- Joined
- Jun 3, 2003
- Messages
- 124,781
As many of you know I went to Florida about 3 months ago for many reasons that you may already know but there was many other events that happened that I wanted to tell you about but currently I am without a place to live and I do not have a internet connection. I am on my families computer now, something I am able to do 2 times per week.
First the homeless portion needs to be explained. When JEN left me many other things happened around that time that led to my current situation. First my cat, MOKIE, passed after 20 years. I loved her dearly and she was a massive part of my life. Next my gerbil, HAMSTER (his name), passed after 4 years of companionship. The morning HAMSTER left me was the same day JEN left. Needless to say I was traumatized. I did some serious soul searching and I began a quest, subconsciously at best to me. I gave everything I owned away but a few simple things that meant too much to part with. I removed every wall, every closet, every drawer, every conceivable piece of mass from my home.
A month after this quest started I found myself in a house with no rooms, no walls, no life but my own and when I passed by anything that shared my reflection I did not like what I saw. I guess my own self opinion suffered so badly that I had pushed everything completely out of my life. When a man truly sees himself without the mass of acquisition it is impossible to hide from himself. I then thought that leaving this shell of a house would solve this problem.
I knew I had much to do in Florida as this is where our studios, warehouse, JAZ, and other MOS associates reside. I used this as a justification to plot my escape. I went to Florida and I worked non-stop. I shot the commercials, did the photo sessions, did the interviews, I did it all. I did so much so quickly that once again I had to face myself. With no more work, no more Massachusetts, no more stuff to hide behind I pushed away the last person in my life that was trying to help me get through this life changing event, JAZ.
I left the comforts of his luxury home in Boca Raton and went off with my books, a few hundred in my pocket, my Trio (Palm hand held computer) and one change of clothes. I was not sure what the fuck I was doing and I knew with my extreme handicaps (OCD: http://www.ocfoundation.org/ocf1010a.htm, Dyslexia: http://www.interdys.org/, and Agoraphobia: http://pages.infinit.net/drnayman/agorapho.htm) that this was going to be the most difficult thing I have ever encountered.
I say, the most difficult, but to understand how BIG that really is you need to know that I have gone through allot already. In 1999 I died for 8 minutes due to a heroin overdose. Before this I was in jail do to an event that took place in public because of the anxiety I used to have going into public. In the early 80's I was the first child in Pennsylvania to divorce his family, something I regretted ever since (I was 11 years old then) I was granted the divorce but I was also deemed incorrigible and I spent the rest of my youth in detention centers, children's homes (more like prisons) and the like. I have a complete book written already describing the first 35 years of my life and it is sad but encouraging as I did overcome but I do not want to go into every detail here as the book currently has over 100 chapters. So when I say that the last 3 weeks in FLorida were the toughest I ever endured believe me.
I spent this time as Mike Salvini. No one knew who I was, nor did they care to ask. I was scared, as scared as that 11 year old child that went out into the world years ago. In a sense I felt just as young and venerable.
I brought my notebooks, I brought the brunt of my library (books on physics, chemistry, medicine, anatomy, history, religion and psychology) My initial intentions, ones I was able to accomplish, were to prove the ALPHA BLADE systems worked. I knew from my past 8 years, on-line, that no one would listen to my results unless I had rock hard proof of my program. SOmething along the lines of turning science fiction into science fact and I can say with all certainty that the ALPHA BLADE systems passed every physical, mental and spiritual test. (more on this later) WHat I did not realize is that GOD had other plans, other lessons, other events in store.
With each passing day I sat in my lab by a pond in the woods of Florida. I spent this time reading and writing, essentially learning from the men and woman who came before me. I humbled myself and I became a student of the world. I saw many beautiful things, I saw many ugly things. I met hundreds of men and woman, equally as opposite as the previous thought. I filled over 10 notebooks, read more than 25 books and listened to hundreds of people from all walks of life. I took so much out of those 3 weeks that even today tears come to my eyes when I think of these adventures.
