A girl at work.......

[REDZULU2003]

Okay so at the moment their is a girl at work who I like but dont want to make a move in her yet, if at all but want to find out if she's interested in me but useing methods that aint so direct like asking her ''do you like me''.

The Workplace:

We both work in a Care home for Disabled Adults and work on the same shifts sometimes.

The Girls attitude in general:

She is a bossy person but hardworking, sweet and caring.

Other details about her:

Shes 32 years old, around 5 ft 6 inches tall and has a nice build with a nice tan and short brown hair.

How I normally react to her:

I NEVER have a conversation with this girl because in the past she always bossed me around so I started ignoreing this and she stopped, so it became a tried and tested method to stop the bossy'ness. I do say goodmorning to her and general chit chat about the job when needed but otherwise I do not talk with her. So she and I dont speak much to eachother. I can be sharp and blunt with her I feel, a defensive reaction IMHO from when she did boss me around.

Her attitude to me:

She is alright with me. She seems to speak to me in a more soft nicer tone than the other male carers in the building and she NEVER tells me what to do anymore. Its sorta like she's nervous around me.....I dunno.

So really what I want to know is how do I tell or find out if she likes me ... I'm rusty at this game and have only had two serious relationships with everyother female encounter being with a whore.

This girl isn't an easy target either as she strikes me as someone who wouldnt be an easy catch.

Any advice, tips, feedback to what I've said would be superb

 

[penguinsfan]

Is she directly over you? If you approach her and she is not interested, will it impact anything with the job?

My first impression for whatever it's worth, is she seems a little old for you. It's just my opinion. Some guys are totally fine with that and only you will be able to answer that in your own mind. It is less of a factor if you're just looking to hit it and run, although I would not advise that in the workplace.

Invite her out for some pints after work and when she gets a little tipsy take some version of the "Gee, I kinda thought you were a bitch at first, but you seem really cool to hangout with" approach. Use your body language and suggestion to convey some level of arousal and attraction on your part. See if that might not get the knickers coming off.

 

[REDZULU2003]

Thanks for the advice, hope it keeps comming in.

No she isnt in charge of me, we are both on the same level.
I also dont consider her too old.

The whole pint buisness is a good idea but I'm trying to find out ways how she feels towards me without asking questions like that.

I need tips on reading her body language etc and sifting through the positive stuff. Shes actually really sexy and although she's 10 years older than me, shes hardly my mothers age and I aint directly looking for sex.

Keep advice on this comming guys.

 

[Jason1]

I don't mean to sound like an asshole but if I had your girth I would just wear tight pants and let the rest fall in place.

 

[penguinsfan]

The whole pint buisness is a good idea but I'm trying to find out ways how she feels towards me without asking questions like that.

That's a little more difficult for me. I have never been good about trying to read the feelings of numerous chicks. There have been some I was pretty much sure were not interested and I would usually leave them alone, but would sometimes gamble on the longshot. There were some that I thought might feel some chemistry with me, but I was inevitably wrong and had to try to smooth out an exit strategy as I saw the horrified looks on their faces. Come to think of it, that's it. There has never been a woman that has expressed interest in me.

I'm pretty bad at seduction, but it can be done under the right circumstances. But romance is way out of my league.

 

[thewife]

"I can be sharp and blunt with her......"

This statement bothered me a little. For the simple fact that she might assume that you don't like her. Even though your reason is legit, she probably doesn't realize it. Normally when you are sharp and blunt with someone, they assume you either A. Don't like them....or B. Aren't very friendly. You need to get that preconcived notion turned around.......

With that said:

I think your best approach is to start being more "flirty" with her. Let her catch you staring at her. Not in a drooling gross way...more like checking her out, and then looking away right when she sees you. Then just sort of grin as if you were embarassed. This will give her a subtle sign that you are interested.

My guess is that she will begin sending signals back at you, and you can go to the next level. Maybe help her out on the job more than you usually would....make it a point to be around her even when you don't "have to". Then you can move on to little sweet gestures, like getting her a soda or water when you have a break.....

I dont know - it's been a LOOONG time since I played the romance/flirt game. However I did have an office romance several years ago - and that is exactly how the dude got my attention. Then we would make out in the stair well of our building. Very passionate....and sexy because you always thougth you were goign to get busted.

So...good luck.....and if none of this works....I'm with the previous poster who said show off your bulge....GOD KNOWS that sexy thick thing will get her attention - lol!

 

[REDZULU2003]

Thank you thewife. Your very true. My attitude towards her at times i.e the blunt and sharpness wont help matter. However I'm not changeing that as we speak and treating her more like I do the other woman at work, nice/gentle and with respect ... maybe I've took this too far for too long and sorta held a stupid fuckin grudge ? well its going to stop, shes actually a nice girl.

Okay, I will take you up on that 'stare and look away' tactic ... sounds fun.
I'll also offer her more of a helping hand at work and leave it for a few weeks and keep my eyes open for anything she send back.

Some of the stuff you mentioned, well the older ladies have been doing that to me for AGES now :O I must watch my bulge at all times.

