Dating for introverts
wanagrow;432976 said:
Well personally I think you have to attack the root of the problem-introversion. So, with this in mind I suggest putting yourself in a position to be with people. Look in the paper for clubs, classes, etc. This gives you multiple opportunities around the same women-which gives you time to slowly build a relationship as an introvert. Perhaps a cooking class, or an art class or something like that. Plenty of free or cheap events are usually out there. It can't hurt. What you're doing likely isn't working so you gotta change something. So do something you normally wouldn't do, go out on a limb and try something new.
This is a probabilities strategy. All it requires of you is to show up to an event that has people-but a recurring event (thus the class idea) would increase these odds a lot. If you are an introvert, your odds of meeting people, much less women are drastically low. So you really do need to recognize this and simply do something an introvert wouldn't do. Odds are very good people will approach you and make it easy. It is much harder to meet women in say a bar or club for the introvert. This requires you to build a relationship in a half hour when an introvert might take hours to get the nerve to say "Hi". So you have to use some stragedy with your weaknesses in mind and work on overcoming them.
I'm an introvert and still trying to figure all this out too. However, I don't see being introverted as a weakness. Quite the contrary actually as introverts seem to know themselves better and are generally less concerned about the trivial goings-on in the lives of others. If it's not in your nature to be outgoing then don't try to be. Let others take their time and get to know you and accept you for who you are. If a person doesn't have enough patience to grant you that small courtesy, they're probably not worth getting to know anyway. Introverts often get a bad rap and re labeled antisocial or loners which IMO does them a great injustice. If everyone were an extroverts then everything on tv would be like Jersey Shore or some other dumb "reality" show where people will do anything to get attention even if it's just for being an ass. And those who would rather waste their time and energy watching them would just encourage more of it rather than reflecting, meditating and trying to figure themselves out.
Sorry. Went on a lil rant there, hehe. Don't worry too much about it. Have patience and eventually you'll find someone you're comfortable opening up to and make a real, deep connection.
BTW, who is that girl on your sig? She has gorgeous breasts.
Sorry. Went on a lil rant there, hehe. Don't worry too much about it. Have patience and eventually you'll find someone you're comfortable opening up to and make a real, deep connection.
BTW, who is that girl on your sig? She has gorgeous breasts.
Hydromaxm i used to have trouble starting things off with chiccs but i solved that pretty quiccly.
now this may not be the answer your looking for but honestly?... just be yourself.
dont be shy round women. treat them as a equal. sure... sometimes you can fucc a chicc after the first 5 hours you meet her but not as often as you think.
become friends with them. never have a mindset of: im fuccing her tonight!!! because then it'll throw you off.. you'll end up fuccing it up and the outcome? no pussy.
now if you make them your friend they know your not spitting bullshit and they will know who you are they can trust you. it makes it easier to get pussy.
now im only speaking bout myself this may not work for everyone but try it anyway
now ive got more chicc friends (ive fucct nearly all these girls) than guy friends haha
thing is with guys in general they piss me off... and all i wana do is fight em... but maybe i just like being tha alhpa male with all these girls round me haha.
now this may not be the answer your looking for but honestly?... just be yourself.
dont be shy round women. treat them as a equal. sure... sometimes you can fucc a chicc after the first 5 hours you meet her but not as often as you think.
become friends with them. never have a mindset of: im fuccing her tonight!!! because then it'll throw you off.. you'll end up fuccing it up and the outcome? no pussy.
now if you make them your friend they know your not spitting bullshit and they will know who you are they can trust you. it makes it easier to get pussy.
now im only speaking bout myself this may not work for everyone but try it anyway
now ive got more chicc friends (ive fucct nearly all these girls) than guy friends haha
thing is with guys in general they piss me off... and all i wana do is fight em... but maybe i just like being tha alhpa male with all these girls round me haha.
wanagrow;433220 said:She is my sister... wana date her? she only goes for real BIG guys btw...
hah! strange.
oh and DLD about an introvert dating site. that's a great idea! for myself and for others.
