Attention: I Have Been Using Other Guy's Photos For A Very Long Time (Apology)

By the way, the more that I read these posts, the more that I am confused, and thinking "why in the hell did I not just do the legitimate work, man... it would've just been way easier to use that time for either gaining (after finding out about P.E.), or forgetting about it, and developing authentic self-esteem, as MY-SELF."

-- I think that one of the more bizarre parts of my story, is that some of of these things were after I found out that P.E. was possible, and after I had gained. --

AF3;647185 said:

I have hired "BigAl" (AJ Alfaro), and I will be happy to provide a testimonial on his services/my experience w/ him, when I have completed my objectives.

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Youre on good hands,good luck with your journey and let us know your progress

AF3;647186 said:

By the way, the more that I read these posts, the more that I am confused, and thinking "why in the hell did I not just do the legitimate work, man... it would've just been way easier to use that time for either gaining (after finding out about P.E.), or forgetting about it, and developing authentic self-esteem, as MY-SELF."

-- I think that one of the more bizarre parts of my story, is that some of of these things were after I found out that P.E. was possible, and after I had gained. --

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Leave the past in the past, it no longer has any influence on you. Start as i it were day one and this time do it the right way. We are in such a great time as far as PE goes with all the incredible innovations in exercise and routines and the amazing tools we have access to. Jump into the SRT Routine and do it for real this time. The only thing that happens when you dig up the past is you will get dirty. Look to the moment and progress from there.

Update:

I was looking online at some testimonials for male enhancement, and I saw another guy's dick.

Then, I was looking at a demonstration of the jeql device, and saw another guy's dick.

Tonight, I had an e-chat w/ one of the girls that was in my life during this period of my life, and told her the real reason that we never had sex, and about several of the things that I was doing, and I was kind of surprised at how positive she was, and didn't go to the "sad" place w/ me.

I was looking through a forum post tonight, and I saw a naked woman (avatar).

I am becoming repulsed by the thought of viewing any naked body, or having any sexual experience, online.

Other than the two above, and the one that I posted about before, those are the only naked bodies/genitalia that I have seen online (since I wrote my original message).

I have also not masturbated, or come close to doing so, since making my original post.

-- I have also hired BigAl, and he has been super generous with his time so far (we had a scheduled 15-minute phone call, and we went for like 45 minutes).

I have decided that I will do some sessions with a sex therapist, and I have sought out the most attractive female sex therapist(s) in Chicago, because I figure that explaining my challenges to them, will be the most intimidating.

I have had it with mediocrity, at this point in my life.

--There is one more woman to contact, and apologize to, because I feel like I cost us a productive friend-ship for the sake of my insecurities (which is absolutely un-acceptable), and then that should make everybody, that I can think of.

AF3;647296 said:

Update:

I was looking online at some testimonials for male enhancement, and I saw another guy's dick.

Then, I was looking at a demonstration of the jeql device, and saw another guy's dick.

Tonight, I had an e-chat w/ one of the girls that was in my life during this period of my life, and told her the real reason that we never had sex, and about several of the things that I was doing, and I was kind of surprised at how positive she was, and didn't go to the "sad" place w/ me.

I was looking through a forum post tonight, and I saw a naked woman (avatar).

I am becoming repulsed by the thought of viewing any naked body, or having any sexual experience, online.

Other than the two above, and the one that I posted about before, those are the only naked bodies/genitalia that I have seen online (since I wrote my original message).

I have also not masturbated, or come close to doing so, since making my original post.

-- I have also hired BigAl, and he has been super generous with his time so far (we had a scheduled 15-minute phone call, and we went for like 45 minutes).

I have decided that I will do some sessions with a sex therapist, and I have sought out the most attractive female sex therapist(s) in Chicago, because I figure that explaining my challenges to them, will be the most intimidating.

I have had it with mediocrity, at this point in my life.

--There is one more woman to contact, and apologize to, because I feel like I cost us a productive friend-ship for the sake of my insecurities (which is absolutely un-acceptable), and then that should make everybody, that I can think of.

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I think you are going overboard with all of this. You made some simple mistakes and you have come clean, no reason to continue to punish yourself.

First post here, though long time lurker. I can say from a lot of hard life experience no truer words have ever been spoken:

“Good judgement is the result of experience and experience the result of bad judgement.”
― Mark Twain

Sounds like you have developed some good judgement along with some mighty fine character.

joeamerica69;647450 said:

First post here, though long time lurker. I can say from a lot of hard life experience no truer words have ever been spoken:

“Good judgement is the result of experience and experience the result of bad judgement.”
― Mark Twain

Sounds like you have developed some good judgement along with some mighty fine character.