Lastly, today I worked with the girl related to this thread and I was more polite and talkative to her than usually, but still we didnt actually get into a conversation ... well in our work its hard anyways except at break.

Anyways she is still very nice, polite with me ... she talks to me in a nicer tone than ANY of the other males .... does this mean anything??? the other guy who works their who fancys her and follows her around but hes not a sicko or anything, well she bosses him around and talks down to him ... even residents have told me that I get more respect than he does from the woman and same with her.

Alright LASTLY I did achive, or note something today at break time.
She had her back to me, stood talking to another member of staff in the consrvatory where we go. Anyays I was sat down with a drink. She was tlaking to the woman but their is glass in front of where she was and its light comming through behind where I was sat so one can see like a mirror....get the picture? but it aint crystal clear. Anyways I was checkig out her arse, you know giving it a good look ... I noticed for a split second or two that she looked in the glass and was looking at me ... we did make eye contact rofl via the glass only briefly and than she sat down really quickly so she was to the side of me at the other end of the room [its spaced out anyways] and continued talking to the woman.

 

[thewife]

I definatly think it's a good sign that she doesn't talk down to you and is nicer to you than other male staff. She either learned her lesson, or just respects you more. Probably the latter. Most of the time us women hold grudges worse than men and aren't good at hiding it, so if she took your bluntness the wrong way and secretly hated you, you'd know it.

I do have one more concern. Is this woman a bitch? I hold an executive position and interact with males that are "below" me as well as my peers on the same level...and I would never dream of "bossing" them around. Nor would I talk down to someone just because I didn't respect them. To me that is not a sign of very good character. I guess I wouldn't want you to end up in a situation where you had this bitchy, bossy, controling she devil to contend with at work every day if something does develop. Of course, on the other hand, that might not bother you. All depends on what you want. While I would never talk down to anyone, I can stand my ground very well....and that is one of the things that attracted hubby....so you never know??

One thing I learned from my office romance was that when it fades or you fall out.....you can't get away from each other very easily. The work is still there....and unless your not fond of your job, you can't escape it. I'm sure you know that already, just thought I'd throw it out there. So be careful and be sure that it's a can of worms you really want to open up.

One way to start a conversation is to state the obvious so that conversation DOESNT end up being awkward. Start by saying something like "Why is it that we've worked together this long, and never had a real conversation?" That will open up the lines of communication to talk about something OTHER than work.

Thank you thewife. Your very true. My attitude towards her at times i.e the blunt and sharpness wont help matter. However I'm not changeing that as we speak and treating her more like I do the other woman at work, nice/gentle and with respect ... maybe I've took this too far for too long and sorta held a stupid fuckin grudge ? well its going to stop, shes actually a nice girl.

Okay, I will take you up on that 'stare and look away' tactic ... sounds fun.
I'll also offer her more of a helping hand at work and leave it for a few weeks and keep my eyes open for anything she send back.

Some of the stuff you mentioned, well the older ladies have been doing that to me for AGES now :O I must watch my bulge at all times.

Lastly, today I worked with the girl related to this thread and I was more polite and talkative to her than usually, but still we didnt actually get into a conversation ... well in our work its hard anyways except at break.

Anyways she is still very nice, polite with me ... she talks to me in a nicer tone than ANY of the other males .... does this mean anything??? the other guy who works their who fancys her and follows her around but hes not a sicko or anything, well she bosses him around and talks down to him ... even residents have told me that I get more respect than he does from the woman and same with her.

Alright LASTLY I did achive, or note something today at break time.
She had her back to me, stood talking to another member of staff in the consrvatory where we go. Anyays I was sat down with a drink. She was tlaking to the woman but their is glass in front of where she was and its light comming through behind where I was sat so one can see like a mirror....get the picture? but it aint crystal clear. Anyways I was checkig out her arse, you know giving it a good look ... I noticed for a split second or two that she looked in the glass and was looking at me ... we did make eye contact rofl via the glass only briefly and than she sat down really quickly so she was to the side of me at the other end of the room [its spaced out anyways] and continued talking to the woman.

 

[REDZULU2003]

As always thanks for the advice. I wouldnt call her a bitch as such, shes a nice gentle careing girl whos good at her job and talks allot but she just has a habit of bossing folk around.

To be honest I dont think she sometimes realises that she is doing it and has infact been told by senior staff and has said sorry to them and said she was trying to help ... perhaps shes just a bossy person but means no harm and needs slapping down now and again .. me thinks.

Now that you've said it, yeah it makes sense she probably respects me more and hence she talks to me in a better tone of voice, I do act more mature and do my job to a higher standard than the other guy, hes also a lazy bastard and I work like a trojan.

At the end of the day I dont really want love with this girl, but just sorta break the ice alittle from the past but have some flirting along the way and see how she reacts to it and if she actually shows positive signs.

As someone who has a qualification in Psychology I have thought to myself that maybe I'm doing this partly out of guilt because of the bluntness and sharpness I send to ger, yet she doesnt rise to that so I guess it has made me feel slightly bad.

Anyways if she send positive vibes back who knows? I myself dont think she would be interested.

I'm also like you in the fact I dont boss folk around and also stand my ground very well.

