Starting to accept it but it's strange

I wanted to put this out there to get some view points from some other guys. I'm in a fairly strange place in my life right now and am not sure what to make of it.

I'll make the opening of this story brief. I'm 34 and recently divorced. I have two fantastic kids, a good job and a great opinion of myself and life. My post marriage life is wonderful. In fact, I feel like an inmate who just got released on parole.

Where it gets a bit weird is that I've gotten so completely comfortable with who I am and so confident about who I am that I simply don't give a damn about women, relationships or sex at this point. Maybe it's the 9 months of Penis Enlargement I've been doing. I don't know. It's just a really strange feeling. I like it, but is it normal? I guess to be able to answer that question, I need to explain that I was the victim of a loveless, respectless, bad sex marriage. My ex and I married out of convenience, had two kids and got divorced. All within 7 years. I left this marriage feeling nothing but frustration, hurt and anger towards women and relationships.

Shortly after I got some individual counceling and as of today (5/21/05), I feel better about myself and where I'm heading than I have in the past 10 years. It just feels very odd to not want a woman in my life and not care about sex.

What I'm saying is, I want women to ask me out. I want them to approach me. My self worth is at an all time high and I feel that unless I get hooked up with a high quality lady who will respect me and love me for who I am, there isn't one out there that's worth it to me. As a result of this new way of thinking, I've reserved myself to be alone and single for many, many, many years. Comments?

9x7 said:

I wanted to put this out there to get some view points from some other guys. I'm in a fairly strange place in my life right now and am not sure what to make of it.

I'll make the opening of this story brief. I'm 34 and recently divorced. I have two fantastic kids, a good job and a great opinion of myself and life. My post marriage life is wonderful. In fact, I feel like an inmate who just got released on parole.

Where it gets a bit weird is that I've gotten so completely comfortable with who I am and so confident about who I am that I simply don't give a damn about women, relationships or sex at this point. Maybe it's the 9 months of Penis Enlargement I've been doing. I don't know. It's just a really strange feeling. I like it, but is it normal? I guess to be able to answer that question, I need to explain that I was the victim of a loveless, respectless, bad sex marriage. My ex and I married out of convenience, had two kids and got divorced. All within 7 years. I left this marriage feeling nothing but frustration, hurt and anger towards women and relationships.

Shortly after I got some individual counceling and as of today (5/21/05), I feel better about myself and where I'm heading than I have in the past 10 years. It just feels very odd to not want a woman in my life and not care about sex.

What I'm saying is, I want women to ask me out. I want them to approach me. My self worth is at an all time high and I feel that unless I get hooked up with a high quality lady who will respect me and love me for who I am, there isn't one out there that's worth it to me. As a result of this new way of thinking, I've reserved myself to be alone and single for many, many, many years. Comments?

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Im not sure I can really help much as I am only 22, however I had hit a point like that in my life. Not sure Im right but it seems, you have gotten to a point where your more into self improving yourself that you are at seeing what is around you. Anytime I am not in a relationship I look to self improvement in all ways, Penis Enlargement, working out, intelligence, hobbies, jobs etc. I can give an answer to your liking but what I can suggest is this, you cannot pick out what you want in a women and then try and find that, you need to find a woman and find what you like in her. What I think you should do is def start dating again, u owe it to yourself and no one deserves to be without that sort of love( I know you have it from your kids, but its not the same love/comfort).
Date around, you have nothing to lose, I cant see how you can possibly hurt anymore from heartbreak if you had gone through a 7 year divorce. Just meet women, talk, take them out etc, then take your pick at which one you want. Of course you are taking a chance when that happens so be sure of it. In the meantime keep self improving, it will make you more confident and happy when no one else is around and when someone is finally there you have more to show and expect.
I really hope I made some sort of help here, Im either going to be close to helping or so far off lol

good luck either way and if you have anymore questions just ask

cleaner13:

Thanks for the input. You're not too terribly far off. You're right in the sense that I do feel I need to date but I simply haven't met a "quality" woman to ask out. I'm going back to school this Fall, so maybe that will change. I can't see dating someone just because she's a woman. I don't like having my time wasted. If I met someone that through conversation I could tell that she was intelligent, had a good job and was well rounded, then hell ya I'd ask her out. Of course, when I do meet these types, they usually have the dreaded ring on their finger! I'm just happy to finally be in a place where women are not my first priority, me and my kids are. Thanks for the input.

