It does get hard

Maybe you are meant to keep working on yourself and self-transformation, (even though you have gone to hell and back already), and focus on your creative efforts, and if HE wants Jen to come back to you, she will.

You have to keep praying for HIS will for you. You're always in my prayers.

goinfor11x7 said:

Maybe you are meant to keep working on yourself and self-transformation, (even though you have gone to hell and back already), and focus on your creative efforts, and if HE wants Jen to come back to you, she will.

You have to keep praying for HIS will for you. You're always in my prayers.

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Thats what I have to do, it is tough medicine but if I am ever going to find real happiness it needs to start with me. I hate more than anything to admit this but I am obsessed with Jen and love, although something I truly believe I have for her, is not the reason I am suffering so much, it is because I have become obsessed.

In all honesty the relationship started with me playing the savior role and her being suBathmateissive to it. My pride came from pulling her out of the hell she was in and helping her become a better person. I put so much stock in her need for me, so much belief that without me she could not survive. I never believed she would go but then when she did I never believed she would make it. So delusional I was, such a sad frame of mind. I should recognize obsession as I have been this way my entire life but I am starting to fear now that it is not love that drives my depression and sadness but an obsession for someone who has moved on in life.

I would love more than anything to have her come back, see the changes I have made and have the relationship work out...GOD I would love that but now after 11 months with no contact I need to start seeing that she may never return and I need to stop praying for the past, my regrets and that she returns but pray for GOD to lift this obsession. I find myself seeing things from the past, songs, pictures, letters, memories, the list goes on and my thoughts immediately go into the obsessions that I wish I could go back to those times with the knowledge I have now and fix everything. GOD knows I have tried but there is no way to go back. Realizing I have this obsession is hard to admit, it is hard to start working on, it is hard to change the prayers from I wish to help me change but I am seeing clearly where this obsession is leading me.

I am constantly thinking things like, "Jen, we were together for five years and now you have nothing left for me?" I am always thinking how she is, what she is doing, if she is in love with someone new, if she is still sober, if she went back to being the trash she once was, if she met a doctor and is living a wonderful life, I can go on forever and I do and this is the true sign that I am obsessed with what I lost more than the love that is no longer here. I spent 2 years suffering last time and I do not want to do it again, it has been 11 months and I want it to stop. As hard as it is I need to block those thoughts and occupy myself with my present and where I want to go in life.

I am depraving myself so much in life in this turmoil, so many things I could be accomplishing, so many woman I could pursue, so much I could develop, all because I am suBathmateerged in the regret and guilt of my past. Life is funny like this but I guaranty when I move on she will return. Although I did do many things I regret I can't forget the good I did. I helped her become a real woman, a respectable person in society, become educated, become a teacher, supported her, counseled her, loved her and gave so much of myself to her. She can't forget those things, she may be able to avoid them, burry herself in a new relationship, a new beginning but soon they will surface.

I need to learn who Mike Salvini is, love him, nurture him, become as secure and accomplished as I can on my own.

between last night and today I have taken a terrible turn in my progress with Jen. I started obsessing about who she is with and how she is giving her love and self to someone else. It made me feel so sad, it is something I try to never think about but it crept up and made me feel so lonely and sad. I wish this obsession would leave me but it just sits there.

doublelongdaddy said:

between last night and today I have taken a terrible turn in my progress with Jen. I started obsessing about who she is with and how she is giving her love and self to someone else. It made me feel so sad, it is something I try to never think about but it crept up and made me feel so lonely and sad. I wish this obsession would leave me but it just sits there.

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Yo DLD seriosly man....you need to forget about her, she is just another broad. Fuck her. I know exacally how you feel and you have to realize that shes a CUNT, forget her ass...who cares who shes fucking and all that. I mean.....shes gone man....now what you need to do is throw your dick over your shoulder, and go on the hunt for some new pussy. Think of it this way...you have to look forward to meeting a girl who isnt a cunt faced whore, and developing a deep meaningfull relationship with her. Jen only wanted you meat stick, and whenshe got sick of it, she moved on like the heartless be-och she is. So please stop putting her onb such a high petastal, and for the love of god, stop whining about how you miss and love her...come on now.....you know your better and more of a man that that. P.S. Dont take this the wrong way, i am trying to help you see the truth

"I started obsessing about who she is with and how she is giving her love and self to someone else."

DLD I've been in that state of mind regarding ex's as I'm sure most people here have. The thought of her giving her love to someone else, when it used to be you who was the recipient, is galling indeed, and especially so if you happen to look back and think how you never truly appreciated that love when you had it. But, such is the nature of us humans.

