Post your worst/fucked up/bizzare sexual experiences.

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kitfisto

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Title says it all. It's always entertaining to hear the nasty weird shit people have experienced sexually.

I'll start us off. It's not too bad, but it's something.

I go home with this girl after a mad Xmas party where I hooked up with her. I'm a timid little virgin at this time. Get into her bed in the dark, kissing and touching commences. I'm losing my shit in my mind but trying to keep it cool. When it's time to lick her vag shit starts to take a downward spiral. That cunt smelt bad and tasted worse. Like holy shit. Anyway, I was a brave virgin and I do my job. She says she wants to 69. The virgin obeys. Tongue gets tired but I keep it up. It's like 2am in the morning and my mother was expecting me home at midnight after the party. In other words I had the pleasure of having my dick sucked to the sound of my mother calling me again, and again and again and again.....I don't cum that night. I think this girl does like once. In the morning I notice dry blood that seems to have collected around the base of some of my fingers. I go to the bathroom and my face is covered in blood. It's like a crusty red beard. I get in shit loads of trouble when I get home, apparently mum was up all night worried about me. Was it totally worth it to get my dick sucked for the first time?....still working that one out...

Oh yeah, the girl also gave me tonsillitis.
 
Well I guess I can share a good but bizarre one.

Caveat: This is well before I met my wife and cleaned up my life. I don't live like this or condone it anymore. No one night stand or random women could ever understand what pleases me or satisfies me sexually the way my wife does. You can learn a lot about a person in 12 years of sex and good communication (seriously, if you're in a relationship and not talking about your sex life and what you do and don't like sexually, change that, it will do wonders for your relationship health).

On to the story:

I currently had an apartment with a girl, we served together in the military at the time (it was 2002, I was 20). She was gay, I knew she was gay and frankly wasn't attracted to her (don't get me wrong, she was decent looking but just not my thing). There was a very "bro" like relationship between us, she had no problem with my using the shower while she was in the bathroom getting ready, had seen me naked and vice versa and nothing ever happened between us. We had a common interest at the time, women, and that was enough to bond over that we didn't have any sexual tension between us. I could fart in front of her and not feel self conscious if that is any indication of the way things were.

She started dating this girl that was just... gorgeous. I had to physically work not to stare at her or make it awkward when she was around. One Saturday morning after a crazy party we threw the night before, I get up (it was probably more like afternoon) and take a shower and I am getting dressed when my roommate walks in. She tells me she needs a favor, I thought maybe she needed a ride, needed drop her car off to get oil changed or something. So I am like "Sure, what's up?", then I was completely thrown off when she told me she needed me to have sex with her girlfriend. My immediate response is "What do you mean?". So she proceeds to explain to me what every once in a while, she just wants a real guy, but doesn't want a relationship with one because they suck. I agreed, because frankly I was a POS of a guy at the time and could understand why women would not want anything more than sex with me (I was a good looking guy in incredible shape, but I was a dick, seriously). So she figured I was up to the task of sex without emotional attachment.

So the part that was really awkward, was that she pretty much instructed me on everything her girlfriend likes, WHILE I was having sex with her... though I learned a whole lot of the female anatomy it was more like being a part of a science experiment or instruction then normal sex. There was a ton of pressure to perform adequately as I was asked to please her enough that she wouldn't need a guy for a while. Apparently I did my job sufficiently and after she had a few orgasms I was asked to leave even though I had not finished yet myself.

So I was back in my room laying in bed trying to figure out what the heck just happened and my roommate comes in and thanks me. "Hey thanks for that, you did great, I knew you were well equipped but didn't know you would be such a good lover for her. I will be sure to recommend you to my other friends." She then walked over, hop on my bed, gave me the best blowjob I have ever received in my life, swallowed and walked out (up to that time in my life at least).

We never really talked about it again and things went back to complete normal except in that she would tell all her straight friends that I was a great lover, and set me up with at least 4 or 5 girls that summer with the complete expectation that I was only there for sex.

In the end, was a pretty good deal for me. Not so much for her girlfriend who could never be normal around me again. I think it eventually led to them breaking up because her GF was so weird around me and we were such good friends.
 
Not my own story, a friend of mine told me it but I must tell you guys..