Finally the part about me checking her arse out and she caught a glimse in the window of me doing so, before she sat down ... what you think?

 

[thewife]

While it could have been a complete fluke that she sat down when she noticed. I would venture to guess that she actually got a little modest when she realized you were checking her out. The fact that you made eye contact is a GOOD sign because, she was obviously looking to SEE if YOU were LOOKING....get my drift? In other words if she didn't fancy you at least a little, she wouldn't give a shit if you were looking at her arse or not. IMHO a good sign......and the fact that she went on and sat down instead of trying to be a tease shows me she has some class about her.

Keep working it. Based on my conversations w. you and other images I've seen .....your a good catch. I'm sure she's thought about it, even if you think she hasn't or wouldn't. If nothing more, you could have a little "work place fling". Nothing sexier than that......just a one time thing or even the approach like "were both having a shitty day, lets go in the broom closet and make out". No strings attached, and that way it won't get ugly.

Finally the part about me checking her arse out and she caught a glimse in the window of me doing so, before she sat down ... what you think?

 

[REDZULU2003]

cheers. It makes more sense when someone from the outside such as yourself explains these things.

I bet some reading this thread will think I'm stupid or whatever but as you might know I suffer from Aspergers Syndrome. Now this doesnt make me look different from anyone else but my way of thinking is different than a 'normal' person.

A thread in the mental section here explains it all. One of the main areas effected is understanding others body language and gestures so alas its why I ask so much for guidance on this ... I'm worse than most men at seeing the signs because of the AS ... but dont feel sorry for me or anything, its just something that I have learned to control and hide.

If anyone else has more advice on this thread than please do say your piece and I shall keep it updated with whatever happens.

I work again with her on Friday

 

[sikdogg]

What i suggest is that you just play cool, be friendly, and say "hi" whenever you cross paths... You can also take the initiative and next time you two are somewhat alone, tell her "you know, i think you and i got off on the wrong foot from day one..." then tell her "maybe we should start over again...," then say in a playful tone "hi my name is RedZulu, what's yours?" and extend your hand to shake hers. This should disarm her and break the ice enough to get the two of you on better speaking terms. You should be able to get a feel for her by her response... from there you can ask her if she wants to get something to eat together at lunch time, then progress to asking her out after work.

 

[penguinsfan]

Normally when you are sharp and blunt with someone, they assume you either A. Don't like them....or B. Aren't very friendly. You need to get that preconcived notion turned around.......

Come on, wife. All guys know that if you're a nice guy most women won't give you the time of day.

 

[thewife]

Not true.....at least not in my case or any of my friends. Let me explain the difference.

A nice guy approach that would be a turn on:

"Hey girl, I haven't seen you around in a while. What have you been up to? We should get together sometime, I bet I could show you a real good time...just let me know when your free"

~Nice, sweet to the point, shows your interested. Put the ball in HER court

A nice guy approach that would repel faster than the plauge (and probably what your referring to):

"Oh, ummm, Hi....ummm.....I know that I don't talk to you much.....but ummmm......and I'm sure you would never go for me, but......I noticed that you were really hot and.....ummmm.....thought you might want to ummmmm..........come over to my place sometime....will you call me???? "

~Goofy, no confidence, and awkward......

Then there is the cocky arse hole approach that will get you kicked in the balls:

"Hey baby, I noticed your fine ass from across the room and I KNOW you were looking at me......when can I get your number and hit you up"

~ ugggg - Need I say more?

BIG DIFFERENCE.........

Come on, wife. All guys know that if you're a nice guy most women won't give you the time of day.

 

[REDZULU2003]

Thank you peeps, shall try some flirting with her tommorow to become more freindly with her. All great advice.

To be honest I think this girl isnt interested in any romance as I heard from someone that she had a hardtime in her past relationship and hasnt had a man in years. Apparently they were engaged and he did something real bad.

Anyways, me thinks she deep down likes the other arsehole who works at my place. The other guy I was talking about whos cocky, lazy and a fuckin wanker who has ZERO respect.

She does boss him around quite abit, but he follows her around allot which I know is flirting to let her know hes interested. She also talks to him in a tone a mother would sometimes do to their child yet she never uses this with me and is always nice.

Today the tosser came into work 2 hours late and apparently the girl has had words with him about it and also that hes done fuck all during the shift and now she isnt talking to him .... I mean if she didnt harbour some feelings why would she stop talking to him over such a matter?

I will try my best to show I like her and want to know her more but discreetly and using tact than with each success I will make bigger moves like that sikdogg said about us getting off onto the wrong foot blah blah blah. However I would say I'm a GENTLE MAN who treats woman with respect and talks to them with respect but to me this wont do much with her. I'm more mature than him but I think even though she wants a mature man whos gentle he has that WILD and BAD image which to me I feel she likes and she has feelings for him.

 

[thewife]

Well there is nothing "gentle" about that cock your walk around with, if that doesn't make you feel WILD and BAD....I don't know what would. Maybe you should try to be a little more confident and put yourself out there a little more. I'm sure she will bite sooner or later.....

