Would you share your girl?

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I keep looking on that damn site wifelovers.com and I always see, "My wife wants a new dick", or "We need another man for a M-F-M", or "My wife wants to tryout a blk dick", or "I want to watch my lady fuck another dick". I am just curious as to how many guys here would "share" their girlfriend/wife etc. with another man, whether watching, participating, jacking off, etc?

I say no fvcking way, what-so-ever. Over my cold, dead dick. Not a fat chance in hell. I have had this conversation with a few people, and most say I am too jealous. I agree, maybe 10-15% of my thoughts would be wondering if she would like the other guy more, but mostly its just because I couldnt deal with it...I could never watch her/participate with her getting off with another guy.

Damn I screwed up on the poll :hammering
 
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Im with you on this.Also,damn right id be jealous.My woman is my woman.Now if she wants to be with another woman thats fine with me as long as the sneaking around doesnt start.Id like to know its happening and when and stuff.
 
Some guys are just into that shit, it turns them on somehow. I bet that most of the girls have little to do with it they are probably just trying to make their man happy.
 
There is a large, underground community of swingers in the United States. Well, not so underground anymore thanks to the internet. Alot of people get into swinging and swapping and trying out new things. Sharing is a big no-no if you can't deal with feelings of jealousy or insecurity or whatever. I know there are a couple swingers right here on this forum. Hopefully they respond to this thread.
 
Would I share my girl? There's no way to explain how much that question shocks me, it's beyond unthinkable. I'd die first. In fact, scripture states that if somebody comes to your home to kidnap your wife, to take by force your property or to set fire in your house, he is called aggressor. He should immediately be killed. Otherwise there is non-violence, but this is a situation where non-violence is out of question. To me, to even think such a thing is beyond absurd. In my opinion, the number one quality in a woman is loyalty, and if she breaks that in any way, she has broken our relationship for good. That would be no light offense, I am strongly opposed with it.
 
My wife and myself are swingers and have had a great experience with the lifestyle. As Knog said it definitely requires that you hash out any and all jealousy issues before doing it.

Stuff,
I hear you and used to feel the same way some time ago... but in regards to loyalty, if you both aren't on the same page and agree to do it then it is definitely a violationo of ones loyalty to share or swing. But on the other hand, if you both agree to share your partner with another couple then there is no violation of loyalty (unless of course she decides to leave you for the other person). You two must be able to separate sex from love. I love my wife very much and trust that she feels that same, but if she decides to leave me for someone else, i won't to stop her. This applies whether we were swingers or not. The sex we have with other people does in no way replace sex with each other, in fact we have more sex (quality) with each other now than before we became swingers and the sex we have after we get home from a swap or party is usually mind spinning.

We don't just pick up a couple at a bar and screw them, we are very picky about the people we associate and have sex with. Alot of them have become our friends and we often times go out with them and not have sex afterwards. We have found that swinging will either make your relationship stronger as it has with us and most of our swinger friends or it will break you up.
 
I think id curl up and die if my girl was with anyone but me.
 
I do not agree. Loyalty means that she will stay with you, and only you, under any circumstance, no matter what, and regardless of agreement. Nevermind that there is some agreement, if she is with someone else the bond of loyalty is gone and in its place there is a bond of 'agreement,' that though the loyalty is gone, still you will remain together.

She must also have loyalty of mind to have actual and pure loyalty, not even thinking of being with other men. If she were to think of being with other men, what is the point in even being with her at all? What is worth it, if she cannot begin to even think of only being with you? I think that loyalty is on a much higher ground than simply some agreement.
 
I myself wouldnt wonna share my girl with others, but maybe to a close freind...thats a maybe. I certainly dont get turned on by the idea of it, or the whole swinger scene.
 
I think group sex or a threesome would be an awesome experience, but I would NOT do it with someone I really cared about. To me, that's what the Bunny Ranch and escort services are for. And, again, this fantasy appeals much more to men than women, so I'm of the opinion that one should just call a professional or two.
 
My wife and I, watched a show on swinging the other day, and we both agreed that that type of life was not for us. We great sex without that life style. However, I do have a friend that I have not seen for many years, who is, or was a swinger, he sweared it was a great way to meet people, and have a great fuck with others at the same time.
 
