meshuggah said:
I have read articles about how men and women end up in the same relationships with the same kind of people throughout their lives. Whether it is being with a girl who is shy or outgoing, or being with a bad boy or a shy guy. I'm 22 and while I'm young I have found myself in severely unhappy relationships, and have a very bad view of women as a result. The kind of girl I always attract and fall for are the girls who had a bad relationship with their father, and are party girls, that drink a lot and sleep with a lot of dudes. My last girl was like this, and the current girl I've known and am hooking up with is wild and has had sex with over 14 dudes (she's 20). What a slut! anyways, how do I stop attracting these girls (they came on to me first)? Every girl I've dated or known has played guys and known how to attack the male ego. Are all women like this? Or are there nice girls with good relationship ideals out there? I'm losing faith here. I'm sure you guys know what I mean!
Bro, I've been where you're at, and I've been hurt and messed up like you wouldn't believe. When I was reading your original post I was saying to myself "yep, yep, me, that's me, oh look, it's me again." My ex hurt me so badly that there ws actually a point where I was lying in bed curled up in the fetal position, dry-heaving trying to get the crap that she had told me and said to me out of me any way that I could (no sleep for me that night, obviously) - and no I'm not kidding.
I am now in a different place than that, thank God.
thoughts lead to>words lead to>actions>habits>character>destiny>legacy
You are the sum total of your input(visual, audible, association (family, friends, coworkers, peers, etc.)) and the choices that you have made thus far basded on the options that you've had.
I hope you're ready for some tough-love...
Tough lesson #1: It is not a coincidence that you keep attracting the same type of female. There is a reason for it. That reason is in you. For the most part, the vast majority of the time the people that we attract to us are very similar to us. Like attracts like. So as horrible and lame as you may think your exs are / were, if you look in the mirror, and if you're honest with yourself, you'll find the things that you didn't like in them ...in you. It's the old saying "when you point the finger at someone else you point four more back at you."
But there is hope. If you're willing to take responsibility for those things and put in the work to change them, which will in turn change you, you will attract different girls than the ones that you have been attracting. But it means that you will have to accept responsibility for things that you probably (if you're anything like most people) will not want to be responsible for. If you can be honest with yourself about who you are, himble yourself and accept responsibility, and then put in the work that it's going to take to change yourself, then you'll find yourself in a very small percentage of people. The longer you wait to change the harder it gets to change for alot of different reasons, so the sooner you change the easier it will be to make the change (it will never be any easier to make that change than it is right now - in fact it will only become more difficult the more time you let pass) and the sooner you will be attracting the kinds of girls that you want to attract.
You know why you have a bad view of women, right? It's because of your input up to this point. The good news is that it's nothing that subtracting the old sources of negative input and adding in new sources of positive input can't fix. How bad do you think your view of women will be when you've been dating your dream woman for six months or a year?
You mentioned that these girls came on to you first, and I don't doubt it.
It looks like you don't want the kind of girl that's going to come on to you first, and I don't blame you. If that's the case then shouldn't it be a red flag if a girl comes on to you first?
I assure you there are still nice girls with good morals and high standards and good relationship ideals. They can even be good-looking, too. I've met plenty after I had that last disastrous attempt at a relationship.
And if you want one all you have to do is:
1) Change yourself
2) Put yourself around them (where would they most likely be?)
To be Continued...(damn I'm tired)