GENTLE MAN who treats woman with respect and talks to them with respect but to me this wont do much with her. I'm more mature than him but I think even though she wants a mature man whos gentle he has that WILD and BAD image which to me I feel she likes and she has feelings for him.

 

[REDZULU2003]

Your right. Thanks.

Lastly though what do you think about this.......

Today the tosser came into work 2 hours late and apparently the girl has had words with him about it and also that hes done fuck all during the shift and now she isnt talking to him .... I mean if she didnt harbour some feelings why would she stop talking to him over such a matter?

I talked to the chef who works their and he has dealing with everyone as he sees everyone and is a nice guy. Anyways he said to me he thinks this girls has a soft spot for this other guy and the way she behaved today i.e not talking to him for cooming in late and not pulling ihis weight proves that.

I'm as usual have become confused over that .... thoughts?

 

[penguinsfan]

Not true.....at least not in my case or any of my friends.

Wife, you seem pretty cool and maybe your friends are cool too, but trust me when I say many guys out there know what I speak of.

"Hey girl, I haven't seen you around in a while. What have you been up to? We should get together sometime, I bet I could show you a real good time...just let me know when your free"

Doesn't seem too bad. However, I would think the last part leaves it a little too open-ended.

"Oh, ummm, Hi....ummm.....I know that I don't talk to you much.....but ummmm......and I'm sure you would never go for me, but......I noticed that you were really hot and.....ummmm.....thought you might want to ummmmm..........come over to my place sometime....will you call me???? "

Well, you obviously can't stutter or fumble around, nor express any lack of self-confidence (maybe jokingly) or forget it.

"Hey baby, I noticed your fine ass from across the room and I KNOW you were looking at me......when can I get your number and hit you up"

Many women would be inclined to kick such a man in the balls, but I think you'd be surprised how often something like that works...for some arrogant pricks. And the women that fall for that shit are entirely total sluts either.

Believe it or not, one of my closest friends once went home with a woman a few years older than himself, from an upscale bar with one of the worst lines imagineable. He was drunk off his ass and walked up to this woman and said "I'm hung like a horse and I can make you the best breakfast you've ever eaten. Let's fuck." and it worked.

Anyway, I've got a number of things going against me and I'm not in the running right now, but it is forever a gripe of mine, so bare with me.

 

[penguinsfan]

RED, there is something you have to consider. Maybe she is one of those women that is attracted to dickheads and there is nothing to be done about it. She may not be either, but it's possible. It seems strange for her to be attracted to such a jackoff.

 

[bIgjOe]

I tend to agree with Penguinsfan about the asshole thing. I also think thewife is partly right too though. I believe that the assholes are way more attractive to GIRLS, and the confident, motivated, sweet, nice guy is more attractive to WOMEN. There is a big difference I believe, and I also think age isn't always an indicator of such. I think I've met more than one 35 year girl (not romantically), and my sister for example, has been a woman since probably turning 12. She is just very mentally mature for her age.

I currently go to school at a University and I would say at least 90% of the females in attendance are GIRLS. I actually tried the asshole thing for a bit last year, and it did get me laid a few times, but it just wasn't me, it felt like I was selling myself out, and the sex felt terribly empty. In one case a girl got with me just to get another guy she had slept with to leave her alone, so that was kind of a wake up call as to what direction my emotional life was headed.

It seems that these girls would rather get with an immature BOY whom they can have a psychological "one up" on than to risk falling for a MAN.
WOMEN appreciate a MAN who is responsible, respectful, and who knows how to take care of himself, as well as take care of her and make her feel safe. Sometimes it seems that the GIRLS I meet at random almost find me threatening. I'm 5'9", caucasian, and a solid 185 pounds with a 330 lb. bench press. I carry myself with my chin up, a relaxed, confident gait, and oftentimes a smile (not a smirk) on my face. I always try to find something to smile about to brighten the day, and it doesn't hurt to look friendly either.

I always try to be outgoing and meet new people, or talk to new girls whenever the opportunity arises. So at the end of the day I find myself getting frustrated at how they almost seem to flock to the scrawny, loud, immature little frat BOYS that are a dime a dozen here. Then, however, I try to remind myself that most of those GIRLS would probably drive me crazy if I got involved with them, but I wonder if that isn't just sour grapes. Right now I'm talking to a cute student in one of my classes who is 3 years older than me. It was amazing how well we seemed to hit it off on the first day we met, and her looks are just my type. The contrast in the quality of simple conversation with this WOMAN compared to the many GIRLS I have gotten to know is grossly obvious and just makes me more certain of the difference. I was actually following this thread with some interest because I want to move forward beyond just regular friendly conversation between the two of us. I think there is good chemistry between us, and she always seems to perk up when she sees me, but I suppose she could just be really nice too. Anyway, take that for what its worth.

 

[thewife]

Hey guys. I was obviously being very broad with my examples. I definatly agree that there are women or girls like BigJoe said, that like being treated bad, or talked down to. However these are the very girls that will bring so much drama with them you will want to wish you never met them.

