Dating for introverts
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- Feb 26, 2011
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wanagrow;432976 said:
Well personally I think you have to attack the root of the problem-introversion. So, with this in mind I suggest putting yourself in a position to be with people. Look in the paper for clubs, classes, etc. This gives you multiple opportunities around the same women-which gives you time to slowly build a relationship as an introvert. Perhaps a cooking class, or an art class or something like that. Plenty of free or cheap events are usually out there. It can't hurt. What you're doing likely isn't working so you gotta change something. So do something you normally wouldn't do, go out on a limb and try something new.
This is a probabilities strategy. All it requires of you is to show up to an event that has people-but a recurring event (thus the class idea) would increase these odds a lot. If you are an introvert, your odds of meeting people, much less women are drastically low. So you really do need to recognize this and simply do something an introvert wouldn't do. Odds are very good people will approach you and make it easy. It is much harder to meet women in say a bar or club for the introvert. This requires you to build a relationship in a half hour when an introvert might take hours to get the nerve to say "Hi". So you have to use some stragedy with your weaknesses in mind and work on overcoming them.
I'm an introvert and still trying to figure all this out too. However, I don't see being introverted as a weakness. Quite the contrary actually as introverts seem to know themselves better and are generally less concerned about the trivial goings-on in the lives of others. If it's not in your nature to be outgoing then don't try to be. Let others take their time and get to know you and accept you for who you are. If a person doesn't have enough patience to grant you that small courtesy, they're probably not worth getting to know anyway. Introverts often get a bad rap and re labeled antisocial or loners which IMO does them a great injustice. If everyone were an extroverts then everything on tv would be like Jersey Shore or some other dumb "reality" show where people will do anything to get attention even if it's just for being an ass. And those who would rather waste their time and energy watching them would just encourage more of it rather than reflecting, meditating and trying to figure themselves out.
Sorry. Went on a lil rant there, hehe. Don't worry too much about it. Have patience and eventually you'll find someone you're comfortable opening up to and make a real, deep connection.
BTW, who is that girl on your sig? She has gorgeous breasts.
Sorry. Went on a lil rant there, hehe. Don't worry too much about it. Have patience and eventually you'll find someone you're comfortable opening up to and make a real, deep connection.
BTW, who is that girl on your sig? She has gorgeous breasts.
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- May 5, 2011
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- 192
Hydromaxm i used to have trouble starting things off with chiccs but i solved that pretty quiccly.
now this may not be the answer your looking for but honestly?... just be yourself.
dont be shy round women. treat them as a equal. sure... sometimes you can fucc a chicc after the first 5 hours you meet her but not as often as you think.
become friends with them. never have a mindset of: im fuccing her tonight!!! because then it'll throw you off.. you'll end up fuccing it up and the outcome? no pussy.
now if you make them your friend they know your not spitting bullshit and they will know who you are they can trust you. it makes it easier to get pussy.
now im only speaking bout myself this may not work for everyone but try it anyway
now ive got more chicc friends (ive fucct nearly all these girls) than guy friends haha
thing is with guys in general they piss me off... and all i wana do is fight em... but maybe i just like being tha alhpa male with all these girls round me haha.
now this may not be the answer your looking for but honestly?... just be yourself.
dont be shy round women. treat them as a equal. sure... sometimes you can fucc a chicc after the first 5 hours you meet her but not as often as you think.
become friends with them. never have a mindset of: im fuccing her tonight!!! because then it'll throw you off.. you'll end up fuccing it up and the outcome? no pussy.
now if you make them your friend they know your not spitting bullshit and they will know who you are they can trust you. it makes it easier to get pussy.
now im only speaking bout myself this may not work for everyone but try it anyway
now ive got more chicc friends (ive fucct nearly all these girls) than guy friends haha
thing is with guys in general they piss me off... and all i wana do is fight em... but maybe i just like being tha alhpa male with all these girls round me haha.
wanagrow;433220 said:
hah! strange.
oh and DLD about an introvert dating site. that's a great idea! for myself and for others.
