Don't Even Know Why I Am Telling U This, U Won't Believe Me

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"Don't Even Know Why I Am Telling U This, U Won't Believe Me"
#1
My bathtub has been getting really clogged up lately, and it got to the point where it was gross. So I bought some Drain-O gel at the grocery store here before work along with a few other items.

I'm in Texas, it was over 100 degrees today. hot hot hot! Probably 130 inside cars.

So, not thinking (like usual), I left the groceries in my car (no food items luckily) all day at work.

As I'm driving home I notice inside one of the grocery bags the Draino bottle has some liquid on it. Odd.

I reach into the bag without looking and my hand is met with a huge mound of sludge, almost as if I had just gone fist first into anna nicole smith before she got on TrimSpa.

As I frantically pull my hand back out of the sludge, flinging it all over my car, I remember my 10th grade chemistry teaching us about acids and bases.

"Drain-O is a base, it will melt your skin like acid"

I start to FREAK OUT, I gotta find a store QUICK.

Driving with one hand, staring at the other waiting for my skin to melt off, with the fear of an open Anthrax envelope in my heart, I do 90 to the closest grocery store , secure in the fact that a cop would surely understand my hand is about to be permanently mangled and would probably even help me.

At this point I'm drenched in sweat, and the liquid was so hot from being in the car I was convinced the process had already started.

Almost crying as I park and run into the store , I get into the bathroom and frantically start running water over my arm, trying to get the shit out without touching it with my other hand.

15 minutes and 50 paper towels later, I'm as clean of this stuff as I'm going to be, but still freaked out.

So I go back to my car and dread the clean up, who knows how much of this stuff has spilled all over the seats etc.

Lifting the bag up with a stick I found on the ground outside, I empty the contents onto the ground.

The Draino bottle THUDS to the pavement.

THUDS. Why? Cause it's still full.

The 12 oz. tub of Vaseline that Mr. DoubleLongDaddy told me to buy to help make my penis bigger, however, taps the pavement with a hollow crack.

HOLLOW. Why? Well you guessed this one.

Empty. Melted in the 100 degree heat, and seeped out of the jar during the course of the day.

Needless to say I felt as cool as a Rockstar on the rest of the drive home.

Thanks MattersOfSize.com, this ones for you.

Son of a bitch godamn motherfucker asshole I feel dumb,
DriverNuts
 
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"Don't Even Know Why I Am Telling U This, U Won't Believe Me"
#4
I laughed my fucking ass off at that shit...that was great. Oh, and it's good that you weren't injured as well.
 
9

9cyclops9

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"Don't Even Know Why I Am Telling U This, U Won't Believe Me"
#5
lol lol lol

Nice one man. Sounds like some crap I would do. :D
 
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"Don't Even Know Why I Am Telling U This, U Won't Believe Me"
#6
lol yoooouuurr an idiot lol

and im currently taking chemistry class!
 
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"Don't Even Know Why I Am Telling U This, U Won't Believe Me"
#8
Thanks for all the compassion smilies beating me over the head lol

Believe me I beat my own head too for this
 
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"Don't Even Know Why I Am Telling U This, U Won't Believe Me"
#10
You're a very good story teller!! I suppose it would have been better to hear you tell it but it was a good, funny, read nevertheless! Hope you are fully recovered from the experience.
 
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"Don't Even Know Why I Am Telling U This, U Won't Believe Me"
#11
Haha that was really funny. Im also glad you didnt get hurt.
 
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"Don't Even Know Why I Am Telling U This, U Won't Believe Me"
#12
*dead*


that is something I'd do too.


thanks for the tip about draino, I didn't know.
 
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"Don't Even Know Why I Am Telling U This, U Won't Believe Me"
#14
PMSL.
I once periced a can of oven cleaner in the car and got so high off the fumes I had to wait a few hours before I could drive home.
 
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"Don't Even Know Why I Am Telling U This, U Won't Believe Me"
#15
Dude I was pissin' myself laffiin' at this when I remembered a time years ago me and a buddy o' mine were driving back from 4-wheelin' in his truck when his battery flat out blew the fuck up.

We really didn't know what had happened at first, but the force of the blast was enough to knock his radiator cap off and it weren't too long before the combined odors of boiling coolant mixed with roasting engine and fried battery produced a real wonderful toxic cloud of shit.

Being luckily close to home we wheeled into the closest grocery store parking lot and jumped out; me to go get water -fast, and him to assess the damage.
I run into the store like some mud covered Ted Kozinski Unabomber clone, grab three of those BIG 2-3 gallon plastic water jugs and look stupidly into the parking lot that was checkout.

I run up to the big ol' heiffer that looked closest to being done, slap the water on the belt and whip out a twenty; tell her, "I'll give you $20 for six bucks worth of water if you'll let me ring this through right now !!"

As I'm headed for the door, poorer but well hydrated, my buddy comes running in, who, having fucked unmercifully with the radiator cap, now looks like a well scalded Ted Kozinski Unabomber clone, proceeds to scream , "Milk, milk we need milk my Gaw-damm battery flat out blew the fuck up!!"

And we stand there for one of those movie minutes, both of us in brain lock; I swear to God you could probably hear the both of us going D'uhhhhhhhhh....
'cuz he's wantin' to run back out to the truck, my hands are loaded down with water jugs and neither one of us are firing on all cylinders apparently.
At which point, behind me, I hear, "Hey! 'nother $20 yuh cen have theee-yizz"
as miss water girl is tryin' to be helpful.

My buddy looks like he's killing the bees covering his body as he begins the frantic-wallet-search-patdown. I grab an empty cart (might've ben somebody's for all I know) throw the water in and shoot it to him, run back to old girl, shove another twenty at her, grab her milk jugs and hit the truck.

We musta looked like a coupla semi-trained gorillas out there in that parking lot trying to hose down the engine compartment with milk, (pour some hear, pour some there, grab a mouthful and spit where ya can't reach) fill up the radiator that bubbled and frothed like Old Faithful and trying not to scald what remained of our flesh from our bones during the entire process.
Like a well oiled machine we were.....right.

Ahhh...good time, good times...
 

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