Anyone here gone through an "Unplanned" Pregnancy?

Well, I just found out my g/f is pregnant, I've been with her almost 3 years.

I love her, but I wasn't ready for this whole mess. I initially tried to convince her to abort but that failed and now she is keeping it. We are both in our mid twenties and both live with our parents. Although we are not little teens, it has caught off guard especially me.

I don't have a F/T job, no benefits, now I have to get married because our parents are pressuring me. She is some what understanding and doesn't just want to get married because of the baby.

Anyone have a similar experience or care to share a story? I just feel so lost and sooo depressed.

I have thought I was in your situtation many times (missed periods etc.), but maybe I am just infertile or something. I would be in your same situation, as I am in my 20's, and am not good at using birth control with my girlfriend. May I ask if you were using any form of birth control?

I always figured I would just have to marry my girlfriend if she got pregnant as well. But seriously man, you will love having a kid, and being a father is a really awesome thing that I look forward to.

But just realize whatever happens, you WILL get through it. It is not the worst thing that could happen to you, and someone else always has it worse. Like right now, I assume you have a dick, and two hands, and are in good health. Just be thankful for that. lol

Say you marry this girl now, and years down the road she really isn't for you. Divorce, although painful, is always an option. Plus you will have a child which will always be a part of your life, which could be a good thing for you. Sorry for rambling on and I hope this helps you some.

PS - Drop the abortion talk totally. Be supportive of your woman, and act like you want to have the baby no matter what you feel. Once a girl is against abortion, she is unlikely to change her mind and you will just look like a bad guy.

philadelph said:

I have thought I was in your situtation many times (missed periods etc.), but maybe I am just infertile or something. I would be in your same situation, as I am in my 20's, and am not good at using birth control with my girlfriend. May I ask if you were using any form of birth control?.

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The pill for over 2 years and then she changed them the last 6 months and well now....

I always figured I would just have to marry my girlfriend if she got pregnant as well. But seriously man, you will love having a kid, and being a father is a really awesome thing that I look forward to.

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I'm just not ready though bro, perhaps a few years more, say 3 more and I'm sure I could take it but right now fuck, I'm just screwed over.

But just realize whatever happens, you WILL get through it. It is not the worst thing that could happen to you, and someone else always has it worse. Like right now, I assume you have a dick, and two hands, and are in good health. Just be thankful for that. lol

Say you marry this girl now, and years down the road she really isn't for you. Divorce, although painful, is always an option. Plus you will have a child which will always be a part of your life, which could be a good thing for you. Sorry for rambling on and I hope this helps you some.

PS - Drop the abortion talk totally. Be supportive of your woman, and act like you want to have the baby no matter what you feel. Once a girl is against abortion, she is unlikely to change her mind and you will just look like a bad guy.

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LOL, yea man, but I've been so depressed that J/O or even seeking some action isn't on my mind. No worries on the rambling, I need all the rambling I can get. I have stopped the whole Abort talk mainly because she would end up crying and I highly agree, once a girl has their mind made up, save your breath.

Well like it or not your world is about to change. I may be in the minority here but I say if you aren't ready to be married then don't get married. Don't compound one mistake with another just because you think it's the right thing to do. On the other hand even if you don't get married you are still going to have a child and that child didn't ask to be brought into this world. It is your duty to take care of this child even if you don't marry the mother. Accidents happen but life goes on, it's time for you to step up to the plate and try to make the best out of a bad situation.

well, timing may not be the best, but when you see your child, you'll have a new world of emotions and feelings. It'll be alright, in fact, in time you will be so thankful and you will view your child as probably the greatest blessing in your life.

Keep your chin up, it's time to become a man- and I'n sure you'll make a great dad. Probably don't want to hear it, but congrats- not for the mess, but for the joy you are going to experience over time.

Well, I appreciate your comments guys. But what about all these emotions I'm feeling? I feel depressed, crying, pain, I've been sleeping hours upon hours as though when I wake, all this will be gone.

Feel yoour emotions man ... that's what they're there for!

But at the end of the day you gotta wake up and smell the roses!

You were a part in creating this .. now be a man and accept it!

Enuff said.

dman,

It is amazing that even with the best efforts of man, pregnancy can and will occur if you have sex. After all, that is what sex is for, procreation. I guess that is why it is best that you are ready to have children, before you have sex.

I have been in your situation. Abortion was not an option for either my wife or myself. 25 years later, I can tell you it has been a hell of a ride. You have to grow up quickly, and assume responsibility. That is, if you truly want to have a happy life.

If you try to fight it, keep yourself first, you will only have sorrow and sadness.

For me, I decided almost immediately that "I" was no longer the main priority in my life. I changed from a self centered existance, to putting my child first, and then my wife second. I also became much closer to God. This is what got me through, especially the early years.

I realized that my son would be my son, whether I was there for him or not. I could not abandon him to the world, to screw him over, because of my sins. He did nothing wrong. So I challenged myself to give him the best upbringing I could provide. Mainly, my time.

My life was surely different from what I had planned.

Today, both of my sons have left home, and are great, well rounded, talented people. My wife and I did a good job, and are very proud. The sacrifices you go through while you have them are nothing compared to the joy they can bring you. The more you put into your kids, the more you will get out. For me, the pain of them leaving home to start their own lives, is greater than any pain I experienced while raising them. But I would not change one single thing over the last quarter century. It has been great.

