Deceitful Forgivness

All I wanted to know was if anyone thought it was possible for her to have been cheating on me too. That's it.

I could've done without the psychiatric evaluation... I knew all of that already and I feel bad enough about it. And the verbal abuse from that other numbskull was fucking annoying.

As far as the relationship goes, she still woulda been with me today if I hadn't ended it. I just didn't feel right continuing on with things after I cheated on her... I haven't felt the same since. It was the first time I ever cheated on anyone, and I never did it again, and I never wanna do it again. The emotional hangover is just way too heavy. I'm still beating myself up over it years later. Every day I think about trying to "fix it", but I gotta just let it go. I don't feel love when I look at her anymore.... I feel guilt. And you can't build a real, loving relationship on that. I can't forgive myself.



And about her ex boyfriends:

It really isn't a debate over SHOULD I care that she sees them or not, or if I'm even allowed to be mad about it... the point is that her seeing them bothered me, so if she really cared about me she would've knocked it off, but she didn't. She chose their side over mine. I never had a problem with her having male friends. It was the exes I didn't like, and she wouldn't accomodate me. I didn't think I was asking for much. She didn't give two shits about how I felt, it was all about her life. I never would do that to anyone. I don't think she would've liked it if I hung with my various exes on a semi-regular basis. Not at all.

Godsize,

Was she cheating on you? Statistically, 46% of women cheat on their men. So there was a 46% chance that she cheated on you. Will you ever know? Nope. So why drive yourself insane about it.

This obsession with that question points to an underlying obsessive-compulsive disorder. You should read some of DLDs posts on OCD to understand what it is and how you can stop the vicious cycle of those destructive thoughts. They are all rooted in your insecurities about your penis size, and possibly some other body issues, like height and musculature, or perhaps adolescent acne...something that made you feel less than desirable as a man.

I don't mean to analyze you, but you know that I have a compulsion to help people. Sometimes medicine is bitter, but I want you to be well. The answer is not really if she cheated on your or not, but finding out why you obsess over this issue in the first place. I think you did good by ending the relationship and it is great that you do not ever want to cheat again, but you have to forgive yourself and let it go, and that will not happen until you learn what your underlying issue is and exorcise it from your psyche.

Finally, you do not have the right to choose who your mate is friends with, ex or not. The only thing you can do is dump someone who tends to do that sort of thing. What's the difference? Option one makes you and asshole. Option two makes her an asshole.

The petty fighting ends now! >

RoxyBabe, why are you attacking him?
You can attack me instead with your fruity lips sliding up and down my hard cock.

Godsize, its a very uncomfortable situation you seem to be in. There should be a cure for it dont it? Kong is giving out very good comments!

RoxyBabe,

I agree, ghost dogg's got a point. All godsize was looking for was some advice; if you don't got any then don't post. Simple as that. There was no need for you to be in this thread really cause all you did was throw around insults and the thread went nowhere. Just my opinion.

RoxyBabe instigated the whole thing imo

You dont insult an older and more respected member for no reason

Godsize, there is no excuse for you cheating as far as I am concerned but what your girlfriend is doing should not be tolerated and you should have dumped her a long time ago. You didn't need to cheat her in the hopes she would dump you, you simply just needed to dump her. Tell her you are not happy with her and part of the reason is the hanging out with ex-boyfriends. Don't argue it or get in a fight with her about it, just dump her and move on.

As for her cheating on you, well sounds like there is a high likelihood she is, but so what? You already cheated on her so how are you the victim in all of this?

A lot of naive women think that they can "just be cool" with ex-boyfriends and that their behaviour and reputation earlier in life will have no impact on their future relationships, but sadly most of these women find out the hard way later on. Same thing goes with guys, but even if you have a lot of history it is best to keep that history at a distance if you can help it (i.e. if she is an ex-spouse and you both had kids then that is an exception).

I mean, are you afraid of this woman? Just dump her already. If she really loved you, then she would not even think twice about hanging out with a bunch of guys she used to fuck and if you loved her well then you wouldn't of fucked one of your exes. If you don't dump her then sooner or later you will find you have something growing on your dick that you have never seen before and then find out she has been cheating behind your back all the time and acquired some STD in the process.

Godsize,
Roxybabe has been dealt with.She won't pose a problem any further.The MOS Mods took action as soon as it was brought to our attention. There are better ways to say what she wanted to say, and still get her point across.
I personally godsize have issues with how you treat women(at least how you treated that situation),and I can come out and say that without calling you names, or demeaning you.

I don't think she cheated on you. Why? She seemed like an open person, and not very deceitful. Sounds like she was a very forgiving person as well.She even took you around her exes. Guilt has a way of surfacing.

Instead of wondering if she cheated on you. You should dwell on how you can better handle a situation like that again.Or if you have had another situation like that, were you happy this time on how you handled it?

The fact that you think about it, shows remorse for what you did. Which is a step in the right direction.

Thanks everyone for responding and sorry about that bullshit earlier in the thread.

