Confidence in the gym

Medicating · Mar 20, 2013

I suppose I should have maybe posted this a while ago, but I didn't.

I have a very weird relationship with the gym. I like going, I find it quite fun, and I've always been sporty. I don't have any confidence issues at all in my life. I have confidence in my ability in just about anything. I can approach women easily, I have no trouble charming girls or putting myself across well with bosses or people in power. You'd say I'm a confident guy if you met me on the street, but when I step in the gym my confidence just plummets. Some of this may sound a bit weird but it's just honesty.

I don't get why I have zero confidence when I'm at the gym, but it's become much, much worse since coming to America. In England not a huge amount of guys are big. Especially in their teens. In America kids at school do weightlifting classes at school. My girlfriend has even done weightlifting class! There's a huge focus on muscle in America, and compared to a lot of American guys, I lack the muscle. This may sound arrogant, it's not intended to be (I'm not an arrogant guy at all), but I'm not used to lacking things.

I don't have a bad body by any means, if anything girls have always been complimentary on my body. I have average sized arms and shoulders which I'm not too keen on, but I wear button-down shirts most of the time over t-shirts due to personal preference so they're never really on show.

Since I started going to the gym more regularly at university, I find myself going at 6am as soon as the gym is open. I also found myself wearing a hoody and track pants in my first few times going and I don't really know why. I've continued to wear them though. Sometimes I also do a set of dumb-bell bench press and then sit up and rub my pec like I'm recovering from an injury... so people would think that I'm recovering from injury. It feels like I almost have to give them a reason as to why I'm not lifting so heavy. I know that's really weird, but I just find myself doing it. Even when I was doing the exercise with like 24kg/52lbs or so in each hand, I would still rub my pecs and wince, even when I was in no pain whatsoever.

I suppose now having typed this out I realise that I need to leave my ego outside the gym, and that I'm probably trying to ask how other people got over their ego's in the gym?

DLD · Mar 20, 2013

That is the truth of the matter, there are 100's of egos in each person there trying to prove themselves and others that their work is valid and productive. I owned a Gym and I saw this everyday. Men and women with chips on their shoulder that somehow serve to keep them coming back. I agree with your assertion, leave the ego at home! In humbleness others will find respect for you and in your example of work and humility you will inspire some of their egos to be quenched of their passions!

Medicating · Mar 20, 2013

doublelongdaddy;539351 said:
That is the truth of the matter, there are 100's of egos in each person there trying to prove themselves and others that their work is valid and productive. I owned a Gym and I saw this everyday. Men and women with chips on their shoulder that somehow serve to keep them coming back. I agree with your assertion, leave the ego at home! In humbleness others will find respect for you and in your example of work and humility you will inspire some of their egos to be quenched of their passions!

That's very true.

I didn't have the problem at the gym back home, it just seems to have spawned here. I would liken it to being fairly hung in a locker room you're used to, then moving elsewhere and being one of the smallest guys in your new locker room. It seemed the right analogy for here haha.

American guys are just way, way bigger than guys back home. I'm still not used to it. The university gym is a haven for hot girls who worship their bodies and love to flaunt it, and ridiculously big guys who love to pose in the mirrors in front of the girls. Maybe next time I'll go I'll wear my DivoSuit, ROP, and grey track pants. That would really steal the show.

Kingy · Mar 20, 2013

I'm like this even though I've been training a while and have a fairly good physique bodybuilding wise, I've just been away with work and had the choice of 2 gyms to use while I was there, one was a hardcore bodybuilding gym like the one I train in at home and the other still a bodybuilding gym but more fitness based.

I decided to train at the fitness gym because I knew I'd be insecure in the bodybuilding gym, I think its just a bloke thing, if you can't lift what the big guy in the gym can lift you feel inferior even though he may have twice the experience and been training 10yrs more then you, it's just natural

rakas · Mar 21, 2013

Body insecurity (or rather seeing these people as a threat to your masculinity) is fairly common in both men and women so as long as it doesn't stop you going to the gym then you'll be fine. In many ways because it is so common it's one of the least harmful insecurities to have.

Medicating · Mar 22, 2013

It sounds like I'm not the only one with this then.

I agree rakas, it's not a very bad insecurity to have! Once I leave the gym, the insecurities go.

rakas · Mar 23, 2013

Medicating;539761 said:
It sounds like I'm not the only one with this then.

I agree rakas, it's not a very bad insecurity to have! Once I leave the gym, the insecurities go.

Aye, really it's pretty similar to not wanting to get your dick out around other people (fear of emasculation).

Dapper Dan · Mar 23, 2013

When I would go to the gym, I would sometimes worry that I might look stupid if trying something new, and my form was off, or whatever.
It helps if you make a friend or two at the gym to show you how to do shit, plus its a good look to have a training partner.
Don't sweat that shit, maybe the really diesel dude there has a chimp dick or something. Who fuckin knows?