Stuff_ said:
I do not agree. Loyalty means that she will stay with you, and only you, under any circumstance, no matter what, and regardless of agreement. Nevermind that there is some agreement, if she is with someone else the bond of loyalty is gone and in its place there is a bond of 'agreement,' that though the loyalty is gone, still you will remain together.

She must also have loyalty of mind to have actual and pure loyalty, not even thinking of being with other men. If she were to think of being with other men, what is the point in even being with her at all? What is worth it, if she cannot begin to even think of only being with you? I think that loyalty is on a much higher ground than simply some agreement.
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I guess our definitions of loyalty differs... we define loyalty as binding to an agreement of consent. As long as we are both OK with swapping or playing with a couple, then we don't feel there is any violation of loyalty. If however either of us goes on our own to play with another person or couple without the consent and knowledge of the other, then that person would be acting disloyal. We don't go out and see a couple and tell ourselves "let's go fuck that couple". we meet with them over dinner and maybe drinks first to see if there's chemistry before ever considering having sex with them.

We're not talking about pure and theoretical loyalty here as that's just not attainable. We're talkinig about practical, real life loyalty that works for us. If that was the case, everytime you looked at a hot chick and said to yourself "wow i really want to bang her" you are being disloyal. By your definition, no one on this board has been loyal or can ever be loyal their partner.

What i find interesting about the whole swinger lifestyle is that everyone that's in the lifestyle now (us included) has been on your side of the fence at one point in their life. Everyone has admitted that they used to think that they could never ever even consider sharing their partner with someone else. My point is... let's just wait and see where you on this issue 5-10 years from now. Never say never...
 
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My wife and I agreed that we are both too jealous and insecure to do it, but we have discussed it and understand the appeal and have had some fun with it-- toys and role-play and all that. It's not about control and loyalty and fidelity, it's about having crazy, fun, free sex and getting off big. To me, it's kind of like team fucking. "Okay, honey, you're on my team. Let's go fuck 'em." Just my take on it. I'm pretty open to the idea.
 
my stance.. to have sex with others isn't loyalty or love, it's just lust. If you really love someone, you wouldn't even consider being with someone else because no one could ever satisfy you as your love does and no one could make you more happy. To go out and have sex with others is saying that you're not satisfied being with just them... that your partner isn't enough for you and you have to go out and have sex with others to get what you're wanting.
 
I think you're on the right track there Kong... it's only about sex, nothing more, nothing less. You have to separeate the emotions of love from it and just enjoy the physical benefits of sex. The feelings of love you keep between yourselves.
 
It's all about loyalty and trust and faithfulness, and also not being satisfied with your partner enough to only want to be with them and them alone.
 
sikdogg said:
I guess our definitions of loyalty differs... we define loyalty as binding to an agreement of consent. As long as we are both OK with swapping or playing with a couple, then we don't feel there is any violation of loyalty. If however either of us goes on our own to play with another person or couple without the consent and knowledge of the other, then that person would be acting disloyal. We don't go out and see a couple and tell ourselves "let's go fuck that couple". we meet with them over dinner and maybe drinks first to see if there's chemistry before ever considering having sex with them.

We're not talking about pure and theoretical loyalty here as that's just not attainable. We're talking about practical, real life loyalty that works for us. If that was the case, everytime you looked at a hot chick and said to yourself "wow i really want to bang her" you are being disloyal. By your definition, no one on this board has been loyal or can ever be loyal their partner.

What i find interesting about the whole swinger lifestyle is that everyone that's in the lifestyle now (us included) has been on your side of the fence at one point in their life. Everyone has admitted that they used to think that they could never ever even consider sharing their partner with someone else. My point is... let's just wait and see where you on this issue 5-10 years from now. Never say never...
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Good post Sik, my definition of loyalty fits your's. I like to think of swinging as a way that you can fulfill your culturally defined role/duty to be "monogamous" and produce the "nuclear" family, while being able to express those primal urges to have sexual relations with more than one partner in an acceptalbe manner. I am too young to be married or think about a swinging lifestyle right now, but it does interest me.
 
