My coworker feels adult entertainment is threatening her marriage.

Okay, I'm 30 and I'm pretty good friends with this 40 year-old lady that started work with my company about 3-4 months ago. She's a huge hockey fan and stuff so we hit it off and talk all the time. For starters, we're absolutely nothing more than friends. She's married and all that stuff.

Anyhow, Friday night she tells me and a couple females at work this story where her son (about 11 years old) was working out in the basement and she was on the nearby computer. Looking at the drop box at the top of the Windows browser she saw some unfamiliar site and click on it. She said she came to a site where she chick just had her face drenched with jism and another chick had a cock in her ass while taking two in the mouth. She described it as the grossest thing she'd ever seen. She told son and go upstairs and get her husband. Her son then could sense that something was wrong and began to inquire, so she yelled upstairs for her husband to come down. She then opened the drop box and noted the site, at which point he denied having any knowledge of the site. He headed upstairs and she decided to confront him about it later.

Later that night her husband was asleep upstairs and she told us she pondered keying his Porsche to get back at him. We were all a little horrified and told her that would have been quite extreme. Anyway, she opted for yanking him out of bed and arguing with him, at which point he admitted to the adult entertainment site thing and said he denied it initially because their son was nearby. She was furious and her husband has repeated apologized saying he doesn't do those kind of things and doesn't know what he was thinking. His story is that he stumbled on to the site but looking up something to help their other son with his homework and the site came up on a search engine. That much is believeable, as adult entertainment is all over the web and searches for non-adult entertainment items are likely to turn up adult sites at times. But what doesn't make sense is that click via a search engine would put the URL in the address memory at the top of the web browser.

She is so mad, so is not entirely sure of where to go with her marriage from here. I tried to tell her that even if her husband has a adult entertainment problem that she needs to work through it, that this should not end a 13 year marriage. What is is upset about is that they are a Christian, church-going family and don't want adult entertainment at a part of their family. Now, she feels betrayed that her husband has not honored those values. I tried to her that this does not mean that her husband is a bad husband or even that this shortcoming means he is not sincere in his religious beliefs, but that most good people have their vices they struggle with. She said she was also grossed out by how extreme the site was, that she would have been more likely to understand it had it just been nude or erotic photos or even more traditional sex. She was also upset that at his initial denial.

I explained that men and women are wired differently, that men are attracted or at least intrigued by things that women do not find appealling. And I said that men can be curious and even attracted to things that they do not actually intend to pursue. For example, adult entertainment magazines are full of bullshit letters about men being turned on by their wives fucking other men. Men read that stuff even though such opportunites will not likely present themselves and most readers have no intent on sharing their wives with anyone else, a type of fantasy that most do not want to become reality. I told her beyond curiosity, he might feel unfulfilled in their sex life and she needs to talk about that and she is there is anything that can be done. For starters, he works a normal dayshift and she works 5:00 pm till 2:00 am. I just get the impression that she is not highly adventurous in a sexual sense, and I kinda explained that I myself would need a real freak in the sack to satisfy me, and that such things should be worked out early in a relationship. But she says she finds their sex life good and he tells her the same, although he may not be completely honest about that.

Well, I told her I would seek advice from some online community friends. I advised her to join an online forum of some sorts and get advice too. So, if any of you have any words of wisdom, let's her them.
 
Tell her to get a grip,what has her husband done apart from wank over some porno site,big deal,there are very few men who havn't at some time used adult entertainment to relieve themselves,he was probably looking at things he wishes he could do with her but by the sounds of it she is pretty uptight about sex,probably a lights off nightie up missionary kind of lady,it doesn't make him a bad husband or father.

Ask her the question,when you have sex or masturbate do you ever fantasise if she says yes then tell her she is no different to him,if she says no tell her she is a liar.
 
Yea I don't see the big deal in it. I've been busted for this and it caused a lot of problems. Actually I wasn't busted, but I admitted to it casually and things got bad. Real bad. She equated looking at them with them getting me off and me wanting them more than her, when that could not be further from the truth. We don't get the chance to have a normal sexual relationship and its hard not to look, but not in an addicted way.
 
penguinsfan said:
I told her beyond curiosity, he might feel unfulfilled in their sex life and she needs to talk about that and she is there is anything that can be done. For starters, he works a normal dayshift and she works 5:00 pm till 2:00 am. I just get the impression that she is not highly adventurous in a sexual sense, and I kinda explained that I myself would need a real freak in the sack to satisfy me, and that such things should be worked out early in a relationship. But she says she finds their sex life good and he tells her the same, although he may not be completely honest about that.


Well, IMO, she isn't putting out for him anymore and you stated she doesn't seem like a person to engage in sex. I think the problem isn't with him but with HER sex drive.
 
I can understand her point of view, given the family religious beliefs and all, but I too think she is making too much of this. This is, at worst, a minor slip-up of the standards they agreed to live by in their family, but this is hardly unusual. She really seems to be equating it with actually cheating on him, which I've tried to tell her it's nowhere near that.
 
For what it's worth, I remember her making a remark about the shot of the chick with come all over her face. She said she had no idea that so much come came out of the penis. Now in all likelihood, she saw some kind of bucake shot that is NOT realistic, but the way she said it made it sound as if she's never taken a mouthful or had a load shot on her. I remembered kind of thinking when she made that remark that the reason he was seeking adult entertainment could have been right there. I explained to her that there may be some compatibility issues between them, but I didn't get into details.
 
