

And to all of the people that gave me advice; I really appreciate it. It is nice to see that most people on this forum try to help their members out.

kong1971 · Jun 6, 2005

I never insulted you, nor did I point fingers at you. That is in your own imagination. You asked for advice and I gave it. What are you going to do if she reacts and feels the same way I did? Something to think about, anyway. Maybe you should have said, "I want to convince her to join me in a physical fitness routine and be more active" instead of "I'm thinking about dumping her if she doesn't lose weight." I'm sure she would handle the first one better than the second one. With women it's all in how you word something whether you get a good reaction or a bad one. If you are negative she is going to respond to you negatively. Do you want advice or just someone who is going to agree with you?

bcboy · Jun 6, 2005

I dunno I am usually good at looking at both sides on things and im kinda agreeing with kong on this one, although to be honest I think it would help if you had a pic you could show of your girlfriend cause all the girls I know personally and have been around are closer to the 140 lb mark and look smoking hot, so i really think that if you were to post a pic that would help out, and if you want minnieme pm with your actual thoughts so that I can analize it a little better.

sikdogg · Jun 6, 2005

I think we may be missing some info here... Minnieme, was your girlfriend alway at this weight when you two first hooked up?? if so then you have no right to ask her to lose weight, but if she in fact weighed less and has gained weight since you two got together then you have every right to to ask her to lose weight.

We all have a particular like to a certain weight/bodytype/look so if we are with a girl of a certain look that we find attractive and she decides to change that, we have the right to say change back or i'm outta here. I understand the whole "what's inside is more important" thing but not everyone feels that way... and... first and foremost, we have to be attracted to our partner otherwise we're just going to look around for something better.

sikdogg · Jun 6, 2005

bigsack said:
Fat is never attractive, I totally understand what you're talking about. There's such a backlash in this country to the "too thin" models and "beautiful people of hollywood", that we've forgotten that being in shape means being healthy, too. We're telling ourselves it's okay to be overweight, and at the same time heart disease is the number one killer in our country. 30% of our children are obese. We shouldn't be so worried about hurting the self-images of people, but rather more concerned with longevity.

As for politely getting your girlfriend to lose weight, I wouldn't recommend any direct mention of you having a problem with it. You can get around that by doing physical activities with her like running together or joining a gym with her and helping her with weights if you're into that. When you go out to eat, lead by example in choosing healthy foods and smaller quantities. It's all up to her though. As they say, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink, ha.

As for me, I choose to date only girls that are already in shape. My personal, possibly erroneous, judgement is that if a girl is overweight in her younger 20s, she's gonna be obese later in life. Age, slower metabolism, and other stresses tend to result in a one pound weight gain each year. If you find yourself looking at other girls and wanting to date them, you might not really be all that into your current girlfriend. But if you love her, support her and lead by example.

Touche' brother, you hit it right on the head... excellent points.

thefranchise · Jun 6, 2005

Id say at her height the girl could stand to lose 5-10lbs. Either tell her straight up, or like someone suggested start doing healither things run, eat healthier etc, but do them together, use the excuse that you need her support. It will be good for both of you, ultimately though it's going to depend on if she wants it or not, so Id just straight up tell her she has fat legs, ruin her self esteem for a couple months, and then she will thank you for it in the end.

minnieme · Jun 6, 2005

I would never ever say something like what I have said on this forum directly to her; I don't want to hurt her feelings, because I do care about her.

You did insult me, Kong. Directly and inderictly. But I don't care so I'm dropping it; I see no use in arguing.

That weight is what she told me she weighed one day, but I have a feeling that she was lying; the same way we tend to stretch the truth when we speak about our penis size outside of forums.

I think that whole "create a fitness regimee" in which the both of us can participate is a great idea.

Something else that has been bothering me is the way in which how I see her seems to change every few days. For example, one day she seems hot and the next day she doesn't attract me at all. Has anyone else experienced this? I am pretty sure it is me. It is similar to what I think about my body at times; some days I feel cut and strong while others I feel fat and weak.

Thanks for all of the advice, I really do appreciate it; good or bad, I suppose.

kong1971 · Jun 6, 2005

Sikdogg made a good point about whether she changed after you two became an item. I can swing with that one. If you started dating and she was 100 lbs and then gained 40 lbs you do have a right to say something.

bigsack's "backlash" against thin is a little overstated. There's a difference between thin, fit and healthy (which is very attractive) and the unhealthy crack-whore scarecrows that stars like Courtney Cox and Lindsey Lohan have turned themselves into. I just don't get turned on by jutting collarbones and vertebrae and faces so emaciated you can see their gums through their cheeks. That's just nasty and tragic. They look like their dying.

Everyone likes different things. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to thin girls. The problem is being with a buxom beauty and wanting her to starve herself to suit you. You need to be honest with yourself and with your partner, and if she isn't what you want, bite the bullet and move on. Better that than be together and slowly grow to resent one another because of these conflicting issues. It'll hurt more in the long run.

minnieme · Jun 6, 2005

Thanks, your right. :blush:

How to ask her to lose some weight.

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