Post your worst/fucked up/bizzare sexual experiences.

Title says it all. It's always entertaining to hear the nasty weird shit people have experienced sexually.

I'll start us off. It's not too bad, but it's something.

I go home with this girl after a mad Xmas party where I hooked up with her. I'm a timid little virgin at this time. Get into her bed in the dark, kissing and touching commences. I'm losing my shit in my mind but trying to keep it cool. When it's time to lick her vag shit starts to take a downward spiral. That cunt smelt bad and tasted worse. Like holy shit. Anyway, I was a brave virgin and I do my job. She says she wants to 69. The virgin obeys. Tongue gets tired but I keep it up. It's like 2am in the morning and my mother was expecting me home at midnight after the party. In other words I had the pleasure of having my dick sucked to the sound of my mother calling me again, and again and again and again.....I don't cum that night. I think this girl does like once. In the morning I notice dry blood that seems to have collected around the base of some of my fingers. I go to the bathroom and my face is covered in blood. It's like a crusty red beard. I get in shit loads of trouble when I get home, apparently mum was up all night worried about me. Was it totally worth it to get my dick sucked for the first time?....still working that one out...

Oh yeah, the girl also gave me tonsillitis.

the worst experience i have had is no experience at all

Subscribing to this thread)

Well I guess I can share a good but bizarre one.

Caveat: This is well before I met my wife and cleaned up my life. I don't live like this or condone it anymore. No one night stand or random women could ever understand what pleases me or satisfies me sexually the way my wife does. You can learn a lot about a person in 12 years of sex and good communication (seriously, if you're in a relationship and not talking about your sex life and what you do and don't like sexually, change that, it will do wonders for your relationship health).

On to the story:

I currently had an apartment with a girl, we served together in the military at the time (it was 2002, I was 20). She was gay, I knew she was gay and frankly wasn't attracted to her (don't get me wrong, she was decent looking but just not my thing). There was a very "bro" like relationship between us, she had no problem with my using the shower while she was in the bathroom getting ready, had seen me naked and vice versa and nothing ever happened between us. We had a common interest at the time, women, and that was enough to bond over that we didn't have any sexual tension between us. I could fart in front of her and not feel self conscious if that is any indication of the way things were.

She started dating this girl that was just... gorgeous. I had to physically work not to stare at her or make it awkward when she was around. One Saturday morning after a crazy party we threw the night before, I get up (it was probably more like afternoon) and take a shower and I am getting dressed when my roommate walks in. She tells me she needs a favor, I thought maybe she needed a ride, needed drop her car off to get oil changed or something. So I am like "Sure, what's up?", then I was completely thrown off when she told me she needed me to have sex with her girlfriend. My immediate response is "What do you mean?". So she proceeds to explain to me what every once in a while, she just wants a real guy, but doesn't want a relationship with one because they suck. I agreed, because frankly I was a POS of a guy at the time and could understand why women would not want anything more than sex with me (I was a good looking guy in incredible shape, but I was a dick, seriously). So she figured I was up to the task of sex without emotional attachment.

So the part that was really awkward, was that she pretty much instructed me on everything her girlfriend likes, WHILE I was having sex with her... though I learned a whole lot of the female anatomy it was more like being a part of a science experiment or instruction then normal sex. There was a ton of pressure to perform adequately as I was asked to please her enough that she wouldn't need a guy for a while. Apparently I did my job sufficiently and after she had a few orgasms I was asked to leave even though I had not finished yet myself.

So I was back in my room laying in bed trying to figure out what the heck just happened and my roommate comes in and thanks me. "Hey thanks for that, you did great, I knew you were well equipped but didn't know you would be such a good lover for her. I will be sure to recommend you to my other friends." She then walked over, hop on my bed, gave me the best blowjob I have ever received in my life, swallowed and walked out (up to that time in my life at least).

We never really talked about it again and things went back to complete normal except in that she would tell all her straight friends that I was a great lover, and set me up with at least 4 or 5 girls that summer with the complete expectation that I was only there for sex.

In the end, was a pretty good deal for me. Not so much for her girlfriend who could never be normal around me again. I think it eventually led to them breaking up because her GF was so weird around me and we were such good friends.

yeah that was bizarre IMO but a girl asking you to feck her,it isnt that bad haha

Not my own story, a friend of mine told me it but I must tell you guys..

So a couple are going to do anal for the first time, the guy is un-cut.

Girl goes to subway, asks for sweetcorn in her sandwich......

Couple start to have anal sex. When the guy pulls his dick out, under his foreskin, what does he find? A piece of sweetcorn!

Simyan;658280 said:

Not my own story, a friend of mine told me it but I must tell you guys..

So a couple are going to do anal for the first time, the guy is un-cut.

Girl goes to subway, asks for sweetcorn in her sandwich......

Couple start to have anal sex. When the guy pulls his dick out, under his foreskin, what does he find? A piece of sweetcorn!

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I just threw up in my mouth!

doublelongdaddy;658509 said:

I just threw up in my mouth!

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you'll never see sweetcorn the same way!

Simyan;658520 said:

you'll never see sweetcorn the same way!

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One time I was fucking my girl in the ass and she shit all over the place

doublelongdaddy;658855 said:

One time I was fucking my girl in the ass and she shit all over the place

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I take it she had problems closing the channel after your oil-tanker had passed through there.

owmaballs;658871 said:

I take it she had problems closing the channel after your oil-tanker had passed through there.

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Not sure but damn it was a messy situation...shit all over the place. I was like 10 minutes into her ass and then I smelled a fresh dump and when I looked down it was too late, shit fest!

You had a shiitake mushroom :blush:

templnite;659140 said:

You had a shiitake mushroom :blush:

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a buttkakke mushroom!

She was on a Pshit-loadcybin trip?

Gurl came so hard she shjt my bed happened twice alread

bulldaboss93 said:

Gurl came so hard she shjt my bed happened twice alread

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Get some of those waterproof sheets LOL.