Oh, wow. How interesting. I saw this topic on the 2nd page and it sounded so...like me before. I came in to post and look at that. My Godot avatar.
I made that post during Winter. That was a cold winter. My roommate moved out, so I was alone in a double and nobody came to visit me, EVER. Before, any time someone came to the door it was for my roommate. And now there was no one. It was very lonely, and very creepy. And because I was alone all the time, I started to go a bit...insane.
I've been a bit more "motivated" ever since the summer started. I feel like a lot has been lifted off my shoulders. However, I often feel like I'm living for only a few things and that life is a struggle of sorts.
Ah, but this topic is about you Juggers, isn't it? I can say this much:
If the depression is there for no reason, take antidepressants. If the depression is there for plenty of clear substance reasons, then there will eventually be a point where you will get up one day and just...laugh. You will laugh, and then cry, and then laugh again. I was worried because I thought it was my mind breaking and me going insane. Maybe I've gone insane, but I'll say this much; I feel a bit more different from other people now...enough to stand out and distinguish myself from others a bit more. It is interesting stuff. But I've decided to live, because there are plenty of men in the past who had nothing to live for but never killed themselves, because they wanted to know how the tragic story ended. And it is beginning to be fun. I say this as I sit in my room on a dark night, my first floor room in the ground on my campus lit up by a street light, drinking some coffee. It is neat. Chalk it up to my love of acting. But sometimes life is more of a story than we think, even if a lot of us do die very suddenly. I've made sure to keep a journal, so that everything that goes on gets recorded. Someone will discover it. Until then, gotta keep living life. I know for certain now that there is ALWAYS something to live for.