Jun 3, 2003
A Letter from the Church
This is an actual letter I found on-line.

I said I would write some reflections on life as a Catholic Priest.I want to emphasize that these are my experiences and not necessarily representative of others. Just thought that it was worth adding these thoughts.

I spent 10 years in Seminary training - I started when I was 17 and came out the other end as a priest. Of nearly 30 I began with less than a third survived that distance, and of the 8 ordained, less than a third of them are still in the priesthood all these years (18) later. Most people think that the men who begin and do not survive the training or the priesthood have only one problem and that is celibacy (the vow that excludes them from marriage). The truth is that celibacy is a significant issue for many but not the only issue. For some (more than a few) it is the principal point of difficulty while for others it is a contributing factor to their reasons for leaving.

This issue (celibacy) is also over simplified to two scenarios by many -as being the issue either of not being married or of not having sex. Sure both are really significant parts of the equation - but I have heard many (probably more) guys who leave say that they want more than anything to be in a relationship where they are loved and can love -this is much more common than that they are massively horny or desperate for a woman!

At the same time - another common fallacy is that most clergy are gay. I must admit that I have encountered several that are of homosexual orientation. I think that the pomp and grandeur, bells and smells of religion appeals to some gay guys, as does the vestments and the dressing up. Maybe that is a little simplistic and may even sound offensive - it is not meant to be but like the theater it draws a similar crowd. For other gay guys I guess it is easier to be an unmarried priest than it is to come out of the closet. Uncle Peter being unmarried at 45 is more of a give away than Uncle Peter is a priest! Also if you are going to be un-partnered then I think that some professional and dedicated jobs lend themselves to being single. Remember unmarriedhospital matrons who devoted themselves to the sick of their hospitals!

A third common belief is that most clergy are secretly getting sex somewhere or somehow. This applies I guess for both straight and gay clergy. There is a common belief that housekeepers and or parishioners are often the targets of this affection. I admit it does happen. But in my experience it is very rare. I think that more often where there is suspicion there is a certain relationship of affection between a priest and a housekeeper (or someone else for that matter) - the relationship is more like a family or brother/sister thing. I also think that at times it can be very possessive - more often than not the housekeeper feeling possessive. In fact today -the live-in housekeeper is a much rarer thing than it was in the past.

Often priests sublimate their need for affection in good deeds. For other priests there is often a family (or families) that will include him in their life and this also provides the affection and warmth that we all need. So to the more basic issue - do priests who are celibate (not married) have any sex?

I cannot answer that for everyone either. But I can answer it for me. I masturbate and relatively regularly. As far as I am aware I am not supposed to. I must confess (sic) to not asking that question during my training - but everything I have read indicates that what is expected is total abstinence. So do priests abstain? As far as I am aware many try to live like that. Certainly that is painted as the ideal to which one aspires. I must confess to not being too good at the ideal. I find reality much more ideal for me!

So of course if you do not masturbate then what certainly happens is that they must have wet dreams - and some maybe even spontaneous ejaculations. I have heard of guys who without any physical stimulation cum. But the theory is that one (the priest) should not "entertain impure thoughts." I must admit I liked the reply that I once heard - it was not original - of a priest being asked by another priest - whether he entertained impure thoughts - to which his answer was, "No they entertained me!!!!"

So above all it is important to recognize that priests are human - I was never taught any techniques that worked to stop me being as red blooded as the next guy. Sure keeping away from "occasions of sin" and "custody of the eyes" (a great term don't you think - it includes not looking at things that might cause you to be aroused!!! - such as women and pics and things) and then there was always the "Index" of banned books which included Lady Chatterley's Lover and the like, as well as heretical material.
Being an ordained Protestant minister, I would have to say we're human as well!!
Originally posted by jztb
Being an ordained Protestant minister, I would have to say we're human as well!!

This is so cool! When I was a child I wanted to become a priest. How long have you been a minister?

