After cheating.

Hi.

Long story short my girl kissed another guy on the 24th of October. She told me on the 25th but couldnt say why it happened. She had no reasoning. Since then i've been putting it out of my mind. When i rang her up the night before last I said I just want to talk about it one last time to get it out of my head. She was very short and was calling me cold after I called her cold which didn't add up as all I want is her and I wouldn't be cold to her.

Anyway, now i'm over it and treating her properly, I can see that the problem doesn't lie with me, but with her. Last night I realised and said that if something is wrong we can talk as I'm here for her.

She replied with;

I dunno. I can't explain why but i need space right now. Things just don't feel right between us. I just feel numb. I feel cold. I can't feel anything. I'll say the things that you want me to say and that you want to hear but it just doesn't feel right. I don't know why. I'm just not functioning right now'.

She seems very cold and withdrawn but she isn't very good at expressing herself so I feel powerless to help. As soon as she text me this I text her back saying 'Don't do this'. Then I rang her a few times but she didn't pick up. She then turned her phone off. I know she read my last text which said along the lines of 'Are you sure it's not the guilt about what you did? If it is, there's no need to feel guilty as i've forgiven you. Don't act on anything without talking to me properly over the phone. I'll give you all the time you need, but just don't end it like this'. It was more caring that that though.

Do you think it could be the guilt? I spoke to my friend and he spoke to his girlfriend about it as she cheated on him. She said after she cheated she found it so hard to face him because of the guilt of what she'd done. Has anyone else had a girlfriend cheat on them and then have this wave of short, cold guilt change their partner?

I just don't want to lose her. I've known her 4 years, I met her in summer after I flew to NYC. We had a perfect time. She told me she loved me their and I knew she meant it. When we left each other (Our flights back were from the same terminal at roughly the same time from consecutive gates... we didn't plan that) we was distraught, so was I, but the point is that was raw emotion. She said she loved me so many times and was full of compliments right up the the day she kissed that other guy, the 24th. Since then I've had no compliments, nothing heart felt from her. She just feels different.

Can someone please chime in with what they experienced with girlfriends who have kissed other guys and how you made it work again?

I need this. Thanks.

The shortest, most blunt answer I can provide is this: Basically she's an immature, self-absorbed child who has no real conception of what she actually does want out of life and an even lesser conception of what she's willing to commit to.
Some things come to an end on their own; quite often that end is painful, unexpected and final.

Hey Medicating. I'm just gonna be real with you here based on my experiances and what I've seen with my promiscuous lifes style. More then likely your chick has already fucked this guy. Usually when a woman sez she kissed him that normally means she swallowed his load. Chicks will very rarely tell the complete truth of the wrong deeds they have done. The trust is gone now bro and she even said with her own words that she doesn't feel for you anymore like she use to and wants some space.

That right there in my eyes means SHE AIN'T FEELING YOU ANYMORE bro. Ditch this chick and forget about her because you can do better man. There's billions of fine ass women on this planet dude. Don't let this one chick have your balls in a vice grip like this. She's obviously joansing for this other guy's dick that she supposenly only kissed. So just let her go and show her that you don't need her and can do better.

I know you've been with her for 4 years but you're going to have to man up and do what needs to be done bro. Dump her now before she dumps you when she starts getting serious with this other guys she supposenly only kissed. Yeah right. Only kissed. This other guy has probrabley been fucking your girl for weeks to months for all you know. Don't believe that I ONLY KISSED HIM bullshit bro. Bitches that cheat get the boot so make us proud my man.

I more advice... don't think its you that is guilty.. some things just happen.

probably not the advice you liked, but there's real good advice in here imho.
You shouldn't be running after her. Unless she makes a huge effort to keep you, she shouldn't be an option anymore.

She has complete control over you, she needs space? You know what that means? She's fucking that guy and needs time to decide who she wants to be with, if it's him she's just going to eventually ditch you, and make you look a fool, you need to gain control and tell her you are ditching her even if you don't want to or don't mean it, it will make her think you don't need her, then you have control women hate it when they think a man doesn't need them anymore then she will come crawling back, but remember you can't even trust her anymore.

Excellent post Rooster4889. I agree. She's most likely been fucking this other guy for a while now and is confused and still deciding on who she wants to be with. She's deciding on which cock she likes better. Yours or this other guy's. Hey medicating. Don't even give this bitch the option of deciding between you and this other guy. As a man that would be beneath you to allow such a thing. Show this chick you don't need her and send her packing.