User_Name said:
my stance.. to have sex with others isn't loyalty or love, it's just lust. If you really love someone, you wouldn't even consider being with someone else because no one could ever satisfy you as your love does and no one could make you more happy. To go out and have sex with others is saying that you're not satisfied being with just them... that your partner isn't enough for you and you have to go out and have sex with others to get what you're wanting.
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Stuff_ said:
It's all about loyalty and trust and faithfulness, and also not being satisfied with your partner enough to only want to be with them and them alone.
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I cant believe how naive and legalistic you guys are... if that was the case then you would never lust for the next hot chick that walks by. Human nature prevents us from being totally satisfied with just one thing no matter how good or what that one thing may be... As much as i like Italian food, i still eat Mexican, French, Chinese, and other foods without losing my love and craving for Italian food. It's all about sampling the pleasures in life.
 
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food and people are completely different things. It is not naive to want to only be with one person and truely love them.... it is more naive to believe it doesn't exist because you cannot grasp the concept. And I do not look at others and think "I want to have sex with them."... At most I would say "there is an attractive person" but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with them... the thought of having sex with anyone other than the one I love is absurd and even sickening.

To want to just go around having sex with others is no more mature than a person just reaching pueberty, when their thoughts are controlled by their hormones.
 
It is not about legality, it is about spirituality. Spirituality, or Religion, means controling lust, restricting it, rather than letting your senses run wild and letting it control you. Someone you love has more value than food, and should be treated better than just another dish to be sampled, that is, in my opinion...

Keeping your senses and your mind in check, rather than letting them run wild and control your life is required of any sort of real spirituality. There is nothing naive about wanting to be only with one person, and being satisfied with just them... rather than allowing your lusty desire to become duspuram - never to be satisfied. Let it be puram, restricted, and in this you can find a greater love and happiness with one person.

There is always lust there because we have these human bodies, but you do not need to allow your senses to run wild and your lust to become never to be satisfied, instead you can restrict them to find Higher pleasures in life (God). It's not legalistic that I love my woman so much that I don't want to be with any other woman, neither is it true that I lust for the next hot chick that walks by. I might acknowledge that they look good, but I would not think that I want to be with them or have sex with them.
 
User_Name said:
...And I do not look at others and think "I want to have sex with them."... At most I would say "there is an attractive person" but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with them... the thought of having sex with anyone other than the one I love is absurd and even sickening...
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You mean to tell that you've never thought that... I find that hard to swallow... I think if that was truely the case for most guys, there wouldn't be a adult entertainment industry.

Stuff,
I guess since i'm an atheist, it's all about legality for me. Spirituality and religion were created by man to reason out what they couldn't understand. If you guys don't agree with me that's cool, you don't have to become a swinger. I'd be curious to see where you guys stand on this issue 10 years from now...
 
Sikdogg just out of curiousity, do you participate in swinging where there is just an extra male? Or does there have to be an extra male and female? Has your wife let you have a threesome with her and another female?
 
10 years from now we'll be happily and chastly married, and probably with kids. :)

And though -some- religions may be man-made, doesn't mean that God doesn't exist. But I think our point has been shown on this issue pretty much. ^_^
 
believe it or not sikdogg, not everyone watches adult entertainment and not everyone lusts after every good looking creature they see. And I might have thought that once before being in love or when I was younger with raging hormones and no partner.

To just go around and having sex unrestrained is like cats and dogs. As a human we should know better. Small children are forgiven for stealing candy because they do not know better... just as no one looks down on animals for mating with as many partners as they want because they do not have enough intellegence to think for themselves, they just live their lives searching for ways to satisfy their senses and nothing more.

And yes, 10 years from now we will still be in love and want to be with no one else because love never grows old. You don't need to add things to it to make it better because it's perfect the way it is and there's nothing you could possibly do to "make it better".

But that does bring up another question.. would you really want to be going around swinging when you have kids? How would you explain it to them? Would it be something you want to encourage them to do when they grow up?
 