About 6 yrs....was an architect...now architect/preacher. I'm sure it was the call of God....at least I think He can work w/ a midlife crisis however He wants if we'll let Him!!
I am glad to read this post. I am going to send a respond to some questions that I have been dealing with all my life. Maybe DLD and the other people can help me out.

Thanks, I will suBathmateit it this evening.

I just read the post for real and I think I spoke to soon. However, I guess my problems are basically that I grew up religious and it is effecting my sex life. I mean I really have never had an issue meeting any woman. I mean they come up to me left and right. Understand I do not have fear. I just have this honor with respecting the true nature of sex. I mean sometimes it makes me mad. My parents were very open with me regarding sex, however, I was so religious that I waited til I was 23 years old to engage in sex. I thought that I was in love, however, I was mistaken. However, I feel cheated out on life because I have never enjoyed a true sex life.

I have been doing relentless research on how to break this cycle. There are two things that I have fears of and they are getting a woman pregnant and catching a diease and dying. To break down the pregancy issue even more. You must understand I do not want all that baby momma drama in my life. I guess that is why I have adopted the mindset of meeting older women who are not about getting pregnant or other sh.t. Older means maybe 10 to 13 years my age which is 30 years old.

I have problems and I have no clue as to how to figure them out. It is a struggle daily. I have not been intimate with a woman for nearly 2 and 1/2 years. Why? I guess I want to meet someone who is not into games. However, then again I might want my cake and eat it to. I guess I will have to figure that out.

Do I make any sense to any one? I am like Worf on Star Trek. I am all about honor. I grew up into martial arts and the whole culture sort of speak. I have always had an old mind. However, now I realize that I want to live and be happy. I do not want to be an old grumpy man. I am only 30 years old.

How do I change? What can I do to go about the change? Does anybody know what I am saying? Or do I sound like a nut?


I know exactly how ya feel! I also know God has a plan for sex and it's a good one. like everything...there's a right time and place. I'm praying for you.
"but like the theater it draws a similar crowd."

Ha ha ha. Great observation!

Being a priest is the opposite of God's Will according to the Bible. How can you "be fruitful and multiply" when you cannot "entertain impure thoughts"? What is "impure"?

I went through about 9 years of Catholic school and it definitely had it's effect. When you actually step back and look at the Church and it's practices, you realize it's all bullshit. If you are a priest, you are not living up to the full potential that God has bestowed upon you as a human being. Why is everything natural a sin? Why would God give you this urge if you could not give in? It's all a trap to make sure that no one is free from sin, thus creating their(the Church) own need.
Your argument doesn't hold. We can control sin (w/ God's help). Some may "struggle" w/ the urge to steal or murder. To be fruitful and multiply is a reference for God's people...for them to multiply as a people.....thru evangelism. The Bible must be taken as a whole. The Apostle Paul said "It is good for a man not to marry..." I agree w/ your sentiments regarding priests and in particular I guess the Catholic church....I don't know where they come up w/ a lot of that stuff. The Bible has enuff w/o adding to it!!! Amen?
Yeah, but people multiply by fucking.

Besides, it's the Church that's the problem here, not "God". The Church and it's clergy are the foulest of the foul. God is not found in a church, in a priest, or even in the Bible (which was written by men anyway). I say to find God your own way, from within.
Yes. My idea of what "fucking" is would be seen as sin to any Bible thumper. I have sex outside of marriage, isn't that a "sin"?

The Bible has some cool stuff in it though. I especially like the ending. Revelations is my favorite part. So trippy. The Apostle John must've eaten some wicked mushrooms to come up with that one.
Originally posted by Godsize
Yes. My idea of what "fucking" is would be seen as sin to any Bible thumper. I have sex outside of marriage, isn't that a "sin"?

The Bible has some cool stuff in it though. I especially like the ending. Revelations is my favorite part. So trippy. The Apostle John must've eaten some wicked mushrooms to come up with that one.

u cheat on your wife??
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