Eventually I found myself in Plantation Florida in a luxury apartment (ironically it sat on a massive lake in the woods
) This is where I spent the last 4 days of my life, proverbially of course, but in my mind my life had come to an end. This is where the television show was filmed, the one found in this thread: http://www.mattersofsize.com/forum/showthread.php?p=195511#post195511
This day, the day of filming, I realized some very important things about myself, about you people, about the world as I saw it. I realized I suffered much of my life for the wrong reasons. I realized that I could not run away from myself because no matter where I went I was there. I realized that I have always been a good man, I have always tried to do the right thing but I never allowed myself the victory of loving myself. I realized mainly that once I truly loved myself, saw GOD in myself, saw the rest of the world in myself that I was a worth while human being. I went to sleep that night sad that I had wasted so much time going through what I have been through. I was at the crossroads, perhaps something every man comes to at one point in his life. I fell into a deep sleep induced by xanex, something a kind man gave me that evening to help me sleep. I assume he left after I was fast asleep and that night could have been a million years as I did not awaken until the morning.
At exactly 7:30AM ET, my cell phone rang (the night before the cell phone was malfunctioning, it could not receive calls even though every bar was viable) but promptly at 7:30 is rang waking me from my deep rest.
"Mike, I can not deal with this shit, Armand (my 11 year old son) is punching the car windows and freaking out, I don't know what the fuck to do, I had it!" Armand's mother Tierney screamed into the phone. I am not sure what happened next but like a ventriloquists dummy the words came to me with comprehension I never knew before this morning. I yelled back, "Put him on the fucking phone" Next thing I heard was "Daddy"? I then retorted with "Listen Armand, the ball is in your hands now, you can stop it right now. You can stop it and through that ball anywhere you want but when I was 11 years old I threw that ball into the darkest corner of the word and it took me 35 years to find it." I said, "It is your choice now, if you want you can change the world, STOP, THINK and RE-THROW that ball to Daddy" and right at that moment the phone went out (with full bars)
This is when I realized the most valuable lesson of my 38 years, I have a job to do, a very important job at that, I knew exactly what I needed to do and that was go home. Go back to what I had tried so hard to make disappear. I needed to take this new life, this new opportunity and all of the immense support I have built for myself and use it to change the world in my own tiny way.
My last statement to the press at the interview was this, and I hope you guys can understand.
"It has never been about the penis, it was and is about something more. If men want a bigger penis I can give that to them, they could have gave that to themselves, it has always been available. If people want a better body, I can give that to them, that is easy, look what I did in 4 months. If men people want more success in life, I can show them this too, as I have enjoyed the success of kings with my dick but it was never about these things. It was about learning to love myself and start doing the work I was meant to do"
You see I walked around on my hands thinking with my dick ever since I was a young boy. I was taught to be ashamed of my penis, my sexuality. I was taught that men can't share a meaningful relationship for fear of homosexuality. I learned that woman were huge circles of lust and I was the line of proverbial insertion. I was taught that same things many of us were taught and the results of this are obvious. Jobs that do not pay what we deserve, relationships that suffer at the hands of oppressed, shameful sexuality, believe that bigger is better and this betterment would eventually lead to happiness. I learned everything wrong and my life is a reflection of that. A reflection that started to change 5 years ago.
I was asleep for a long time but at 7:30 AM that glorious morning a woke up and I realized that I had some very important things to do, jobs I have started that were and are changing the world. ALPHA BLADE, MATTERS OF SIZE and the entire community that stands behind this mecca, that is my job and my goal, a goal I had from the beginning of this chapter of my life, a chapter that started the day I pulled on my dick for the first time. I know now, with the utmost clarity, I am doing what I was meant to do. The world is watching now, listening to us, finally and the statement I have for them is this; We refuse to take it any longer, we deserve better and we will get what is coming to us. We are proud of our sexuality and with this pride we will make better lives for our selves, our family and our friends. We will have the dicks we deserve, the bodies we deserve and the minds we deserve and with these gifts we receive we will change the world for the better.
I refuse and always have refused to take the word of the professionals as law. I live my life in the realm of opposites, my lab has always been my body and my education has always been my ears. I have already proven the professionals wrong in urology and now in biology and psychology. Are these facts, fucking right they are. Explain how I added 4" of dick, explain how I lost 140 pounds and today I am solid muscle, explain how a agoraphobic, ocd, dyslexic now sold everything he owns and only goes home to sleep. I can, they can't.
