make the move on personal trainer?

I'm very recently separated (6 years maried + a kid) about over a year of dragging out the inevitable. during the last 6 months i started going to the gym and hired a trainer for a few months to learn the equipment etc as i'm not as young as i used to be. My trainer really caught my eye, not a typical gym bunny trainer but i started getting a crush on her pretty quickly. i kept it totally professional during the training and when the training ended i let it lapse and i went into therapy to prepare to officially separate. the training them therapy was always my plan but what i wasn't expecting to meet someone i really like.
Of course i'm rebounding which is why it's a difficult to proceed. i emailed my trainer asking to pickup some more training as i wasn't very good at the gym on my own. it was totally above board and to my surprise she's offered to train me for free once a week. oh also she mentioned in that email that she missed our weekly sessions.
i have 3 more weeks of therapy before my phychologist goes off on maternity leave, so i'm kinda losing that support.

So is that clear enough of a message to potentially make a move on her? Typically i'm a royal moron with women and don't really see it coming till they forcing their tongue my throat or sitting on my face, or is one particular case trying to divorce me. for yesterdays training session i brought her aw a bottle of imported liquor she mentioned she was interested in, i happen to have a bottle already but it's no longer available anywhere. it's probably only worth half the cost of the training session itself but it's specifically what i think she was hunting for.

to compound the situation she's got her own house and lives within walking distance from me even tho the gym where i met her at is 17kilometers away.

i'm planning on seeing her for training as much as i can, firstly she's a great trainer and secondly i gotta find out more about her, like for example if she's got a boyfriend. would a woman with a bf offer to meet up at any gym on the city for training on the weekend? I'm clearly a moron.

You're not a moron. It's just that women have that hability to leave us completely adrift with what's really going on .

Anyway, I think that "rebound" could be an actual issue. If you think that could be what's happening, then keep your relationship with her the most professional it can be.
Remember that she's a professional PT, and the fact that she's offered to train you for free once a week could be just a marketing strategy to keep you as her trainee.
HOWEVER, she may be genuinely interested in helping you out with your sessions and she may also be genuinely interested in you.
So my suggestion, for what it's worth, is that you try to keep your relationship as professional as possible, but to pay close attention to every single detail of your conversations and her attitude with you. If you find that the occasion arises, ask her out for an informal date, just to go for a walk, or enjoy a nice relaxing afternoon sipping some tea/coffee/whatever drink you guys socialize with around there.
And if you do ask her out, keep the date simple. Don't start off with dinner and movies. Start small and you may end up really big (kind of like Penis Enlargement, actually ).
And don't rush things. Take your time to let the relationship build up gradually.

Most important of all, whatever the choice you make, try and always have a good time with her, whether you remain strictly on the professional level or decide to move on to the next level.

I hope this helps.

Peace and growth

thanks for listening to the venting.
I initially tried to buy more sessions and she turned around and offered me freebies. which was a little perplexing.
She mentioned she might be leaving training in january in favour of her previous desk job, shes a great trainer but doesn't really like having to do high pressure sales which is 50% of that career.

I think i'll try and take her up on some training at another gym (part of a gym chain) on the weekends. it's a little weird with her boss roaming around for example.

i'll throw in a couple extra tugs and a couple more minutes in teh Bathmate for sure!

littleleft;406589 said:

i'll throw in a couple extra tugs and a couple more minutes in teh Bathmate for sure!

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Thats been my trouble many times in the past ... I RUSH too much into things with women and they run a mile! I have lost more women than I care to disclose from my rushing. I just want to get down with things, not necessarily always sexual but be direct and lets get going but the world doesn't work like that and us men think women are human and like us just because they walk upright and talk from time to time when in fact they are a breed all to themselves .... As they also say, a good quality vintage wine is left for many years but the cheaper ones are young ... good things come to those who wait.

it's hard to say it'sa rush when i've known her since june 2010, my marriage has been officially on the skids since may 2009.

anyways as she's training me free i up and bought her an Iphone 4 to replace her faulty blackberry bold as a surprise, i wasn't smooth about it all. i usually give her any protein i don't like or any samples i get from buying protein and she gives it to the other trainers who can tolerate anything thats got protein in it. so i came in and handed her a grocery bag with what she thought was a couple protein samples and i went about my workout, in facet there was a iphone 4 16 gb in there with sim ready to transfer her # onto. today was training so she was really excited about the iphone but wanted to confirm that it was for her. i didn't milk it too much. i think we'll be up for some training this weekend when she's not at her gym working. should be alot easier without her boss around and the possibility of coffee etc is totoally there.

