I was watching this movie last night and the idea hit me. Guys who are always in fancy hotel bars drinking always meet horny chicks. What you need to do is work out really hard and get in the best shape you can and make your penis a size you feel confidently ready to use then go to a nice hotel and have a couple drinks. I think you can just sit there and look at people and send her a drink to get her attention...
Dating for introverts
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http://www.wingclips.com/movie-clips/gullivers-travels/ask-her-out
http://www.wingclips.com/movie-clips/gullivers-travels/ask-her-out
Plenty of sluts at this site I would think. www.ChristianMingle.com
Take a dance class, women tend to flock to these, but go in with the mindset of just getting yourself comfortable being around women and holding a conversation. Take the "picking up women" out of the equation.
Just see it as practice and don't have any expectations other than getting socially comfortable...
Just see it as practice and don't have any expectations other than getting socially comfortable...
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i would have said the same thing as crazydoc did.
People get attached to their crutches. When I had a back injury I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself. when I as shy I convinced myself I was somehow special and better than everyone. Get over yourself. Try something new. Get out there and talk to people. No just girls either. Just quit being shy. Practice being open and friendly.
People get attached to their crutches. When I had a back injury I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself. when I as shy I convinced myself I was somehow special and better than everyone. Get over yourself. Try something new. Get out there and talk to people. No just girls either. Just quit being shy. Practice being open and friendly.
I'm a shy introvert. My advice is to get yourself some good friends. You don't need to be the leader of the pack or have a gang of 20 friends that you hang out with just have a few. Even one good friend is all you need. The main thing with being shy is that you focus on yourself too much. The trick is to focus on some one else. Ask questions about peoples lives. People love to talk about themselves. Remember their name and say their name when you see them "hello john, hows you, how you getting on with (insert what they were talking about the last time you met) Every ones favourite word is their own name. Don't be afraid to smile.
If you go on adultfriendfinder advertise yourself as being shy but also advertise your good sides.
Develop hobbies that you can talk about or try different things so that you can say you tried it. For instance, try a bungee jump, try kayaking, climb a mountain, learn a language, go traveling, try MMA, weight lifting , breakdancing, yoga, etc. Anything you take up should involve a class with other people. No learning off your laptop or from books.
I'll warn you - you are going to be filled with fear before you go to your first class. You'll be nervous. You mind will try to find a way of tricking you into thinking that you don't really want to do it when really you are just afraid. Once you recognize this you can push your self to do anything.
Since adopting this attitude I've overcome my fear of people, and have tried boxing, jujitsu, judo, mma, I did classes in First Aid, H&S, I Have managed to get an internship at my chosen career which involves working with alot of people (something I never thought I could do, I overcame my fear of being rejected and managed to get the girl I wanted and have just married her 5 months ago. The most nerve wrecking parts where meeting people coming in at the chapel, standing up in front of everyone, doing my speech, by best mans speech, and the first dance. I just said fuck that day. Every one kept saying how calm I was even though I was nervous inside. I only had one friend at the wedding, my best man. He got and nervously said that he couldn't do a speach!!!! but said that he was going to sing a song, everyone was like What The Fuck???? It was funny as fuck and sentimental about memories we had. My sisters boy friend said to me that I was really lucky to have a friend like that , that none of his friends would do that for him. He got a standing ovation , every one was laughing and had tears in their eyes.
My friend is also a bit shy, probably less than me now but when he was young he barely spoke to anyone. His strength is that is isn't afraid to share his weaknesses. That can be a very attractive feature as it helps others to open up.
My own speech, went good, better than I thought, I got a few laughs and managed to thank every one that helped out, and I managed to say something sentimental about my wife without sounding to cheesy or fake. But the fear was unbelievable. My stomach was doing knots and heart was thumping the closer it got to my speech. My hand which was holding the mic was shaking like fuck but I held it close to my chest so people didn't notice. I learnt from going to AA that if you speak slowly and make sure you take deep breaths you'll sound less nervous than you are.
If you go on adultfriendfinder advertise yourself as being shy but also advertise your good sides.