And now, I have all of their life experiences to enjoy, and the ability to live the rest of my days with a great woman, my wife.

Life has been very good to me.

Bigger

Oh good god, let me try to remember this

i was 18, same as my girl

the pill made her nervous and vomity, so off it she went.
pregnant she got, i was her 1st, her family+friends thought she was still a virgin.
i don't wanna marry her and she don't want to marry me
even though my parents got married at 18 when mommy was pregnant with me, i didn't feel ready.
besides her family would never go for it, being very religious and all.

so, what to do

what i'm about to tell you next, is the sickest thing i have experienced with a girl.
she had a miscarriage while we were having sex, right in my bed.
all this mucousy stuff started pouring out.
apparently her stress brought it on

i was spared from your predicament, but had to deal with the situation, regardless of the final outcome

looking back now, being 30+ years of age

i often wish i had a little boy to play with and teach sports to while i'm still in good shape physically.

i never could have imagined that then, but you change as you get older, and it will happen to you too.

your situation is not so bad, you shouldn't feel sad, these feelings are as a result of having to accept new responsibilities, and being more mature. It is also fear, because you are stepping into the unknown.

if you have eachother, and the support of your parents, you don't have much to worry about

you should show strength, and a desire to embrace this new challenge in your life, because if you don't, you will likely lose your girlfriend, and not just your kid.

i don't know how you feel about her
if you love her, marry her and have the kid, if not, split town.

chainandballer said:

Oh good god, let me try to remember this

i was 18, same as my girl

the pill made her nervous and vomity, so off it she went.
pregnant she got, i was her 1st, her family+friends thought she was still a virgin.
i don't wanna marry her and she don't want to marry me
even though my parents got married at 18 when mommy was pregnant with me, i didn't feel ready.
besides her family would never go for it, being very religious and all.

so, what to do

what i'm about to tell you next, is the sickest thing i have experienced with a girl.
she had a miscarriage while we were having sex, right in my bed.
all this mucousy stuff started pouring out.
apparently her stress brought it on

i was spared from your predicament, but had to deal with the situation, regardless of the final outcome

looking back now, being 30+ years of age

i often wish i had a little boy to play with and teach sports to while i'm still in good shape physically.

i never could have imagined that then, but you change as you get older, and it will happen to you too.

your situation is not so bad, you shouldn't feel sad, these feelings are as a result of having to accept new responsibilities, and being more mature. It is also fear, because you are stepping into the unknown.

if you have eachother, and the support of your parents, you don't have much to worry about

you should show strength, and a desire to embrace this new challenge in your life, because if you don't, you will likely lose your girlfriend, and not just your kid.

i don't know how you feel about her
if you love her, marry her and have the kid, if not, split town.

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Thank you for your response Chainandballer, you are still young and I am sure down the line you may still be able to have a little boy. Right now my main concern is to find a F/T job where I can work my ass off and provide for the future baby. Having that in mind concerns me very much as my P/T will not be enough income. The only comfort I have is my parents backing.

Samz and I went through something almost similar only we lost the baby :-\

Sometimes when you play the game, you win the prize. A child is the greatest thing you will ever make or ever do. There is nothing that compares with the pure, unconditional LOVE a child will give you, no matter how fucked up you are. Stop moping and ante up. Someone very special is going to need you in about 9 months...

I second what Kong said.
IMO, You can never realize how special or important someone or something is until you lose them. It's not so much that it's really a "mess", until you get everything straightened out with you and your girl. It's not always a good thing to get married "just because" you're having a baby, too. So I see where your girl is coming from. That really sucks that your parents are kinda pressuring you into a situation like that. Do they know that she's pregnant? Because, the way I see it and from the stories I've heard, it's not a good idea to go ahead and get married just because you're having a baby... :-\

If you are going to go through with marriage and everything, though, I wish you two THE BEST of luck!! Because there is nothing more special than something made between the two of you.

KiTTie8695 said:

I second what Kong said.
IMO, You can never realize how special or important someone or something is until you lose them. It's not so much that it's really a "mess", until you get everything straightened out with you and your girl. It's not always a good thing to get married "just because" you're having a baby, too. So I see where your girl is coming from. That really sucks that your parents are kinda pressuring you into a situation like that. Do they know that she's pregnant? Because, the way I see it and from the stories I've heard, it's not a good idea to go ahead and get married just because you're having a baby... :-\

If you are going to go through with marriage and everything, though, I wish you two THE BEST of luck!! Because there is nothing more special than something made between the two of you.

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My g/f is a great gal, I was hoping on having a nice church wedding, the works you know. We have nearly 3 years in August and so she is no stranger. Right now, I didn't want to marry for the simple fact, I'm not prepared mentally and financially.

I am doing what I need to do now and this whole civial marriage has me scared. I sometimes question myself as to why I am so scared of getting hitched. Maybe the "Unkown"? My parents as I've said are fully supportive, offered me to stay and have her move in etc.

The only positive outlook is this guys, once I get a F/T job and w benefits, I shall be at a different level then I am now (P/T). I will be able to pay down debt and stock pile a few dollars. Maybe even save enough for a little apartment??? <