bi polar sufferers chime in

What was it like at first before you were diagnosed? the symptoms you had and the phases? I ask because I'm starting to wonder if I have Bi-Polar.

Hmmmm, if you buy into what the signs are you may "throw the baby out with the bathwater" so to speak. What I mean is, from personal experience, is that many gifted people who are deemed BP may start looking at their gifts as part of the BP disorder. From what I have seen from you Red, and I have known you for a very long time, you become manic and you become depressed on almost a set time every year (according to what some see as BP disorder). But, in these periods you go through, you bring SO MUCH TO THE WORLD! In your high places you bring wisdom and through your low you deliver the same! If you are able to deal with everything being mundane than their is medication that will eliminate these periods but at what cost? If you do what I did, spent 15 years trying different cocktails to find one where I could stick be creative and not have so many breakdowns. For me, now, I am medicated BUT I have learned to live on the meds. I still miss the mania that never comes anymore, I GOT SO MUCH ACCOMPLISHED but many looked at me as if I was on a tightrope about ready to fall and eventually they were right, I FELL...but I made so much happen. I knew, after the crash, that the depression was on the way and I guess I got used to that being a normal part of life. I guess the question is, how dangerous are you to yourself and others when you are at you most manic and most depressed periods? I was bad and needed to be medicated but that is a choice you will need to weigh.

Remember when Hendryx wrote about Manic Depression?
It was some serious shit; people honestly careened from murderous to suicidal.
In no interval at all, with no warning and without discernible triggers for the most part.

From the little I'm actually familiar with it, Bi-Polar is almost like taking Manic Depression as a core and then extending the definition outward from there to encompass a much wider range of symptoms/behaviors which are increasingly innocuous and less destructive the farther from the core you travel.

So to be classified as Bi-Polar now encompasses a far wider segment of society who can potentially be much less severely affected than was previously recognized as being a Manic Depressive.
Rough analogy would be full-blown, double pneumonia requiring hospitalization with everything from that right on down to the sniffles.

I'm pathologically suspicious of the typical, western model of modern medicine: Docs LOVE to assign labels and then pump drugs into ya, or cut parts outta ya to effect their "cure".
(Believe me, retired Navy, 80% VA rating...I been through it all.)
But I also recognize that, at times, these actions are merited; I just truly believe that the actual need for such is far, far lower than modern medicine would like any of us to believe.

The critical question for me is this: Can you control yourself? Even if it's difficult, painful or inconvenient? If so then you probably don't need the invasive, and potentially destructive, intervention offered by the present medical establisHydromaxent.

MAXAMEYES;391119 said:

The critical question for me is this: Can you control yourself? Even if it's difficult, painful or inconvenient? If so then you probably don't need the invasive, and potentially destructive, intervention offered by the present medical establisHydromaxent.

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Thats it. The thing that is difficult to understand is how dangerous is the behavior to the person and how would a person, who is manic, know they are being dangerous to themselves. It is a difficult question and when someone is manic, it is hard for them to answer. Rock and a hard place has nothing on this...it is a very difficult issue.

Thanks for your input. I'm actually okay mood wise, well have been on a sea saw but not an extreme one. Good moods followed by episodes of me wanting to cry! I pinpointed the trigger and have recently took steps to sort that out. After my breakdown in early 2009 I was hospitilaised and medicated. I didn't work till May this year but went college in Sep 2009, which was my first real contact if you will with the world in full since the episode.

I had ups and downs at college but I managed and passed. Now I have the job back in the medical field where I belong and excel at BUT as I havent worked in over a year and the pace is fast at times, it kinda sent me tripping slightly. The mornings are too manic for me ATM and this was causing allot of problems mentally for me. I collapsed on Sunday where I work with bad dehydration and chest pains. I was took to hospital, dripped and had a heart monitor on all night.

Luckily my heart is fine touch wood but they want me to have an echocardiagram in a few weeks just to be sure. This isnt worrying me. I have now dropped the morning shifts and will do just lates and nights. My employer is very understanding and fine with this.

I know for a fact now allot of the mood problems, well emotional issues are caused with the high dosage of Venlafaxine (Efexor) I take, which is 150mg each-day. I was on 75mg for the first 2 months but since than I'm on the higher end. It helped, for sure it did at the start but when you adjust to normal living again it is too strong .... my mind, my thoughts, my creaticity has at times been halted and fucked up with! The meds dont know the difference between racing anxious and manic thoughts to those which are fast life saving ones or ones to carry out day to day tasks.