So I googled it and found a few
Here they are
(untested; features unknown)http://www.gk2gk.com/
http://www.nerdpassions.com/
http://www.sweetongeeks.com/node <---clearly built on the ultra geeky drupal CMS
http://www.shypassions.com/
http://www.nerve.com/register/personals
Fellow introvert here. 'love big tits 'till they get old. D'oh! (love your sig .gif =D ) Edit: Hitome Tanaka, right?
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wanagrow;433261 said:
Most of them are scams. I haven't done any of the ones for introverts but the only legit site I've found so far is adultfriendfinder.com
The rest all have employees paid to act like real people-so mostly fake profiles and a waste of time.
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I'm shy and thus an introvert with women. I have found that in time you do become more confident but its not what you want to hear. What works is slowly doing bits piece by piece and not all at once. Baby steps before sprinting. Dont use drugs and alcohol as props EVER to help you. I have found that faking it at first helps and by this, simply imagine your on a stage at the club where the women are ... your the main actor and they are with you. This for me helped allot and placed the focus on the actor instead of me, I felt it wasn't really me and with time exposing myself to these difficult social situations I became more conditioned and aware of it, so my coping skills increased.
Hey man i just joined today cause ive been curious about the streching techniques im mean ive been pulling on it my whole life and that wasnt working. So ive been mainly reading and learning but this i think i can help with cause i got no problem getn to know people and especialy chicks. I call it the f.o.r.m. method and it basically give you a structure to your game if you have a difficult time breaking the ice or approuching women. simply introduce yourself get thier name lets say Candy it also helps you remember thier name. So the F. is for family "So Candy are u originally from here, Is your Family from here brothers,sisters," ok O. occupation Candy what do you do for living, do you enjoy that? R. Recreation "Candy what do you like to do for fun, whens the last time you actually did that?" and the last one the M. Message this is where depending on your goal and of course Candys responses up to this point, what type of message you want to give also dont rush through give her time to answer and at least act like your listening to what she is saying. so if all went well my message might be well im really glad i ran into tonight cause i love watching zoo animals fuck i was planning on a trip to the zoo this weekend and blah blah... anyway hope you can get some use out of it, i have.
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flyball;433279 said:
Good stuff. This is very similar to a formula from sales. And frankly-approaching women is indeed like selling something via door to door or cold calling-you are approaching a stranger out of the blue and trying to sell them something-in this case, yourself.
On that note I wanted to expand on what flyball said. Except the correct formula (IMO) is F.O.R.D. F is for family, O is for occupation, R is for recreation, and D is really the most important and the one Flyball is missing: Dreams. This one is where you're transitioning from shallow to deep questions and where you can really capture a woman's attention. And don't try to appear to be listening, you MUST, MUST, MUST train yourself to actually listen-people, including women can tell the difference. Most men are not that good at listening in these situations, so it's a good way to set yourself apart.
A differentiation strategy (again notice sales/business principles apply to women almost perfectly!) is crucial. This is great-you don't have to have the best logo (looks), you simply need to convince the customer (woman) that you offer her something the competitors (other men) do not. This could be humor, it could be something you relate to her on that is pretty unique about her (thus the FORD questions) and it could be as simple as LISTENING to her instead of thinking about what her pussy tastes like while she's talking to you.
No question that we are seeing a theme here: PRACTICE. And I really think that is the answer to the O.P.s question in one word. Someone basically said "wait for them to come to you, if they don't, fuck em" and I do disagree with that. the squeaky wheel gets the pussy, the proactive man gets laid. The introvert who hopes and waits but does nothing... well, he just gets a bigger pile of regret. Tolstoy said "Unhappiness is having regrets." and he's right. So keep it that simple-do the thing that will avoid the regret.
