I dropped out of university due to depression and burn out. I didn’t make it. My exam week is over and everything is fucked up now.
I got my bloodwork done and the endocrinologist said that I have 190 ng/dL total testosterone. I am 26 years old and I have the testosterone level of an eighty year old man. Almost castrated.
I felt in a black hole, I feel like committing suicide often. But now I know why I couldn’t keep up with the pace in university and gym training etc.
I quit my
hanging sessions earlier today, I hung in total 2.5 hours and I traveled back to my parents house where I don’t have any privacy to hang many hours....
I don’t know what to do, I have to go find a job now and basically my life is already over and I didn’t even start.
I am seriously contemplating why I do PE, even though this is really everything I got at this moment. I don’t know why I am doing it and I am aware of the tremendous amount of time investment one has to go through in order to gain pure erect length till 9-10 inches.
I feel like this is an uphill battle, and i’m washed out, no energy, huge debts, no money, I have reached the bottom.
At this moment I feel like overdosing on harddrugs or getting a gun to blow my brains out. I cannot do this because I would leave my parents and brother broken and with a lot of grief.
You can still go back to Uni later, surely? I too have had bad depression, tried to kill myself in 2009, glad I didn't. Some days now I get very low mood, but I look at the positives in my life ... may seem cheesy, but you have parents, parents that are on your side, so that is a POSITIVE right there.
Perhaps start communicating more with them, and your brother about your feelings ... please do not take drugs, or drink, it just masks, never will it ever solve.
Communication is the way, speaking with those who are at least able to listen, and understand will help you so much.
Its hard on here, would be great if we could have a fecking video conference with some of us, we can be more supportive like that rather then just typing.
Take one thing at a time .. this is how I deal with stress, dont take on the whole task at one go. For example, the PE, for now just put it on the back burner. If you want, just do the
silistretcher as ADS through the day, its simple enough. PE can wait, its not essential! your mental health IS!
Have the doctors recommended a treatment plan to help, and please dont let that define you as a man.
Being so young, these days can also be a curse in that young folk are constantly very self conscious, more so then the past, allot due to the social boom in communications media, so, if you have social media accounts like Instagram, YouTube, FaceBook it may be wise to not so active on them. It can just fuel more problems.
The gym is important for mental health, but you could do body
weight exercises from home. Keep something going, if only its simple. Perhaps your brother can train with you?
Does Holland have a debt management, or debt crisis department? if you have credit cards, dont spend anymore on those now. Try to keep spending down to a minimum, arrange a monthly repayment that you can afford.
Essentially, you are going to need to cut out things that are not needed to live, and manage the things that are immediate, rather then those which are not.
Its like the spiritual stuff we have mentioned in the past, stay well away from that for now, until you are fully stable and settled.
You need calm, a routine, stability. Being at your parents will bring that to some degree, and you can contact the relevant places for more support. Please communicate with those close to you, and stay away from drugs.
In my head (theory) that could work.
