Caution: A brief rant about my life

Hello guys, I have to start seeing these forums as mutual support groups such as A.A., especially when in need of support when I relapse. Relapse? Yup, I have been in a relapse mode for a while now, not taking Penis Enlargement seriously like I once did. It was a part of my existence because I knew what psychological damage living with a small / average penis did and still does.


I am 32, I am not some guy that will act cool all so ppl will like me. If I find someone is disrespectful, I will stand up for myself. However, I will admit things in here due to my anonymity.

I didn't grow up knowing what dates were. I grew up very depressed and alone. I am heterosexual, but due to having primary hypogandism, I didn't feel erections. I learned around 12 yrs old, how to self hate myself due to my penis size. And this was two yrs after I had surgery to bring down a testicle at 10 yrs old. This may have caused my Primary Hypogandism.

I never had a GF until the age of 30; very much depressed and alone on the edge of suicide. We had sex many times and it went well. I had to get it over with. I got into a mode where I only wanted her on top, because I didn't learn how to properly put myself in the missionary position; my knees kept sliding which made it difficult on my bed. Nevertheless, she said she had a good time and ejaculated every time.

Still I feel at odds and very scared to be in another sexual relationship, although I have tried and went on dates.
When I was with her I was around 5.6. After my devotion to Penis Enlargement last yr, I am now 6.1 - 2 in using MOS Penis Enlargement Model.

Recently, I went on two unsuccessful dates, after waiting a year since the woman above.

I do not know what dating is and I think its unfair that I start at my age. I am looking for a long term relationship because I want to be married and somehow see if I can conceive a child. Being alone is all I know and having someone around me would be great. I will be accepted in hopes.

When I tell women that I am looking for marriage and a child, this seems to do the opposite of its innocence.

One date stopped communicating with me because she said we were looking for two different things now. Me marriage in a couple of yrs and her dating different men all because of her emotional baggage from jumping into relationships so early. I was that rare guy she could have jumped into it with without getting hurt.

The other date stopped communicating because of her very horrible past and not being able to get pass it. I nearly begged her to give me a chance; I am emotionally strong and can be there for her. But nothing.

I don't have anything to relive that will make me know I can date again. I don't have memories of prior that I can fall on. I don't have much success on dating sites, yet I always had what I am looking for and unfortunately few aspects women would not be drawn too. I am working on those aspects.

So, when these two dates went south, it made me confused and a bit angry. I really wanted the first date to work out; our nearly 4 hr date was so so great. It was like we were perfect. I begged her to try again, but nothing.

All this stems from my trauma since I was 12 yrs old, of believing that I was the worst person due to my small penis on top of a hormonal disorder and its effects including depression untreated.

I have been seeing a therapist for nearly 5 yrs now.

But I have to start coming into these forums for support because I have a lot to offer this world and a woman; I have to stay alive to achieve. I have to believe that I can find another date. I can find a woman who will love me. Who will go on a second date with me. I am terrified of having sex again; it's psychological. I would like a slimmer woman; at least this would help but I am drawn to woman I guess I think I have a realistic chance at which is BBW.

I have been bummed over these two dates. Sending the latter text like an idiot. A desperate idiot. I just don' want to be alone any longer. My last two semesters in school wasn't great. I am more depressed and losing faith in myself; something I have tried to build while in treatment.

Having a smaller penis effects men differently. Some guys can cope and others find it difficult. I have my whole life altered because of this conditioning since I was very young. But I have faith (a little left) that I can gain employment and help my cause. I can lose the weight I regained due to depression. I can find a woman who will love to go on a second date with me. I can conceive. Importantly, I can regularly do Penis Enlargement no matter what! This all stems from how I view myself; less than.

I am addicted to �naked people movies�, not to want to sleep with images of vain emotionally damaged women; rather because its all I know of seeing a woman in such a position. I hate the men because I should have what they do and they seem to hate me as well. I hate the women because they make it seem I am nothing, yet I cannot stop. It's "chasing that high" over and over again. I feel nothing from seeing �naked people movies�; I hate to ejaculate.

I have a job interview tomorrow. Wish me luck. If it doesn't go well, its OK. But I need either a girlfriend or a job to guide me away from feeling this way once again.

Sorry and thanks for reading.

join bitseduce.com and download some material from Vin DiCarlo, David X, and 60 years of challenge. that'll help with the dating thing. as for your sexual problems, keep up with Penis Enlargement to build your confidence and read The Sex God Method. everything seems to just be a big mental block for you and if you could get passed it, everything would be fine

choseny;370507 said:

HI have a job interview tomorrow. Wish me luck. If it doesn't go well, its OK. But I need either a girlfriend or a job to guide me away from feeling this way once again.

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A girl or a job will not correct what you need to correct in yourself. It is vital that you love yourself for you and when these things are in place the job, women, whatever will fall into place.

Thank you for responding back those two users. I understand I have to get out of this unhealthy behavior. I will. Those two dates just messed me up badly. One date, I thought we was perfect and she decides she rather continue dating many people rather than see that I was all she needed. My need to have a family was her reason. I just took them hard. For a lot of guys, a date is just a date; they can find another ASAP. To some guys a date means much more because there is no guarantee Ill find someone else. My past dictates that. It's OK. I am a fighter and Ill get past this in time. I wish everything luck in their endeavors.

I was talking to my son yesterday about relationships and I made this analogy; I am an animal, I have been in this body for 42 years and I have habits and ways of living that are very much geared towards my own mental place in life. Now, I also need to understand that a woman is too an animal specific to her own needs, habits, etc. Bringing 2 animals together and making it work is a big job and in most cases will never work out, this is why we are always on a search for our soul mates. Some may appear to be what we believe to be our soul mates only to find out the package was not all it seemed. Many relationships appear to be awesome in the beginning only to find out one of the parties have been wearing a mask and soon their true ways shine through, it is inevitable. What you need to realize is that your soul mate is out there and they are looking for you with the same determination as you.

The trick in finding this person is to always be in a position where you are loving yourself. Once you have found true love for yourself you will find your mate. Women are NOT attracted to an individual that does not care for themselves. They want someone who is confident and has qualities that will enhance their own life. How do you love yourself? Start with the Art of Attraction Forum. You will find videos and articles that will get you on your way to a loving relationship with YOU. When you love yourself it is so easy for others to love you. Good luck my friend and GOD speed!