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Exactly. Coming clean with the truth shows major desire to change and I really admire anyone who can admit their wrongs and make up for them.

doublelongdaddy;647410 said:

I think you are going overboard with all of this. You made some simple mistakes and you have come clean, no reason to continue to punish yourself.

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Absolutely not, because it would be very easy to view it that way (and then end up in the same situation, six months from now, or when-ever).

I am not interested in this ever happening again, and by "this", I mean my self-concept preventing me from having anything that I want out of life.

"Simple mistake", while amicable, is not the truth.

I think it was John F. Kennedy who said, "the time to fix the roof is while the sun is shining," or something like that.

Anyways, thank you for your support; as I said, I am working on getting a "before" picture, and I will be happy license M.O.S. to use my before/after set, for whatever advertisements/promotions they would be interested in doing so, and I would be happy to give testimonial(s) on the web-site, and so on.

Update: Since the day that this thread was made, and I believe for the previous two days before that (as well), I have been trans-muting, and have no desire to do anything except for this, for quite awhile.

A very brave admission. What you're going through is more common than you might imagine.

Big Al;647641 said:

A very brave admission. What you're going through is more common than you might imagine.

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Very strong comment and very true, this is not the first time that I have heard this. Most admit it privately though so hearing a public admission takes guts. And like I said before, pretending to be something you want to be is a very powerful tool for personal, mental manifestation, where it becomes an issue is when someone takes it public and pretends instead of actually doing the work to get there.

doublelongdaddy;647642 said:

And like I said before, pretending to be something you want to be is a very powerful tool for personal, mental manifestation, where it becomes an issue is when someone takes it public and pretends instead of actually doing the work to get there.

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Right, there is actually a famous business coach (Dan Pena) who calls this "smell the leather", as in going to the Rolls Royce Dealer-ship, and "smelling the leather" before you can afford one, and so on. This would have been the productive thing to do, and you hit it on the head when you said that it's about the relationship that you have with your ambitions/desire for increased capability, and the need to channel that towards taking productive action, instead of engaging in self-sabotage.


Update: Well, the "worst" thing that I have done since making that post, was today at a clothing store I realized that there were some pants I wanted to try (just went there to look at some shirts), and ended up trying on a pair of their pants w/ no under-wear (Uncle Jim's Wrap, obviously).

I feel terrible, and in the event that I am in there (again), I will obviously have to either apologize to the guy, and come clean, since I feel like sh*t about that, and offer to buy the pants, wash them, and then return them, etc.

Other than that, I think that I have been pretty honest, though, and have had no desire to look at any type of sexual internet material, which is good.

The closest that such material has reached, is P.E. research/threads, and it's traumatic to even see the various advertisements for things like the Bath-Mate, since I feel compelled to just report my viewing of anything related to naked bodies on the internet to the thread now (the thread is made for me, and the idea is by admitting such things publicly, there is such pain linked to even a smidgeon of these behaviors that I have no choice but to change, and feel better because of it). As for the other stuff, it had to be public, so that my brain would flip the associations w/ this kind of thing, as now there is no amount of money that one could pay me to even be in the same room as any video related to �naked people movies�, or anything like that. (Those who doubt this are encouraged to physically present me with a blank check or large sum of cash, and I will be happy to either hand it back to them or rip it up in front of them and walk away, which-ever they prefer.)

I had a friend who did something similar with �naked people movies� awhile ago, in that he was talking with a girl that he was seeing, and he started reading her all of the titles of the �naked people movies� that he liked, or something like that, and I believe that it helped him a lot. I guess the point is that it seems like the most effective method(s) involve some type of specific detail on what you have been doing combined w/ personal responsibility, in which your name is actually attached, and something is "at stake", so to speak.

Update: I'm also addicted to the internet, period.