We are doing massive things here people and you all deserve a piece of this, you, like myself no longer have to ask why. Everyday they see our magic tricks but little do they know that this meta-physical magic they love to call it, trying to explain away their fears, is not magic at all. WHen fact follows fictions it steps out of the meta and becomes physical.
First the homeless portion needs to be explained. When JEN left me many other things happened around that time that led to my current situation. First my cat, MOKIE, passed after 20 years. I loved her dearly and she was a massive part of my life. Next my gerbil, HAMSTER (his name), passed after 4 years of companionship. The morning HAMSTER left me was the same day JEN left. Needless to say I was traumatized. I did some serious soul searching and I began a quest, subconsciously at best to me. I gave everything I owned away but a few simple things that meant too much to part with. I removed every wall, every closet, every drawer, every conceivable piece of mass from my home.
A month after this quest started I found myself in a house with no rooms, no walls, no life but my own and when I passed by anything that shared my reflection I did not like what I saw. I guess my own self opinion suffered so badly that I had pushed everything completely out of my life. When a man truly sees himself without the mass of acquisition it is impossible to hide from himself. I then thought that leaving this shell of a house would solve this problem.
I knew I had much to do in Florida as this is where our studios, warehouse, JAZ, and other MOS associates reside. I used this as a justification to plot my escape. I went to Florida and I worked non-stop. I shot the commercials, did the photo sessions, did the interviews, I did it all. I did so much so quickly that once again I had to face myself. With no more work, no more Massachusetts, no more stuff to hide behind I pushed away the last person in my life that was trying to help me get through this life changing event, JAZ.
I left the comforts of his luxury home in Boca Raton and went off with my books, a few hundred in my pocket, my Trio (Palm hand held computer) and one change of clothes. I was not sure what the fuck I was doing and I knew with my extreme handicaps (OCD: http://www.ocfoundation.org/ocf1010a.htm, Dyslexia: http://www.interdys.org/, and Agoraphobia: http://pages.infinit.net/drnayman/agorapho.htm) that this was going to be the most difficult thing I have ever encountered.
I say, the most difficult, but to understand how BIG that really is you need to know that I have gone through allot already. In 1999 I died for 8 minutes due to a heroin overdose. Before this I was in jail do to an event that took place in public because of the anxiety I used to have going into public. In the early 80's I was the first child in Pennsylvania to divorce his family, something I regretted ever since (I was 11 years old then) I was granted the divorce but I was also deemed incorrigible and I spent the rest of my youth in detention centers, children's homes (more like prisons) and the like. I have a complete book written already describing the first 35 years of my life and it is sad but encouraging as I did overcome but I do not want to go into every detail here as the book currently has over 100 chapters. So when I say that the last 3 weeks in FLorida were the toughest I ever endured believe me.
I spent this time as Mike Salvini. No one knew who I was, nor did they care to ask. I was scared, as scared as that 11 year old child that went out into the world years ago. In a sense I felt just as young and venerable.
I brought my notebooks, I brought the brunt of my library (books on physics, chemistry, medicine, anatomy, history, religion and psychology) My initial intentions, ones I was able to accomplish, were to prove the ALPHA BLADE systems worked. I knew from my past 8 years, on-line, that no one would listen to my results unless I had rock hard proof of my program. SOmething along the lines of turning science fiction into science fact and I can say with all certainty that the ALPHA BLADE systems passed every physical, mental and spiritual test. (more on this later) WHat I did not realize is that GOD had other plans, other lessons, other events in store.
With each passing day I sat in my lab by a pond in the woods of Florida. I spent this time reading and writing, essentially learning from the men and woman who came before me. I humbled myself and I became a student of the world. I saw many beautiful things, I saw many ugly things. I met hundreds of men and woman, equally as opposite as the previous thought. I filled over 10 notebooks, read more than 25 books and listened to hundreds of people from all walks of life. I took so much out of those 3 weeks that even today tears come to my eyes when I think of these adventures.
