What Should I Do & Say ?

Hey Guys. My lady of 15years told me she was going to a movie after work with her co-workers yesterday. Now she gets off at 5pm but the movie didnt suppose to start until 7:30 pm. Now at 11:30 pm I called my lady and ask where the heck was she. She text back she will be home soon. Now finally at 12:30 midnite; she comes in the house while me and my 11year old are watching TV. I guess she thought I would be past-out drunk but I've been sober for 6 days so I was wide awake. Now I notice that she had on different clothes than what she left to work in. These clothes were more provacative and not what you would really wear to the movies. Now I notice she was drunk and could barely look into my eyes or say a word to me or the kids. Now once she went to sleep I check her phone, and the car. Now after doing some digging I seen that she and a female co-worker went to a Chip N Dale show. Plus she had a given photograph of one of the dancers in her purse. He was dressed like a topless fireman. Now it was a professional picwhich was probably given to her at the meet n greet. Now I know it was more of a classy show than a bonified strip club; But still. The tickets were 50bucks plus gas,food,and drinks. So thats 100bucks household/her/our money she used on this shit. Plus obviously she think she wears the pants in the house ( because if I didnt call to check on her; it seems like she wouldnt of called). Whats next; she feels it safe to cheat. Iam glad I was sober and awake to get the info I needed plus not say a word until I cooled off. Now she is smart,classy,and sexy and the best baby mama. But since she makes more than me for the last 3 years; She starting to get on that Womens Lib shit. Now Iam at work and she doesnt know I Know yet. So should I argue or give her a chance to come clean or play dumb. What should I do.

I would wait and let her come clean. Or a little poking for answers but acting like you know nothing. I would rather have my wife at a chip n dale show than out partying with random guys. They have those shows here at casinos once in awhile. My wife always jokes that she and her sister should go. I just tell her to go and have a good time. Maybe your wife was too embarrassed to say anything to you about where they were going.

Happywithbm;595754 said:

I would wait and let her come clean. Or a little poking for answers but acting like you know nothing. I would rather have my wife at a chip n dale show than out partying with random guys. They have those shows here at casinos once in awhile. My wife always jokes that she and her sister should go. I just tell her to go and have a good time. Maybe your wife was too embarrassed to say anything to you about where they were going.

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Thanks. You are right ChipNDales is more of a show than strip joints. If I was drunk I would of probably overreacted at 1am. Good thing I quit drinking. But now I feel that she may start to think about more adventurous escapades. Idk. Plus Iam pissed because if I didnt call her at 11:30 pm. She wouldnt of called me (whom was at home with the kids). This is how it starts. Idk.

It sucks when we are lied to and know it, it can really destroy so much. I agree with Happy that going to the show is not a big deal and better than going out and cheating but still the fact remains that she lied. I think the concentration needs to be put on why she lied, what is she missing inside that she needs to lie. How has your relationship been with her, has there been problems? I would concentrate my efforts on the deeper whys of this than the place she went to. Wait until you are both relaxed and private and see what you can figure out on the whys.

Maybe she did it; to say I Did It. But yes the lying plus not one "Iam OK Text" the whole night. She probably thinks since I became overweight, drunk, depressed, and insecure that maybe she didnt want to tell me. But what if something bad had happened to her. I wouldnt have known nothing. No text with kids at home means you are having the time of your life. But it motivates me to become Disco Dave. I will now start a more intensed self-inbetterment lifestyle.

Disco Dave;595782 said:

Maybe she did it; to say I Did It. But yes the lying plus not one "Iam OK Text" the whole night. She probably thinks since I became overweight, drunk, depressed, and insecure that maybe she didnt want to tell me. But what if something bad had happened to her. I wouldnt have known nothing. No text with kids at home means you are having the time of your life. But it motivates me to become Disco Dave. I will now start a more intensed self-inbetterment lifestyle.

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You just answered the question why she is straying! I do not want to hurt you, I love you as my fellow Brother, but being overweight, drunk, depressed, and insecure are the exact opposite of what she wants. I am so proud of you Dave for being sober 6 days but I want to see you make it 6 months and in this time I want you to loose that weight and start to feel better about yourself. Let her know that you are on a quest to better yourself and let that quest start today. I would approach the conversation from that point of view. Saying something like, "I know I have let myself go but today I am starting a new and I want you to be part of it". I promise you that it will not only change the weight, dependence, depression, and insecurity, it will save the relationship and make it better than ever. Who were you when you met her? What did you have to offer? Lets get you on the road to recovery and rejuvenation. Much love Dave, no offense meant only support.

I think DLD hit it right on!
The only thing i would have done differently, is told her i know she went out, and i don't appreciate being lied to, but i undestand that my behavior is part of the reason why maybe and im making changes, starting immediatly... so on and so fort, like DLD said.

jekyllnhyde360;595795 said:

I think DLD hit it right on!
The only thing i would have done differently, is told her i know she went out, and i don't appreciate being lied to, but i undestand that my behavior is part of the reason why maybe and im making changes, starting immediatly... so on and so fort, like DLD said.

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Indeed!