littleleft;407230 said:

it's hard to say it'sa rush when i've known her since june 2010, my marriage has been officially on the skids since may 2009.

anyways as she's training me free i up and bought her an Iphone 4 to replace her faulty blackberry bold as a surprise, i wasn't smooth about it all. i usually give her any protein i don't like or any samples i get from buying protein and she gives it to the other trainers who can tolerate anything thats got protein in it. so i came in and handed her a grocery bag with what she thought was a couple protein samples and i went about my workout, in facet there was a iphone 4 16 gb in there with sim ready to transfer her # onto. today was training so she was really excited about the iphone but wanted to confirm that it was for her. i didn't milk it too much. i think we'll be up for some training this weekend when she's not at her gym working. should be alot easier without her boss around and the possibility of coffee etc is totoally there.

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Well man, you only live once as far as anyone can prove right? That said,there are ways to ask a woman if she's interested without coming off the stalker type or like a weirdo. Be blunt, but don't come off a creep. Next time you see her, just be direct. Something like "I don't want to come off weird because we have a professional relationship (assume she sees it that way FIRST by saying this), but would I be out of line to ask you to dinner?" If she turns it down...you asked but didn't flat out come onto her right? Also, you left an "out" per se...because you're keeping your professional trainer/client relationship in mind...but at the same time, you're letting her know there's interest on your end in her and you're seeing if there's any on HER end. You come off as interested but at the same time, no big deal you'll move on and would like to continue the professional side of things because you like the trainer side of her as well.

DON'T make the mistake many make and continue to throw things, gifts and such her way. Especially if she ends up turning down your offer for dinner or hanging out outside of the gym. Keep it friendly, but watch it. Some people don't know how to turn down gifts and will also sometimes take advantage of that nicer side of you.

it's a fine line. i agree. the fine line between interested and creepy.

You bought her an Iphone 4 and groceries? Wow. Just don't let her use you, bro'. First the Iphone 4, than the bills, than the car-payment, etc, etc. Here's an idea. Why not just ask her out for a coffee and strike-up a conversation with her? You don't have to pay but 4 bucks and you'll have the opportunity to empathize.

in all fairness she didn't ask for anything, but ya its a bit over the top i understand. the only thing i think i could have done to top that is sell the 23 grams of platinum in my wedding ring to buy it!

the protein is just stuff i won't use or got free when i bought protein for myself the phone was without contract thats for sure. I'm not in for the cell phone bill.
I'm just hanging low for the next freebie training session, we'll see if it's at her gym while she's works or if it's outside of her work schedule on the weekend.

Listen man, you sound like a nice guy and your intentions are clearly well intended. I think the best advice I can give in this situation is do NOT put the pussy on a pedal-stool.

If this girl is gorgeous and knows it, she will use it to her advantage. There is that chance as well that she has nothing but good intentions. I guess a good way to put it is, don't be that guy that buys girls drinks at the bar. If you buy girls drinks at the bar its not going to get you in their pants. It's just going to make them tell you what you want to hear so they can get more. However, if your in a "relationship" with someone then its ok to buy gifts and drinks etc.

Back to what I was saying earlier, I'm going to put it like this - there are 3 types of girls when it comes to beauty.
1.) Ugly girls.... (even worse, ugly hoes) (1-3)
2.) She's alright, I'd hit it girls (4-7)
3.) Gorgeous, supermodel babes (8-10)
Now, saying all that with a lot of gray area in between but its just to get an idea...
(I've put the ratings off to the right if you want to think of it as a scale of 1-10)

Now since you've thought about the scale of girls its important to go back to the fact that girls who are hot know it and of course there are some that think they are hot and are certainly not, were not going to worry about those ugly hoes...

There are the exceptions but most high-end I wanna plant my seed right now babes know their hot and use their looks to get things whether it be drinks, gifts, job positions (yes its sad) etc. etc. The guys that are falling prey to this are putting the pussy on a pedal stool plain and simple. I see it all the time, the nice guy usually fails. There are the exceptions.

