If u care to read (depression)

Hey everyone, this is very outspoken for me to write something like this & I hope I dont delete before I post. Over the past 5 years I think I have been depressed. I say "i think" because I don't know what depression is defined as. I thought this term "depression" is a term used by the weak & I refuse from seeking help. But lately I think this depression is real & affecting (sp?) My life. I think a therapist is just stupid. I mean hell yeah I would tell you whatever you wanted to hear to keep you coming back cause you are paying me to talk & listen to you.
I am not suicidal but days I just wake up & I could care less about being dead. You may say in response, what about your family? Well Ive seen people (havent we all) around me have a close family member die & eventually they will be back to their normal self..after all death is a part of life. I wish I could just sleep all day long if I could. I have become accustom with lucid dreams & what is it for me to believe one reality over the other. I can dream on a regular bases & be whatever & do whatever I want. I get excited about going to sleep & getting tired.
I have termed into a hermit. I dont care what other people think of me because after all they are just one human being filled with ignorance judging the other. I recently just barely missed getting the dream job ive wanted for a long time & didnt get it. I swear I slept for 2 days straight after that & lost 8 pounds & im already pretty lean. I feel like im just waiting to die @ 24 years young.
I wrote all this to ask you people yhat have been diagnosed, do I need depression meds or do I just need to stop being a pussy?
I would like to know what meds are you guys are taking & how have the results been for you?

I don't know too much about meds, but I can relate to your story. I dabbled with lucid dreaming for a while as well and had several lucid dreams, which is very intense considering how much dreams are ignored in this culture. I could also slip from REM (stage 4) into awakedness (sp?) and then back to REM simply by choice and not lose the dream.

At one point I took a medication and had every side effect it listed. This included what I'd call "Concentric Dreams" which I did not like-I'd have dreams within dreams within dreams within dreams within dreams.... and that's just too much, makes you really freaked out and question reality itself. And it was certainly not Lucid, it was completely out of my control. Also, I had severe hallucinations, and I mean bad ones. I've taken enough acid for several people-I am no stranger to hallucinating, it is not something that ever scared me or that I could not control. But on that drug I had bad hallucinations (bugs) from any shadow I saw and it was enough to freak me out and end the drug. I still suffer from depression, and have a similar view as you-only pussies go to doctors and take pills. Well, I don't feel that way about other people really, but I do feel that way about myself-it's just not the way I do things. If I take a drug, it is one I want to take for a severe effect of some sort and it's pretty rare these days.

So I really have no advise, but at least wanted to let you know you are not alone. Life is a struggle, and it is a battle between you and you. The mind is like some machine we're driving without a manual. I can say that I don't believe suicide solves anything as I believe in Karma, and you are only setting yourself back-like a job that you must complete-you can't quit it, you have to do it, so you may as well just go ahead and get it over with. I also know that happiness is right there, like a hidden jewel in your sleeve, but it is hard to bring forth-most people go their whole lives without ever finding it for even a moment. But the reason you are here is to find it-so start looking, don't quit.

And by the way, your girth is way above average, so you should be pleased with that part of yourself if nothing else

You are experiencing depression and it seems to be manifesting itself as Agoraphobia. This happens to me every season change. I become despondent, depressed and have a general feelings of despair. For myself I need to change the thoughts in the moment. It is hard at first because it feels fake but eventually, if I keep replacing the bad thought with a good thought my general feeling state changes. I added a quote today to the daily quote thread and I think it may be very helpful in this state.

If we were talking to you on your first day here we would say, "Welcome to planet Earth. There is nothing that you cannot be or do or have. And your work here—your lifetime career—is to seek joy.

"As you think thoughts that feel good to you, you will be in harmony with who-you-really-are. And in doing so you will utilize your profound freedom. Seek joy first, and all of the growth that you could ever imagine will come joyously and abundantly unto you."

This says it perfectly.

Also, it is very important to understand that these difficult times are where creation takes place. As bad as it feels sometimes it is important to look around yourself for the clues of the moment. Become aware of your surroundings and why you are experiencing it. Yes, these feeling of despair are difficult to feel but, for me, I know there is a greater lesson to be learned through my open, universal connection and my ability to stay in the moment and learn.

Medication might really be helpful for someone in your condition. Try something mild at a low dose at first. Therapists are actually really really cool people if you find one that you like. They are trained to understand what you are saying and interpret how to help. I've had maybe over a dozen therapists in my life and I don't think I remember ever a single one who would not argue with me if the advice they gave me was not what I said. Their job is definitely not Yes Men.

TRBDONG,
Yeah, you're depressed. And if you automatically discount therapy it'll never work for you, no matter how necessary and/or beneficial it just might actually be.

You shouldn't summarily invalidate any options before you actually explore them; how do you know you just threw out the window exactly what you needed?

A lot of it sounds like you've lost (or perhaps never found) your purpose in life.
What are you dedicated to?
What goals are you actively pursuing?
How well and in what ways are you abiding by your contract with greater society?

One of mankind's most vital, most primal, most powerful drives is the drive to be useful.
Useful to yourself and to those closest to you.
Maybe what you're feeling is that loss of purpose, that deep satisfaction of actually "making a difference".

I'd suBathmateit that before you "resort" to drugs you stand up, get out and dedicate yourself to some sort of
cause wherein you benefit others by giving of yourself.
You'll be damned surprised to find out just how damn good doing good for OTHERS can make YOU feel.

Give it a shot,
a sincere shot.

Welcome to the forum
&
Good Luck!

Hey man I can really relate to you.