Develop hobbies that you can talk about or try different things so that you can say you tried it. For instance, try a bungee jump, try kayaking, climb a mountain, learn a language, go traveling, try MMA, weight lifting , breakdancing, yoga, etc. Anything you take up should involve a class with other people. No learning off your laptop or from books.
I'll warn you - you are going to be filled with fear before you go to your first class. You'll be nervous. You mind will try to find a way of tricking you into thinking that you don't really want to do it when really you are just afraid. Once you recognize this you can push your self to do anything.
Since adopting this attitude I've overcome my fear of people, and have tried boxing, jujitsu, judo, mma, I did classes in First Aid, H&S, I Have managed to get an internship at my chosen career which involves working with alot of people (something I never thought I could do, I overcame my fear of being rejected and managed to get the girl I wanted and have just married her 5 months ago. The most nerve wrecking parts where meeting people coming in at the chapel, standing up in front of everyone, doing my speech, by best mans speech, and the first dance. I just said fuck that day. Every one kept saying how calm I was even though I was nervous inside. I only had one friend at the wedding, my best man. He got and nervously said that he couldn't do a speach!!!! but said that he was going to sing a song, everyone was like What The Fuck???? It was funny as fuck and sentimental about memories we had. My sisters boy friend said to me that I was really lucky to have a friend like that , that none of his friends would do that for him. He got a standing ovation , every one was laughing and had tears in their eyes.
My friend is also a bit shy, probably less than me now but when he was young he barely spoke to anyone. His strength is that is isn't afraid to share his weaknesses. That can be a very attractive feature as it helps others to open up.
My own speech, went good, better than I thought, I got a few laughs and managed to thank every one that helped out, and I managed to say something sentimental about my wife without sounding to cheesy or fake. But the fear was unbelievable. My stomach was doing knots and heart was thumping the closer it got to my speech. My hand which was holding the mic was shaking like fuck but I held it close to my chest so people didn't notice. I learnt from going to AA that if you speak slowly and make sure you take deep breaths you'll sound less nervous than you are.
Thanks DLD. I haven't had an easy life, I'm a recovering alcohol, drug and gambling addict, I've suffered a drug induced psychosis, various bouts of depression of differing degrees and I have attention deficit disorder but I've managed to work through those problems by believing that things can get better with time and never giving up.
Before me and my wife got together she had told my friend and his girlfriend that she was interested in me. His girlfriend asked me down to my wifes house for dinner. I could kinda tell by the way she was acting that she was interested in me. That day before we had the dinner I went to derry to get a new shirt. I was nervous as fuck thinking about how things were going to play out. I walk past some homeless guy who shouted out "fear will dominate you're life if you allow it". Fear had always dominated my life, it prevented me from doing the things that I really wanted to do.
Before me and my wife got together she had told my friend and his girlfriend that she was interested in me. His girlfriend asked me down to my wifes house for dinner. I could kinda tell by the way she was acting that she was interested in me. That day before we had the dinner I went to derry to get a new shirt. I was nervous as fuck thinking about how things were going to play out. I walk past some homeless guy who shouted out "fear will dominate you're life if you allow it". Fear had always dominated my life, it prevented me from doing the things that I really wanted to do.
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bigdex28;509294 said:
I am inside the same boat my friend! X-Heroin addict, a slue of mental illness diagnosis, an extremely shitty childhood...it goes on. You know what I say to myself? "Boo, Fucking Who! It is what it is, we were the ones given the shoulders to hold this weight and it is up to us to do this. I can wish I was not like this all day long or I can embrace it and make it work for me. It is all up to me and my perspective. One day, in a scenario I will be completely happy, same scenario happens another day I will be miserable. It is all perspective!
doublelongdaddy;433128 said:Someone should start a dating site for introverts
Problem is no one would talk to each other
I'm married now with children and have been for many years, thankfully, but I was very introverted when I was young, so much so it was socially paralyzing.
There's been alot of good advice given and I'd like to add my 2 cents.
Lots of it comes from lack of self confidence which could be because of divorce, feeling rejection from a parent or siblings.
When those closest to you reject you it just naturally flows that strangers would not accept you either. Why open up and give them a good reason.
No one can help you with that. You just have to come to the realization that you are not perfect and neither is anyone else. You've got to cut yourself and others some slack.