I'm with Sikdog. You kids are young. 10 years down the road, you may begin to realize that all these ideas about loyality and spirituality being the antithesis of sensuality are a little bit immature. Not to be hurtful or argumentative, but it seems more like a crutch for feelings of insecurity and jealousy and repressed sexuality. I think your feelings about sex change when you begin to reach an age when it is more about pleasure than procreation. The kids are grown up, you've been with the wife for ages and have worked out all your petty little jealousies and insecurities and you've actually become soulmates and not just married. You don't hide the adult entertainment collection anymore and she actually tells you how she wants it when you're in bed doing it, cause you've actually opened up to each other and accepted the real persons. It's hard to put it all down in words because my wife and I are just now starting to get to that stage. I think if she said she wanted to have a threesome with another male or female, I would seriously consider it. I might not go along with it, but I wouldn't get pissed and slap her around or leave her.
 
Perhaps we are immature, materially. Due to the ways of culture in this country in this age, I agree with that. But rather, what is actually immature, or in other words religiously or spiritually immature, is to allow so much lusty sex life to go on unrestrained. Material advancement means how to please the genitals, but spiritual advancement means restricting the sex life (but it does not mean eliminating it). So there is a choice - be materially immature, or spiritually immature. My choice is made.
 
philadelph said:
Sikdogg just out of curiousity, do you participate in swinging where there is just an extra male? Or does there have to be an extra male and female? Has your wife let you have a threesome with her and another female?
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We've done MFM, FMF, and MFMF. Although we enjoy all three scenarios, we prefer to play with couples because there's more options in terms of possible combinations. In the course of playing with another couple, we usually end up in MFM, FMF, and MFMF situations throughout the evening. We also prefer people that are married or have been committed to each for some time. My wife's best friend has actually become my 9or our) girlfriend.
 
User_Name said:
believe it or not sikdogg, not everyone watches adult entertainment and not everyone lusts after every good looking creature they see. And I might have thought that once before being in love or when I was younger with raging hormones and no partner.
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No not everyone watches adult entertainment but i would venture to say that most (not all) men have watched or continue to watch adult entertainment on a fairly regular basis. If you don't think so, do a poll of the guys on this or any other board. I will also venture to say that the age group of the men that do watch adult entertainment ranges from below 21 to above 50 years old. Men are horndogs whether you want to believe it or not.

And yes, 10 years from now we will still be in love and want to be with no one else because love never grows old. You don't need to add things to it to make it better because it's perfect the way it is and there's nothing you could possibly do to "make it better".
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Clearly you haven't been in a long term relationship... contrary to what you've read somewhere about love, love doesn't carry a relationship. It requires constant work to keep things running smoothly and at times you actually have to make an effort to get out of guts and make things better.

But that does bring up another question.. would you really want to be going around swinging when you have kids? How would you explain it to them? Would it be something you want to encourage them to do when they grow up?
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Fact is we do have kids... we don't discuss it with them just as most couple don't discuss their private sex life with their kids. If our kids find out about it, we have no problems explaining our situation with them. We expect that they would prolly react the way you are now, but would eventually accept the fact that this right or wrong, is what we've chosen to do. We wouldn't encourage them to do it nor would we discourage them. We would allow them to make their own choices and not judge them whichever way they choose.
 
sikdogg said:
We've done MFM, FMF, and MFMF. Although we enjoy all three scenarios, we prefer to play with couples because there's more options in terms of possible combinations. In the course of playing with another couple, we usually end up in MFM, FMF, and MFMF situations throughout the evening. We also prefer people that are married or have been committed to each for some time. My wife's best friend has actually become my 9or our) girlfriend.
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Wow that sounds like a lot of fun. Were you the one who initiated the idea about possible swinging, or your wife?
 
as I stated before, not everyone is into adult entertainment.
Also, some people are open with each other from the beginning of their relationship because they want a good solid ground to base their relationship on.

I'm sorry that I cannot understand how wanting to be with only one person for the rest of my life is immature, but if you say so I guess it must be true since you're so much more aged and learned than I am. But if that's the case, then I would like to stay that way.