My memory went ape shit and isnt like it was, since the high dosage. I feel trapped to some extent. So I have been to the doctors and they have reduced them from 150mg back down to 75mg over the next week. 75mg tommorow. Than in 3-4 weeks I intend to drop down to 35mg and keep it at that for awhile.

When I missed a dose lastweek because I was low on tabs I felt fucking great and than the nextday I took one and was sedated like a zoo animal all day.

When I become a paramedic or nurse I need my mind to be like it was, not slow and forgetful like it has become. The drug is an arylalkanolamine serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI) and not an SSRI like Peroxitine or Seroxat. It increases Serotonin & Norepinephrine levels in the brain, which is fine when your down on the floor BUT from my research on increased Norepinephrine levels it can cause sudden mood swings, anxiety and poor memory because its associated with the fight or flight response .... in other-words when your ready for action its released in the brain stem area of the brain to prepare us to either run or fight and closely relates to adrenaline. Too much causes one to be on edge, anxious and agitated which is how I have become at times since the high dosage.

I suspect many doctors dont even know most of the above and many dont want to discuss it. They are scared of repercussions from drug firms. I have also had floaters in my eyes since the drug ... how insane is that? Again I looked into it and certain chemical elevations in the brain such as those I mentioned do something with the fluid in the eye.

So my thoughts on possibly being BP are more than likely the medication being too high and racing my thoughts around out of control at times.

I can empathize greatly; depression runs its ugly course through my family (Dad's side mostly) so I've got a bit of experience with that. Had a few relatives commit suicide, some outright-some "systematically". In my limited experience one of the worst repercussions of being reliant on daily doses of medication is what happens on the odd day when you forget/miss your dose or just plain run out. Your body, and mind, come to adapt to need that dosage and when it's not provided, throws you into total chaos.

Unlike Tom Cruise, I know damn well that chemical imbalances do occur, sometimes all too frequently.

I wish you all the succes in the world, my friend, in resolving this problem. Maybe someday you'll be able to set aside the drugs altogether, until then ....well; you know all about the hectic pace of modern life. Ya gotta do what you need to do to survive and thrive and stay alive.

But I, for one, would strongly urge you to explore alternative solutions, whatever form they may take, from diet, to meditation, bio-feedback, chi gung, accupuncture...whatever. I've just never been an advocate of perpetual drug dependency.

Take good care of yourself, and keep us posted. We'll give whatever support we can fit through a computer screen!

Thanks mate. Its my second day at 75mg and I feel much better. Decided to scrap the alternative 150mg day thing and just stick to 75mg now. I know that if I go back to 150mg I will feel dopey all day and fucked in the head. The meds worked well at the high dose when my mind was very bad and I NEEDED the high dose but doctors seem neglectful of the long-term evaluation and needs for the patient on higher dosages.

I intend aswell to apply for nurse training in around 1-1 1/2 years time from now. I have the qualifications and in a setting working that will set me up for a good reference. Just need to get settled on these meds and have my mind become as it once was, which was solid.

Be patient with yourself, it does take some time to get used to the meds and moreover staying productive while on the meds.

I've been feeling much better and I know I'll get better and better. A guy who I've come to know rather well the past 12 months and who has helped me through the downward spiral said to me that his job was much more easier because of my positive motivated approach to life and its this that will always get me through life. I know one-day soon I shall achieve my career goals, meet the women I so crave and become a fully assembled product.

You are already a fully assembled product, just look at it that you are a little unorganized by definitely ALL THERE!

Yes, just need a polish and a dustdown than complete.

2008 was a year of of despair and disappointment
2009 was a year that I was re-booted (Had the mental breakdown) so to speak and the OS reinstalled.
2010 is the year of the Phoenix (Getting back up off the mat), like I said at the start on my Facebook page. Re-birth and resurrection.
2011 and the end of 2010 will be tweaking, getting it just right.
2012 being the year of triumph ... when I reach the top of the mountain after 4 years of falling from the top i.e. getting back into nursing again with a stable mind and attitude. Its going to happen, I can feel it.

Update on the medication reduction thus far. I'm on 75mg Effexor XL Venlafaxine which is a extended slow release variant, as it comes in a faster release aswell. ATM I'm still doing well but the sides have been kicking in at times, such as agitation and mood swings from the obvious changes in brain chemicals via the lower dosages. I know it will take weeks, if not a few months for that to settle.

Have had times where thoughts have raced through my mind like an F-1 raceing track ... can become a mind fuck and very intense but only happened once and was due to a sili fuck up at the time, with me dwelling on something thats now been sorted. When on 150mg those raceing thoughts were quickly swotted and I would forget about them. This however affected all fast thoughts, which for me now isnt acceptable.