I do have one friend like that. She won't mess with a guy if he's "to nice".....but then the ass holes she hooks up with treat her like crap....and "poof" she has drama. She gets off on it. She always has to be the center of attention, and that usually means having some dumb ass cocky prick bossing her around, running around on her, or even smacking her around. It is incredibly stupid, and a waste of time....but that is how she gets off. I would not reccomend this type of girl to anyone I know, much less care about.

One more thing that is bothering me is the fact that you feel like you have to act a certain way to "get a girl". Be yourself for God sake.....I think it safe to say that your personality comes across on these forums, and you seem like an awesome guy. Just be your self, and if she doesn't like you - fuck her (not literally). Now, I understand the whole flirt and chase thing - it is fun, and really sexy. HOWEVER, I don't agree with you beating your self up or doubting that your good enough. There is pleanty of pussy in the sea.....don't waste your time coming down to a level your not comfortable with. If she's just into being dominate over men, cool....but if she wants guys following her around so that she can ignore them, or treat them badly - I would be inclined to say "get over yourself honey".

I guess a good rule of thumb would be.....if you find yourself trying to hard, or altering your personality - leave it alone. If being an ass hole gets you laid, your probably going to pay the price. Going the extra mile to be nice.....will pay off in the end, and attract the type of girl, that I think you are looking for.

Whew....I feel like Dr. Phil.....I'm off my soapbox now......carry on

 

[thewife]

To answer your question on this, I wouldn't read into it that much. I mean, maybe the woman is really fed up with him being such a slacker. The fact that she didn't talk to him doesn't really mean anything. Unless she is in fact the type of girl I spoke of previously. In which case, I think she's sick....and doesn't deserve a guy like you persuing her.

Let the other fool have her.....he obviously wouldn't mind the drama that she is dishing out.

Your right. Thanks.

Lastly though what do you think about this.......



I talked to the chef who works their and he has dealing with everyone as he sees everyone and is a nice guy. Anyways he said to me he thinks this girls has a soft spot for this other guy and the way she behaved today i.e not talking to him for cooming in late and not pulling ihis weight proves that.

I'm as usual have become confused over that .... thoughts?

 

[REDZULU2003]

I tend to agree with Penguinsfan about the asshole thing. I also think thewife is partly right too though. I believe that the assholes are way more attractive to GIRLS, and the confident, motivated, sweet, nice guy is more attractive to WOMEN. There is a big difference I believe, and I also think age isn't always an indicator of such. I think I've met more than one 35 year girl (not romantically), and my sister for example, has been a woman since probably turning 12. She is just very mentally mature for her age.

I currently go to school at a University and I would say at least 90% of the females in attendance are GIRLS. I actually tried the asshole thing for a bit last year, and it did get me laid a few times, but it just wasn't me, it felt like I was selling myself out, and the sex felt terribly empty. In one case a girl got with me just to get another guy she had slept with to leave her alone, so that was kind of a wake up call as to what direction my emotional life was headed.

It seems that these girls would rather get with an immature BOY whom they can have a psychological "one up" on than to risk falling for a MAN.
WOMEN appreciate a MAN who is responsible, respectful, and who knows how to take care of himself, as well as take care of her and make her feel safe. Sometimes it seems that the GIRLS I meet at random almost find me threatening. I'm 5'9", caucasian, and a solid 185 pounds with a 330 lb. bench press. I carry myself with my chin up, a relaxed, confident gait, and oftentimes a smile (not a smirk) on my face. I always try to find something to smile about to brighten the day, and it doesn't hurt to look friendly either.

I always try to be outgoing and meet new people, or talk to new girls whenever the opportunity arises. So at the end of the day I find myself getting frustrated at how they almost seem to flock to the scrawny, loud, immature little frat BOYS that are a dime a dozen here. Then, however, I try to remind myself that most of those GIRLS would probably drive me crazy if I got involved with them, but I wonder if that isn't just sour grapes. Right now I'm talking to a cute student in one of my classes who is 3 years older than me. It was amazing how well we seemed to hit it off on the first day we met, and her looks are just my type. The contrast in the quality of simple conversation with this WOMAN compared to the many GIRLS I have gotten to know is grossly obvious and just makes me more certain of the difference. I was actually following this thread with some interest because I want to move forward beyond just regular friendly conversation between the two of us. I think there is good chemistry between us, and she always seems to perk up when she sees me, but I suppose she could just be really nice too. Anyway, take that for what its worth.

This means explains so much to me, means tons that you took the time to write that and I understand it all. The WOMAN and GIRL thing and that it doesnt have to be age related.

 

[REDZULU2003]

Again a massive thank you to thewife for your SUPenis EnlargementRB help on all this.
I feel like a silly prick asking such questions on here about things I should know about and see but with my condition it sometimes can be hard, plus its new terrotory in the work place.

My only update today is that her and I are talking more to oneanother and she's still really nice to me and respectful.

I will keep flirting with her, just for fun and to get to know her more ... thats it, I dont really think romance is on the cards and I will just have fun with her.

I sense a slight something with her at times, from her .... its sorta like the nervous girl thing, you know when the girl likes the boy and gets alittle shy and nervous around him ... well at times like I said I think I'm seeing this pattern from her, could be wrong but I dunno.