The thought of going out and trying to meet someone new, to try and spark a relationship out of thin air, can be daunting. It may seem totally pointless to have to start all over again with someone new, with not knowing anything about them, being all nervous and unsure how to act. I think the key here is not to look for or expect another relationship straight away.

Just getting out there and interacting with new people is the way to start. If you do that, then positive things will start to happen. The other night I was out and I danced with this reasonably pretty girl. I didnt try and take it any further cos I didnt feel like it, but it still was a good confidence boost that an attractive girl wanted to dance with me. Little things like that will help on the road to recovery, particularly if you (like most people) tend to keep putting yourself down after a break-up.

Special people keep coming into and out of our lives all the time. Realise that for every special person who's been in your life, they probably had the same number of special people in their lives too, of which you were just one. To wish to hold a monopoly over someone else's love is futile.

Go and watch the movie 'Swingers' (Vince Vaughn) - even if you've seen it, watch it again. Its inevitable that you will put your ex on a pedestal post-relationship - you tend to forget the things they did that pissed you off when you were together and only remember the good stuff, the things you miss. You may go out looking at other women thinking how none will ever compare to the one you lost. But then BAM when you least expect it, someone else will come along who rocks your world in a new way. You just have to be out there for it to happen.

doublelongdaddy said:

between last night and today I have taken a terrible turn in my progress with Jen. I started obsessing about who she is with and how she is giving her love and self to someone else. It made me feel so sad, it is something I try to never think about but it crept up and made me feel so lonely and sad. I wish this obsession would leave me but it just sits there.

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DLD, writing stuff like that you are just self-destructing yourself.
I've lost the best GF I've ever had due to my stupidity and it was hard to swallow but you have to live on. She was hot, dedicated, shared my interests and helped me to get up from some shit but I just fucked it up. I don't think I will meet somebody like her again but it's life.
But if you keep thinking about it over and over again you put yourself into some major madness, nothing else.
Don't chase her, don't ask her to come back, do nothing. Get a life and it will pass. Let her go and be happy without her.

Hey Mike, my names Dan, and this is my first time ever postiong on your/our forum here. Why do you focus so much on what she is doing and not on what your doing? If we as individuals dont make the choices for how we live our lives each and every day, than the world will decide for us - and this is what you have been allowing, as many of us have before. We are Angry, Sad, Lonely, Regretful, etc. becuase of what another has chosen to do with their life -in essence doing this is saying that they are responsible for your own emotions, they are in charge of wether you feel good or feel bad. You know better than 99.9% percent of ppl that you yourself are the one with the power to change your life no matter what its current condition is. Just look at your dick, just look at your weight, and look at your health. I think my point has been made.

and in regards to your specific issue you dwell on concerning Jen; consider this - Shouldnt you be thankful to god you got to have her in your life at all? 5 years of getting to expierence this love, and getting the opportunity to help her in all the ways you did, and all the ways she helped you. In regards to true unconditional love, leaving you is probably the best most loving thing she could of ever do for ya, because ppl should only be in our lives if we are better ppl with them in our lives - sounds to me you once provided that to her and then you stopped and began demanding compensation for your love. Its incredibly rude when someone offers a gift and the person refuses to receive it.

What Im trying to say is- you gotta know what exactly you want before you go complaining about what ya dont have if yor not willing to live your life to achieve those things. You knew exactly how big you wanted your dick, right? Now you need to decide if you want love or Jen- and it may seem like the same thing to ya- they aren't.

Im 22 years old, im 6ft tall, not particularly good looking, weigh over 300 pounds, have a 5.5'' nbpel length, and am still a virgin. Im as familiar with self pity as you are with natural penis enlargement. Don't waste another second of your time with it. Please.

These guys are right, DLD. And I know how hard it is to move on. But you've got the support of all of these guys here at MoS. The next chapter in book of DLD is just waiting to be written. It's unfortunate that Jen may not be a part of that, but that's what's great about going into what's ahead. Going to that "undiscovered country" (yes, I'm a Trek fan, lol). And I think your ALPHA BLADE project is a great first step.

I've decided to get off of my keister and finally make something out of this crappy life of mine. I'm 5' 10", about 290 lbs., not quite a looker, but I have the drive and determination to change my life around. My blog on my progress and gameplan is in my signature...assuming it works.

DLD, this reminds me of what happened with WWE wrestler Matt Hardy, who lost his job and longtime girlfriend in the same stretch. He picked himself up with the support of his fans, found a new love interest, and returned to the job he loved. You can...and will, do the same, if not WAY better than Matt Hardy.

how did this story turn out? did you ever hear from jen again or did she come back? ifs shes gone then no contact really is the best way to go and only time will make it better and nothing else. then you meet someone new and that really helps you forget all the past memories.