Going for my buddy's ex girlfriend.

My buddy broke up with his girlfriend a couple of months ago after dating for 2 years and being on and off for another half of a year. My buddy and I used to be real tight, but the past couple of years I probably have seen him six or seven times. He still calls me his best friend though, which brings me to my dilemma.
I Facebooked his ex girlfriend just to see what she's up to and how she's doing last week. We've been texting ever since, and went out on a date Tuesday and went running together yesterday. She's an amazing girl. Great job, intelligent, sexy, and a heart of gold. I think she's interested (she wouldn't have gone on the date or called me to run with her if she wasn't a little bit).
We talked about things and basically we don't want to hurt her ex but we want to see where this will lead, as "friends first". She doesn't want to be "that girl" and I don't blame her because people talk. The thing is my city isn't big and when you can find someone who has no kids and a good job, plus good looking, you have to jump on it. I need advice guys.

do what you fell is right bro, if you really like her then see what can happen , i with you on this one.
life's to short to see what may or may not have been. just make sure to realise that you may be giving up a friendship, but if you really do believe that you to might have something then dont be down about it , things happen!

Do the smart thing and call your buddy up and let him know that she might want to check you out. I would handle it this way: Ask him for your help. Ask him what to expect with her. Ask for his advice in dealing with her. You may learn something that will help you decide to avoid her. Or you may find that his issue with her is not one that matters to you and you both can agree that she might be okay for you to check out. Nothing like being straight forward and honest with your friends dude.

You are treading fine waters, depends on your sense of ethics and morals, personally I think 2 months is a bit early to make a move on your friends ex imho, however, technically speaking she is not in a relationship with him and is free to do as she pleases, if you do go ahead with this, I would be discrete simply because if you tell him and he says he doesn't approve, what will you do then? risk a friendship over 1 single girl, let alone your reputation where you live, I am assuming of course that its one of those towns where news travels fast?

Also, what is this BS about being 'friends first'? I don't know how experienced you are with women but getting out of the friend zone into the lover or bf/gf zone is almost impossible. I assume you weren't a pussy, and actually tried to fuck her on the first date? If you didn't, you have made a big mistake as she will be wondering why you didn't and chick logic dictates that if you dont make a move when you have the chance, you are either not interested or possibly gay (I am being serious here btw).

Please don't fall into the trap of falling for the usual crap that gets peddled as dating advice such as waiting 3 dates etc.

I'd also advise visiting the following website: http://www.fastseduction.com/discussion/

its the best dating and relationship advice board on the net, and participate in the community and post a thread about this situation, and you will receive real advice, not rubbish.

Stay away friend, how would you feel if he did that to you? I know you would have a beating waiting on you if you did that to me, best friend or not. Regardless of how small of a town it is, believe me, there are plenty of other women around who are not your friends' exes. I won't have anything to do with any girl who has had any type of relations with any of my friends, it's an easy rule to follow and it makes life a lot easier. I see that most others don't feel the same way I do, but that's what I would do, take it or leave it. Good luck.

Dford

I would do it but remember woman LOOOOOVE drama. She will tell him at some point.

But it matters if they were a real couple or close fuck buddies. I see it all the time. Couples who fight damn near every time there together and pretend they are madly in love. And the other half the time they always are saying "I dont even know why im dating him/her". I got a buddy and I always told him when him and his girl break I will fuck her. They fought/argue all the time, she would flirt with me, She was sexy as fuck, and He thought I was always joking but I was dead serious when I would say that. It make me sick to see people fake loving each other.

But ever once in a blue moon two people meet who really dig each other. If they were like that dont do it but if their like the people above I was talking about do it.

move to another city! expand your territory! Alot has already been said in this thread that are good advice. Look it all up to you, if you really want to pursue this tell your buddy first. If he finds out from her that you guys are dating he will be more pissed and hurt about the fact that you didn't bring it up to him as he considers you his best friend. Other than that I've always played the buddies ex gf are off limits unless you and your buddy have a fall out and don't plan on speaking to him ever again

My advice is simple, stay away from this girl. You know your mate allot longer and good friends my man are HARD to find and you don't really know this girl. It isn't love, just lust and lust is easily obtained and than can be used in a 1NS anywhere at some nightclub. I think he would be little upset if you went with her, and even if it doesn't show or he says no problem mate it is a problem as no guy will admit it, not many anyway. So if you and her were an item, its one of those things that causes tension between you and the friend.