At the end of the day I will just have fun and get to know her better with the nice flirting and see where it leads ... doesnt matter if it isnt romance.

cheers

 

[Chi]

Ok, It´s about time I say what I´ve been thinking these last few days following this thread:

That girl (or woman, idk) got a good look, sometime, somewhere, at your bulge.

To me, that explains it all (except the lazy jerk). I know I might very well be wrong though.

 

[penguinsfan]

One more thing that is bothering me is the fact that you feel like you have to act a certain way to "get a girl". Be yourself for God sake.....I think it safe to say that your personality comes across on these forums, and you seem like an awesome guy. Just be your self, and if she doesn't like you - fuck her (not literally). Now, I understand the whole flirt and chase thing - it is fun, and really sexy. HOWEVER, I don't agree with you beating your self up or doubting that your good enough. There is pleanty of pussy in the sea.....don't waste your time coming down to a level your not comfortable with. If she's just into being dominate over men, cool....but if she wants guys following her around so that she can ignore them, or treat them badly - I would be inclined to say "get over yourself honey".

I guess a good rule of thumb would be.....if you find yourself trying to hard, or altering your personality - leave it alone. If being an ass hole gets you laid, your probably going to pay the price. Going the extra mile to be nice.....will pay off in the end, and attract the type of girl, that I think you are looking for.

Whew....I feel like Dr. Phil.....I'm off my soapbox now......carry on

:clap:

Great advice! If anyone likes me in any way...great...but I'm sure as hell not going to go home and cry or lose any sleep over any individual opinion.

 

[REDZULU2003]

Ok, It´s about time I say what I´ve been thinking these last few days following this thread:

That girl (or woman, idk) got a good look, sometime, somewhere, at your bulge.

To me, that explains it all (except the lazy jerk). I know I might very well be wrong though.

I'm confused ... how would that explain her behaviour, because shes seen my bulge? Can you please explain how you came to that answer.

 

[Chi]

Well, you've said she used to boss you around and then stopped. Also, she's been acting kind of shy or embarrased around you. She respects you now too.

It could all be attributted to you being a nice guy, that's correct. But a big dick most likely commands respect from any girl. I would guess any female would change the way she treats you or looks at you by simply knowing you have a big (huge) dick.

I'd say she doesn't even know how to react to it. Kindoff scared, excited, curious too. But never bossy or anything like that. When you are around her, a huge dick is right around her. Couple that with you being a all around good guy and there's no way she wouldn't be interested. I think it's a combination of both.

But again, it is a very rushed conclusion. I very well could be totally wrong.

 

[REDZULU2003]

Thanks for explaining that Chi. I dunno when she could have caught a glimse of my bulge as I dont actually sit with my legs in the typical open posture, but crossed over. Maybe she has seen a slght bulge when I've been walking around ? I havent noticed her looking in that region. The pants I wear arent like tracksuit bottoms which would really show the bulge but polyester/cotton and black. Who knows.

 

[REDZULU2003]

Okay just a quick update to say that I'm more content with how things are going now with relation to this woman I really like.

Having looked at it from many angles, I do not belive she has had any relationships with anyone at my workplace and she says she is single.

This woman isnt easy to win. I'm going to use all my charm, which I have in abundence from my Cypriot roots and use all the experience I have from my winnings in the past, although tha was in different settings to this and was outside work ... but I wont be put off.

She to me is putting on a slight cloak to hide the fact she wants to really let loose and have a man with her.

My tactic is simple. The Egg theory woman from my experiences are like eggs when you try to get with them. They either crack quickly and you get the meal fast or in this case they crack slowly and you wait for the meal.

I'm going to need to crack her slowly, wearing down her defense peace by peace until she brings it down than I will go in for the kill. It might take me weeks or a few months but I shall try my hardest to crack this baby.

Its a challenge and experience IMHO plus I can only get to know her more from it all.

I'll keep you all informed on how it all goes. Already I have noticed she makes more of an effort to look more sexy than usual, and have extra eye shadow on and other stuff woman use. Shes also smiling more at my jokes and talks more to me.

I'm feeling very confident but know full well this could end in failure, but if you dont try than you dont know and the old saying will be used that my father uttered when he was in the service ''Who Dares Wins''

Later

 

[nobody]

Okay Red I just read this thread and here's my two cents. Everybody's right and everybody's wrong. The first and most important rule and you hear this all the time: Be yourself. Any woman worth her salt can see through an act with little effort. People like to say nice guys never get the girl but I beg to differ. I've always gone the nice guy route because that's who I am but that doesn't mean I'm a sniveling pussy either. One of my favorite things to say when someone gets out of line whether it be at a party, a social outing of any kind, or just with strangers in public is: "Look I'm a nice guy, so please don't make me kick your ass." So many people clam up when they witness some asshole treating another like shit for no reason and they just whisper to themselves and others, "Should I say something?" I pounce at the drop of hat. This doesn't mean I like to go start shit all the time either, in my heart of hearts I'm a pacifist. I just believe in being strong and assertive at the same time. Just about any woman will dig this. I kind of pick up from your posts here that you are the same way. I think this is what got her attention not your bulge. rofl

I used to be quite the lady's man before I was married so I speak from experience about this stuff. You didn't take her bullshit so she was forced to stop and take a mental look at you, you dig? Confidence is the name of the game. I've had ex's that were rather affluent and ran in snobby circles. There would be situations where we would be hanging out with their friends or family and someone would take a potshot at my bluecollar status or make some off colored remark about some group that they felt was beneath them. I would not hesitate to call them on their shit and they would be like deer in headlights, all wide eyed and not knowing what the fuck to do. The women in these situations whether it was my girl or someones else's would take strong note of me for this and their reaction was always a positive one in my regard.