My memory has improved and the floaters in my right eye have lifted slightly. Have been getting low blood pressure at times aswell but much less sweating than in the past.

Overall its going well but I must be aware of my thoughts when they start to turn into areas I dont like and control the thoughts. Have been alittle depressed as well but its really to be expected when coming off such a high dosage which has been in my system for 18 months now. In approx 3-4 weeks time, everything as it is now the dosage will be dropped to 35mg and than its leave it be for a good 6 months for the higher dosages to rid the affects on my brain chemistry ... it takes time but at that dosage I will be fine.

After 6 months I can decide to cease taking the medication, which is my goal but ceased under a controlled stable mind which I can do. It would be the first time I have been med free since I was 17 years old ... 9 years now! so would be nice. In fact in 6 months time it will mark 10 years ... anniversary time and what a time to mark it with a 'drug free' me.

Today Im relating to this thread. I like how you posted the years and dates and what happen next to them. I think Ill do a little one so I can share something with you.

2004- my first 51-50 hold
2005- arrested for drugs possession and placed in the psychiatric ward in the jail
2006- various rehabs and mental institutions with padded walls and meds before bed- fun type of places 6-10: including another 51-50 hold (if it was only 1 that year)
2007- homeless
2008- homeless
2009- on meds, 1) 51-50 hold, 1 arrested and taken to a mental ward but released, and 1 rushed ambulance ride to the hospital from meds complication
2010- growing my penis and been feeling a lot better about myself and am doing better mentally sound:cool:

So thats a little brief history of that shit in a nutshell. It was hallucinagins that fucked me up so bad

I share all this because during that time I had to take TONZ of meds. I am the best Ive been mentally since I was 19 y/o. So the info Ill share is valid and Im not as insane as I was anymore.... well hopefully

I hate prescriptions meds. Honestly Red, try this herbal supplement called Sam-E. Plain and simply saved my life. The meds they kept giving me were making me sicker and sicker and some of the hospital visits were strictly from the dr.s ordered medz.

Sam-E is for depression but whats different about it is it has NO SIDE EFFECTS. That edge you feel like theres no reason to be sad but you are, Very Unnecessary loneliness, black cloud hovering above--- GONE. I take 1 pill everyday but you can take up to 3. Its affordable, easily available, and It Works.

The pharmaceutical companies really really really really just want you for your $ and they want to make you addicted and thats why marijuana is illegal- bc it helps. And the companies that make them rich would crumble. And psychiatrists are as rich penis surgeons

Im really glad to hear your doing on the up and up. And Efexor is ok I remember taking that and it made me have an angry side effect at about the 6 month mark which is where they scheduled you to stop so whatever that would be a coincidence, but keep us informed. You dont have any reason to suffer and getting help in the mental health field is like trying to raise someone from the dead--- or pretty much metaphorically like anything impossible- but real help is not impossible.

Turnover;397737 said:

Today Im relating to this thread. I like how you posted the years and dates and what happen next to them. I think Ill do a little one so I can share something with you.

2004- my first 51-50 hold
2005- arrested for drugs possession and placed in the psychiatric ward in the jail
2006- various rehabs and mental institutions with padded walls and meds before bed- fun type of places 6-10: including another 51-50 hold (if it was only 1 that year)
2007- homeless
2008- homeless
2009- on meds, 1) 51-50 hold, 1 arrested and taken to a mental ward but released, and 1 rushed ambulance ride to the hospital from meds complication
2010- growing my penis and been feeling a lot better about myself and am doing better mentally sound:cool:

So thats a little brief history of that shit in a nutshell. It was hallucinagins that fucked me up so bad

I share all this because during that time I had to take TONZ of meds. I am the best Ive been mentally since I was 19 y/o. So the info Ill share is valid and Im not as insane as I was anymore.... well hopefully

I hate prescriptions meds. Honestly Red, try this herbal supplement called Sam-E. Plain and simply saved my life. The meds they kept giving me were making me sicker and sicker and some of the hospital visits were strictly from the dr.s ordered medz.

Sam-E is for depression but whats different about it is it has NO SIDE EFFECTS. That edge you feel like theres no reason to be sad but you are, Very Unnecessary loneliness, black cloud hovering above--- GONE. I take 1 pill everyday but you can take up to 3. Its affordable, easily available, and It Works.