I have been thinking about your thread/situation for a couple days (no homo). and to be completely honest with you I think this might be one of the few situations where PE is a bad idea. If you will take any advice Im going to tell you just focus on basic human interactions. It sounds like you have isolated yourself physically and emotionally and you have forgotten basic human interactions (or maybe you never knew im not judging). the point is you are putting the cart before the horse. penis enlargement is something you do to enhance your relationships. you have wrote huge walls of text explaining how you dont think penis size is important, yet you have revolved your entire life around it. you are even going so far as to find girls you knew from the past and appologize to them for not having a giant penis! the whole thing is extremely crazy and if you ever want to have a normal relationship with a women you need to let this penis obsession go completely. Realize this; if you have a penis and it works you are an adequate sexual partner. end of story. there are men out there who dont even have a working set of genetalia. you are intelegint and have some money it sounds like. you need to count your blessing, work on basic interactions, and forget this penis obsession entirely. If you are able to hold down a relationship and act normal THEN you should look into PE. You are digging yourself even deeper into this mania and I hope you can realize it before more insane shit happens.

AF3;647709 said:

Update: I'm also addicted to the internet, period.

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Addiction is only another word for loss of discipline, I actually like the latter much more. With anything that brings pleasure it is so important to regulate yourself and have a good sense of discipline about how often you can enjoy these things without allowing them to be lost in poor insight. Be honest with yourself and pick and choose from the wonderful sources of pleasure we have in the world, nibble and enjoy the taste without stuffing your face. Anything that feels good can eventually feel bad if you allow it to go out of control.

I also like the way you are seeing visualization. The leather was a perfect example. For me, when I want something the fist thing I do is ask God for it in prayer. Only once not over and over. asking for it over and over creates doubt that you will get it so ask only once. The next thing I do is pretend I have it. I do whatever I can to get my mind into the place that I already believe I have it. Last I do the inspired work necessary to get there. With each new accomplishment this process becomes easier and easier. There is no limit too the things you want in life, the perceived limitation is your lack of belief that you can have it.

Cliff's Notes: Have been successfully trans-muting since writing my original post.


Update: Since making my original post, I have completely abstinent from masturbation, and w/ the exception of going through my laptop files/folders, to clear them out and make room for my own before pictures, and realizing that I had not deleted some others which I had downloaded (of other men), I have been completely abstinent from any type of engagement in �naked people movies� -- the only other pictures that I have viewed were related to P.E., and obviously, I did not download them/try to pass them off as my own, and so on.


The closest action to any picture stealing/viewing/�naked people movies�, since making my original post, has been:

1) I was on PEGym, researching devices, and saw a picture of some guy (he was covered) during an advertisement, and felt the urge to "report" my-self here, for even viewing that, and not automatically looking away from the page after the first time, that I saw it.

2) I was going through my old "My Pictures" folder on my computer/desktop, and came across old pictures that I had stolen, and was probably going to use (before I made my original post) -- I deleted the entire folder, and any residual pictures, immediately, and again felt compelled to "report" myself for even (inadvertently) viewing them, which I barely did.

3) I was "forced" to watch a video of an exercise that BigAl suggested that I start with, and obviously, upon viewing the model, who was rather large, my brain experienced some triggers, and I closed the web-site, and am making this post (so as to further the association, and encourage my-self to "not even think about it", which has been working quite well so far.)

-Adam

Good to know you are cleaning out the closet. Now it is time for the real you to make real gains!

Update: It has been thirty five days since I have last used �naked people movies�, and/or masturbated, and/or engaged in any other behavior described within the first few posts of the thread (stealing other men's pictures, or even looking/comparing, and so on).

I have no plans to engage in any of those activities, ever again.

I have also started with BigAl through his premium coaching program, and have seen gains.

Sincerely,

A.

AF3;652353 said:

Update: It has been thirty five days since I have last used �naked people movies�, and/or masturbated, and/or engaged in any other behavior described within the first few posts of the thread (stealing other men's pictures, or even looking/comparing, and so on).

I have no plans to engage in any of those activities, ever again.

I have also started with BigAl through his premium coaching program, and have seen gains.

Sincerely,

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I am happy you have found the way my Brother, you must feel a lot of relief getting all that off your conscious. How much gains have you seen over the 35 days?

AF3;652353 said:

Update: It has been thirty five days since I have last used �naked people movies�, and/or masturbated, and/or engaged in any other behavior described within the first few posts of the thread (stealing other men's pictures, or even looking/comparing, and so on).

I have no plans to engage in any of those activities, ever again.

I have also started with BigAl through his premium coaching program, and have seen gains.

Sincerely,

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For more than 13 years, there haven't been a time when I stayed away from masturbation for one month. I'm beginning to think this might have something to do with setback. There are even times when I used to dream and see myself in places in my past that I never ever want to be. Seems this masturbation is evil.