There's no need to rush into a relationship, sexual or otherwise, if you don't feel the urge. You're coming out of a bad 7 year relationship. Enjoy your freedom, your kids, and your new sense of wellness and self-respect. Just keep in mind that there are plenty of "quality" women out there looking for a good guy to share their life with. The main requirement in finding one of these women is NEVER SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN EVERYTHING YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

There is so much negativity directed toward men right now -- in the media, in our relationships, even between us guys -- that it is easy to lose our self-respect and allow women to walk all over us. This trend of male-bashing is something I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO ALLOW in my life. I demand respect from my wife and kids and do not allow anyone to demean me in any way. I do not allow television in my home because of the negative male stereotypes constantly portrayed on it (that, and the incessant, mindless commercials! :D ) because I have two sons and want to instill a sense of self-worth in them as well. I am not going to have them exposed to constant portrayals of men as stupid, bumbling and violent cretins.

If you demand this of yourself, you won't have to worry about finding a quality woman. This DIGNITY will come across and any woman looking for a man of integrity and strength will be drawn to YOU!

Ok 9x7. I know exactly what your talking about because I was there. I am 34 and married young the same as youu and stayed married the same legth of time and had a child as well. Exact same kind of marriage. We had hallway sex all the time. When you say, "Fuck you" when you pass each other in the hall. It was horrible. I finally left because after our daughter was born, I did NOT want her to grow up in a house where her parents didn't even like each other.

The great news is I am now with a woman who was my very best friend for awhile. I didn't even meet my current wife until much after my divorce...But I went through a lot of things that you talked about. I just happened to get real lucky this time around. Hell, I get along better with the ex now than the last 5 years we were married. I just had to learn who I was and what I wanted. The great part is that my daughter is fully adjusted to the situation and she is doing great in school and seems to be much happier than I think she would have been. I think my ex and I would have done her a big disservice to try and stay together and let her watch us assassinate each other on a daily basis.

kook

kong & koooky:

I can't possibly thank the two of you enough. That's EXACTLY what I wanted to know. My ex and I do get along better than we did when we were married and koooky, brother, your past situation is identical to mine (except for the hallway sex). Had we stayed together "for the kids", we would have done irrepairable harm to both my daughters (and for what it's worth, both my girls are doing awesome in school!!).

My girls were the only things I took positively from my marriage. They're simply awesome kids. Everything else about my marriage was complete crap and an absolute joke. But, there was obviously purpose to it.

I feel much better now. I didn't have a problem with my outlook on women and relationships, I just wasn't sure if it was normal. Now that I know that it absolutely is normal, I can go on with my life and fuck the rest of 'em. I am a high quality, class act for a guy. I am an absolute gentleman with ladies and treat them with the utmost of respect. I demand the same in return. If she's lucky enough, maybe one day the next Mrs. 9x7 will meet me. If not, her loss. I'll just continue to live my life being a single dad with two great kids.

:clap:

9x7

It's just like Kong was talking about above about having dignity and respect for yourself. It's very hard to be with someone who is constantly taking those things from you. I hate to sound like a cliche but the "right" person is out there for you somewhere. When you are with the right person, it shows it every part of your relationship. It really inspires me sometimes to think how great my current marriage is and what an absolute wonderful partner I have, only the faults are mine.

I can tell you one thing, don't rush into anything right now with anyone. Just keep your kids first and things will fall into line. I think it is great that you seem to have come to terms with who you are. If you would like to talk more about what we have in common, hit me with a PM.

kooky

9x7,

Good luck, seems like you got a hold on things. I'm 32 and just got divorced (was together a total of 11 years). Your comment about being let go from jail is exactly how I feel. We did have some great times but the past year or so it deteriorated pretty quickly. I'm actually feeling the opposite of you now, I'm eager to meet/have sex with a variety of women now becuase I never got it out of my system prior to meeting my wife. In the meantime Penis Enlargement has given me some goals to work to and keep me busy.

