This post is long. Dwt i'm not here to swap drug war stories, try to inspire you, or come across as some reformed cliche, even tho i might end up sounding like it, but i can relate to whats in your post cause i'm going through/been through the same deal right now. i'm ashamed of the life i led but i'll be straight here.
Some of the best experiences in my life were on drug, unbelievable experiences, but i still wish i never touched a single fuckin one. Might be that consequences have caught up with you too and you feel like its time to get everything straight for good and lead a decent life, i dont know but it sounds like it and i hope thats the case.
I loved drugs, drinking and fucking around (well, about 30 to 40 percent of the time, the rest was out of desperation cause i had fuck all else going for me) but you know that path just leads to disaster, physically, mentally and financially and the rest, for anyone who lives there lives in that way, paying no responsibility to anyone one, and showing little respect for their Self or everyone else. You dont need me to tell you that.
I started everything young too, doing every drug more my resources could stretch too. Even in high school the use of drink and drugs caught up with me and my ability to stay focused and intelligent decreased massively, also my ability to play sports and that kind of thing. i spent more time sniffing lighter fluid, smoking, drinking than i did studying in the last 2 or 3 years of school. I didnt even get to finish my exams at high school, which didnt seem that important then but it definately is now, and i left being thick as shit with no obvious options in life, no clearcut path to follow so for the next 7 years i just moved in any circle where heavy constant drug use was the most prevalant and getting arrested quite alot . All the people i hung around with were hooked on either one drug or another so i'd go to one mates house to smoke heroin, go to anothers for speed, pills, and trips, or go out with other crackheads thieving , mugging and robbing. Somehow doing things this way and not staying with one group for too long i never got chemically dependent on any drug so psychologically after seeing the damage i was doing to myself i gave them all up easily like you did and they aint an issue no more. Rebuilding a respectable life is important now.
I wasnt a complete waster for 7 years, i went on courses and learned alot of things with some of the most prominent and successful people in the world in their chosen field. I had a few successes in that time but i was still on shaky ground and the old temptations came back and i started doing drugs again which made thing worse then ever and dug a deeper hole of shit. If your able to make a clear break now then do it, you seem to doing good and you got my respect for what your doing to turn things around.
I try to find other people who have been through these situations and have come out on top aswell and I'd like to be able to say that now i'm a success story like you want to hear, someone like DLD who found something that has brought him success and gave him purpose, but i cant yet, although i know what i want and i'm focusing more on that instead of the past so soon i will be able to say that. But i've been successful in leaving that life behind completely. I still lack the strength or discipline needed to commit 100% to doing the things i want and need to turn my life around, even though the opportunity to do it is right in front of me everyday to do that. But i'm nearly there.
Try to stay of the cigerettes (did you go out and buy some??
, your right when you say that they lead back into trouble, i found for me that whenever i went back on cigrettes in the past it would lead back to doing the other shit. Being dependent on anything you put into your body will make you feel weak and tired, especially when weight training, and leads to the dependency mind set and snowballs to the other stuff. I'm still progressing from that bad lifestyle bit by bit and there are still hurdles to overcome for me right now and getting back my fight and respectability is neccesary.
You got an 8 inch cock man, be proud that you havent been shortchanged like others on here . Do what it is that you want to do and get it done. Keep at something worth while the best you can for a while till you make circumstances better for yourself, something that resets your system to healthy and normal. i need to follow that advice as much as you do.:s