Relationship Probs

To start out. Im in a long distance relationship. I love her very much and i remember in the like the first 9 months i was so crazy in love that i even took so much shit. Alot of things (i guess alot) tend to bother me. I was told by her basically there is no time to waste and that life isn't forever so she would need to know how people feel and all that. I told her not too long after we started talking i was very interested in her and if she didn't mind i'd like to get to know her and become more than friends basically and she seemed like she loved it.

I told her from the start im a jealous dude. But i guess that was no big deal to hear so she started calling me her boyfriend and i called her my girlfriend. so things seem fine. I've gotten ex boyfriends thrown up in so many fuckin conversations, she made me feel jealous as all hell, and i remember in the beginning she would ask me to check her myspace page "your not going through my messages are you?".. it seemed not too right you know what i mean? she acted like i killed all her loved ones when i looked at what was being written and who was writing. It was nothing slutty or "i love you" to these guys. But it was nontheless talking to other guys who obviously had an interest in her and she knew it and she KNEW i had a problem with that shit.

when i have swore up and down on my fathers life that I have NEVER talked to a girl and messaged her when she was doing all that and it was true but I did it months later and talked to 3 girls for like maybe a message or two and was like "this isnt me" and felt terrible and i even admitted when i did it. and she don't admit shit!! she knew when i felt jealous and it killed me man, she was even on the phone with some dude who liked her that i hated and she KNEW i hated him and they end up getting into it later.

she's never feels wrong, she's extremely hard headed and it kills me where we're at right now. She's weird she's complicated yet i love her. I've tried to explain over and over and over how i feel about things, what make me feel certain ways and it's like my words don't mean anything. Let me sum this up. She started this argument with me and said something along the lines of "i respected my mans page i didn't snoop and sneek through his messages, even when you did it months later trying to talk to girls because i have a life"... that hurt me and pissed me off so bad because i tried telling her in the beginning of our relationship i took this so serious and remember crying at nights and talking to god gripping a cigarette and bottle of alcohol wishing pain would end and wish she would stop making me feel like crap and quit talking to guys, i seem to have gotten my way but she likes to admit she never feels wrong about anything.

No matter when she wants me to admit when im wrong , I do and she never accepts my apologies. Man i do stuff 99% of dudes would never do. I don't cheat, I don't flirt, I don't even look at girls below head level when im out and i dont even smile back at girls when they are obviously interested in me and i'm an obvious good looking guy. I even feel wrong about sending out girls friend requests on myspace or accepting them. (should i ?) I am just so lost, hurt , confused, and kind of hate myself for being so sensitive about things. She said today also "you wouldn't have found nothing if you weren't sneaking through my mail".. i was like WTF!!!! so IM WRONG?? im wrong because i looked through messages on myspace when i felt something wasn't being right and i was nothing but loyal to an extreme? im wrong? so if i never looked she wouldnt have been flirting with other dudes when she knew it made me jealous/angry and hated it?

How the hell am i wrong when she did the wrong first and all i did was find it out? I tried to ask her a question when she started this argument with me out of nowhere and she would take her phone away from her head and said she didn't want to hear what i had to say, and i tried talking to her calmly like "i just dont understand, you get to say what you want to say, but when i want to say something about how i feel"... then it got cut short cus she took her head away from the phone, i got fed up and hung up. and havent heard from her in days, i remember after she used to hang up on me in the beginning i would always call her back because i didnt want her thinking negative of me and now its just so sad and screwed up she dont even care how i feel man, it feels like it literally crushes me and my soul. I need help. and im so away from the world, i have NOBODY to talk to. I mean literally nobody to talk to at all. Even when i try to talk to my family, no response. i don't even drive to drive somewhere and take me away from this. I don't have a job to pay for things to go somewhere or what not. Man life sucks. life is killing me. all i do is drink and play music and workout. i dont know what to do at all. I would be the weak one to call back wouldn't I? It's about ot be one year that we've been together and I want to work things out and i want her to understand my feelings and if she's gonna bring up my faults when i admit to them I will bring up hers and want her to do the same. I feel like I've put so much time and feeling into this relationship but at the same time I feel unnapreciated and like my feelings now and of the past don't mean shit. I don't know, im lost as all hell.

Alright mate. I feel what you write and really the bestway forward is to cut the rope now before it does somethng bad to you. END IT and move on my freind, find another girl. You must let this creature go now as she has no respect for you, period!. Shes one of those girls everyguy in this day and age will encounter, that seems for some reason to want to test them to the extreme when it comes to ex boyfreinds and similer stuff. If you want to get all David DeAngelo, who does know his stuff but does talk out of his arse aswell, well you have girls or women who like to TEST you and one of those tests is like the one she did to you. Its to see apparently how good you are for her based on your reactions i.e good future material or the usual stuff. I dont want to call you a boy, you ARE NOT THAT but these stupid tests some females play, and I disagree with David D that they all do it, they dont but the games are done usually naturally and without much thought with some women. Well its to see how much of a man you are and from the sounds of it you failed it and came across to her as a boy, but I'm not saying this and she isnt fucking worth it mate ... you just cared for her but made the mistake of revealing too much about your emotions and what your doing, which she used than for her game. What would have beat her is for you to have ignored all the men she spoke to and to bust her balls about the myspace stuff etc and not even give a rats ass when she spoke about men, plus for you to flirt with other girls now and again ... insane I KNOW but thats how its won, it shows your what david d calles alpha male, but again I disagree as alpha males dont act like that. Now readaing whta you say, I can relate to you in various forms such as not replying to other girls and you sound the old-school gentleman type that has very much died out now and that is a compliment, you will find a smashing girl oneday who will love you and respect you, I'm also in the sameboat but please DO NOT DRINK like your doing, its a recipe for a downward spiral, kick that shit into touch alongwith any drugs your doing and try to find a job, if you cant than try doing voluntary work somewhere to at least get you out into the fresh air with people.
Keep the gym work going, thats good for you and stick close to your freinds now. Loose her numbers and erase pix of her alongwith the adds to her websites etc ... forget about her because shes not interested and you should be HAPPY you had the lucky escape and although it wont seem like that now [I have been in the sameboat as the captain] in time you will be pleased, because imagine if you found all that out if you got married .... ouch. Keep us posted.

Thanks RED, well. She called me on the 3rd of 4th day after us not talking. She is a very confusing woman and she even admits that. I guess i'm just seeing how everything goes. I still have feelings for her. and I know she has feelings for me. I just know not to be played as a sucker because of me being so in love and can never let myself be hurt like I have been in the past. I guess im just taking it as it goes and taking it step by step. I know people may think "man your dumb if you feel like shit is wrong and still continue with the relationship"....But we'll see and i Hope things come out for the better with the relationship.