Fear is a big reason; fear of rejection and you don't know how to cope with that. It's not like overcoming fear of getting into a fight; it's worse. It's overcoming the fear of someone rejecting you for no good reason other than you are you.
Overcoming fear is hard but it's the brave thing to do. If you weren't afraid how could you be brave?
Now as an introvert you've got to come to the logical conclusion that the world won't change for you. People cannot read your mind or know your heart. They have their agendas; their problems; we should not expect them to make a special effort for us.
As an introvert we can lighten up our perspective: so what if I'm rejected; so what if I'm not popular the smartest; best looking ect. We are already suffering from the pain of the fear of rejection; why not try to reach out a little. Show we care about others, laugh be at ease, whats the worse that could happen? As an introvert rejection is the worse that can happen. If you're living in the shadow of fear of rejection and you do get rejected then what? Oh well.
The reality is if your nice people will be nice back. As one guy said go to classes; put yourself in uncomfortable positions where you have to deal with strangers. Just be nice and normal and not too pushy and you'll see it's not so bad.
I see outgoing guys all the time and yes women do respond; at first. But as the old saying goes "The cream rises to the top" and maybe that one girl your interested in will start to see you as caring; steadfast and not superficial.
Guys with alot going on out front tend to be very superficial, not deep at all. It doesn't take long to figure that out.
Don't be so bad you shut down in a group of people but don't be phoney either. To thine own self be true. Just realize you've got to make adjustments in life and not expect the world to cowtow to you.
Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. Because that's where the fruit is
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I think that the first thing you should realize is that being introvert isn't bad and it doesn't make you any less than a extrovert person. I know that there are a lot of guys who can't express their emotions and passion, they are shy and rather spend time alone. Usually they are the less dominant men. But it doesn't mean they are anything less than the more expressing themselves guys. Also, being shy doesn't automatically mean you are introvert either. Let's get few things straight first...
When you are in a group of friends, do you enjoy the company, do you talk to every of your friends, do you have fun then?
When in a group of strangers, what happens? Do you still enjoy being in there or you want to go away?
When you talk to girls you know, your mum, sister, cousin, some girl you know for years, how is your interaction with them then? Do you enjoy talking to them, being around them?
When do you see a beautiful strange girl, what do you think about?
Have you ever approached a girl you didn't know and how did it end?
Do you rather spend your time alone or do you like (or want to, would like to) spend it with others?
if you answer those questions, go on...
What do you want with your life?
What do you look in a girl?
You need to know what you want before you get it, otherwise you really going into circles and it doesn't bring you anywhere near to your goal.
When you are in a group of friends, do you enjoy the company, do you talk to every of your friends, do you have fun then?
When in a group of strangers, what happens? Do you still enjoy being in there or you want to go away?
When you talk to girls you know, your mum, sister, cousin, some girl you know for years, how is your interaction with them then? Do you enjoy talking to them, being around them?
When do you see a beautiful strange girl, what do you think about?
Have you ever approached a girl you didn't know and how did it end?
Do you rather spend your time alone or do you like (or want to, would like to) spend it with others?
if you answer those questions, go on...
What do you want with your life?
What do you look in a girl?
You need to know what you want before you get it, otherwise you really going into circles and it doesn't bring you anywhere near to your goal.
doublelongdaddy;509374 said:
I agree 100%. Before I got clean and sober I blamed everyone and anything for my problems, but that didn't get me anywhere. It wasn't until I released that I had to take charge of my own destiny that I got better.
I have a problem with my weight. I have been putting off eating right and exercising using the excuse that I don't have time. I've been thinking about joining the local gym but it's mostly all buff bodybuilders that go there. I want to do more of a powerlifter type routine and lose a shit load of weight. I don't care about having big biceps. What's been stopping me is the fear I have of interacting with these kinds of people and how they will view me. But I know that if I push myself to go it will not be as bad as I have built it up to be in my mind.