The thing is with women you need to keep them tempted for a better future. Complacency is the fastest way to loss. When women see us as working towards a better self they can't help themselves from becoming involved for the better you. I know this from my own experiences with my x Jennifer. She saw me go from a hungry, evolving, positive man to a fat, lazy, stagnant man and this is why she looked for something better. I did not make the changes I needed to keep her and it was all my fault.

I agree. Continue to stay sober, lose weight and add size to your penis, which losing weight will help with. Set goals in and out of PE and get excited about achieving them. Do more things with your lady and show her that you love her but also have your own goals and things to do on your own. And stop worrying about her cheating on you because if you do it will happen.

tef1;595805 said:

I agree. Continue to stay sober, lose weight and add size to your penis, which losing weight will help with. Set goals in and out of PE and get excited about achieving them. Do more things with your lady and show her that you love her but also have your own goals and things to do on your own. And stop worrying about her cheating on you because if you do it will happen.

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A part I left out and you mentioned. Spending quality time with your mate and family will be a healthy part of your total change. It does sound like a lot Dave but a lot is what you need right now. Set your goals and do whatever the fuck it takes to make them happen...we will support you the whole way!

Thanks guys. Iam glad I started weightloss/sobrierty 5 days before this occurred. I will use it as motivation. Plus I am glad I asked you guys first before overreacting. Thanks for the counseling guys.

How did you find out how much the price/admission/tickets were? Were there receipts somewhere?

It might had been the first time or it may have not. I agree that chippendales seems less harmless than @ a bar since they're probably not gaming chicks on the job. After is another story though.

Don't see how you can bring it up to her w/o looking like that over protective dude that's going through her shit. It's different if the stuffs in her car or posted via her friends/herself on facebook. Then you can twist things to not look like a dick and make a mention of where she was.

Just seems like a bit of girl fun or chippendales might be a gateway drug to other things. Whats the status on her friend(s)? Are they single?

Smerc: It does seem like it was just a quick get a way. Btw: I strolled through her phone/net history while she was sleep and seen she got a receipt confirmation for the show. The thing is if she would of told me upfront I probably would have said takes some pics for the fun of it. I have no problem too much with her being out but since women get kidnapped or raped; I do need to know where you are at and some type of update on what are you are doing next. Plus I dont want my lady thinking its cool to stroll in at 1am without calling. But I still havent talked to her about it yet and I probably wont directly ask her. I will just give her enough room to see how she wants to play it out and then I will go from there.

It would be better to bring it up in regards to a safety issue, rather then a where she went issue. Not sure how defensive she gets w/ confrontation, but that would be the best road to head towards if you was going to bring it up. Shitty being lied to though. Maybe she did see the movie and do the chippendales thing, seems there was enough time for both.

Hey Smerc: I just confronted her. This is what happened. I said " Hey babe, how was Magic Mike last night "( and then I started laughing). And then she started laughing and blushing. Now Magic Mike is a stripper movie we both watch together; So she knew what I meant. LOL. Then she said "How did you know" (while smiling). LoL. And I said "I didnt but next time keep it real because things happen to women and I feel better atleast knowing where you are at". And she said "I know but I didnt know how you would take it". And then she smiled and gave me a big hug n kiss. She looked relieved to not have to keep up the lie. So I told her. " Its forgotten but next time keep it real for safety sake". Thanks. Because besides you and others on MOS; Disco Dave doesnt have any male confidants. Now she seemed so relieved that I may get laid tonight. LoL. Thanks guys.

Disco Dave;595825 said:

Hey Smerc: I just confronted her. This is what happened. I said " Hey babe, how was Magic Mike last night ". And she started laughing and blushing. Now Magic Mike is a stripper movie we both watch together; So she knew what I meant. LOL. Then she said "How did you know" (while smiling). LoL. And I said "I didnt but next time keep it real because things happen to women and I feel better atleast knowing where you are at". And she said "I know but I didnt know how you would take it". And then she smiled and gave me a big hug n kiss. She looked relieved to not have to keep up the lie. So I told her. " Its forgotten but next time keep it real for safety sake". Thanks. Because besides you and others on MOS; Disco Dave doesnt have any male confidants. Now she seemed so relieved that I may get laid tonight. LoL. Thanks guys.

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Confidence is King!

Good news Disco!!

doublelongdaddy;595827 said:

Confidence is King!

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DLD: This Brotherhood works numerous wonders for the regular guys like me who are confused in various subjects. Maybe MOS should Nationally start a anti-domestic violence campaign. At first I was confused (domestically) But the Brothers helped me. Lets go on DR Phil and help others stop the Domestic Violence Jealousy Madness. Its a win win situation. Iam sure others will agree. Thank you guys for helping me calm down. Semper Fi.

Sir, go here, NOW:
http://reddit.com/r/theredpill

You'll be glad you did.

smerc;595822 said:

It would be better to bring it up in regards to a safety issue, rather then a where she went issue. Not sure how defensive she gets w/ confrontation, but that would be the best road to head towards if you was going to bring it up. Shitty being lied to though. Maybe she did see the movie and do the chippendales thing, seems there was enough time for both.

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Smerc ftw