You don't seem to realize that it isn't about petty jealousy and insecurity.. it's about actual love. Saying you want to "explore" having more partners means you have grown bored with having just one. How is it more mature to move on to sleeping around when the average teenager does so in high school because they want to "sample the finer things in life"? Is it really that much more mature to say "I'm not happy with being with only you, so let's go have sex with more people. As long as we agree that we're not enough for each other, then it's okay"?

If that is maturity, then I will stay immature and enjoy it.
 
kong1971 said:
I'm with Sikdog. You kids are young. 10 years down the road, you may begin to realize that all these ideas about loyality and spirituality being the antithesis of sensuality are a little bit immature. Not to be hurtful or argumentative, but it seems more like a crutch for feelings of insecurity and jealousy and repressed sexuality. I think your feelings about sex change when you begin to reach an age when it is more about pleasure than procreation. The kids are grown up, you've been with the wife for ages and have worked out all your petty little jealousies and insecurities and you've actually become soulmates and not just married. You don't hide the adult entertainment collection anymore and she actually tells you how she wants it when you're in bed doing it, cause you've actually opened up to each other and accepted the real persons. It's hard to put it all down in words because my wife and I are just now starting to get to that stage. I think if she said she wanted to have a threesome with another male or female, I would seriously consider it. I might not go along with it, but I wouldn't get pissed and slap her around or leave her.
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You and i are very similar in this respect, 2-3 years ago i was in the same place that you are at now. My wife and i talked alot about the possiblity of bringing in a third. At first i would not even consider another male, only females. Then one day, i realized that i was being unfair... either we do this fairly or not at all. It turned out that our first time was with another couple and i thought that i would feel jealous seeing her with another man but as things turned out, i didn't. We both enjoyed seeing the other pleasuring and being pleasure by someone else, in fact we had the best sex after we got home and told each other about the experience we just had. We still have great sex everytime we get home after playing with others. We are more open now about everything and spend many hours just talking about anything and everything. We've come to realize that as good as the sex is with other people, it's always better with each other.
 
sikdogg, most still does not mean all. Not matter how many times you point out what the majority of people are like, that still does not mean everyone is like that.

I do not need to read about love to know what it's like, nor do you have to have been together for uncountable years to know what love is. There are some people that have been married for over 20 years that still don't know what love is. And it seems that the majority of people live their whole lives not knowing what love is. What love really is seems too good to be true, so they just assume that real love doesn't exist and say what they have is love.

I do thank you for answering my questions. There have been many times in which I would ask someone that had a different opinion than me questions and they ignored them or tried to act like they were answering them when they really didn't.
 
philadelph said:
Wow that sounds like a lot of fun. Were you the one who initiated the idea about possible swinging, or your wife?
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I initally brought it up one day when we were talking about each other's fantasies. My wife never commented whether she was opposed to it or if she was willing to explore it. The topic would come up again every few months and get dropped. One day after sex when we were just talking about differnt things, she brouht up the subject and said that she was curious about the idea. We talked more about it as time passed and one day decided that we should try it out and see if it was for us.
 
User_Name said:
sikdogg, most still does not mean all. Not matter how many times you point out what the majority of people are like, that still does not mean everyone is like that.
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agreed...

I do not need to read about love to know what it's like, nor do you have to have been together for uncountable years to know what love is. There are some people that have been married for over 20 years that still don't know what love is. And it seems that the majority of people live their whole lives not knowing what love is. What love really is seems too good to be true, so they just assume that real love doesn't exist and say what they have is love.
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I hear you bro and couldn't agree with you more...

I do thank you for answering my questions. There have been many times in which I would ask someone that had a different opinion than me questions and they ignored them or tried to act like they were answering them when they really didn't.
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No prob. I don't expect everyone or even most guys to jump on my bandwagon. I understand that the swinger lifestyle isn't for mainstream America. I do truely understand your position as i've been there. I think that i just evolved to where in am today, you and Stuff may or may not end up in the same place as i am down the road, but regardles of where you both end up - that's OK too.
 
Guys, guys, guys... come on! Stuff and User_Name have one take on swinging and sikdogg has another. It all comes down to personal preference. To each his own, right? You may not approve of someone's view on this subject- or on anything else, for that matter- but that doesn't give you the right to judge or condemn that person for their opinion. Tolerance is the key.