Your girl has a kissing buddy now, that dude is probably the confident asshole type which shes trying to chase down now lol. I agree, get you nuts out of the vice and into the pump lol.

One lesson I learned is that you must not turn the girl you like into a godess. She is also a human and has flaws. Also when I met a new women I just mentaly prepare myself that she is a slut and has been gangbanged by 10 10 inch coocks at a time.. and that she liked it. Unless she is a pron star that is highly unlikely but it helps.
So when she sais.. I had a DP (double penetration) with 2 black guys who had like 12 inch cock it is not a big deal. Also we know 12 inches was in reality 7 inches at most. That 7 inches grew to 9 inches because females are very good at asstimating things, and the 3 inches is just bragging rights beetwen girls.

Lately I' ve been also listening the pandora box (pick up artist system of sort) system and there are 3 aspects of issues a woman has to cope. To tell the long stroy short.. she might just be a Tester (has a lot of guys at once) and a Justifier (sex is no big deal).. this is her way of coping with the world, her defence mechanism. It doesn't mean she doesn't like you.. she just likes her pussy pounded (We still don't know if she did it anyway - been fucked).

When you will have a 8.5 x 6.. she will be just one in a long line of girls, womens which want a share of the fun - crocth.

We here at MOS support you

Medicating;460977 said:

Hi.



Anyway, now i'm over it and treating her properly, I can see that the problem doesn't lie with me, but with her. Last night I realised and said that if something is wrong we can talk as I'm here for her.

'Are you sure it's not the guilt about what you did? If it is, there's no need to feel guilty as i've forgiven you. Don't act on anything without talking to me properly over the phone. I'll give you all the time you need, but just don't end it like this'. It was more caring that that though.

.

Click to expand...

looking at these bits of your post again your acting like your the one whos done something wrong.

I don't know, if my girl kissed another dude I would kick her to the curb.

doublelongdaddy;461044 said:

I don't know, if my girl kissed another dude I would kick her to the curb.

Click to expand...

Agreed.

Medicating, chunk up the deuces like Chris Brown...you'll thank yourself later.

I think you should save yourself heartache now and eject my friend. This girl is immature and perhaps the kiss was due to alcohol? was she pissed at the time? either way you deserve MUCH BETTER as you sound like a guy who is sensitive and does care, she isnt receptive of that and your both drifting so just cut it loose is my advice unless its love and you'll have to talk it over.

I've had a situation several years ago where a girl I loved kissed my best mate who was like a brother to me. I was shocked but let it go ... I find out later from a 3rd party they were both shagging away while I was at work! It nearly destroyed me but I let both go, it was hard but you have to survive.

Kick this bitch to the gutter and forget about her DO NOT allow her back into your life as she will try with playing on your weak spots i.e emotions, just fuck it off and ditch the slut. Sorry mate but I have seen her type MILLIONS times and had a girl that I loved like her ... save yourself the near suicidal tendencies and your DIGNITY unlike me and get rid.

Hey Medicating. I just saw a prevous thread that you created last month about your girl kissing this guy. I didn't realize that you live in England and she lives in America.

Well there's your problem right there bro. That long distance relationship crap doesn't work bro. Especially on American chicks. For all you know she could be getting her guts pounded every night by dudes and you're 100s of 1000s of miles away without a clue.

You need to forget about this chick bro and find some local pussy in your neck of the woods because I'm pretty confident that she's been utilizing some local dick around her neck of the woods.

Have you ever heard of that saying OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND. Well that's what happens in long distant relationships. Especially when yall live in 2 different countries. When that chick said that she needs some space, you should have told her "no problem, you can get all the space you want because we're done".

Make us proud bro and ditch this chick. She lives in a different country for god's sake and from your prevous thread you've only seen her a few times ever in life. Forget about her.

The sad thing is that these type of women ALWAYS have a go at manipulating the whole scenario to make it seem as though they are the victims and hard-done to. They are very manipulative and will use emotional underhanded tactical move in order to pinpoint your weakness, you then say something or do something out of character and bingo she has her 'case' that you caused it all. I have had this t-shirt and it really was very traumatic as I loved the girl and the guy she was fucking was my best mate.

