uh boy :-\

Alright, well, I've been suffering from some sort of depression lately, and I haven't been on MOS as much as I used to be making atleast like more than 5 posts per day before now. But a lot of things have caught up with me lately, my father, my parent's divorce probably, friends, the way i feel about myself, etc. All that crap the usually causes people to get down and be depressed. Yeah, I will be seeing a therapist about this ASAP because of how low i felt the other day and I still do feel this way sometimes, and I try not to think about any of this. Because I should be happy but I'm not, and no, it's not me and samz relationship. Our relationship is as better than ever, and that's definitely not the problem here. My dad is more the problem than anything. And if you know me, and I've talked to you about this before like during this week or something, you know exactly how i feel. If anyone else wants to talk, be my guest. I need to surround myself with people anyways.

Other than the depression stuff, I recently found out that I am Bi. Alright, now comes the part where people usually jump all over everyone's case with the crap like "there's no such thing as being bi" or "you're not bi, you don't know what you're saying". If you're gonna start off with that, or mention it anywhere in here, I suggest you save that for another time, or for your best luck, try never. Cus I'm not in the mood and never was.

The first time this happened to me, was in the semi-beginning of my Junior year in highschool. I saw two girls kissing and I somewhat liked it. I didn't wanna tell alot of people, i told my close friends and zack along with a couple other people, only in fear of being rejected, yelled at or made fun of for my last two years in that hell hole. So i kept my mouth shut, along with being in some sort of denial. But now, even though I'm still afraid to tell alot of my guy friends (mostly them because I know how guys can be witha bisexual girl...) I'm not afraid to let anyone know who I am, who I really truely am. Because now that I know and being true to myself, I feel alot better about myself and stuff. Besides the depression and all that jazz.

I just thought i'd like to share that with you guys. And yeah, if you don't see me replying to lots of threads lately, it's cause I'm trying to feel better and stuff with the depression and stuff. If you wanna talk more, post here or hit me up on AIM. punkxvixen95.

You know I'm around for ya. Hit me up any time if you need.

Hey Kittie, no big deal being bi. My last two girlfriends were bi and frankly I found it to be a big turn on myself. Granted, they were exclusive with me but nevertheless it didn't bother me one bit. I dunno how people can get worked up over such a thing.

I too have been somewhat depressed (see in Seducation/Dating for the details) so I can somewhat understand your mood and I have to admit I'm a little jealous that your relationship is working out great whereas mine just went down in a firey mess.

Try to keep your chin up doll. I know it sounds hollow since you have no idea who I am but the beauty of forums like this (or in general) is you can tell the world your problems and usually someone will respond and talking about it (which I still want to do but I've toned down a lot 'cause my friends are sick of listening to my bitching) always helps in the long run.

Later gator.

I get depressed often. It gets difficult to do things that used to be normal, like getting up in the morning, finding motivation to do things you should be wanting to do, and really affects the way you interact with people. Something that usually helps me is realizing what exactly is going on with me. Yeah of course I'm depressed, but what is it doing to me? Am I just wanting to lie in bed and not do anything? Well the hell with that...I have things I want to do, I want to get things accomplished. So I HAVE to get myself up, and once I visualize whatever my goal is, and I realize that I want it, its easier to find motivation to get things accomplished.

This can apply to general life in my opinion. If you're having troubles with a relationship (your father), you obviously need to confront the problem, and maybe not so much with him...that would be best, yes...but confront it on a personal level. You need to either change or accept things for yourself before you will be okay with the situation. Sounds simple and kind of like-so what, but when you're depressed its easier said than done.

Even if I don't know you, I'm always up for chatting with anyone, so feel free to talk to me anytime. My AIM sn is RTKaelwyn.

Depression is a medical condition and needs to be treated. It is not being selfish or dramatic or a cry for attention. Make sure you get professional help and get yourself back on track!

There's nothing wrong with being bi, either. Don't worry what other people think. The people who say there's no such thing as "bisexuals" are either homophobes or closet queers. It is hard to come out about it because people don't understand it yet and it is kind of weird to try to explain it to someone. People want either black or white, yes or no. They want labels on everything so they feel safe and secure...but bisexuality is not that at all. It is a little bit this and a little bit that and sometimes maybe. That's what's so hard about even figuring it out yourself, because even a bi person wants that black/white, yes/no security and there is alot of trying to deny one side or another to conform. My wife, thank God, understands me because she is a little bit that way herself, and we have incorporated it into our fantasies and role-playing a little...I wouldn't say we have completely dealt with it because we are both a little bit uncomfortable with it and my wife is a little more in denial about it than me...but we have talked about it and messed around with our bi fantasies a few times together. I'm willing to talk about it some more with you if you want. Goonies gotta stick together! j/k

aw thanks a lot you guys! it really does mean a lot to me that i kno who's here for me and stuff. it makes me feel loved haha but yeah anyways, thanks for all the advice, I always put it to great use, especially from friends. i think i'll be okay, I juss need to try and keep my head up, even though everything's coming at me all at once. It sucks when I think that I can't confide in anyone over stuff about my dad and all that stuff, but now I realize I do have ppl to talk to thanxx again :D

kong1971 said:

Goonies gotta stick together! j/k

Click to expand...

true lol

that movie rocks btw :D

As I've told you elsewhere Kittie, you know you have my support and can talk to me whenever. My last ex was of the closed mindset that there was no in-betweens with sexuallity. I tried to come out to her that I was BI, and she about lost her mind. She thought you could only be straight or a complete homo. Her lesbian friends were ok with her though....weird mentallity....and one of the MANY reasons we are no longer together.