This whole thing between me and my (ex) girlfriend happened a few years ago. We were together for at least another year after that. She seemed to have forgiven me and forgotten the whole thing. Whenever we argued, she never even threw the fact that I cheated on her in my face, like many other women would. So we held onto each other after all that shit happened. We would break up, then get back together, then break up and get back together... shit like that. I eventually had to let her go because ever since I did what I did, I felt haunted by it and couldn't forgive myself. I felt like I didn't deserve her, meanwhile she's asking me to move in with her so we could be together always. I couldn't do it. I felt too guilty, too indecisive... but mostly guilt and shame.

She was a good girlfriend despite the shit she used to do. I don't know... I guess the whole "hanging out with exes" thing doesn't bother some people, but I do not like that shit. There's a million things you can say to justify it as harmless, but the fact was that it really aggrivated me and made me hate myself, and she refused to change.

There was never any doubt in my mind that she truly loved me except for when she'd hang out with her ex boyfriends. Other than that she treated me good. For the record, I never thought she was cheating on me until just recently. At the time, I trusted her enough. I was never the kind of boyfriend who would interrogate my woman at the end of the night or if she didn't call me or something. I think this story kind of gives you guys the wrong idea about who I am as a person.

I don't know if she was playing games with me consciously, or it just appeared that way, but it was always when I was just starting to feel good about things that she would need to go to some bullshit gallery opening or some fucking parade or party that "certain people" were gonna be at. Her doing those things always made me feel bad, like I was wasn't good enough or something. Like, in my mind at that time, I would wonder what it was I wasn't doing that would make her "need" to keep seeing these people.

I always severed ties before entering a new relationship, so I expected the same from her. Sorry if I ain't "hip" or "open-minded" enough to not let shit like this bother me, but it does. Maybe I should've dumped her way in the beginning, but I was in love and holding on. I thought that if I just hung in there, that my issues would eventually cease to be issues and everything would be great and fulfilling and all that, but that's not how it happened. I never could accept that one little quirk about her personality.

Anyway, my mistakes still haunt me to this day, and a day doesn't go by without me thinking about her at least once. You'd think that being with other women would help me forget, but it doesn't. Maybe we weren't meant for each other after all, but I doubt anyone could take her place.

This all went down a while ago, but time doesn't really do much to numb my feelings about it. All it does is numb my feelings about "love" and relationships in general. I'm not even interested in a relationship with any woman right now, and haven't been for almost a year. If I was ever gonna have anything, it would've been with her, but now since she's gone I guess I missed my chance.

We still talk every so often, but I can't just be her "friend"... I still have too many feelings for her to look at her as someone who's just platonic. If I worked really, really hard to prove myself I think I can win her back, but I don't know. Maybe it's too late now. Maybe I'm not ready. I think she still loves me, but not anything like how she used to. In order to get her back, I'd have to give everything...my mind, body and soul. That's really all she wanted, and I was too unsure/afraid to give it to her THEN. As for now, I still don't think I'm ready so I'll leave it alone and let her live her life with someone else who can make her happy better than me.

I wish I could just forget all about this and start over fresh. I think I'm definitely wiser for the journey, but I'm still haunted by regret.

Why has someone not banned Roxy from these forums? It is obvious she will never make any kind of positive comments here. No one needs someone like her around.

Roxy, if you really are 19, maybe you should start acting like it. You remind me of someone who is less than 12.

RoxyBabe said:

Hmm, 13, how about 19 you fucking lush.

Click to expand...

Lush:

a Abundant; plentiful.
b Extremely productive; thriving.
c Luxurious; opulent: <CITE>the lush décor of a grand hotel.</CITE>
<CITE></CITE>d Extremely pleasing to the senses: <CITE>a lush scent; lush fruit; the lush sounds of an orchestra.</CITE>
e Voluptuous or sensual.


Wow, what an insult!
Call me lush any day.

It is not easy for some people to sever all ties, Godsize. And if you think an ex-boyfriend is disturbing, you should have to deal with an ex-husband. This dude banged my wife for years (not well, at least, which is a little comforting) but it kind of puts things like that into perspective for a guy. My wife has accidentally called me by his name (at the breakfast table, not in bed!) and there are old photos and momentos that she won't part with, because it is her history. I love her for who she is, however, and can't imagine myself wanting to "erase" a part of her, just to make myself feel better. I don't know if that helps any.

You sound like you are kind of pining over her a little. Just remember, if it didn't work once, it probably won't work again.

In honesty to me it sounds like she was cheating. That is why she was so willing to forgive you.

The boyfriends should be a non-issue. Women always try to make excuses why they can do that. If they wanted to talk on the phone or something fine. But hanging out with is ridiculus. It sounds like she wasn't ready for a serious relationship.

Women have a lot of advantages but one disadvantage they have is child bearing. You see you could screw 5 women and then your gf, and she could know with 100% certainty that her child is hers. Evolutionarily men could never know that so they always reacted much stronger across all species to other men being near their woman.

It isn't really fair but it is reality. And as I mentioned women have a lot of other things in their advantage. For example much easier to get mates.

Caveman: "You no talk with Unk!"

Cavewoman: "Unk friend!"