So a couple are going to do anal for the first time, the guy is un-cut.

Girl goes to subway, asks for sweetcorn in her sandwich......

Couple start to have anal sex. When the guy pulls his dick out, under his foreskin, what does he find? A piece of sweetcorn!
 
Simyan;658280 said:
Not my own story, a friend of mine told me it but I must tell you guys..

So a couple are going to do anal for the first time, the guy is un-cut.

Girl goes to subway, asks for sweetcorn in her sandwich......

Couple start to have anal sex. When the guy pulls his dick out, under his foreskin, what does he find? A piece of sweetcorn!
Click to expand...

I just threw up in my mouth!
 
doublelongdaddy;658855 said:
One time I was fucking my girl in the ass and she shit all over the place:)
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I take it she had problems closing the channel after your oil-tanker had passed through there.
 
owmaballs;658871 said:
I take it she had problems closing the channel after your oil-tanker had passed through there.
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Not sure but damn it was a messy situation...shit all over the place. I was like 10 minutes into her ass and then I smelled a fresh dump and when I looked down it was too late, shit fest!
 
I got mixed up, thought this was the GIF posting thread. :-D Nothing too crazy in my book of adventures, I once participated in a gangbang, that's about it.
Could create some more adventures, I guess ...
 
I once Gave it to a girl in the ass and she took a dump all over my cock (poop) I also had a girlfriend that threw up all over me while giving me head!(envy)
 
Come on! Everyone has a fucked up sex story to tell, let us hear your most fucked up situations! LOL
 
DLD said:
Come on! Everyone has a fucked up sex story to tell, let us hear your most fucked up situations! LOL
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Damn D you got a ton of shitty stories (pun intended) LOL

You got plumbing skills,for some reason I'd be proud if a hot girl poops while I'm drilling her Whit my cock ...
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I was a teen she was older I stuck my dick into her pussyhole didn't have a rubber on,she got mad n ejected my dick out I have two small warts close to my frenulum since then...
 
I invited this woman over from long Island
She never had much experience with men and I was her first black man
We go at it. I'm bloeing her back out she cumming all over the place
After like an hour and change I move her back to missionary
I'm drilling she's squirting really hard and as soon as I feel her start creaming
I feel a cold wind like a burst
She pushes me off and runs to my bathroom
I look down
She shit my bed
 
kitfisto said:
When it's time to lick her vag shit starts to take a downward spiral. That cunt smelt bad and tasted worse.
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Reading this made me disgusted. I would have just left. No smelly vaginas, that's unacceptable. Tell her to fix it. How could she not know this about herself?
We don't walk around with smelly dicks. I know a vagina is sensitive in their PH level and so on...but how could she feel confident being naked with anyone?
 
squirt_inducer_man said:
Reading this made me disgusted. I would have just left. No smelly vaginas, that's unacceptable. Tell her to fix it. How could she not know this about herself?
We don't walk around with smelly dicks. I know a vagina is sensitive in their PH level and so on...but how could she feel confident being naked with anyone?
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I went with a girl and the first night we had sex she smelled like rotten crabs. I told her right away to go shower and properly wash her vagina. She did and still stunk. I guess she finally found something to help because after that night she never stunk again. Women need to learn how to clean themselves 😫
 
DLD said:
I went with a girl and the first night we had sex she smelled like rotten crabs. I told her right away to go shower and properly wash her vagina. She did and still stunk. I guess she finally found something to help because after that night she never stunk again. Women need to learn how to clean themselves 😫
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Yes! They need to be clean, otherwise I do not want to be near them. 🤮
 