9x7 said:

I
Where it gets a bit weird is that I've gotten so completely comfortable with who I am and so confident about who I am that I simply don't give a damn about women, relationships or sex at this point.

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I'm 39, free again and feel very similar, although I had a pretty good relationship, but still it's good to be free with the potential to have a great dick.

I feel the same way in that my need for woman, or even friends has gone way down to practically nil. Actually, it is nil right now. I'm pretty content. I'm just enjoying it. I know something will happen relationship-wise eventually so I am just enjoying this wonderful time on my own. It's the first time in my life I've been able to just relax and be okay with myself by myself. I think it's a great fucking thing.

I think it has something to do with the possibility of having a dick I can be proud of. Sort of like I can relax in my identity of being male.

Enjoy,
Wanker

Yeah Wanker, I hear ya bro. I came from an absolute toilet marriage so I'm just enjoying being free of the fucken' ice queen I divorced. Being a bachelor has it's advantages and I'm learning how to enjoy being one. I've also found such a new found confidence within myself that unless the next lady in my life is willing to love and respect me for me and is willing to treat me like a king, she need not apply. Of course, if she does this, she WILL be treated like a queen and given the same love and respect in return. But, she has to earn it. I no longer give it out freely anymore.

damn guys, you really made me think. I'm currently thinking about proposing to my g/f. not that sure anymore, I'm fuckin scared of ending up in the kind of marriage you guys were in.

9 x 7, you have exactly the attitude that I admire and want for myself. Jesus christ I wish I had enough goddamn self-respect to think that way.

My hat comes off to you.....

pharaoh:

First off, don't let these posts scare you. Marriage is a fantastic institution and as long as you both LOVE AND RESPenis EnlargementCT one another, you'll do fine. Yeah, marriage can be a little frightening, but if you marry the right person, it can also be so incredible. I just had low self esteem and a couple of other emotional problems at the time and made a very bad choice. And, as a result, had a complete and total toilet marriage. If there is mutual love and respect within your relationship, you should have no problem. It's when it's all one sided that it becomes a problem. Hope this helps.

insearchof9inch:

Brother my rock solid opinion of myself hasn't come overnight. It's been years in the making, literally. I've been through hell trying to get myself where I am now. I went through hell in high school, hung out with an asshole who always put me down to make himself look better. Then, I dated a woman for a while when I was 20 (she was 26) who used me for what she could and NEVER gave the attention to me I gave to her. Then, I met my now ex-wife who I gave 150% of myself to emotionally, physically, etc... and got shit in return. So, after being beaten on emotionally for literally a decade plus, I did in fact have to see a councelor. This whole process started in 1989-90 and just now came to the positive conclusion it has in 2005. So for 16 years, I've been wondering why women don't want me, what don't I have that the other guy has, all of the typical whiney ass bullshit. Then, one day, I got fed up with being treated like shit and decided it was time to regain control of "ME" and I did it. Now, I love life, love & respect myself, absolutely love my kids and don't give a tinker's fuck about any woman right now. Am I a bit hardened about women, yeah, a little, but I got so sick of giving and giving and giving emotionally and romantically and being treated like a piece of crap in the end that I just said enough is enough. No more. You have to believe in yourself brother. Honestly. Look deep within your soul to find the awesome, respectable, hard working human being that you are and treat yourself right. You don't need validation from any woman on God's green Earth. YOU validate and complete yourself. Never ever forget it. If you want to talk bro, you can pm me anytime you like.

I'm currently hanging out with a gf who constantly patronises me and makes me feel down for her own ego to be boosted. I wish I had the balls to dump her, but I just feel too strong. One day I'm just gonna get drunk and tell her to go fuck herself from now on cos im not gonna bother doing it.

I am in a situation kind of similar. This shot my ego all to hell too.