Longisland000 · Mar 31, 2013

You're just out of your element dude, completely normal. When I first stepped in the gym I was skinny @148lbs and wore a tank top while working out. Well I wore it that one time, then I realized that everyone looked better than me, so I put a shirt on. Now a few years later I'm +30lb of muscle, but I still won't train in a tank top, ego still bruised and still have a body image problem though I look better than 80% of guys there.
Once you learn and know what you're doing in the gym you'll feel great while you're there.

DLD · Apr 1, 2013

Longisland000;540994 said:
You're just out of your element dude, completely normal. When I first stepped in the gym I was skinny @148lbs and wore a tank top while working out. Well I wore it that one time, then I realized that everyone looked better than me, so I put a shirt on. Now a few years later I'm +30lb of muscle, but I still won't train in a tank top, ego still bruised and still have a body image problem though I look better than 80% of guys there.
Once you learn and know what you're doing in the gym you'll feel great while you're there.

Great advice! I owned a gym for a while and I saw this almost everyday. what was most intriguing was watching men come in full of insecurities and after a short while I would see them become more and more condiment...a lot like MOS really.

pest · Apr 2, 2013

I don't really like giving advice to people I'm not actively coaching, but. But I've gone through what you do quite regularly. The sport I compete in is most popular in the USA. So, since I was 21 I've been traveling back and forth between Europe and the states for training and competition. I've always trained close to the Mexican border and therefore, steroids have been rampant in the gyms I've worked out in. (just to put things in perspective, if you ever go to Scandinavia or eastern Europe expect to be dwarfed even more by even stronger guys).

Anyway, What I need you to do is this simple exercise;
First, continue going to the gym at 6am. You're there to work. You are there to out perform. You don't want to go when it's busy. If you do, you need to change your attitude and there are some exercises you can do for that too. But for now...
When you wake up in the morning and you are waiting to go to the gym I need you to close your eyes and feel the insecurity in your body. I want you to imagine you are gathering it up from a light dust scaterred around your body and turning it into dark chunks of insecurity. I want you to imagine these chunks flowing into each other and joining to form dark logs of inseucrity. With your eyes still closed I want you to see yourself, a massive copy of yourself and in this other self, in the stomach, in the loins, there is an weak little furnace. With a small fire burning inside it. I want you to each inside yourself and pull out these logs of insecurity and throw them into the furnace and watch them burn. Throw more in and the flames grow higher. Throw more still and the furnace will grown, sprouting massive exhausts like on a huge racing engine, out of the furnace there are tubes and pipes that flow to your muscles and these will power your strength, your security, your will power, and the more logs of insecurity you throw in the stronger this version of you will become. Now imagine this empowered raging version of you in the gym. Smashing weights, eating plates, with no one watching, with no one caring. You could imagine this version of you in a cave or basement. No one around. No one caring. No one either impressed or not. Now, take yourself and step inside this monster of you. Feel yourself fuse and feel the power flow through you. Now step under the bar and squat. With no one watching, no reward but the reward you yourself have earned.That is the real strength. The strength to only care about yourself and only care about your own efforts ... these are not measured against other's approval but exclusively by the effort you have invested.

The only thing of value is your own effort. For some people that is lifting heavy weight and for some that comes easy and for some that comes hard. What matters is your own effort. You could be an olympic athlete who out works everyone in that gym, but as a long distance runner you're the weakest guy in there. You could be the strongest guy in the room but yesterday you completely killed yourself and can't lift shit today. You could be on your last set of a killer new workout - and some kid comes in a in his first set out lifts you (of course he does who fucking cares?). You could be an off season NFL player who's been given a strict programme of recuperation. What all of those examples have that you don't is confidence to not care and confidence to focus on their own shit.

So again, visualise the insecurity being burned. It is the fire that will fuel your gains. Now, write down your gains (maybe you want to slam dunk, maybe you want to deadlift double body weight [maybe you already do] or maybe you want to look a particular way) what ever your goal is; set a program and FUCKING stick to it. Because here's the thing. People without programmes gain fuck all, and change their workouts in response to insecurity. So some kids is benching more than you, so now you have to up your bench, and it's fucking leg day, or pull day or whatever. So get a programme and stick to it. Track your progress on a chart and then, when you imagine the burning insecurity logs, I want you to visualise (like a montage from rocky) in the flames you're lifting more, then you see the chart going up, the lines going up, then the lift and it's going up, getting closer to dunking, then lifting again, and you're dropping the weight and you look like you fail, and the kids in the gym looking like you're failing, and you burn harder, and in the flames you lift more, and eventually you hit that goal and you're slam dunking everywhere, or whatever.

Now, as an athlete this is really effective because it's based on real values (weight lifted, speed, height, etc). If you're lifting for aesthetics (you douche haha) that's fine too but you have harder to define goal and they almost always reinforce insecurity (you imagine girls at the beach smiling or some subjective shit). This is why programming is important.

Anyway, good luck.

Oh, if you're not a competitive athlete, just start juicing.

DLD · Apr 2, 2013

pest;541285 said:
visualize the insecurity being burned. It is the fire that will fuel your gains.

quote of the day!

pest · Apr 3, 2013

Thanks man!

DLD · Apr 3, 2013

Never a problem!