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My wife and I occasionally invite another to join us in the bedroom. Not often but occasionally we both get in that mood where we both agree and if we find the right person we will ask them if they are into a threesome. We were in Las Vegas on vacation and were out in one of the hotel bars both of us drinking, dancing and having fun. While on the dance floor, another woman was showing a lot of interest in my wife. Who was I to discourage that interaction. So after a couple of songs we invited her over to our table for a drink and to chat some. She was there with other girls for a bachelorette party. She clearly showed a lot of interest in my wife and was outwardly flirting with her. As the music was so loud to talk you had to get right in one another's ear in order to hear someone talk. After a few more rounds of drinks and some sexy dancing with the two girls my wife asked me if I was ok with asking her back up to our room. I agreed.
As we got up to our room things heated up really fast with both girls on the bed making out. My wife had on a skirt with a thong and heels and the new girl was wearing a wrap type dress with black stockings and heels. I was content to watch at first as they both were really getting into making out with one another. As I got undressed, the other girl was undressing my wife and started to go down on her. I moved in to let my wife suck my cock as she was licking her pussy.
One thing I noticed was that the other girl was not taking off her dress as I was naked and my wife was only wearing her heels. As I pulled away from my wife, I was anxious to get the girl undressed. As I moved in to untie here dress she pushed my hand aside. I then lifted her dress to reveal her ass wearing a thong from behind. As I started to take it off, she again pushed my hand away. At this point I'm thinking she's not into guys and just into women as she kept working on my wife's pussy.
My wife finally said to her now its your turn. My wife stood up and as the girl got up off her knees my wife pushed her back onto the bed. My wife pulled up her dress and like with one continuous movement, she grabbed her thong and pulled it off which exposed a cock and balls.
As you can imagine we were both like HOLD ON HERE. The crossdressing guy whom looked more like a woman than many women do, said I'm sorry, there's never a good time to tell someone about myself so I just take a chance. He also said I'm so turned on by your wife. As my hardon quickly subsided as we continued to talk I could see my wife getting more receptive to his story. I'm like what is happening??? As more conversation followed, my wife looked over and asked me would you be ok with me fucking him/her? I wasn't even sure how to react or answer. I just said if you're into it go for it.
So he/she and I proceeded to double team my wife. After all that it actually turned out to be a fun encounter be it the most bizarre hook up the two of us we ever had. But it ranks up there at the top of the craziest things that happened to us.
 
Blackjack4724 said:
My wife and I occasionally invite another to join us in the bedroom. Not often but occasionally we both get in that mood where we both agree and if we find the right person we will ask them if they are into a threesome. We were in Las Vegas on vacation and were out in one of the hotel bars both of us drinking, dancing and having fun. While on the dance floor, another woman was showing a lot of interest in my wife. Who was I to discourage that interaction. So after a couple of songs we invited her over to our table for a drink and to chat some. She was there with other girls for a bachelorette party. She clearly showed a lot of interest in my wife and was outwardly flirting with her. As the music was so loud to talk you had to get right in one another's ear in order to hear someone talk. After a few more rounds of drinks and some sexy dancing with the two girls my wife asked me if I was ok with asking her back up to our room. I agreed.
As we got up to our room things heated up really fast with both girls on the bed making out. My wife had on a skirt with a thong and heels and the new girl was wearing a wrap type dress with black stockings and heels. I was content to watch at first as they both were really getting into making out with one another. As I got undressed, the other girl was undressing my wife and started to go down on her. I moved in to let my wife suck my cock as she was licking her pussy.
One thing I noticed was that the other girl was not taking off her dress as I was naked and my wife was only wearing her heels. As I pulled away from my wife, I was anxious to get the girl undressed. As I moved in to untie here dress she pushed my hand aside. I then lifted her dress to reveal her ass wearing a thong from behind. As I started to take it off, she again pushed my hand away. At this point I'm thinking she's not into guys and just into women as she kept working on my wife's pussy.
My wife finally said to her now its your turn. My wife stood up and as the girl got up off her knees my wife pushed her back onto the bed. My wife pulled up her dress and like with one continuous movement, she grabbed her thong and pulled it off which exposed a cock and balls.
As you can imagine we were both like HOLD ON HERE. The crossdressing guy whom looked more like a woman than many women do, said I'm sorry, there's never a good time to tell someone about myself so I just take a chance. He also said I'm so turned on by your wife. As my hardon quickly subsided as we continued to talk I could see my wife getting more receptive to his story. I'm like what is happening??? As more conversation followed, my wife looked over and asked me would you be ok with me fucking him/her? I wasn't even sure how to react or answer. I just said if you're into it go for it.
So he/she and I proceeded to double team my wife. After all that it actually turned out to be a fun encounter be it the most bizarre hook up the two of us we ever had. But it ranks up there at the top of the craziest things that happened to us.
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I do not agree with this
 
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