I met this girl when I was 16. She was head over heels in love with me and I was for her for 2 years and then she got pregnant. I got scared, but I tried to do the right thing. I asked her to marry me and she of course said yes. I postponed the wedding 2 or 3 times and she started to get mad, but pretend she wasn't. Her job with my stepmom (now exstepmom) caused more stress because I didn't listen to her vent well, I offered solutions and made her feel like her problems weren't important (I was 19 at the time, shit I was young give me a break, plus all guys do this shit instinctively). She had the baby and things seemed better for awhile but problems with work came up and I was trying to goto college and we were both felt like we were being taken advantage of and for granted.

It took a toll on our relationship. We used to always hug and be touchy feely and then we weren't. We were best friends and then we never talked. It breaks my heart to even think about this shit, but she left me someone else. She then went back to me while still with this other guy (she lied to me and said she wasn't seeing anyone though). I got pissed off she wanted to keep me a secert and I was frustrated at the whole situation. Here was this girl who I have been in love with for over three years now and she says she loves me one day and doesn't give me the time of day the next.

So after it is all said and done she is with him and wants to take away my son. We split the time with him a week on and a week off. I miss him and his mother, but what she did is unforgivable (isn't it?). I love her still which sucks because I sometimes feel like how can I get one better then that? It sucks because I question why did she leave me for another guy (I mean yeah me and her are 20 and he's 29 but still... what does he have that I don't?) Oh yea a house, motorcycle, military guy with all those benefits, but that's material shit.

My ego is shot to hell. I sit here and think is my dick too small am I too skinny? Is it cuz I rap and she is more of a rock n roll and even country chick. I dunno. It tears me apart inside. It wasn't a bad relationship, in fact we had a fucking awesome relationship. But she tries her damn hardest to hate me, I guess to justify the bullshit she has pulled. I don't get it, I guess I never will.

Sorry, not trying to take over your thread. I just want some advice from some folks who have been in a similar situation.

I like your attitude, 9x7. Hell, I like the attitude of everyone in this thread (and elsewhere) who have come to the realization that they don't owe women anything. I agree with Kong on women having more rights and power than they deserve when it comes to men. Is this new trend some sort of payback for the past centuries of women living under male oppression? I don't know, but I for one am not guilty of what has transpired in the past. I will never let the cliched "young, angry woman" make me feel little, inferior or needy of her approval in any fucking way, no matter how pissed off she is about how women have been treated in the past. I am a male human being, and I deserve to be treated with respect in regards to my masculinity and male ego, just the same as she deserves respect for being a woman. If she can't do that, then I have no reason to want anything from her. It's all about the balance of power, which should be even, if you ask me.
9x7, sorry bout rambling on since this is your thread, but I just felt like I could relate to what you're talking about, and the change that has happened within you. I may have a lot of issues, but not about women. Not anymore.
I've read a lot of David Deangelo's material on the web, and that has been a major catalyst for inner change in my outlook on women and myself as a man. Being secure of your masculinity and giving up on needing women is the best thing that can happen to any man, no matter what age he is. You've found that out, and I'm happy for you!

This thread has been here for awhile, but I just thought I'd throw in my thoughts.

I'm a young guy, and maybe I haven't been through a lot relationship-wise on a grand scale, but it's nice to be able to read about 9x7's (and other people's) viewpoint on women. I've definitely heard people say that "you don't need women" before, but the way it's been put has always seemed chauvinist or something... really though, when I read about it in depth here it makes more sense to me. The fact is I never really thought a lot about it... I kinda decided "well, I'm a romantic so yeah I need a lady".

My current relationship is a little rickety at the moment, and it's hard to tell if it's worth continuing. So it's nice to know that if things don't work out, life won't be over and I can certainly find someone who fits the bill when the time comes. And maybe (most likely) I'll go through several more relationships before I hit this point, but that'll be OK; just as long as I treat myself with respect when it comes to picking relationships, which is perfectly respectable .

Dude your 9 x 7 and your starting to accept your size, lol are you kidding me