60 Things you don't want to hear when you take off your clothes

Joined
Nov 2, 2003
Messages
680
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?


whoops I just realized this should go in the Sexuality forum...
 
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.

Ouch, thats "oh shit" words right there:D
 
doublelongdaddy said:
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.

Ouch, thats "oh shit" words right there:D

Is it just me or has every guy heard something to that effect?!? :s
 
I've never heard that from a gf, but I've heard many girls brag openly about previous bf's. Those sluts were quickly crossed off my to-do list.
 
Ditto bigsack, my ex was like that (only she talked about ALL her ex-bf's and how big their units were, etc) and I wasn't impressed to say the least.

However, I can take delight in knowing that I made her scream and did dirty dirty things to her so she can talk about me all she wants now because I got lots to talk about too :cool:

I'm pretty sure that I'm going to hell but at least I know what's ahead for me. LMAO
 
Wurkz2hard said:
Ditto bigsack, my ex was like that (only she talked about ALL her ex-bf's and how big their units were, etc) and I wasn't impressed to say the least.

However, I can take delight in knowing that I made her scream and did dirty dirty things to her so she can talk about me all she wants now because I got lots to talk about too :cool:

I'm pretty sure that I'm going to hell but at least I know what's ahead for me. LMAO
Dude, if you're gonna lead with a post like that, you gotta share some stories... :)
 
Texan said:
Dude, if you're gonna lead with a post like that, you gotta share some stories... :)

Brother, let me just say that there wasn't a single orifice on her that wasn't violently ravished. I used to fuck her so hard that her cervix would hurt for hours afterwards. I learned some rather interesting positions experimenting on her (and no doubt, her on me.)

Doggie style for example was made even better by pushing her down onto the bed, her whole body so she couldn't move and then handcuffing her hands behind her with my legs outside hers pressing hers together. Made her so tight it was incredible. Used to gag her too with one of my ties from work, even used it reins once or twice.

Mouth-fucking was fun too, made her gag on my cock often. Hosed her down plenty of times that she'd expect to take a shower after sex just to clean up.

Public places (even got head in a church pew once during mass, we went there just for the express purpose of sinning...)

I digress... Suffice it to say there was quite a lot of interesting and exciting things we did. I hope the next woman that I get involved with will be just as willing to try... ahem.. new things too.

As I said, I'm going to hell but the road there will be worth it.
 
"Hey that looks just like a penis, only smaller"
 
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