I think you need to change how you view women. It's not healthy, you shouldn't have harsh feeling's wanting revenge to get bigger.
This is simply feelings of inadequacy, insecure on your own part, and everyone has inadequacies or feelings of insecurity.
I've seen a few TV shows about men like that in the states who pretend to be someone else on the net to meet a woman in a location.
When they meet the woman gets slut shamed by a coward wearing a mask, all because he cannot deal with shit, and takes it out on all women because he cannot get a date.
Not saying you are this, but it's maybe a path towards it. I wish for men like that to realize the negative way of thinking, to look at themselves, the issue isn't outside but needs dealing from within.
All this about women wanting massive sizes is the minority, a fetish. Nothing wrong with it, just don't take that literally.
I wish MOS to have a section on changing men's unhealthy mindset towards women, and we should do more being entirely male here, and challenge views that seem unhealthy or going too far one way.
Put it this way. If you don't change, and do obtain the size goal (hope you do) you'll still project those feelings across onto how you see women, it'll just be something else.