Caveman hits cavewoman on head with club. Drags back to cave by hair.

More likely the scenarion is this:

lol. A lot of people think our emotions come from some mystical place and are unknowable. But in reality our emotions are just motivators developed over millions of years to give us the best chance of procreation.

One example is how you lust for a woman for many months, then start to grow tired of her and start flirting with other women. To you it is emotional drives that happen gradualy, or you will get pissed off at the spouse etc.

Evolutionarily they are just drives built into the circuitry of our minds to give you the most chance to procreating as much as possible.

We like to think we are somehow different then animals in our drives. But humans viewed from a neutral observer act exactly the same in sexual manners as animals do. We assume difference because we know how we feel in each situation. And we do not know what the animal is thinking.

Yet as I said viewed from afar it is the identical behavior. Just simple evolutionary reality ultimately.

When I began to understand emotions in this type of scientific way I was rapidly able to exploit them. I knew why women were getting the emotions they were and how to change them to fit what I wanted. Much like you would change the outputs of a robot knowing how the robot reacted to complex stimuli.

When you meet new women it is just a matter of putting them in a situation that gives future genetic advantage over the situation they are currently in. Fortunately because of our idiot emasculating culture this is incredibly easy to do.

Did you ever consider that she forgave you so quickly because she feels guilty for all of the sex she had before you? Your indescretion helped her feel better about her past and now she is able to feel more equal to you in this regard, and possibly even superior. Watch out going forward because this personality type tends to be more aloof and you might find yourself chasing her and pivoting around her and her needs. You knew all of this already and that is likely why you wanted her to dump you. If it is not about money it is about sex. The root of all problems are these two things. Period.

Yeah, I do still kinda pine for her.

I never liked that she kept exes as friends, especially since I always had this creeping suspicion that she still loved one of them... regardless of how much she said she loved me. I figured that the right thing to do was to leave her. Being with her made me unhappy too often. She was the type of girl who would've invited her ex boyfriend to our wedding if we were to ever get married.

I'm still not over her though. I think about her all the time. I wish it coulda worked out, but it always seemed like she wasn't on my side... it wasn't me and her against the world... it was me against the world against her. She still had pictures of him hanging up like a fucking YEAR after we'd been together. I mean, what the fuck man?? I'm only human, ya know? I can only take so much. But she never saw it that way. She was always right, and I was the one with the problem. She would take me on trips down memory lane and show me photos of her with all her ex boyfriends and such. Yeah, I know she was trying to share her life with me, but she could've been a bit more considerate towards my feelings.

I never got to see her jealous side... mostly because I never gave her a reason. I never took her around my exes, or showed her pictures of them, and whenever I mentioned them it was always to highlight how much better she was than them. But to her, her ex boyfriend was the bee's fuckin' knees, man... which made me wonder if they were so F'n great, why ain't you with them now??

I know I'm insecure and everything that goes with it, but when I love someone, I don't wanna share! The way I see it, her exes HAD their time... leave 'em be already. I felt like a piece of shit most of the time being with her. The things she would do would just push my fucking buttons.

Maybe the rest of you are secure and comfortable with yourselves and your significant others, but I'm not made of steel.

I wish I could forget about her and move on, but her image is tattooed on my brain. I take all the blame for everything that went wrong... and there she goes without a care in the world. I wish I didn't miss her, but I do. Even though we had our issues, it was the deepest relationship I've ever had. It's hard to get over that kind of stuff.

Wow! That's alot more detail. I am begining to feel a little more sympathetic toward you now.

When we were first married, way back when, my wife once confessed that she still missed an old boyfriend. It really hurt my feelings, but to her credit, she explained to me that she loved me much more and that she would never think of leaving me for him. Women can't turn off their feelings like a man can...which is good for us, I think, most of the time. Still, it did hurt, so I can understand where you are coming from.

I did not get angry, but I had to know more. As much as it hurt me, I had her tell me about him. This fellow was there for her after her divorce from her first husband, and let her cry on his shoulders when she needed to. They were lovers, and he was the first man who was able to make her cum. Her first husband was a slap-and-tickle, then go to sleep guy. Her old flame was a "big guy down there" and apparently knew how to use it, too (ick!) Still, though she cared for him, she did not "love" him. He wanted marriage (can't blame him) but she just wanted a friend and a peice of ass to get back at her first old man.

It was hard to hear all that, but to love someone, you have to love all of them, and that includes their past. She still sees her old flame every once in a great while, but I don't worry because I know she would not do anything that would make me leave her. It is, in the end, all about confidence.

To have a healthy relationship, you have to share. You have to share them with their family, their friends, their job, etc. If you don't, you're just going to smother them.

I don't hate her ex-lover. He was good to her in a time when she needed that. In a way, I am grateful that she had him. Though I am a jealous guy, I am glad he was good to her...because I love her and she deserves to be treated good. I am even more grateful that he didn't have that thing that makes her love me more than she ever loved him, whatever that thing is.

If you're out there...thanks, buddy, for treating her decent. She's a good girl. Sorry it didn't work out for you two...NOT! :D