Medicating · Apr 3, 2013

pest;541285 said:
I don't really like giving advice to people I'm not actively coaching, but. But I've gone through what you do quite regularly. The sport I compete in is most popular in the USA. So, since I was 21 I've been traveling back and forth between Europe and the states for training and competition. I've always trained close to the Mexican border and therefore, steroids have been rampant in the gyms I've worked out in. (just to put things in perspective, if you ever go to Scandinavia or eastern Europe expect to be dwarfed even more by even stronger guys).

Anyway, What I need you to do is this simple exercise;
First, continue going to the gym at 6am. You're there to work. You are there to out perform. You don't want to go when it's busy. If you do, you need to change your attitude and there are some exercises you can do for that too. But for now...
When you wake up in the morning and you are waiting to go to the gym I need you to close your eyes and feel the insecurity in your body. I want you to imagine you are gathering it up from a light dust scaterred around your body and turning it into dark chunks of insecurity. I want you to imagine these chunks flowing into each other and joining to form dark logs of inseucrity. With your eyes still closed I want you to see yourself, a massive copy of yourself and in this other self, in the stomach, in the loins, there is an weak little furnace. With a small fire burning inside it. I want you to each inside yourself and pull out these logs of insecurity and throw them into the furnace and watch them burn. Throw more in and the flames grow higher. Throw more still and the furnace will grown, sprouting massive exhausts like on a huge racing engine, out of the furnace there are tubes and pipes that flow to your muscles and these will power your strength, your security, your will power, and the more logs of insecurity you throw in the stronger this version of you will become. Now imagine this empowered raging version of you in the gym. Smashing weights, eating plates, with no one watching, with no one caring. You could imagine this version of you in a cave or basement. No one around. No one caring. No one either impressed or not. Now, take yourself and step inside this monster of you. Feel yourself fuse and feel the power flow through you. Now step under the bar and squat. With no one watching, no reward but the reward you yourself have earned.That is the real strength. The strength to only care about yourself and only care about your own efforts ... these are not measured against other's approval but exclusively by the effort you have invested.

The only thing of value is your own effort. For some people that is lifting heavy weight and for some that comes easy and for some that comes hard. What matters is your own effort. You could be an olympic athlete who out works everyone in that gym, but as a long distance runner you're the weakest guy in there. You could be the strongest guy in the room but yesterday you completely killed yourself and can't lift shit today. You could be on your last set of a killer new workout - and some kid comes in a in his first set out lifts you (of course he does who fucking cares?). You could be an off season NFL player who's been given a strict programme of recuperation. What all of those examples have that you don't is confidence to not care and confidence to focus on their own shit.

So again, visualise the insecurity being burned. It is the fire that will fuel your gains. Now, write down your gains (maybe you want to slam dunk, maybe you want to deadlift double body weight [maybe you already do] or maybe you want to look a particular way) what ever your goal is; set a program and FUCKING stick to it. Because here's the thing. People without programmes gain fuck all, and change their workouts in response to insecurity. So some kids is benching more than you, so now you have to up your bench, and it's fucking leg day, or pull day or whatever. So get a programme and stick to it. Track your progress on a chart and then, when you imagine the burning insecurity logs, I want you to visualise (like a montage from rocky) in the flames you're lifting more, then you see the chart going up, the lines going up, then the lift and it's going up, getting closer to dunking, then lifting again, and you're dropping the weight and you look like you fail, and the kids in the gym looking like you're failing, and you burn harder, and in the flames you lift more, and eventually you hit that goal and you're slam dunking everywhere, or whatever.

Now, as an athlete this is really effective because it's based on real values (weight lifted, speed, height, etc). If you're lifting for aesthetics (you douche haha) that's fine too but you have harder to define goal and they almost always reinforce insecurity (you imagine girls at the beach smiling or some subjective shit). This is why programming is important.

Anyway, good luck.

Oh, if you're not a competitive athlete, just start juicing.

That was a very interesting read. I know there's no reason to be insecure and I need to concentrate on my own stuff, I just feel like that. It'll pass once I get into a rhytHydromax and see solid gains. Much like with penis enlargement.

I'm not a competitive athlete, but the juicing is definitely a no. I'm not keen on putting DMSO solution on my penis, let alone taking growth hormones etc.

AF3 · Apr 9, 2013

Medicating;541845 said:
That was a very interesting read. I know there's no reason to be insecure and I need to concentrate on my own stuff, I just feel like that. It'll pass once I get into a rhytHydromax and see solid gains. Much like with penis enlargement.

I'm not a competitive athlete, but the juicing is definitely a no. I'm not keen on putting DMSO solution on my penis, let alone taking growth hormones etc.

Man I agree with everything in there except eating plates. Sounds way more dangerous than steroids imo....

Zambrodom3 · Apr 12, 2013

I think that Penis Enlargement gym is more important than the gym you're talking about. But if it bothers you that much.... get bigger.

Medicating · Apr 18, 2013

Zambrodom3;543101 said:
I think that Penis Enlargement gym is more important than the gym you're talking about. But if it bothers you that much.... get bigger.

I agree. I would take my ideal penis size over my ideal body size. I think it's easier to get a better body.

Confidence in the gym

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