The guy that don't take no shit or let the woman run the show will come out on top. It's kind of true when you hear that girls like assholes. Why? Who knows. I do know that girls want attention (a lot of attention), and beautiful girls are used to getting it ( a lot of it ). So when you give her a lot of attention what makes you different from the rest of guys? Not much. When you buy her a drink what makes you different from the guy across the bar that just bought her one? Not much eh?

After that previous point has been made, it goes a lot deeper than that like looks, personality, etc.. and to make that short your never going to bang Angelina and your never going to look like brad. (No offense to you, I have no idea what you look like)


So ill stop talking and get down to the basics..

Don't buy her gifts, especially iphone 4's... you got to have that mentality of hey, your cool and I really like you and your gorgeous etc.. etc.. but you can buy your own damn drink, ya feel me? After I start getting some pussy then maybe ill buy you a drink. The protein stuff is cool b/c it goes along with the scene you have with her and don't look unordinary. The bottle of alc. was cool b/c you talked about it, but the phone was just out of the blue.. Looks like your trying to hard and just may have landed you right in the friend/creep range. Not to be mean, just saying man.

Also, we need to think about what kind of job she has and in what city. Personal trainers actually can make really good money, especially in large city's. That being said she may be used to treatment like that if she has had high status clients and just think it comes with the job. Then again, I could be wrong about all these signs and she could be into you.. Its hard to really know with just the information you have given...

I also encourage you to check this out http://roissy.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/, a lot of MOS members have probably seen this as this place is where I was introduced to it..

Lastly I know I have said a lot and probably have some people thinking the opposite so I welcome criticism and further questions from you and other members... the art of attraction is a big subject, a lot more than what I can or anyone else can cover in just this little bit.. it's also like Penis Enlargement, a theory... trial and error

Also you said she was very happy for the iphone4. Who wouldnt be? I'm happy just to get a new phone let alone an iphone4. And were talking about a girl here so take that times 10.
For the record just know I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or anything, just give some good insight and advice..

By the way, cut yourself some slack, you just got out of a 6 year marriage and face it you probably lost your game face a while back... you just gotta find it again. Take it slow and ride the wave, no need to get serious or all hung up right away.

an old old neighbour that i once had who was on the road to dying of cancer about 6 months after his wife died of cancer once told me the secret to his long term marriage.
"find a woman that loves you more than you love her"

Oddly enough she's not a gym bunny type trainer.

I guess patience is important here, i'm sure my home state with the house, kid, wife, thing is putting her off also. tho commandment 14 and 16 struck a chord.

i kinda actually ignore her while she's working, it's still work all and all and she pays pretty close attention to her clients.
last time she approached me to setup last nights training session. i think the next couple weeks will be telling. I'm prepared to switch gyms also to get scarce for a while too.

i also brought it up with my psychologist today to get some feedback on that an oddly enough she didn't frown on things, i omitted the iphone 4 part out of mild remorse.

I'm glad the commandments helped. Your psychologist probably didn't say much about it because she thinks this is a good way to get your mind off your wife and the separation. Which it indeed is, just don't overdo it. It's hard getting over a girl let alone a wife, but the best way to do it is to get back in the game.

littleleft;407301 said:

an old old neighbour that i once had who was on the road to dying of cancer about 6 months after his wife died of cancer once told me the secret to his long term marriage.
"find a woman that loves you more than you love her"

Oddly enough she's not a gym bunny type trainer.

I guess patience is important here, i'm sure my home state with the house, kid, wife, thing is putting her off also. tho commandment 14 and 16 struck a chord.

i kinda actually ignore her while she's working, it's still work all and all and she pays pretty close attention to her clients.
last time she approached me to setup last nights training session. i think the next couple weeks will be telling. I'm prepared to switch gyms also to get scarce for a while too.

i also brought it up with my psychologist today to get some feedback on that an oddly enough she didn't frown on things, i omitted the iphone 4 part out of mild remorse.

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You're a really nice guy, LOL. That's not bad, but you're a MAN also. Just ask her out for a coffee so you can get to know her better. Buying an Iphone is a bit too much. What I'm trying to say is you're spending money on a woman that doesn't even know that well, same for you too. All I'm saying is, conversation is better than sneaking around trying to give out clues.

i appreciate the reminder to have a pair.