Now I'm not one of those idiots who takes weeks or a month to call a girl but intitially I have had the tendencey to let them come to me. I don't totally ignore them but I don't give them a lot of attention either. This just make the fire burn hotter for them to get to me. You can try to engage her in conversation , just don't make a habit of it. Try to talk about something you are passionate about. She will see that you are sharing a part of yourself and will recognize the weight of it. Of course when she talks you really have to listen, so many men are terrible at this. I used to hear from girls all the time, " you're the first guy that ever really listened to me". Works better than foreplay.

As for the whole age difference. Ride that til' the wheels fall off. When I was in my twenties I saw many women who were in their thirties and it was all good. Older women know what they want and they know how to dish it out. You say this woman seems like no push over and that's a good thing. As you already know anything worth having takes an an effort. Good luck and if you need anything else let me know.

 

[REDZULU2003]

Okay Red I just read this thread and here's my two cents. Everybody's right and everybody's wrong. The first and most important rule and you hear this all the time: Be yourself. Any woman worth her salt can see through an act with little effort. People like to say nice guys never get the girl but I beg to differ. I've always gone the nice guy route because that's who I am but that doesn't mean I'm a sniveling pussy either. One of my favorite things to say when someone gets out of line whether it be at a party, a social outing of any kind, or just with strangers in public is: "Look I'm a nice guy, so please don't make me kick your ass." So many people clam up when they witness some asshole treating another like shit for no reason and they just whisper to themselves and others, "Should I say something?" I pounce at the drop of hat. This doesn't mean I like to go start shit all the time either, in my heart of hearts I'm a pacifist. I just believe in being strong and assertive at the same time. Just about any woman will dig this. I kind of pick up from your posts here that you are the same way. I think this is what got her attention not your bulge. rofl

I used to be quite the lady's man before I was married so I speak from experience about this stuff. You didn't take her bullshit so she was forced to stop and take a mental look at you, you dig? Confidence is the name of the game. I've had ex's that were rather affluent and ran in snobby circles. There would be situations where we would be hanging out with their friends or family and someone would take a potshot at my bluecollar status or make some off colored remark about some group that they felt was beneath them. I would not hesitate to call them on their shit and they would be like deer in headlights, all wide eyed and not knowing what the fuck to do. The women in these situations whether it was my girl or someones else's would take strong note of me for this and their reaction was always a positive one in my regard.

Now I'm not one of those idiots who takes weeks or a month to call a girl but intitially I have had the tendencey to let them come to me. I don't totally ignore them but I don't give them a lot of attention either. This just make the fire burn hotter for them to get to me. You can try to engage her in conversation , just don't make a habit of it. Try to talk about something you are passionate about. She will see that you are sharing a part of yourself and will recognize the weight of it. Of course when she talks you really have to listen, so many men are terrible at this. I used to hear from girls all the time, " you're the first guy that ever really listened to me". Works better than foreplay.

As for the whole age difference. Ride that til' the wheels fall off. When I was in my twenties I saw many women who were in their thirties and it was all good. Older women know what they want and they know how to dish it out. You say this woman seems like no push over and that's a good thing. As you already know anything worth having takes an an effort. Good luck and if you need anything else let me know.

What a post. Thanks mate it was really helpful. Makes sense and yeah you and I sound similer in the way we are assertive and dont take shit. Funny that because ALL the woman at my work WILL NOT cause shit with me because I stand my ground. I dont mean I go ape shit and get nasty but they know not to push me as I will tell it as it is. I have shot a few of the more 'nasty old bitches' down in my time since working their and I have noticed that the young punk who I thought my crush was longing for gets spoken to like a dog. None of the woman and I mean NONE of the woman have ANY RESPenis EnlargementCT for him and always assume the worst. The dude who works nights also they dont mess with him, but the odd one does so he is also another. The chef lol he gets tons of shit and none of the woman respect him. The only males respected in my workplace out of the 5 that work in their, including me is me and the chef who comes from north africa and he takes NO SHIT ... period but he has been called by some behind his back.

I suppose woman like me more because of this. I'm actually a queit person who doesnt talk loads but when I need to stand my ground I do it with assertiveness that cuts some to ribbons. Maybe this is what the woman in their also respect?

I'll let you know how it goes.

thanks

 

[iwant8inches]

I tend to agree with Penguinsfan about the asshole thing. I also think thewife is partly right too though. I believe that the assholes are way more attractive to GIRLS, and the confident, motivated, sweet, nice guy is more attractive to WOMEN. There is a big difference I believe, and I also think age isn't always an indicator of such. I think I've met more than one 35 year girl (not romantically), and my sister for example, has been a woman since probably turning 12. She is just very mentally mature for her age.