So I googled it and found a few
Here they are
(untested; features unknown)http://www.gk2gk.com/
http://www.nerdpassions.com/
http://www.sweetongeeks.com/node <---clearly built on the ultra geeky drupal CMS
http://www.shypassions.com/
http://www.nerve.com/register/personals
Fellow introvert here. 'love big tits 'till they get old. D'oh! (love your sig .gif =D ) Edit: Hitome Tanaka, right?
REDZULU2003
Well-known member
I'm shy and thus an introvert with women. I have found that in time you do become more confident but its not what you want to hear. What works is slowly doing bits piece by piece and not all at once. Baby steps before sprinting. Dont use drugs and alcohol as props EVER to help you. I have found that faking it at first helps and by this, simply imagine your on a stage at the club where the women are ... your the main actor and they are with you. This for me helped allot and placed the focus on the actor instead of me, I felt it wasn't really me and with time exposing myself to these difficult social situations I became more conditioned and aware of it, so my coping skills increased.
Hey man i just joined today cause ive been curious about the streching techniques im mean ive been pulling on it my whole life and that wasnt working. So ive been mainly reading and learning but this i think i can help with cause i got no problem getn to know people and especialy chicks. I call it the f.o.r.m. method and it basically give you a structure to your game if you have a difficult time breaking the ice or approuching women. simply introduce yourself get thier name lets say Candy it also helps you remember thier name. So the F. is for family "So Candy are u originally from here, Is your Family from here brothers,sisters," ok O. occupation Candy what do you do for living, do you enjoy that? R. Recreation "Candy what do you like to do for fun, whens the last time you actually did that?" and the last one the M. Message this is where depending on your goal and of course Candys responses up to this point, what type of message you want to give also dont rush through give her time to answer and at least act like your listening to what she is saying. so if all went well my message might be well im really glad i ran into tonight cause i love watching zoo animals fuck i was planning on a trip to the zoo this weekend and blah blah... anyway hope you can get some use out of it, i have.
flyball;433279 said:
Good stuff. This is very similar to a formula from sales. And frankly-approaching women is indeed like selling something via door to door or cold calling-you are approaching a stranger out of the blue and trying to sell them something-in this case, yourself.
On that note I wanted to expand on what flyball said. Except the correct formula (IMO) is F.O.R.D. F is for family, O is for occupation, R is for recreation, and D is really the most important and the one Flyball is missing: Dreams. This one is where you're transitioning from shallow to deep questions and where you can really capture a woman's attention. And don't try to appear to be listening, you MUST, MUST, MUST train yourself to actually listen-people, including women can tell the difference. Most men are not that good at listening in these situations, so it's a good way to set yourself apart.
A differentiation strategy (again notice sales/business principles apply to women almost perfectly!) is crucial. This is great-you don't have to have the best logo (looks), you simply need to convince the customer (woman) that you offer her something the competitors (other men) do not. This could be humor, it could be something you relate to her on that is pretty unique about her (thus the FORD questions) and it could be as simple as LISTENING to her instead of thinking about what her pussy tastes like while she's talking to you.
No question that we are seeing a theme here: PRACTICE. And I really think that is the answer to the O.P.s question in one word. Someone basically said "wait for them to come to you, if they don't, fuck em" and I do disagree with that. the squeaky wheel gets the pussy, the proactive man gets laid. The introvert who hopes and waits but does nothing... well, he just gets a bigger pile of regret. Tolstoy said "Unhappiness is having regrets." and he's right. So keep it that simple-do the thing that will avoid the regret.
So if you see a pretty girl-don't approach her with a goal-like to get her number, that is distracting. Nope, just come up to her and start a conversation as though you live in the moment and really have no care in the world. I do this all the time. For example (and keep in mind I'm married, but I still like to keep my game up as we're looking for a girlfriend lol), the other night I was going to get a drink and I walk up behind 2 very cute women who are both looking at their shoes-so I knew instantly they were discussing them. I butted right in and said "So you two have matching platforms, what's the occasion?" (I know a lot about shoes-not a bad trait for having a conversation with women-as most men don't know shit about shoes-see? Differentiation Strategy. One had black ones, the other had silver glittery ones. One was cuter and younger and I could immediately see she was much more open to me than the other girl. So the other girl says "Ya, but mine sparkle" the younger one didn't have a comeback, so I came to her rescue and said "Ah, but her mouth sparkles!" (she wore braces). I chatted for a while with her-approaching 2 girls is always good as they are competitive and want to be the one you take an interest in-even if she doesn't think you are cute, it tells her she is cuter than her friend.....
