My goodness, what a great bunch of people we have here!
More Meat said:
I guess what Im trying to say is that I
mos def. feel you DLD. Many of us have lost our angels, but to tell you the truth it makes you a stronger, better person by turning you into yourself. You realize why that person wouldnt want you and it helps you to grow and change what you need to change. I can honestly say that I owe a lot to DLD and to this whole forum. I just.. I.. I love you guys man!!!! ::weep weep:: Haha alright thanks for letting me get that off my chest- you can have your thread back now.
Such wisdom!
When Jennifer left me I thought my life was over but I soon realized that it had just begun. I only prospered without Jennifer, I became the man I am today because of her love and because she took it away and made me face the demons that were me. When Jen took her love away I became empty. Her love was what made me thrive, if you consider the past 5 years of my life thriving :s
Without Jen I was an empty shell, a blank sheet, I did not know myself nor did I recognize the life I was forced to live alone. I wanted to find a replacement immediately, and it was not because I was lonely, no it was much more sinister than that. I was looking to find someone who would allow me to remain the piece of shit I was so I did not need to change. I thought that if I found a new girl right away I would never need to address Mike Salvini. That guy had allot of explaining to do and he was not willing to talk. God had other plans.
No girls called, no letters came, no one stopped by, I had no friends locally so I got no visits. A few phone calls from the family and internet friends but that about it. I was here, in Easthampton, by myself in an apartment that looked like a crack house, a body that exceeded my age, a face without wrinkles because I never smiled, skin that was sickly white with a green hue (no doubt a monitor tan) I knew nothing about society, friends, relationships, clothes, style, I was totally clueless. I had the mentality of a 18 year old and the responsibility level of an indolent 5 year old. Relationship-wise I was totally fucked. I had no clue how to talk to, look at, approach or even think about woman. My manners were poor even though I lived, at one time, in the upper crust of society. I drove a piece of shit car and the only thing going for me was the 10 inches I had in my pants. The only accomplishment I created in this 5 years and a accomplishment most would try to strip from me, discredit me and out of some twisted obsession have a unmitigated rage, an anger that had no place against me as this was the one thing I really did earn over this half decade. I hated
MoS, I hated everything it stood for, I hated the internet, I was MISERABLE.
My days were filled with soul searching, exercise, self-improvement, addressing all of my past indiscressions (something I thought I had already done :s) I started to realize as honest as I was with the world, it had no meaning in the grand scheme of things, the honesty had to be with myself.
I was filled with visions of grander, delusions and self-lies that I convinced myself were true. Such a sad man I was. So many people thought I lied about my penis when really the biggest lie was who I was as a person. I really made the gains I said I made, as a matter of fact there may be some white-lie on my actual gains in the other direction meaning I think I have gained more than I have stated. I have always tried to be beyond humble about my gains in Penis Enlargement because the miracle was too valuable to me to fuck up by being dishonest. The place I did lie like a dirty, loser, dickhead (dld
is in who I was, inside, as a person.
I thought I was DLD, I might has well changed my name at the court house, this was who I was. He had no social, no responsibilities to the real world, he was a fictitious character that lived in never never land, a place called
Matters of Size. The confusion was perplexing because without Jen, DLD meant nothing but an internet connection. The sink or swim metaphor, I used earlier, really does this no justice. It was closer to slit my wrists or be reborn.
There was a critical line I crossed. A very clear, bold, distinct line between death and life and as dramatic as this sounds, I chose life, or should I say birth. I had the know-how as far as what to do to take care of this new personality I was getting to know. I could pay the rent, feed, drink, bathe and even earn the money by posting under my moniker, DLD. This new person, Mike Salvini, would have a comfortable place to stay as he grew up, again. Days were filled with exercise, running 5 miles daily, strict eating habits, no penis contact Penis Enlargement-wise, cognitive therapy session that could last days, lifting weights every day, documenting everything that happened in my life within my journals, ripping down the walls in my house, redesigning, rebuilding and sending my beat up Range Rover to the body shop to get pimped. This other person, Mike Salvini, he was not agoraphobic like DLD, he was OCD like a mother-fucker but he was able to go into public. I forced myself to go into public, to malls, stores, bars, clubs, planes, trains and automobiles. I pulled out my brown-book and called all of my late, male, friends. When I became horny I relieved myself through masturbation, when I became hungry I fed myself with the bare essentials, when I became thirsty I drank only water and when I became lonely I ventured into a world that was alien to me.
8 weeks have passed since I arrived back in Easthampton, 16 have passed since I last saw my angel but in these short 4 months that have passed I sit here today, as I type this, to say, I have made changes that would take most a lifetime to make happen. Another accomplishment I have made that I fear will be ridiculed at the mouths of my advisories. But before you spend the next 5 years trying to discredit this accomplishment let me save you some time; This is something else I did for myself and it makes no difference in the world who believes me because it was all for me and I am the one enjoying the spoils of making this goal happen. Your assaults will go on deaf ears.
These 4 months seems like 38 years to me because I just experienced a 16 week, crash corse in life. This was one school I wanted to go to and I'll tell you this too, a wigger graduated cum laude. Top of my class in life and I crossed all the T's and most of the I's. I am not saying I am perfect now, far from it. What I am saying is this new person, Mike Salvini, has a fighting chance to make it this time around. I am saying the next woman who becomes my soul-mate will enjoy a life filled with love, happiness and total freedom to express herself.
I look forward to getting to know my next girl (although I pray every waking moment it is Jen
)...she need not tell me anything of her past if she does not wish. I only want her to feel like she can say anything. I will never judge or mask my emotions as control and envy. I will let her know exactly what she means to me, every detail, without fear of her "knowing too much to hurt me." No hang-ups here, I am all about Peace, Love and Happiness. If she wants to work I will encourage it, if she only wants to play I will embrace it. I will allow her to blossom as her own person and I will be a spectator in awe at her wonder and beauty. I will listen to her feelings, her thoughts and ideas and I will offer only pure, uninfected replies. Uninfected because they will be clean of any of the manipulative responses that plaque a jealous mind. I will explore her music, style, taste, foods, family, friends, and be a humble student to her life, a life I will learn from as I did with Mike Salvini. SHe will never have to worry about money as this person I have become can make money like Donald Trump if he wants. But even deeper than that she will never have to worry about money because I have found happiness in life and it has nothing to do with money. She will have her own car, phone, credit cards, life. I will not interfere or control. I will only support. The next girl in my life will have found the alpha male in my chivalry and homogeneity skills. Again, not perfect but if you think this way pull out a dictionary.
Don't get this shit twisted either! I am no door mat, I am the man and I know my role. By now you guys should know me, I am the sweetest guy in the world and some misunderstand this quality as stupidity and vulnerability to their woos (like a dumb blonde
just jokes) but you will quickly see me drop the hammer with quickness and drop some English that sets shit straight. Some people do take advantage of me but when I grow tired of their annoyances I quickly terminate them from my life. The same thing applies in any relationship, there will be some playing and strings pulled, normal shit and as always I will roll with the punches but if my girl mistakes this quality for me being a dumb-ass and she tries to play me she will quickly realize "Homie Don't Play That" and "Punks Jump Up to Get Beat Down"
My point to your quote is that even though I did experience the most tragic loss in my life when Jennifer walked out I also received the irreplaceable treasure and that gift was myself.