So if you see a pretty girl-don't approach her with a goal-like to get her number, that is distracting. Nope, just come up to her and start a conversation as though you live in the moment and really have no care in the world. I do this all the time. For example (and keep in mind I'm married, but I still like to keep my game up as we're looking for a girlfriend lol), the other night I was going to get a drink and I walk up behind 2 very cute women who are both looking at their shoes-so I knew instantly they were discussing them. I butted right in and said "So you two have matching platforms, what's the occasion?" (I know a lot about shoes-not a bad trait for having a conversation with women-as most men don't know shit about shoes-see? Differentiation Strategy. One had black ones, the other had silver glittery ones. One was cuter and younger and I could immediately see she was much more open to me than the other girl. So the other girl says "Ya, but mine sparkle" the younger one didn't have a comeback, so I came to her rescue and said "Ah, but her mouth sparkles!" (she wore braces). I chatted for a while with her-approaching 2 girls is always good as they are competitive and want to be the one you take an interest in-even if she doesn't think you are cute, it tells her she is cuter than her friend.....
The younger one lit up.. and I already had her (like I could have gotten her number) , it had only been about 2 minutes into the conversation.... it's really that easy. You just have to relax, be yourself and make interesting conversation. It helps to be clever and funny and CONFIDENT. Confidence is pretty easy when you don't care... so try not to care, thus don't have a goal-just GO, just walk up and try it, just jump off the cliff and see where you land. Pretty soon you get some successes under your belt and start gaining true confidence.
But the one guy saying "don't change, let them come to you"... well, that's like if you asked for Penis Enlargement advice someone responding "Just wait, and hope it grows.... if it doesn't grow then your penis is just stupid, that's all". Hmmm is that helpful? Neither is telling you not to be proactive. It's like riding a bike-it's simple, and once you can do it... you really CAN do it, like forever after that. But if you don't put in the time to learn how to ride, you'll never learn and you're not gonna ride too many bikes....
I know what I'm talking about, I used to be very shy, I'm not now, and I bet I could pick up a girl in the bar anytime I wanted where before it would take the stars aligning and the right mix of drinks and the right set of circumstances with the right wing man.... ie the odds were very low. You make the odds, you are vegas and the house always wins. Be the house
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wanagrow;433315 said:
Agreed-nobody cares about consequences when drinking and so that is a good crutch to begin with-like training wheels. This is all about fear of failure-so to temporarily remove the fear is not a bad idea at all-just don't become an alcoholic or forget the jimmy.
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Its not good in the longrun because you start to rely on it for social situations and I speak from personal experience here and trust me it can be a nightmare. If you must use it than SMALL amounts and you will thank me one-day. You will enjoy it more because your not taken over by the drug, I have lost count when I started with the ladies the amount of times I slurred my words and must have a looked a fucking idiot.
Use it as a TEMPORARY crutch if you have to but it takes a much stronger man to go commando without it and I wasn't that stronger man! You may be? Who needs drugs and booze to be themselves? fuck that and now I dont touch drink or alcohol and enjoy myself with women when I want.
Use it as a TEMPORARY crutch if you have to but it takes a much stronger man to go commando without it and I wasn't that stronger man! You may be? Who needs drugs and booze to be themselves? fuck that and now I dont touch drink or alcohol and enjoy myself with women when I want.
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wanagrow;433315 said:
Heard of Dutch courage? need a drink in order to conquer something. Most of us have been and done it but it can become out of control. Nothing shameful about being an alcoholic I have been one practically myself albeit not physically dependent on the stuff but mentally in social situations I was.
Its worse when you become in denial but help is around, especially on the forums. Bets bet is drink in small amounts and NEVER binge drink or get out of control so you dont know what you are, where you are etc.
When we are under the 'influence' we are not the real us and its a fact many crimes take place while on drugs than if the person wasn't, here in the UK thats over 80% of all crime!!! Not saying you would but because it affects judgement and keeps fear back you can get caught up in arguments and even attacked.
Your like I was when I started with women. Do it in small steps and with a group of friends as well. Watch the more confident guy do his work and pick up things. Its something to admire when you see a fully fledged 'stud' pick the ladies up. I used to enjoy seeing this, if the chivalry was like a gentleman and not sleezebag
Nowadays you must be careful watching people for obvious reasons but I'm sure we all nosey from time to time.Similar threads
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