Some people hate constant change, while other people can't live without it. Some people have almost insatiable sex drives, while others can live with one orgasm a week. I believe that these are the two most significant factors in determining someone's swinging potential. sikdogg, along with myself and others on this board are simply wired differently than Stuff and User_Name. And that's okay.

sikdogg mentioned something about "all men liking adult entertainment" and that "all men are horndogs". Not exactly true. Believe it or not, about two-thirds of all men and one-third of all women possess a distinctly greater sexual appetite than their remaining peers. No one knows why, although genetics have obviously come up in the discussion. A great deal more work needs to be done in this area to begin to understand these critical factors. We've barely even scratched the surface up to this point. Keep this in mind before any of you bash someone else for loving or hating swinging. We're all wired differently. We're all unique. Remember that.
 
It's all good bro... i didn't take Stuff's or User_Name's comments as bashing. It was just an exchange of opposing opinions. I think we all understand that...
 
Yeah, you two have every right to think the way you do! I'm not trying to say you're wrong, only that it is obvious that you are young and still believe in the myth of love and not the reality of it. Enjoy the fairy tale while it lasts...and I don't mean that in a mean-spirited or cynical way. Although the sparkles and happy rainbows fade, something else takes their place that is infinitely better and more strong. My wife calls it Unconditional Love. I call it Devotion.
 
that "fairy tale" love that you speak of -is- unconditional love.... meaning not being swayed into acts of lust just because it sounds like a good idea. Though I'm sure what you mean by unconditional is being able to have sex with others to get your jollies off and think nothing of it. You might want to rethink using the word devotion as well:

Main Entry: de·vo·tion
Pronunciation: di-'vO-sh&n, dE-
Function: noun
Date: 13th century
1 a : religious fervor : PIETY b : an act of prayer or private worship — usually used in plural c : a religious exercise or practice other than the regular corporate worship of a congregation
2 a : the act of devoting b : the fact or state of being ardently dedicated and loyal (as to an idea or person)
3 : obsolete : the object of one's devotion
synonym see FIDELITY


(I just like using the dictionary ^_^;; )


But, just because you think that kind of love doesn't exist doesn't mean it isn't real.. (I'm sure I probably used too many negatives there but I'm too tired to try to rethink of how to phrase it properly). True love is already strong... so strong that you don't need others to be happy in your relationship... so strong that you don't even need sex to be happy in your relationship.
 
Indeed, you don't even need sex to be happy in a relationship in which you have true love. True love is above and beyond such things.
 
I think what it comes down is whatever you and yours feel is necessary or right for you...in other words whatever floats your boat. Enjoy life and enjoy your intimate relationships, but when it comes to marriage it can be even harder to see the swinger lifestyle as anything but infidelity or giving into lust...those against it are probably more likely to to ask why get married in the first place if you won't fulfill your loyality and such and such. If two people can have sex with other people openly and honestly without any jealousy then I'd say they are still being loyal. They are loyal to the agreement they have with one another, but to some like I said it just isn't being loyal or committed to being with your husband or wife.

Personally, I could never do it. I would just be heart broken to hear that my love does not feel I am enough to satisify her. The lifestyle to me seems a bit more for the insatiable. That I am not. Green eyes, brown hair, a nice face, and a personality of any kind is good enough for me and sex is less important than being honest, caring, and loving for one another. So, on that rationale I guess that is why I can see how sharing or swapping as disgusting to me as those terms are is along the same line of "being" with the one you love-as in co-existing in a relationship with- whatever the kind. Most people just can't get past the sex. It's the same for everyone no matter your position. One side is opposed to it because of the sharing of a sex partner and the other is for it because they get to share with other partners. So, as with anything love is what it is even when it seems like it ain't...
 
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User_Name said:
believe it or not sikdogg, not everyone watches adult entertainment and not everyone lusts after every good looking creature they see. And I might have thought that once before being in love or when I was younger with raging hormones and no partner.