I currently go to school at a University and I would say at least 90% of the females in attendance are GIRLS. I actually tried the asshole thing for a bit last year, and it did get me laid a few times, but it just wasn't me, it felt like I was selling myself out, and the sex felt terribly empty. In one case a girl got with me just to get another guy she had slept with to leave her alone, so that was kind of a wake up call as to what direction my emotional life was headed.

WOW. Left me speechless and mouth hanging open a bit on that tidbit. I can't imagine the shallowness and egocentricity of a person that would do that or consider that as a viable option for her "dillemma." I feel for that person.

It seems that these girls would rather get with an immature BOY whom they can have a psychological "one up" on than to risk falling for a MAN.
WOMEN appreciate a MAN who is responsible, respectful, and who knows how to take care of himself, as well as take care of her and make her feel safe. Sometimes it seems that the GIRLS I meet at random almost find me threatening. I'm 5'9", caucasian, and a solid 185 pounds with a 330 lb. bench press. I carry myself with my chin up, a relaxed, confident gait, and oftentimes a smile (not a smirk) on my face. I always try to find something to smile about to brighten the day, and it doesn't hurt to look friendly either.

I always try to be outgoing and meet new people, or talk to new girls whenever the opportunity arises. So at the end of the day I find myself getting frustrated at how they almost seem to flock to the scrawny, loud, immature little frat BOYS that are a dime a dozen here. Then, however, I try to remind myself that most of those GIRLS would probably drive me crazy if I got involved with them, but I wonder if that isn't just sour grapes. Right now I'm talking to a cute student in one of my classes who is 3 years older than me. It was amazing how well we seemed to hit it off on the first day we met, and her looks are just my type. The contrast in the quality of simple conversation with this WOMAN compared to the many GIRLS I have gotten to know is grossly obvious and just makes me more certain of the difference. I was actually following this thread with some interest because I want to move forward beyond just regular friendly conversation between the two of us. I think there is good chemistry between us, and she always seems to perk up when she sees me, but I suppose she could just be really nice too. Anyway, take that for what its worth.

 

[REDZULU2003]

Okay VERY quick update without going into every detail.

Things with me and the lady are going good....low key but good.
She has started flirting with me more, infact she never used to flirt with me period but now she does and her whole attiture towards me is better, shes nice and finds me in the buidling more.

I'm sending her flowers to the workplace on Wednesday alongwith some chocolates, and they AINT CHEAP either!!

I'm working the same shift as her but plan to play it cool, be nicer to her but wont let it slip. She wont know who sent them as I wont be writing that on. I will however have some Greek-Cypriot writing at the end of the card, makes it more romantic and is a stealth signiture if you will as she knows I have roots in that land.

On Thursday, she and I are on a late shift and I will ensure that she and I get first break ... lasts one hour, in that time I will tell her I sent the flowers and explain my feelings for her and see how she feels for me.

Will keep you updated

 

[frontierxe]

Any update?

 

[REDZULU2003]

She didnt want any romance and we are staying freinds

 

[against_odds21]

Sry dude. Plenty of fish in the sea. Have you heard that before?

 

[REDZULU2003]

Oh yeah. She and I will be freinds. Infact I will update this more indepth soon as they is more to the tale than she saying just freinds.

Some lessons learned and I think some of you reading might learn from 'perhaps' the odd mistake I made?

I will tell the story very soon

 

[UpgradingUnit]

chocolate and flowers are rewards...not gifts.

Chicks would never go out with me if I bought them shit before the relationship really started getting going.

Look at some of the PUA and don juan sites if you are serious about changing your outlook on women. Having said that, not 100% of their stuff is good, but you are smart enough to read through the lines and weed out the bullshit.

Read the DJ (don juan) bible.

The way that women are attracted to me, at times, is usually when i am both confident/playful/nice. And the way I project those attributes/feelings is I just imagine myself as having a girlfriend (who I am in an "open relationship" with).
1. There is no pressure to score with this chick, cuz "i got a chick at home waiting to fuck my brains out."
2. I dont need this chick to be all over me right now, cuz I am not desperate, but lets see how fun and playful she can be in response to my playfullness.
3. I AM A CATCH and the reason I know this is because "I have an unbelievable girlfriend right now" There is no way this chick wont like me, and no reason she wont be at least slightly sexually attracted to me.
4. Lets see how far I can push this slight sexual attraction, who knows, I might do some crazy shit tonight with this chick.

all the " are thoughts, not verbal in those instances.

Good luck man....plus relationship at work leads to drama 95% of the time.

UU

 

[RazedNegative]

Red, just a little update to your thread, it seems like we are both kinda in a similar situation.

I know what your going through, and its a pain in the ass, but you can and WILL get over her and be able to just be friendly with her.

I'll post more later when I get time...

 

[REDZULU2003]

I'm going to have to get the story on here soon sometime .. dunno when but will do.

Me and the girl are much better freinds now, we talk and work better together.