I'm sure you can get much better women then this. You think now its terrible and the end of the world but really it isnt. Remove her from your life, sever all ties incl erasing phones numbers, emails etc etc and clean the slate. Remove the excess and you will manage just fine. I love women I really do but its these types that give um a bad name, it seems they want to make men look weak so they can claim girl power and rack a point.

Why didn't you mention anything about long-distance in this thread?

I am certainly voting for the dump in this case.

Here are several reasons why...

1) She said she had no reason, she is either lying or immature and either way it will likely happen again

2) Long distance rarely works

3) Most importantly - if she was really the one for you, she would not have had it in her

4) Remember that "i was drunk" is not a credible excuse

With respect good sir you need to take the following actions...

1) Ring her or even match her coldness by dumping her via email

2) Allow yourself the weekend to get it together

3) Strip Club on Monday

4) Sex with a complete stranger on tuesday

Red is correct, women are much more emotional than men but also much better at emotional blackmail.

King Snake is also correct, if you are not in the same country then you can bet that the kiss was actually sex.

I've dealt with this and much more.... I was with a girl 6 years who cheated once, I took her back and then cheated a fuckload at the end.

You can't force something. First-it's possible she did this and it was really about you..... what she did could very well be an attempt at an exit strategy. Girls don't like confrontation, so one of the lower strategies they may use is cheating, from kissing to all the way to get you to do the dirty work (you initiate the dump). It's a very selfish tactic.
At other times, it's a powerplay. To get the upperhand with you-if you have your balls on really tight, no offense, but you won't tolerate this-just as you wouldn't tolerate a friend you who lied to you about something important (betrayal of loyalty). To tolerate this weakens you-and puts her more in control. And .... the sad part is, IF you tolerate it, she's 10x more likely to test you again, with a bigger test next time. Girls can be like children-figuring out where the actual boundaries are. Notice, I said "girls", I did not say "women". Friend or not, this girlfriend sounds extremely immature. Don't be offended-I'm just shooting you straight, which is the best thing you can get-no sugar coated bullshit here.

My advice is to recall Kramer's advice on Seinfeld-do a pre-emptive breakup. This can be an outright confrontation, where you break up with her. Or what is better.... because it is IMPLICIT which is much more powerful with women-do it with behavior. Quit calling her, lock up the emotions and hide them, pretend not to care. Make HER make all the moves from now on until you have control or equality (whichever you seek).
This advice is very good: If she's confused, you are respecting her wish for space to completion and she should realize what she values about you due to absence. She'll come running back (they always do...). If she's trying to break up with you (the exit strategy I mentioned) -well, this is going to shock her and make her seriously reconsider. If she's trying an exit strategy, she thinks she can predict your behavior, she thinks you're boring. So the best thing to do is shake things up and do the opposite of what your emotions say (your emotions are likely making you act like a pussy right now, no offense, I've BEEN THERE-it ain't easy.) And lastly-if she really has lost interest in you, well.... then this is the ONLY way out (and it's on its way out no matter what you do) with dignity.

I'm an economist and a pussyologist, so..... I can do a cost benefit analysis on matters of pussy
Unless I'm wrong about a motive-I suggested 4 possibles that I see from experience and your description-my strategy is the ONLY strategy that
A/ Puts you in the best position no matter which motive she has for her sudden confusing behavior. and
B/ Gives you the best odds of keeping her-if that's what you really want to do... and
C/ Is the only strategy that will retain your dignity, no matter what, no matter what the motive.

Think it over and good luck-do what's best for you, nothing in life is static.

Hey Crazy Doc. That's some good advice an all but it's not even neccassary. You see Medicating has only been with this chick a hand full of times ever in life because she lives in American and he lives in England. They have been chatting for 3 to 4 years but only physically seen each other for a couple of weeks ever in life. The relationship was doomed from start. I'm pretty confident that she has a real boyfriend that lives local to her in America. Probrabley lives right down the street from her or better yet probrabley lives with her. For all you know she could be married. What Medicating doesn't realize is that he's the other guy. Medicating lives in a different country for god's sake. Of course this chick is fucking other guys. They are not in a real relationship. Medicating only thinks they are.

Hey Medicating. Just forget about this chick and start looking for some local pussy in your area bro.

I think we should refrain from now on assuming Medicating's girl is fucking this yank and just allow him space in this thread. I for one wouldn't like it if someone kept pointing the obvious out to me. He hasn't posted here for awhile, so my guess is he is upset. Mate, we are here for you and that girl does not deserve you. Peace but be strong!