To just go around and having sex unrestrained is like cats and dogs. As a human we should know better. Small children are forgiven for stealing candy because they do not know better... just as no one looks down on animals for mating with as many partners as they want because they do not have enough intellegence to think for themselves, they just live their lives searching for ways to satisfy their senses and nothing more.

And yes, 10 years from now we will still be in love and want to be with no one else because love never grows old. You don't need to add things to it to make it better because it's perfect the way it is and there's nothing you could possibly do to "make it better".

But that does bring up another question.. would you really want to be going around swinging when you have kids? How would you explain it to them? Would it be something you want to encourage them to do when they grow up?
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That's not a good or even relative analogy. Kids for the most part do know not to steal. They know better because they are typically told to and most do understand that what is not theirs should not be taken without permission. It does all have to do with behavior and what one believes or is told at an early age however and I think you are onto something relative to a more adult level situation. What you are getting at I think is the idea that we should know better from our intelligence or prior experiences. That is to say your theiving children know not to steal because they've been punished once before for doing so. Even so that is only applicable if you think said topic is wrong. I'd say that when it comes to this topic there is a rigid line dividing those that are unable to see it for more than sex with more than one partner while in a marriage therefore seeing it as a correctable or salvationable offense...and others seeing that their marriage still works because they still love each other enough to stay with the other. The former would suggest swinging is a correctable habit or forgiveable sin while the latter sees a fulfillment in an otherwise less than fulfilled relationship. To say the idea of swinging is like a child stealing candy without seeing his wickedness is just not adequate. I understood your point though. But it's so hard to see another person's view or perspective isn't it? It's as if when we argue something we fail to see that most of our arguments are being based on what we believe almost in an effort to keep from believing in or validating the opposition's stance. It is funny to see people argue over whether something is right or wrong especially when there are so few things in life that are just one way or the other.
 
You guys have brought up some different aspects/opinions about the swinger lifestyle that I havent thought about, but I still say no way. Im not saying that anyone is trying to change anyone's mind about this subject, either.

I asked my girl of almost 10 months now, what she thought about the idea, just out of curiosity. I was actually nervous because what would I think if she said "yes"? Basically, it went like this:

Me: Would you ever want to swing? (proceeded to explain what it was)

Her: (about 30 second pause) .........NO, WHY?

Me: I was just curious...I only brought this up once before and we never really talked about it.

Her: So you are saying you want to make love with another girl? (anger in her tone)

Me: No, no, no, I was just asking...I didnt admit to anything. I am just asking if you would ever do it with another guy or another girl with me in the same room?

Her: What the fuck xxxxx, (she uses my last name when she gets angry/upset) you are scaring me.

Me: So you are saying you WOULD in fact do it?

Her: (type of grunt when exhaling air like when you are ticked off) *click*

I called her back and asked some more questions to explain more, but she definitely is not into it, thank god.

Im glad some couples enjoy the swinging lifestyle, but it definitely is not for everyone.
 
kong1971 said:
I'm with Sikdog. You kids are young. 10 years down the road, you may begin to realize that all these ideas about loyality and spirituality being the antithesis of sensuality are a little bit immature. Not to be hurtful or argumentative, but it seems more like a crutch for feelings of insecurity and jealousy and repressed sexuality. I think your feelings about sex change when you begin to reach an age when it is more about pleasure than procreation. The kids are grown up, you've been with the wife for ages and have worked out all your petty little jealousies and insecurities and you've actually become soulmates and not just married. You don't hide the adult entertainment collection anymore and she actually tells you how she wants it when you're in bed doing it, cause you've actually opened up to each other and accepted the real persons. It's hard to put it all down in words because my wife and I are just now starting to get to that stage. I think if she said she wanted to have a threesome with another male or female, I would seriously consider it. I might not go along with it, but I wouldn't get pissed and slap her around or leave her.
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Now Kong, come on that is not even close to being true. For some it might be close, but to most I'd say love between one person forever is really what most want. If that changes down the road then fine they will deal with it. On the other hand there is certainly nothing wrong about wanting true love and wanting only that person for yourself. As men I think we are prone to never really giving up our days of trying to fuck everything we see and try our best to merely supress the urges. For love I'd say that is a loyal thing as much so as someone swinging for their lover's sake. Both parties need to know what is up-what the other desires. But it can't possibly boil down to repressed sexuality. Isn't that what your days of fucking everything you see are for anyway lol? I don't have a problem with the idea of swinging and others doing it, but for me like I said it is for the insatiable. That's my take. It's very indulgent and yeah probably for lust, but once again it's not for everyone obviously.
 