She is talking to all of you for one reason only: She is trying to gauge how she should be reacting based upon your acceptance or not of pornography. This is a huge problem because many people are very truned on by adult entertainment but do not admit so because of how they may feel about themselves guaged against how they think society feels. The problem is that most don't admit that they like adult entertainment.

A good test of this is to ask yourself how you protrayed yourself regarding likes or dislikes of adult entertainment. I will lay a large sum of money on anyone that they held back how much they really are turned on by adult entertainment.
 
I'd tell her to relax and take a chill pill. I'd think that watching adult entertainment with your lover would make things more interesting I mean ya know? But whatever different strokes for different folks I suppose...
 
Dashdeming said:
She is talking to all of you for one reason only: She is trying to gauge how she should be reacting based upon your acceptance or not of pornography.

I must admit, I had to look appalled at what she described. I suppose I put on my [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/forum/showthread.php?83810-MoS-Online-Texas-Holdem-Poker-League-and-Tournament-to-win-P-E-Prizes!!!]poker[/words] face. I can sympathize with that particular aspect of it, as what she described was hardcore material, but to me it was no big deal. That all goes into the deeper psychology of why men really like adult entertainment...and women are NOT prepared to handle that.
 
KiTTie8695 said:
I'd tell her to relax and take a chill pill. I'd think that watching adult entertainment with your lover would make things more interesting I mean ya know?

For some people yes, but obviously not to those that find it morally objectionable. Besides, I doubt most women are too turned on by the cock in the ass with two in the mouth type photos.
 
lol...I can't say anything that hasn't been said already, but the age factor and experience factor might play more of a role than anything for the way she reacted. I'd say there are more women out there that actually are turned on by threesomes or orgies. I'll gaurantee that the majority of women that have a healthy sexual appetite/sex drive have fantasized about just that sort of thing. Go to a women's message board that has sex as a forum topic and even some of the less raunchier posts admit to having such a fantasy. It depends on your morals and the ability to understand where men are coming from. They need to work it out more than anything though. It's obviously a problem for the woman.
 
The issue isn't the adult entertainment. The issue is that it makes her insecure by reinforcing whatever negative feelings she has about her own body and about her continued ability to attract her husband.


The rest is just rationalization for the most part.


There is nothing he is going to say to her to make things any better. He can tell her from here to infinity how beautiful she is, that she's the only one he wants.......Won't make a difference.

It's a female thing that men will never comprehend. Or maybe we do if you think of it as being somewhat comparable to out dicks. If you feel inadequate, she can tell you from here to kingdom come that your fine and you will never accept it, especially if you know she had bigger or was getting off looking at guys with far bigger pricks.
 
Most women in that age bracket would get sick over adult entertainment, especially that type of adult entertainment. She must have been disgusted by the sight. That is not good.

On the flip side, it sounds like her and him are not seeing each other too much, he works days, she works something like a 2nd shift. I know how that feels. I work 3rd shift 11pm to 7am. My girlfrined has 2 jobs and woks 7am to 10pm. The only time spent together is on the weekend. She should be glad he is looking at adult entertainment, rather than going out there and actually cheating on her. I suppose he is not getting enough sex. They should talk about it, when thay have sex is it boring, is it enough, are fanticies being met???

She just needs to understand that men do like to watch adult entertainment. If he does it a couple times a week, it is really no big deal. But if he comes home from work and plops his ass in front of the computer all night every night, then there is a problem!

I bet she has some romance novels in her book colection somewhere, which to women is = to adult entertainment with men.
 
Spoke to her earlier and she says she has managed to calm down quite a bit and says she has little action to take, but to give her husband the benefit of the doubt. I told her about the responses here (I mentioned I would seek opinions from an adult online community I am part of...I sure as hell didn't tell her about Penis Enlargement and the specifics of this site). I told her the general consensus was that she made too much out of this, trying to show her that even if she feels adult entertainment is a big deal, society does not look down on it nearly as much and her husband probably never expected her to react as she did.
 
crazyed27 said:
I bet she has some romance novels in her book colection somewhere, which to women is = to adult entertainment with men.

I don't know if she does or not, but you've hit a nerve of mine by mentioning that garbage.

For as much as anti-adult entertainment crusaders paint adult entertainment as a threat to stable monogamous relationships and family, that trash that women read is ten times worse. This is because adult entertainment is basically fucking and that is pretty much it. The romance trash may soften the graphic depictions of such action, but they really tend to glamorize and legitimize actions such as adultery, whereas adult entertainment does not add any aspect of romance or love to it.
 
penguinsfan said:
I don't know if she does or not, but you've hit a nerve of mine by mentioning that garbage.

For as much as anti-adult entertainment crusaders paint adult entertainment as a threat to stable monogamous relationships and family, that trash that women read is ten times worse. This is because adult entertainment is basically fucking and that is pretty much it. The romance trash may soften the graphic depictions of such action, but they really tend to glamorize and legitimize actions such as adultery, whereas adult entertainment does not add any aspect of romance or love to it.

That is a very good point, which I had never really thought about. I will use that when defending adult entertainment!
 
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