I am far, far, far, far, far, far, far from a doctor, but I agree and think that you should seek some professional help. For a short story, my sister had Dysthymic (sp?) depression, along with major OCD problems. It was a horrible 3 years for her until my mother and father finally made her go to a doctor. I cant remember other treatments she was given, but I do know medication was given along with other treatment methods, and she has not been anywhere near what she was like a while ago. To me, it was like a 100% turn-around, although she still has some OCD problems but not as severe.

I re-read your first post, and I just now realize that my girl has a lot of problems with her dad also...he mentally and physically abuses her. Im not sure if those are the same problems you are having, but I am glad that you are with sam and that he understands you and what you are going though. I also realized that you said you are going to a therapist soon, so thats great! Atleast you are smart and not waiting for years. Enough rambling..."good luck" (I guess I shouldnt be saying good luck, but you know what I mean by it) with everything, and hopefully your problems diminish quickly.

From the tone of your text it sounds like its something that will sort itself out.
You dont sound depressed to me. Your mood might be low, try to get into the sun more [it helps] think POSITIVE, whats the worse that can happen? your alive you aint dead, think positive, theres people ALOT worse off than you. Your bi, than thats fine...it aint nuthing to be ashamed of nor afraid of. If anyone gives you grief about that than fuck it. Learn whom to trust, maybe dont tell anyone. Also with your own inner demons on the subject, just gotta learn to accept it love. Look at it like this, you'll get the best of both worlds....men and woman...thats GOOD STUFF. I dont think you need to see a Doctor, you already state you see someone now and talk to them. A doc will only give you PILLS, which are the LAST option. Firstly use positive thinking and come to terms with being bi-sexual. Get out into the sun more, enjoy your time with jake, and remember your not in a bad state, people are worser for wear. If you still find yourself slipping than try Therapy, than the doctor. Like I said, you dont sound like your depressed, but rather just kinda in a slump. Did I also mention I do Psychology with the Police? If you need further advise than pm me.

thanks guys

i support ya. you know how i feel about it. i'm just glad that you came to terms with it, because for a while i know that it was killin you and changed your attitude towards women and sexuality greatly. but since you came out it's been a lot better. i know you're feeling better about your self in that area and any other area which you're not, that's what i'm here for

i love my lil bi ram :D

samzman said:

i love my lil bi ram :D

Click to expand...

damn right you do, you're gonna be riding one tonight

I've said this before on the forum, but two different meds could not help my depression I went through. One made it a lot worse. I suggest doing all you can to beat it w/o meds. Talking to the professionals is good. It helped me a little, but what helped the most was putting a smile on my face whenever I could.

KiTTie8695 said:

damn right you do, you're gonna be riding one tonight

Click to expand...

AHH! Too much information! just kidding

I know that I'm a noob and that my opinion doesn't mean shit, but... I've been through my own soul searching over sexual orientation and I battled with major depression for several bitter years (unrelated). Many years ago I reconciled the sexual attraction that I felt for women and men, and acknowledged that I was bi-sexual. I never consumated that sexuality with a man, basically because I never met a like-minded guy who punched my buttons. Now I am married (10 years) to a wonderful woman whom I love very much and am fully committed to. I am functionally a heterosexual, but it could have gone either way.

As for the major depression, this happened to me during my late twenties: I had difficulty getting out of bed in the morning, nothing made me happy anymore, life was just fucking gray. I thought that I was just not trying hard enough, that I just wasn't smart enough anymore, whatever. I didn't think that I was depressed, but many people who loved me pushed me to seek help, and I finally did. I had about a years-worth of counseling with a psychologist, and very grudgingly went on to anti-depressants. I got better. Some people will talk smack about anti-depressants all day long, but if you've got an organic based depression like mine (read: a real disease, as real as diabetes or cancer), then they will improve your life one hundred percent. My suggestion is to go talk to a psychologist.

Peace!
Gravesubject

Gravesubject said:

AHH! Too much information! just kidding

I know that I'm a noob and that my opinion doesn't mean shit, but... I've been through my own soul searching over sexual orientation and I battled with major depression for several bitter years (unrelated). Many years ago I reconciled the sexual attraction that I felt for women and men, and acknowledged that I was bi-sexual. I never consumated that sexuality with a man, basically because I never met a like-minded guy who punched my buttons. Now I am married (10 years) to a wonderful woman whom I love very much and am fully committed to. I am functionally a heterosexual, but it could have gone either way.

As for the major depression, this happened to me during my late twenties: I had difficulty getting out of bed in the morning, nothing made me happy anymore, life was just fucking gray. I thought that I was just not trying hard enough, that I just wasn't smart enough anymore, whatever. I didn't think that I was depressed, but many people who loved me pushed me to seek help, and I finally did. I had about a years-worth of counseling with a psychologist, and very grudgingly went on to anti-depressants. I got better. Some people will talk smack about anti-depressants all day long, but if you've got an organic based depression like mine (read: a real disease, as real as diabetes or cancer), then they will improve your life one hundred percent. My suggestion is to go talk to a psychologist.

Peace!
Gravesubject

Click to expand...

Thanks graves Yeah I'm trying to find a person to talk to, in the mean time though, I've been trying to help myself out by being more social and shit...like getting out more or hanging out with my friends and samz more and stuff...it's helping but it doesn't stop me from getting depressed sometimes and then I feel wicked bad because I don't want to hurt people around me or make it seem like I'm not having any fun :-\ but im sure it'll get better. It's been taking me forever to get over some things in my past.