What I reckon deep down is this girl is manipulative, devious but intelligent and she will just go with you perhaps to get back at him plus his name would come up in conversation at some point and hey what happens about the whole cock issue and sex issue stuff? she will be comparing you both in bed, some fucked up sluts do this, now you can easily rise above that, no problems but who the hell wants all the bullshit from some immature girl? that is if she's like that but my point is the trouble aint worth it ... STAY THE FUCK AWAY and be friends, be very cool with her and even sink her ship and blow her out the water, so she knows YOUR A REAL MAN who wont bow down and kiss her shiny ass like the other guys do, this is what I do with even the most hot women if I have stuff going on in my life, because I'm an individual and we as men are worth more than that, being a mere toy to the women of today.

If he broke it off, go for it, he had his chance. He's got no claim on her. You didn't pursue her while they were together and you didn't break them up. Also, if you all live in a small town and you only see him 6 or 7 TIMES A YEAR you two likely aren't that close anymore. Follow your heart, do what makes YOU happy and don't worry about what other people think. You don't live for them you live for YOU. If he's even a halfway decent friend he'll be happy for you cuz you're happy.

If he is a friend leave the girl be, it will cost you a friend regardless of how he says he feels about her.

I agree with DLD Let he go BROS BEFORE HOES ALWAYS! Put yourself in his shoes.

The thing is I really don't consider him a friend, more like a drinking buddy. He has very few friends due to being an obnoxious drunk when he is out at the bars. Because of the reputation I was getting from association I backed off from hanging out with him. She is the kind of girl you marry, seriously.

Sounds like you're mind was made up before you asked.... I don't think you should do it, but not because you might loose a friend, or hard feelings, etc. I think you should not do it because you wouldn't want someone to do it to you. Let's us know how it goes.

Dford

Lots of good input and at the end of the day you have to do what feels right for YOU, just listen to others here and decide yourself. This friend you now mention, is a drinking buddy and has a reputation for it in the bars which would indicate to me you would need to be on your guard around the bars should he be pissed and try to crack you one.

If shes worth it, only you will know mate than go for it ... as one guy said its your happiness and your life, that is correct and although I don't agree with dating mates birds, you have to go with your heart and if she is a diamond than they are fucking rare indeed my man! Especially here in the west with the amount of brainwashed shit they have in their minds nowadays, just be aware and warned about possible consequences from the guy, especially if he's a piss head. I would get a book out from the library on Krav Maga or Kyoshu-Jitsu, pressure point fighting and if he does attack you or you feel he will than just take him out with quick precision .. doesn't matter how big they are, the nervous system waits for no one. Not trying to scare you but in this world be prepared for folk to knife you in the back when you decide to move on in life or do well for yourself.

I hope it works out well and you both are happy and your mate just accepts it and you know what? every chance he will and just be fine with it.

Dating someone's ex isn't doing anything TO HIM. Fucking a buddy's girl IS. That's not the case here. If the guy was a close friend that you hang with all the time then I could see having some reservations about dating his ex, but he's not, sooo... If you end up dating her and he acts like a douche nozzle about it then to hell with him. Since you only see him a couple times a year I wouldn't worry too much about it. She is NOT HIS! Chances are he already has a new girl. Since guys can be lizard-brains you might wanna listen to RED and at least steer clear of him for awhile. Honestly, though, your life and her life are absolutely none of this guy's business.

A drinking buddy might be quick to hit when intoxicated

Wtf? Where did my post go that told him not to risc a friendship for a girl?

newbie09;375918 said:

Wtf? Where did my post go that told him not to risc a friendship for a girl?

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Maybe got lost in the crash we had this morning.

Meh

He's not a real friend apparently so ... f it. Good girls are hard to find.

higherone;375868 said:

The thing is I really don't consider him a friend, more like a drinking buddy. He has very few friends due to being an obnoxious drunk when he is out at the bars. Because of the reputation I was getting from association I backed off from hanging out with him. She is the kind of girl you marry, seriously.

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If that is true then what was she doing going with the jerk ? Is she a bad judge of character ? Or does she like bad boys ?

If he has changed and turned into some kind of a-hole then oh well, you will have to choose between 4 things,

1. it works out with this girl and you might end up losing this "friendship" with your bro
2. it does not work out and you lose your bro and your girl
3. It works out and they are not really broken up or this girl might like drama, and fuck him behind your back, eventually.
4. Your bro is all for it and you 3 live happily ever after...... maybe.......

Any info you get from your buddy will be slanted so the only way you will really ever know is if you date her and find out for your self.

Just because they might be broken up does not mean they are "over" each other. Many times absence makes the heart grow fonder and your bro might get sellers remorse, or she might develop a case of I don't know who I love better, thus causing you two to go to war over her, some women love that shit. Makeup sex is pretty good stuff. I knew couples that would fight just for the makeup sex. Personally I just don't like the drama.

Good luck, keep us posted.