The younger one lit up.. and I already had her (like I could have gotten her number) , it had only been about 2 minutes into the conversation.... it's really that easy. You just have to relax, be yourself and make interesting conversation. It helps to be clever and funny and CONFIDENT. Confidence is pretty easy when you don't care... so try not to care, thus don't have a goal-just GO, just walk up and try it, just jump off the cliff and see where you land. Pretty soon you get some successes under your belt and start gaining true confidence.
But the one guy saying "don't change, let them come to you"... well, that's like if you asked for Penis Enlargement advice someone responding "Just wait, and hope it grows.... if it doesn't grow then your penis is just stupid, that's all". Hmmm is that helpful? Neither is telling you not to be proactive. It's like riding a bike-it's simple, and once you can do it... you really CAN do it, like forever after that. But if you don't put in the time to learn how to ride, you'll never learn and you're not gonna ride too many bikes....
I know what I'm talking about, I used to be very shy, I'm not now, and I bet I could pick up a girl in the bar anytime I wanted where before it would take the stars aligning and the right mix of drinks and the right set of circumstances with the right wing man.... ie the odds were very low. You make the odds, you are vegas and the house always wins. Be the house
wanagrow;433315 said:
Agreed-nobody cares about consequences when drinking and so that is a good crutch to begin with-like training wheels. This is all about fear of failure-so to temporarily remove the fear is not a bad idea at all-just don't become an alcoholic or forget the jimmy.
REDZULU2003
Well-known member
Its not good in the longrun because you start to rely on it for social situations and I speak from personal experience here and trust me it can be a nightmare. If you must use it than SMALL amounts and you will thank me one-day. You will enjoy it more because your not taken over by the drug, I have lost count when I started with the ladies the amount of times I slurred my words and must have a looked a fucking idiot.
Use it as a TEMPORARY crutch if you have to but it takes a much stronger man to go commando without it and I wasn't that stronger man! You may be? Who needs drugs and booze to be themselves? fuck that and now I dont touch drink or alcohol and enjoy myself with women when I want.
Use it as a TEMPORARY crutch if you have to but it takes a much stronger man to go commando without it and I wasn't that stronger man! You may be? Who needs drugs and booze to be themselves? fuck that and now I dont touch drink or alcohol and enjoy myself with women when I want.
REDZULU2003
Well-known member
wanagrow;433315 said:
Heard of Dutch courage? need a drink in order to conquer something. Most of us have been and done it but it can become out of control. Nothing shameful about being an alcoholic I have been one practically myself albeit not physically dependent on the stuff but mentally in social situations I was.
Its worse when you become in denial but help is around, especially on the forums. Bets bet is drink in small amounts and NEVER binge drink or get out of control so you dont know what you are, where you are etc.
When we are under the 'influence' we are not the real us and its a fact many crimes take place while on drugs than if the person wasn't, here in the UK thats over 80% of all crime!!! Not saying you would but because it affects judgement and keeps fear back you can get caught up in arguments and even attacked.
Your like I was when I started with women. Do it in small steps and with a group of friends as well. Watch the more confident guy do his work and pick up things. Its something to admire when you see a fully fledged 'stud' pick the ladies up. I used to enjoy seeing this, if the chivalry was like a gentleman and not sleezebag
Nowadays you must be careful watching people for obvious reasons but I'm sure we all nosey from time to time.I was watching this movie last night and the idea hit me. Guys who are always in fancy hotel bars drinking always meet horny chicks. What you need to do is work out really hard and get in the best shape you can and make your penis a size you feel confidently ready to use then go to a nice hotel and have a couple drinks. I think you can just sit there and look at people and send her a drink to get her attention...