Eventually I found myself in Plantation Florida in a luxury apartment (ironically it sat on a massive lake in the woods
) This is where I spent the last 4 days of my life, proverbially of course, but in my mind my life had come to an end. This is where the television show was filmed, the one found in this thread: http://www.mattersofsize.com/forum/showthread.php?p=195511#post195511This day, the day of filming, I realized some very important things about myself, about you people, about the world as I saw it. I realized I suffered much of my life for the wrong reasons. I realized that I could not run away from myself because no matter where I went I was there. I realized that I have always been a good man, I have always tried to do the right thing but I never allowed myself the victory of loving myself. I realized mainly that once I truly loved myself, saw GOD in myself, saw the rest of the world in myself that I was a worth while human being. I went to sleep that night sad that I had wasted so much time going through what I have been through. I was at the crossroads, perhaps something every man comes to at one point in his life. I fell into a deep sleep induced by xanex, something a kind man gave me that evening to help me sleep. I assume he left after I was fast asleep and that night could have been a million years as I did not awaken until the morning.
At exactly 7:30AM ET, my cell phone rang (the night before the cell phone was malfunctioning, it could not receive calls even though every bar was viable) but promptly at 7:30 is rang waking me from my deep rest.
"Mike, I can not deal with this shit, Armand (my 11 year old son) is punching the car windows and freaking out, I don't know what the fuck to do, I had it!" Armand's mother Tierney screamed into the phone. I am not sure what happened next but like a ventriloquists dummy the words came to me with comprehension I never knew before this morning. I yelled back, "Put him on the fucking phone" Next thing I heard was "Daddy"? I then retorted with "Listen Armand, the ball is in your hands now, you can stop it right now. You can stop it and through that ball anywhere you want but when I was 11 years old I threw that ball into the darkest corner of the word and it took me 35 years to find it." I said, "It is your choice now, if you want you can change the world, STOP, THINK and RE-THROW that ball to Daddy" and right at that moment the phone went out (with full bars)
This is when I realized the most valuable lesson of my 38 years, I have a job to do, a very important job at that, I knew exactly what I needed to do and that was go home. Go back to what I had tried so hard to make disappear. I needed to take this new life, this new opportunity and all of the immense support I have built for myself and use it to change the world in my own tiny way.
My last statement to the press at the interview was this, and I hope you guys can understand.
"It has never been about the penis, it was and is about something more. If men want a bigger penis I can give that to them, they could have gave that to themselves, it has always been available. If people want a better body, I can give that to them, that is easy, look what I did in 4 months. If men people want more success in life, I can show them this too, as I have enjoyed the success of kings with my dick but it was never about these things. It was about learning to love myself and start doing the work I was meant to do"
You see I walked around on my hands thinking with my dick ever since I was a young boy. I was taught to be ashamed of my penis, my sexuality. I was taught that men can't share a meaningful relationship for fear of homosexuality. I learned that woman were huge circles of lust and I was the line of proverbial insertion. I was taught that same things many of us were taught and the results of this are obvious. Jobs that do not pay what we deserve, relationships that suffer at the hands of oppressed, shameful sexuality, believe that bigger is better and this betterment would eventually lead to happiness. I learned everything wrong and my life is a reflection of that. A reflection that started to change 5 years ago.
I was asleep for a long time but at 7:30 AM that glorious morning a woke up and I realized that I had some very important things to do, jobs I have started that were and are changing the world. ALPHA BLADE, MATTERS OF SIZE and the entire community that stands behind this mecca, that is my job and my goal, a goal I had from the beginning of this chapter of my life, a chapter that started the day I pulled on my dick for the first time. I know now, with the utmost clarity, I am doing what I was meant to do. The world is watching now, listening to us, finally and the statement I have for them is this; We refuse to take it any longer, we deserve better and we will get what is coming to us. We are proud of our sexuality and with this pride we will make better lives for our selves, our family and our friends. We will have the dicks we deserve, the bodies we deserve and the minds we deserve and with these gifts we receive we will change the world for the better.
I refuse and always have refused to take the word of the professionals as law. I live my life in the realm of opposites, my lab has always been my body and my education has always been my ears. I have already proven the professionals wrong in urology and now in biology and psychology. Are these facts, fucking right they are. Explain how I added 4" of dick, explain how I lost 140 pounds and today I am solid muscle, explain how a agoraphobic, ocd, dyslexic now sold everything he owns and only goes home to sleep. I can, they can't.
We are doing massive things here people and you all deserve a piece of this, you, like myself no longer have to ask why. Everyday they see our magic tricks but little do they know that this meta-physical magic they love to call it, trying to explain away their fears, is not magic at all. WHen fact follows fictions it steps out of the meta and becomes physical.