The pharmaceutical companies really really really really just want you for your $ and they want to make you addicted and thats why marijuana is illegal- bc it helps. And the companies that make them rich would crumble. And psychiatrists are as rich penis surgeons

Im really glad to hear your doing on the up and up. And Efexor is ok I remember taking that and it made me have an angry side effect at about the 6 month mark which is where they scheduled you to stop so whatever that would be a coincidence, but keep us informed. You dont have any reason to suffer and getting help in the mental health field is like trying to raise someone from the dead--- or pretty much metaphorically like anything impossible- but real help is not impossible.

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Very open and honest! We have such a bond here with one anther that we can where our heart on our sleeve with no feel of rejection. I am proud to have such honorable men in my house!

Very helpful and inspiring post Turnover, much appreciated. You have done great to challenge your life and see how it was than, to what it is now. That is positive change! I know all to well about the Psychiatric secure units and hospitals, having worked in many and done a few weeks in two albeit one was quite a nice helpful place, the other was a nightmare. I was going to do Psychatric nurse training and would was accepted and everything but an event in life kept me back BUT I'm glad in a way now because in the near future when I apply to the field again, it will be in A&E adult nursing .. thats our version of the US ER. Either that or Paramedic training and you know what? I CAN DO IT

Will look into that SAM-E you mention. I've found Phenibut in the past to be very helpful you know with stress and a general alternative to alcohol. GABA powder also is good. I have neither in my possesion ATM. Will look at your suggestion.

I heard good things about sam-e too

I am sry to hear RED that you have this problem.You have my full support.

I believe that "key" to happyness is through spiritual and emotional enlightenment.
Most of the psychic disorders come from emotional disbalance and burdens that are result of series of traumas and disappointments that we suffer though our life especailly childhood.

Most of the people react by closing themselves to the outside world,building barriers around themselves and growing hate in themselves.

Its the hate that destroys us,that eats us.All kinds of taughts and evil plans start to build up in our heads.
We want vengance,we want revenge,we want blood,we want righteousness,we want some kind of a justice to be fullfilled.At least thats where i was at,at one point in time.

We bascialy become slaves of our own emotions and bad habbits and the evil inside us grows and grows and slowly eats us.Many people fall under the pressure of that heavy burden.

The key(in my story) was liberating my self from this chains of evilness.

I learned to love and to forgive the people that did terrible things to me .I feel sry for them and hope god will forgive them.I have opened my self to the light and tryed to purge my self from evil that most people are unaware off.

All the prejudices and lies i have been taught and learned since the day i was born that were made up to divide people so that they can be ruled upon easier.

I needed to know the truth cause i knew that the truth would set me free.
Since the day we are born the process of dividing human beeings starts.
People are beeing divided by countless things:color of their skin(ex.black guy-white guy),nationality(american-russian),religion(catholic-muslim),money(rich guy-poor guy),appearance(good looking-ugly looking),society status(construction worker-politican).

These are all things that posion our minds and our spirit and ultimately turns us into slaves and drones without even realizing it.

Example.Nationalism and nations in general are made up things if thats not the case can anyone try to answer my question which to this day nobody has answered.

What was the nationalism and nation of the first homo sapiens that appeared on earth around 100 000 years ago?

Answer: He did not have it.He had to breathe air like we do,he had to eat like we do.
He was,is and always will be homo sapiens.
Thats us,our species,thats who we are and nothing more.Inhabitants of this beatifull planet we call Earth.We are all Earthlings
We are all homo sapiens = human beeings,we are all the same and all other things were made up to divide us and conquer us.
The most fascinating and incredibly evil thing is that we "spilled" as a race so much blood through our history for the things that either dont exist or were made up.Billions of human lives and body bags wasted into nothingness and for what?Fiction that never existed in the first place.

Imagine how sili it sounds and "looks" when you try to divide some other species lets say cats.
You dont call "cats">> american cat,african cat,indian cat,russian cat.They are all same.They have same physiology,they have the same organs.Cat is a cat.Thats all there is to it.

If we want to survive as a race and species we will have to get rid of this evils once and for all or we will extinct as a race.
If human (un)civilization had the kind of weaponry and atomic weapons we have today we would all die 65 years ago in World War II.
We need to evolve spiritually,intelectualy and morally or we will not see the sun any more.

Just my 2 cents.

Let the light inn,know the truth and the truth will set you free.
We are all one.God be with you RED.

Peace.

2008 - the year when I was going to start P.E but I re-doscouvered World of warcraft
2009 - the year when I gave up on P.E after 2 months
2010- the year I found salvation in King Salvini's MoS and never looked back

One thing i want to add.

The greatest enemy a man can have is "he" himself.When you conquer yourself anything is possible.
I truly believe this.

Limitations are only beliefs.