I am a highly sexual person so keep that in mind when you read my opinions on things. I always have been and always will be, I suppose.

I don't have any problems with the way the kids believe. Swinging is not for just anyone, but like anything else, it is just a sexual practice, and is no more right or wrong than masturbating while married or viewing adult entertainment-- seeking gratification beyond the mate. I only am trying to caution them about this "true love forever" thing they keep going on about. That, to me, leads to breaking up and, if married, divorce, more often than anything else. The feelings they have are common. Everyone feels that way towards their new romance. Unfortunately, that feeling fades after awhile, and reality sets in. She doesn't get up early to put her face on before he gets up. He starts farting and scratching his balls in front of her. The little princess and the knight in shining armor turn into plain ole him and her. Considering how hig divorce rates are, I believe that this is normally when people think, I don't love you anymore, and break up, moving on to the next person to get that thrill of "fairy tale love", thinking it's going to last forever next time, if they can just find Mr. or Mrs. Right. I just want them to know that it's never ever ever going to last and that if they plan to stay together, they have to learn about "real love". There's no rainbows and butterflies. It's kind of plain and sweet and simple. It's about being friends and trying to make each other happy and support one another and accepting the ugliness that we keep hidden from each other the first 7 or 8 years of marriage.

It may sound like I'm trying to burst your bubble or be cynical, but I am very happily married and have been with my mate 11 years now and still going strong.

Think I'm wrong? Come back and tell me that in 10 years, after you've been through the dirty diapers, and the crushes, and temptations, seeing your mate crap and bleed and be stupid and fart, gain weight, lose weight. Come back and tell me after the past lover confessions and the secret fantasy confessions and the flus and colds and diarheas. The fights, the bad fucks, the family squabbles...

True love doesn't wear blinders, it's eyes wide open seeing everything...and still loving them anyway.
 
REDZULU2003 said:
I myself wouldnt wonna share my girl with others, but maybe to a close freind...thats a maybe. I certainly dont get turned on by the idea of it, or the whole swinger scene.
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i second that, even though i'm not a guy in this situation, i wouldn't dare to be shared myself, or have him shared with another girl. even though i am the way i am, i would not want to do it, because #1 i'm respectful and it wouldn't do anything for me, nor him, i don't think. but like you said with the whole not getting turned on thing, i totally agree and see where you're coming from.
 
I agree with you Kong... the concept of true love is often disappointing to most as it can't be measured by anything other than time. The sky high diverce rate proves this and most don't realize how much work love and marriage is. If one is truely in love with their partner, then they are willing to work hard at keeping the relationship fresh and moving forward long after the bliss has past. The first few years everything is always great, it's the years after that will determine your love and devotion. I'm currently 38years old and have been married to my wife for over 15 years, we met in high school and althogh i've dated many other women besides her, she was and is the only woman that i can say i truely love. We've been through periods where we didn't get along and times where sex was far between, but love and devotion transcends that and teaches you that love doesn't mean sitting around all day for years on end in bliss. It is a dance where you sometime give and other times you take, but always with both of your best interests in mind. As Kong mentioned, when you can still find beauty in each other after knowing all of your dirty little secrets, that is true love.

My wife and i constantly communicate with each other in a course of a day through e-mail and cell phone. We openly talk about any/all subject matter (and are genuinely interested in what the other has to say) without fear that the other person will judge you. It always amazes us when sitting at a restaurant how other couples just sit there barely able to keep a conversation during the coures of a meal, it's not like that for us at all... Swinging and sex to us has nothing to do with love, it is a physical act of pleasure. Love for us takes place the rest of the day, when we aren't fucking.

After 11 years of mariage, Kong knows what i'm talking about...
 
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