<object width="480" height="270"><param name="movie" value="http://www.wingclips.com/embed/player.swf?config=http://www.wingclips.com/player/187/895/config.js" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><embed src="http://www.wingclips.com/embed/player.swf?config=http://www.wingclips.com/player/187/895/config.js" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="270"></embed></object>
http://www.wingclips.com/movie-clips/gullivers-travels/ask-her-out
http://www.wingclips.com/movie-clips/gullivers-travels/ask-her-out
Plenty of sluts at this site I would think. www.ChristianMingle.com
Take a dance class, women tend to flock to these, but go in with the mindset of just getting yourself comfortable being around women and holding a conversation. Take the "picking up women" out of the equation.
Just see it as practice and don't have any expectations other than getting socially comfortable...
Just see it as practice and don't have any expectations other than getting socially comfortable...
i would have said the same thing as crazydoc did.
People get attached to their crutches. When I had a back injury I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself. when I as shy I convinced myself I was somehow special and better than everyone. Get over yourself. Try something new. Get out there and talk to people. No just girls either. Just quit being shy. Practice being open and friendly.
People get attached to their crutches. When I had a back injury I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself. when I as shy I convinced myself I was somehow special and better than everyone. Get over yourself. Try something new. Get out there and talk to people. No just girls either. Just quit being shy. Practice being open and friendly.
I'm a shy introvert. My advice is to get yourself some good friends. You don't need to be the leader of the pack or have a gang of 20 friends that you hang out with just have a few. Even one good friend is all you need. The main thing with being shy is that you focus on yourself too much. The trick is to focus on some one else. Ask questions about peoples lives. People love to talk about themselves. Remember their name and say their name when you see them "hello john, hows you, how you getting on with (insert what they were talking about the last time you met) Every ones favourite word is their own name. Don't be afraid to smile.
If you go on adultfriendfinder advertise yourself as being shy but also advertise your good sides.
Develop hobbies that you can talk about or try different things so that you can say you tried it. For instance, try a bungee jump, try kayaking, climb a mountain, learn a language, go traveling, try MMA, weight lifting , breakdancing, yoga, etc. Anything you take up should involve a class with other people. No learning off your laptop or from books.
I'll warn you - you are going to be filled with fear before you go to your first class. You'll be nervous. You mind will try to find a way of tricking you into thinking that you don't really want to do it when really you are just afraid. Once you recognize this you can push your self to do anything.
Since adopting this attitude I've overcome my fear of people, and have tried boxing, jujitsu, judo, mma, I did classes in First Aid, H&S, I Have managed to get an internship at my chosen career which involves working with alot of people (something I never thought I could do, I overcame my fear of being rejected and managed to get the girl I wanted and have just married her 5 months ago. The most nerve wrecking parts where meeting people coming in at the chapel, standing up in front of everyone, doing my speech, by best mans speech, and the first dance. I just said fuck that day. Every one kept saying how calm I was even though I was nervous inside. I only had one friend at the wedding, my best man. He got and nervously said that he couldn't do a speach!!!! but said that he was going to sing a song, everyone was like What The Fuck???? It was funny as fuck and sentimental about memories we had. My sisters boy friend said to me that I was really lucky to have a friend like that , that none of his friends would do that for him. He got a standing ovation , every one was laughing and had tears in their eyes.
My friend is also a bit shy, probably less than me now but when he was young he barely spoke to anyone. His strength is that is isn't afraid to share his weaknesses. That can be a very attractive feature as it helps others to open up.
My own speech, went good, better than I thought, I got a few laughs and managed to thank every one that helped out, and I managed to say something sentimental about my wife without sounding to cheesy or fake. But the fear was unbelievable. My stomach was doing knots and heart was thumping the closer it got to my speech. My hand which was holding the mic was shaking like fuck but I held it close to my chest so people didn't notice. I learnt from going to AA that if you speak slowly and make sure you take deep breaths you'll sound less nervous than you are.
If you go on adultfriendfinder advertise yourself as being shy but also advertise your good sides.
Develop hobbies that you can talk about or try different things so that you can say you tried it. For instance, try a bungee jump, try kayaking, climb a mountain, learn a language, go traveling, try MMA, weight lifting , breakdancing, yoga, etc. Anything you take up should involve a class with other people. No learning off your laptop or from books.