I'm also a recluse, I spend lots of time by myself, and I lose track of time. I pretty much raised myself, as my parents always thought I was "good to go". An emotionally abusive and distant father, and a mother I only saw before bedtime. I don't know if your parents were anything like mine, but I know how you feel. I went on a trip to Houston last year and stayed for about 6 months. I learned more about life than ever before. My uncle taught me a lot of things on being a man, something no one ever bothered to show me. He showed me the importance of having hobbies, goals, aspirations, spiritual growth, a purpose. I needed to get back in touch with my family and be a part of something bigger than myself. I needed to be needed. I accepted my father's flaws, my own flaws. I live for myself, but I would die for anyone in my family. I'm still looking for my purpose, but I'm a lot more mature than I was before. I've read books on extraordinary men, (btw I recommend you grab yourself a copy of The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck), but more importantly, I stopped caring and comparing myself to other people. Just like MAXAMEYES said, go do some volunteering, help out someone in need! If you have no family, then you should call up a friend or a therapist. No one deserves to be by themselves. Remember, no matter how introverted a person is, there is nothing more powerful than having someone to talk to. Just know that someone out there loves you.

Good luck friend.

Thanks for the replies & words of encouragement everyone.

It is difficult for me to answer some of yalls questions openly on this forum but I will definately answer them for myself.

Im surprised I got several replies. It is good to see some other people with similar experience as I know noone who suffers from depression.

From different things ive been reading & thinking about is that I need something to work toward. Not so much a goal, but a purpose like mentioned in posts above. Something I enjoy. Something I need to be OBSESSED with in life. I believe Penis Enlargement can be one of those things. After I get a good session in I feel good & motivated about life for about an hour or so. I feel the same way after running, working out, or doing yoga. I believe if I can incorate several of these things throughout the day that give me a temporary "high" I can ENJOY life without medication or a therapist. Ive been planning for awhile that today was the day that I was making a change in my life. After this post im gonna muster up some strength to get started on, hopefully, my new journey. If after a few months I feel as I have been I am seeking medical help.
Thanks again for the replies.

It sounds kinda cornball, but; Each and every morning you wake up is a brand new opportunity to renew your dedication, your strength and YOU.
Never pass up a chance to be the newer, wiser, better you.

Congratulations on your first steps.

MAXAMEYES;438485 said:

It sounds kinda cornball, but; Each and every morning you wake up is a brand new opportunity to renew your dedication, your strength and YOU.
Never pass up a chance to be the newer, wiser, better you.

Congratulations on your first steps.

Click to expand...

Everyday is like Easter!

TRBDONG;438390 said:

Hey everyone, this is very outspoken for me to write something like this & I hope I dont delete before I post. Over the past 5 years I think I have been depressed. I say "i think" because I don't know what depression is defined as. I thought this term "depression" is a term used by the weak & I refuse from seeking help. But lately I think this depression is real & affecting (sp?) My life. I think a therapist is just stupid. I mean hell yeah I would tell you whatever you wanted to hear to keep you coming back cause you are paying me to talk & listen to you.
I am not suicidal but days I just wake up & I could care less about being dead. You may say in response, what about your family? Well Ive seen people (havent we all) around me have a close family member die & eventually they will be back to their normal self..after all death is a part of life. I wish I could just sleep all day long if I could. I have become accustom with lucid dreams & what is it for me to believe one reality over the other. I can dream on a regular bases & be whatever & do whatever I want. I get excited about going to sleep & getting tired.
I have termed into a hermit. I dont care what other people think of me because after all they are just one human being filled with ignorance judging the other. I recently just barely missed getting the dream job ive wanted for a long time & didnt get it. I swear I slept for 2 days straight after that & lost 8 pounds & im already pretty lean. I feel like im just waiting to die @ 24 years young.
I wrote all this to ask you people yhat have been diagnosed, do I need depression meds or do I just need to stop being a pussy?
I would like to know what meds are you guys are taking & how have the results been for you?

Click to expand...

I know how you feel bro'. Depression destroyed most of my life. It's gotten so bad that my molars of my teeth started to hollow and had to be taken out. The fact is that I only have one molar on one side of my mouth and the rest I have none. Still got my upper-back teeth, but I need to have it taken care of. I tried to make it go away but it keeps coming back. So for two weeks I've been in my room sleeping and resting alot. Just recently I got up and went to the gym to atleast workout to get myself back into the mood. It seems you don't understand what others have gone through. This seriously makes it hard for me to talk to women. I have a nice body, but if I do a full smile, It'll look bad.

Dude, I got so sick yesterday, and I felt so depressed it felt like a heavy weight. You know when you feel like you are in a tunnel and that claustrophobic feeling, like it wasn't going to end and it lasted several hours. I don't know why it happen because everything added up, but I felt like I wanted to hurt myself. I knew it must be all these supplements I was on, and I didn't want to start a new thread for this but I wanted to say something, and I remembered on the pills description it said they can cause you to feel more suicidal. So I emailed my mom and told her I was feeling so low for some reason and tried to splash water on my face. While the sun was up the sounds from people outside where making me feel sicker. When I realized the meds make you feel more suicidal that helped me become aware of the side effects and it made me stop thinking about it. At the time the sun started going down I started feeling a little better and up until then I had a horrible knot in my stomach. I ordered some pizza luckily after the sun was gone and since it was such a horrible feeling I felt a feeling of relief that it was over. I felt like sweaty even though it wasn't hot, and like I had just gone through something physically exhausting even though I didn't go anywhere at all that day.

I have since become reliant on pe & getting in shape. Hoping to become obssed with time. Gained 1/4 " in girth. Feeling motivated about life!

TRBDONG;455178 said:

I have since become reliant on pe & getting in shape. Hoping to become obssed with time. Gained 1/4 " in girth. Feeling motivated about life!

Click to expand...

Big change! Very happy and proud for you!