&?#$ my wife says. The insider's guide to female sexuality.

This post was inspired by a comment I made over in the girth poll. Since I'm starting this thread from my phone, I guess this first post will be mostly introductory because there's a helluva lot to type.

My wife and I have been married for almost 12 years. We've always had a strong sex life. Even to this day, we don't go more than a couple of days without some kind of sexual activity. We've always been very comfortable talking about sex with each other and have pretty much explored whatever kink the other can think of. We've got a history of swinging. We've never lived the full blown "lifestyle" but we haven't turned down many opportunities that have presented themselves either. This last time the itch came around we decided to explore the open marriage thing.

Let's just accept as fact that everyone on earth is unique. Everyone's sexuality is shaped by their own personality and their experiences. Nobody flirts, touches, kisses, gropes, feels (texturally), smells, tastes and screws exactly like anyone else. That's the biggest thrill of swinging and open marriage. Being allowed to relive all that excitement and variety without fear of reprisal. Obviously, it requires a huge amount of trust and communication to work. And those conversations I've had with my wife and the women I've met during this experience is the genesis of this thread.

Now what makes the women of my life different? Why would they be more honest? With my wife and I, we've just come to accept that we crave some variety at times. There's only so much you can really change about yourself. You can learn some new tricks but you can never be somebody completely "new". As far as the others, most of the women I've met that are interested in this arrangement have been bored housewives, divorcees or single girls not looking for commitment. They are sexually charged women who aren't or weren't getting what they needed and aren't afraid to let you know about it. They aren't sizing me up for marriage or even anything long term so they have no reason to bull#$@! me. If they can't tell me what was missing how the hell could they expect to get it from me?

So grab some popcorn and take a seat as I let you in on some secrets I've learned along the way.

Thank you!

I'm interested do girls stay virgin for marriage these days?

you had me at 'a guide to female sexuality'....popcorn ready

#1 Size does matter but its not everything.

Might as well drop the holy grail to start this all off. The most important thing you can ever learn about women and their sexuality is that it is as much mental and emotional as it is physical. Woman desire sex as much as men. Most want it at least daily. But they are much more complicated. More "stars" have to align for them to get in the mood. And most importantly, women need orgasms every bit as much as a man. You can get away with the occasional quickie or off night but if you can't get her off on a regular basis she will look elsewhere or shut down the sex factory.

We're guys so I'll throw out an analogy to help visualize. Imagine a woman's ability to climax as a score to attain or beat. Cock size is one factor that gets scored. Average and bigger gets bonus points, less than average loses points. Same goes for general physical appearance. We all kinda knew that, that's why we are here. A big dick or a hot bod can get you laid the first time. But don't expect an invite back unless your other scores get you over the orgasm threshold.

So, what's the next factor? Technique and acumen. It doesn't matter what kinda pipe you're swinging if you can't use the thing or blow your load in two minutes. The novelty will wear off quickly. So you gotta mix things up, learn some new tricks and try some new positions. There are plenty of techniques to help you last longer (breathing, Kegels, edging). Now most women's sex "timer" starts at kissing and fondling, not penetration. So when they say they made love for hours its generally inclusive of foreplay. This is where you can pick up some serious bonus points. Most women don't care how they cum, just that they do. It could be on your shaft, mouth, fingers or toys. So get some practice in on your oral, learn how to properly finger (especially g-spot/squirting techniques) and get over you phobia of toys. Also, foreplay does not start between her thighs. Unless she directs you southward, she is expecting you to spend some time north of the equator.

Now that you're about halfway there, let's get into the hard stuff. The mental and emotional scores. This really is a sliding scale depending on the maturity of the relationship. Early on, when everything's new and exciting, the physical and technique plays a more prominent role. As a relationship grows, the mental and emotional side of things require more attention. That is why sex in marriage tapers off. The number one complaint from bored housewives and divorcees? Selfish and/or indifferent men. Not a single one has ever mentioned cock size to me as the primary reason for their unhappiness. This extends far outside the bedroom.

If a woman is not in the proper place mentally and emotionally it is NOT going to happen. They think and dwell and plan and worry constantly. These stresses drain away from her sexual energy. If you're not getting laid on a regular basis, you more than likely have got some work to do outside of the bedroom first. If you're married or in an otherwise committed relationship, start doing some laundry or dishes, helping with the kids or knocking a couple of things off the honey do list. Be consistent in doing so and do not draw attention to the fact you did them. She already knows. Absolutely never do a household chore and demand a sexual favor in return, it will not end well. Relieving some of these burdens from her triggers that little corner of her primal mind that makes you a more attractive mate. She needs to feel appreciated, loved and secure. You need to say these things constantly. Little gestures are cumulative and go much farther in the long run than an occasional big date night. Most girls are raised to be little princesses, all prim and proper. They are led to believe that they should be ashamed of their animalistic, carnal desires so you have to provide an environment of trust and security so that she can unleash her wilder side.