I'll warn you - you are going to be filled with fear before you go to your first class. You'll be nervous. You mind will try to find a way of tricking you into thinking that you don't really want to do it when really you are just afraid. Once you recognize this you can push your self to do anything.
Since adopting this attitude I've overcome my fear of people, and have tried boxing, jujitsu, judo, mma, I did classes in First Aid, H&S, I Have managed to get an internship at my chosen career which involves working with alot of people (something I never thought I could do, I overcame my fear of being rejected and managed to get the girl I wanted and have just married her 5 months ago. The most nerve wrecking parts where meeting people coming in at the chapel, standing up in front of everyone, doing my speech, by best mans speech, and the first dance. I just said fuck that day. Every one kept saying how calm I was even though I was nervous inside. I only had one friend at the wedding, my best man. He got and nervously said that he couldn't do a speach!!!! but said that he was going to sing a song, everyone was like What The Fuck???? It was funny as fuck and sentimental about memories we had. My sisters boy friend said to me that I was really lucky to have a friend like that , that none of his friends would do that for him. He got a standing ovation , every one was laughing and had tears in their eyes.
My friend is also a bit shy, probably less than me now but when he was young he barely spoke to anyone. His strength is that is isn't afraid to share his weaknesses. That can be a very attractive feature as it helps others to open up.
My own speech, went good, better than I thought, I got a few laughs and managed to thank every one that helped out, and I managed to say something sentimental about my wife without sounding to cheesy or fake. But the fear was unbelievable. My stomach was doing knots and heart was thumping the closer it got to my speech. My hand which was holding the mic was shaking like fuck but I held it close to my chest so people didn't notice. I learnt from going to AA that if you speak slowly and make sure you take deep breaths you'll sound less nervous than you are.
Thanks DLD. I haven't had an easy life, I'm a recovering alcohol, drug and gambling addict, I've suffered a drug induced psychosis, various bouts of depression of differing degrees and I have attention deficit disorder but I've managed to work through those problems by believing that things can get better with time and never giving up.
Before me and my wife got together she had told my friend and his girlfriend that she was interested in me. His girlfriend asked me down to my wifes house for dinner. I could kinda tell by the way she was acting that she was interested in me. That day before we had the dinner I went to derry to get a new shirt. I was nervous as fuck thinking about how things were going to play out. I walk past some homeless guy who shouted out "fear will dominate you're life if you allow it". Fear had always dominated my life, it prevented me from doing the things that I really wanted to do.
Before me and my wife got together she had told my friend and his girlfriend that she was interested in me. His girlfriend asked me down to my wifes house for dinner. I could kinda tell by the way she was acting that she was interested in me. That day before we had the dinner I went to derry to get a new shirt. I was nervous as fuck thinking about how things were going to play out. I walk past some homeless guy who shouted out "fear will dominate you're life if you allow it". Fear had always dominated my life, it prevented me from doing the things that I really wanted to do.
bigdex28;509294 said:
I am inside the same boat my friend! X-Heroin addict, a slue of mental illness diagnosis, an extremely shitty childhood...it goes on. You know what I say to myself? "Boo, Fucking Who! It is what it is, we were the ones given the shoulders to hold this weight and it is up to us to do this. I can wish I was not like this all day long or I can embrace it and make it work for me. It is all up to me and my perspective. One day, in a scenario I will be completely happy, same scenario happens another day I will be miserable. It is all perspective!
doublelongdaddy;433128 said:Someone should start a dating site for introverts
Problem is no one would talk to each other
I'm married now with children and have been for many years, thankfully, but I was very introverted when I was young, so much so it was socially paralyzing.
There's been alot of good advice given and I'd like to add my 2 cents.
Lots of it comes from lack of self confidence which could be because of divorce, feeling rejection from a parent or siblings.
When those closest to you reject you it just naturally flows that strangers would not accept you either. Why open up and give them a good reason.
No one can help you with that. You just have to come to the realization that you are not perfect and neither is anyone else. You've got to cut yourself and others some slack.