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bigdex28, I would recommend to you warrior diet, you can find all the info about it if you search in google. I am on this diet for the past year. When you get it into your lifestyle it can also be less time consuming than any other diet. It's important though, that you consciously choose for the right products, so no fast food, no sweets. I was pretty much addicted to chocolate before the start with warrior diet. I had to have some chocolate everyday. Now days, I don't need it, I don't crave it. I eat it occasionally after I workout extra hard. I rather eat raw cacao nibs.
What you are saying, that you are afraid of the reaction of people and how they will see you, it's another excuse off course. If you are worried about it that much, start to do something at home. You don't need to powerlift right from the beginning. But get your ass up, man up, get your shit straight and start working out. Every workout is better than no workout at all. So make a deal with yourself, that if you find it really painful no to go to the gym yet. Get fitter at home and when you get in better shape go to the gym.
Plus, you are saying that at the gym there are all bodybuilders, there are different gym's. If you don't like one, look for another one.
And seriously, everyone can spare about 40 minutes every day to workout. 40 minutes is pretty much enough. 40 minutes 5 days in a week and you'll see a big difference. But you won't see any results if you will keep whining and not taking any action. You know it, do something about it or die not even trying.
What you are saying, that you are afraid of the reaction of people and how they will see you, it's another excuse off course. If you are worried about it that much, start to do something at home. You don't need to powerlift right from the beginning. But get your ass up, man up, get your shit straight and start working out. Every workout is better than no workout at all. So make a deal with yourself, that if you find it really painful no to go to the gym yet. Get fitter at home and when you get in better shape go to the gym.
Plus, you are saying that at the gym there are all bodybuilders, there are different gym's. If you don't like one, look for another one.
And seriously, everyone can spare about 40 minutes every day to workout. 40 minutes is pretty much enough. 40 minutes 5 days in a week and you'll see a big difference. But you won't see any results if you will keep whining and not taking any action. You know it, do something about it or die not even trying.
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bigdex28;511899 said:
To an introvert a gym like setting or even some social clubs, book clubs, church groups or the like, if adopted as a habit, the social aspect will fall in to place out of necessity. My point is, I can make my schedule contain nothing, I do not have to leave my house for anything. To an introvert, this is a Heavily arrangement. I can easily fall into agoraphobic states due to the freedom I have in whether or not I chose to make plans. Now, for me, creating appointments, responsibilities, anything that gets me out of the house is important. Once I make a commitment to something I am solid and will get it done. So through the exercise of being accountable to other people through a schedule filled with appointments, I force myself into the necessity of being social.
If it is a room full of men, that is easy, I will be the leader very quickly, mix in women and my confidence wains from egotistic to apprehensive, on guard...this is not so much an unconfident state more than a protective mechanism that puts up walls that have served to protect me in the past. Are my walls rational? At best they are highly outdated, and rationale that was attached to the original meaning. At this point I can't remember why I created the walls, but I do know 2 things they offer safety but hold me back from achieving true social grace through the establisHydromaxent of a relationships with women. My entire life I have felt abandoned by the women I put trust in...this is more delusional than rational but none the less, I fear women.
The one woman that has never abandoned me is my Son's Mother, but our relationship is platonic. I think her commitment to me is one of the most incredible things I have in my life. No matter what, jail, psyche wards, riches, poor, ghetto fabulous or eating out of a dumpster, she has been there. We have a beautiful 18 year old son who is about to have a Son in a month. I would do anything for them and they would return the commitment. I think it is obvious by the forums here that I am all about commitment to my family of brothers here, not too unlike my Son and my Wife.
What do I value most? I think it obvious, loyalty. What is most important to me? Honesty. I have found these two traits among many men here at Matters of Size. I think my own upbringing and quest for loyalty, trust and honesty is strongly reflected in our Brotherhood. I know that MOS has made me a better man, regardless of my penis, it has taught me lessons that I would have never learned without the Brotherhood. This is an incredible thing but in the real world it does not translate well, in the real world those traits are rarely seen.
Finding the perfect woman for DLD borders on impossible....If the Lord sees fit to bring a woman into my experience I will embrace it...up till now I have not experienced this but I may have been blind to it due to the walls that really need a few windows and doors put in
I will be in Florida very soon and I will be a social as I get as I am with my best friend who I trust very much. These rare times that I get to be social without the fear is a blessed time!
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