Before anyone calls bull@#?$ on me, let one of your trusted female companions read this first. Then come talk to me.

Good read, can't wait for part 2

I can't figure out how to go back and edit through my phone so consider this an addendum to the mental and emotional section.

Women have to communicate. A lot. It's hard wired into their coding. Learn how to listen. A lot of the time, they aren't looking for your opinion or help with "fixing" the situation. They just need to get it off their chests. If they do need your input, they'll usually prompt you. Also, remember the important things, even the little ones. If your memory sucks, jot it down on a piece of paper (obviously not right in front of her) and keep it in your wallet.

Very nice post. Sounds like you know what you're talking about. Thanks for this

This is great.
You've worded it nicely, and being a virgin, I can get a good grasp of what you are talking about.
My popcorn and penis is ready.

Someone should seriously sticky this thread. More updates please!

brilliant work

pUNKY;494514 said:

brilliant work

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More! More! More!

I wish I had a trusted companion but I do not I still chose to reply

This is all common knowledge isn't it we should all know this

8incyclops;495957 said:

This is all common knowledge isn't it we should all know this

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I'm sure not everyone here is great with women.

MikeShlort;495992 said:

I'm sure not everyone here is great with women.

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Me being one of them

8incyclops;495957 said:

This is all common knowledge isn't it we should all know this

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That's kinda what I was getting at in starting this thread. These are the things that women who weren't getting what they wanted related to me in confidence. This is what they felt was missing. The more we men can and should know, the better our chances at having a fulfilling sex life.

Believe me, I'm not shy about sharing some of our "man-isms" with my wife as she sorts through her own adventures on her side of this open marriage. Women are just as naive, at times, about what our actions and mannerisms mean too.

If something I put out here, no matter how obvious to some, helps one person get more from their sex life then I've done some good.

At the sake of too much information, I'm posting this enjoying my post-coidal cigarette. My wife had her boy A over earlier. He's a big dude pushing about 8 by 5.5-5.75, a little bigger than myself. And yeah, I've seen the little video they made to verify. Anyways, in the couple of months they've been messing around he's not once gotten her off. He's extremely selfish with the emotional IQ of a tree stump. As soon as he did his thing and was on his way, she texted me at work to be sure I was getting home on time. He may be swinging a little more wood but I damn sure will take care of business and she knows it.

Talk about OPenis EnlargementN!

This may be counter productive to your thread, but at the same thing it may be helpful to anyone thinking what I am thinking reading this. First off, I really want to thank you for writing this, because so many people don't talk the dirty truth and everyone is so PC it makes me sick. I am intrigued by what you write.

But at the same time, I've lately been coming to the conclusion that women are so needy, that it might not be my fault at all that I can't please them alone. I am very seriously leaning towards not really caring about being alone, as I look at need as something that is pathetic to me - we all need, but most of us take it in small doses and put the rest of our time towards progressing in something. I used to be a filthy addict, and to me, how is that any different than a woman needing to perpetually be entertained by another human. I was entertained by a substance, they are entertained by someone else. I am really starting to not care nearly as much about being a cynical, miserable loaner, because I feel it disgusts me how selfish and needy women are. I am just not sure the game is worth playing, however, since I am no longer a dysfunctional member of society, I still will keep on my path to being able to play the game the best of my ability for the sake of my pride, just in my own way.
I definitely did not write this how I think and feel it in my head, but this is the gist of it. Hopefully someone who is thinking what I am thinking will read this and see my point.

I've got a couple things to say: first @ Lobbs is why does your wife bother with mr. insensitive? Talk about frustration and not even worth it.

2nd @ Mikeschlort: Bottom line dude we are all selfish. But you are young and I believe many young women have no idea how to be a woman. Society encourages their focus on themselves and they are selfish babies.

Having said that there is nothing more unselfish than a mothers love. Being a dad, maturing into the role as I was just a brain dead kid with no clue at the start either, no one taught me to be a man either, I've watched my wife mature also.

You can't change anyone but yourself; but you can also help along someone you love and mature together helping each other along. It won't be easy for both of you but remember: Love is a feeling but it's more than that: it's a decision

8incyclops;495957 said:

This is all common knowledge isn't it we should all know this

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Not everyone is a love god like you pal.