Fear is a big reason; fear of rejection and you don't know how to cope with that. It's not like overcoming fear of getting into a fight; it's worse. It's overcoming the fear of someone rejecting you for no good reason other than you are you.
Overcoming fear is hard but it's the brave thing to do. If you weren't afraid how could you be brave?
Now as an introvert you've got to come to the logical conclusion that the world won't change for you. People cannot read your mind or know your heart. They have their agendas; their problems; we should not expect them to make a special effort for us.
As an introvert we can lighten up our perspective: so what if I'm rejected; so what if I'm not popular the smartest; best looking ect. We are already suffering from the pain of the fear of rejection; why not try to reach out a little. Show we care about others, laugh be at ease, whats the worse that could happen? As an introvert rejection is the worse that can happen. If you're living in the shadow of fear of rejection and you do get rejected then what? Oh well.
The reality is if your nice people will be nice back. As one guy said go to classes; put yourself in uncomfortable positions where you have to deal with strangers. Just be nice and normal and not too pushy and you'll see it's not so bad.
I see outgoing guys all the time and yes women do respond; at first. But as the old saying goes "The cream rises to the top" and maybe that one girl your interested in will start to see you as caring; steadfast and not superficial.
Guys with alot going on out front tend to be very superficial, not deep at all. It doesn't take long to figure that out.
Don't be so bad you shut down in a group of people but don't be phoney either. To thine own self be true. Just realize you've got to make adjustments in life and not expect the world to cowtow to you.
Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. Because that's where the fruit is
I think that the first thing you should realize is that being introvert isn't bad and it doesn't make you any less than a extrovert person. I know that there are a lot of guys who can't express their emotions and passion, they are shy and rather spend time alone. Usually they are the less dominant men. But it doesn't mean they are anything less than the more expressing themselves guys. Also, being shy doesn't automatically mean you are introvert either. Let's get few things straight first...
When you are in a group of friends, do you enjoy the company, do you talk to every of your friends, do you have fun then?
When in a group of strangers, what happens? Do you still enjoy being in there or you want to go away?
When you talk to girls you know, your mum, sister, cousin, some girl you know for years, how is your interaction with them then? Do you enjoy talking to them, being around them?
When do you see a beautiful strange girl, what do you think about?
Have you ever approached a girl you didn't know and how did it end?
Do you rather spend your time alone or do you like (or want to, would like to) spend it with others?
if you answer those questions, go on...
What do you want with your life?
What do you look in a girl?
You need to know what you want before you get it, otherwise you really going into circles and it doesn't bring you anywhere near to your goal.
When you are in a group of friends, do you enjoy the company, do you talk to every of your friends, do you have fun then?
When in a group of strangers, what happens? Do you still enjoy being in there or you want to go away?
When you talk to girls you know, your mum, sister, cousin, some girl you know for years, how is your interaction with them then? Do you enjoy talking to them, being around them?
When do you see a beautiful strange girl, what do you think about?
Have you ever approached a girl you didn't know and how did it end?
Do you rather spend your time alone or do you like (or want to, would like to) spend it with others?
if you answer those questions, go on...
What do you want with your life?
What do you look in a girl?
You need to know what you want before you get it, otherwise you really going into circles and it doesn't bring you anywhere near to your goal.
doublelongdaddy;509374 said:
I agree 100%. Before I got clean and sober I blamed everyone and anything for my problems, but that didn't get me anywhere. It wasn't until I released that I had to take charge of my own destiny that I got better.
I have a problem with my weight. I have been putting off eating right and exercising using the excuse that I don't have time. I've been thinking about joining the local gym but it's mostly all buff bodybuilders that go there. I want to do more of a powerlifter type routine and lose a shit load of weight. I don't care about having big biceps. What's been stopping me is the fear I have of interacting with these kinds of people and how they will view me. But I know that if I push myself to go it will not be as bad as I have built it up to be in my mind.
bigdex28, I would recommend to you warrior diet, you can find all the info about it if you search in google. I am on this diet for the past year. When you get it into your lifestyle it can also be less time consuming than any other diet. It's important though, that you consciously choose for the right products, so no fast food, no sweets. I was pretty much addicted to chocolate before the start with warrior diet. I had to have some chocolate everyday. Now days, I don't need it, I don't crave it. I eat it occasionally after I workout extra hard. I rather eat raw cacao nibs.
What you are saying, that you are afraid of the reaction of people and how they will see you, it's another excuse off course. If you are worried about it that much, start to do something at home. You don't need to powerlift right from the beginning. But get your ass up, man up, get your shit straight and start working out. Every workout is better than no workout at all. So make a deal with yourself, that if you find it really painful no to go to the gym yet. Get fitter at home and when you get in better shape go to the gym.
Plus, you are saying that at the gym there are all bodybuilders, there are different gym's. If you don't like one, look for another one.
And seriously, everyone can spare about 40 minutes every day to workout. 40 minutes is pretty much enough. 40 minutes 5 days in a week and you'll see a big difference. But you won't see any results if you will keep whining and not taking any action. You know it, do something about it or die not even trying.
What you are saying, that you are afraid of the reaction of people and how they will see you, it's another excuse off course. If you are worried about it that much, start to do something at home. You don't need to powerlift right from the beginning. But get your ass up, man up, get your shit straight and start working out. Every workout is better than no workout at all. So make a deal with yourself, that if you find it really painful no to go to the gym yet. Get fitter at home and when you get in better shape go to the gym.
Plus, you are saying that at the gym there are all bodybuilders, there are different gym's. If you don't like one, look for another one.
And seriously, everyone can spare about 40 minutes every day to workout. 40 minutes is pretty much enough. 40 minutes 5 days in a week and you'll see a big difference. But you won't see any results if you will keep whining and not taking any action. You know it, do something about it or die not even trying.
bigdex28;511899 said:
To an introvert a gym like setting or even some social clubs, book clubs, church groups or the like, if adopted as a habit, the social aspect will fall in to place out of necessity. My point is, I can make my schedule contain nothing, I do not have to leave my house for anything. To an introvert, this is a Heavily arrangement. I can easily fall into agoraphobic states due to the freedom I have in whether or not I chose to make plans. Now, for me, creating appointments, responsibilities, anything that gets me out of the house is important. Once I make a commitment to something I am solid and will get it done. So through the exercise of being accountable to other people through a schedule filled with appointments, I force myself into the necessity of being social.
If it is a room full of men, that is easy, I will be the leader very quickly, mix in women and my confidence wains from egotistic to apprehensive, on guard...this is not so much an unconfident state more than a protective mechanism that puts up walls that have served to protect me in the past. Are my walls rational? At best they are highly outdated, and rationale that was attached to the original meaning. At this point I can't remember why I created the walls, but I do know 2 things they offer safety but hold me back from achieving true social grace through the establisHydromaxent of a relationships with women. My entire life I have felt abandoned by the women I put trust in...this is more delusional than rational but none the less, I fear women.
The one woman that has never abandoned me is my Son's Mother, but our relationship is platonic. I think her commitment to me is one of the most incredible things I have in my life. No matter what, jail, psyche wards, riches, poor, ghetto fabulous or eating out of a dumpster, she has been there. We have a beautiful 18 year old son who is about to have a Son in a month. I would do anything for them and they would return the commitment. I think it is obvious by the forums here that I am all about commitment to my family of brothers here, not too unlike my Son and my Wife.
What do I value most? I think it obvious, loyalty. What is most important to me? Honesty. I have found these two traits among many men here at [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]Matters of Size[/words]. I think my own upbringing and quest for loyalty, trust and honesty is strongly reflected in our Brotherhood. I know that [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] has made me a better man, regardless of my penis, it has taught me lessons that I would have never learned without the Brotherhood. This is an incredible thing but in the real world it does not translate well, in the real world those traits are rarely seen.
Finding the perfect woman for DLD borders on impossible....If the Lord sees fit to bring a woman into my experience I will embrace it...up till now I have not experienced this but I may have been blind to it due to the walls that really need a few windows and doors put in
I will be in Florida very soon and I will be a social as I get as I am with my best friend who I trust very much. These rare times that I get to be social without the fear is a blessed time!