A girl at work.......

Okay so at the moment their is a girl at work who I like but dont want to make a move in her yet, if at all but want to find out if she's interested in me but useing methods that aint so direct like asking her ''do you like me''.

The Workplace:

We both work in a Care home for Disabled Adults and work on the same shifts sometimes.

The Girls attitude in general:

She is a bossy person but hardworking, sweet and caring.

Other details about her:

Shes 32 years old, around 5 ft 6 inches tall and has a nice build with a nice tan and short brown hair.

How I normally react to her:

I NEVER have a conversation with this girl because in the past she always bossed me around so I started ignoreing this and she stopped, so it became a tried and tested method to stop the bossy'ness. I do say goodmorning to her and general chit chat about the job when needed but otherwise I do not talk with her. So she and I dont speak much to eachother. I can be sharp and blunt with her I feel, a defensive reaction IMHO from when she did boss me around.

Her attitude to me:

She is alright with me. She seems to speak to me in a more soft nicer tone than the other male carers in the building and she NEVER tells me what to do anymore. Its sorta like she's nervous around me.....I dunno.

So really what I want to know is how do I tell or find out if she likes me ... I'm rusty at this game and have only had two serious relationships with everyother female encounter being with a whore.

This girl isn't an easy target either as she strikes me as someone who wouldnt be an easy catch.

Any advice, tips, feedback to what I've said would be superb

Is she directly over you? If you approach her and she is not interested, will it impact anything with the job?

My first impression for whatever it's worth, is she seems a little old for you. It's just my opinion. Some guys are totally fine with that and only you will be able to answer that in your own mind. It is less of a factor if you're just looking to hit it and run, although I would not advise that in the workplace.

Invite her out for some pints after work and when she gets a little tipsy take some version of the "Gee, I kinda thought you were a bitch at first, but you seem really cool to hangout with" approach. Use your body language and suggestion to convey some level of arousal and attraction on your part. See if that might not get the knickers coming off.

Thanks for the advice, hope it keeps comming in.

No she isnt in charge of me, we are both on the same level.
I also dont consider her too old.

The whole pint buisness is a good idea but I'm trying to find out ways how she feels towards me without asking questions like that.

I need tips on reading her body language etc and sifting through the positive stuff. Shes actually really sexy and although she's 10 years older than me, shes hardly my mothers age and I aint directly looking for sex.

Keep advice on this comming guys.

I don't mean to sound like an asshole but if I had your girth I would just wear tight pants and let the rest fall in place.

REDZULU2003 said:

The whole pint buisness is a good idea but I'm trying to find out ways how she feels towards me without asking questions like that.

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That's a little more difficult for me. I have never been good about trying to read the feelings of numerous chicks. There have been some I was pretty much sure were not interested and I would usually leave them alone, but would sometimes gamble on the longshot. There were some that I thought might feel some chemistry with me, but I was inevitably wrong and had to try to smooth out an exit strategy as I saw the horrified looks on their faces. Come to think of it, that's it. There has never been a woman that has expressed interest in me.

I'm pretty bad at seduction, but it can be done under the right circumstances. But romance is way out of my league.

"I can be sharp and blunt with her......"

This statement bothered me a little. For the simple fact that she might assume that you don't like her. Even though your reason is legit, she probably doesn't realize it. Normally when you are sharp and blunt with someone, they assume you either A. Don't like them....or B. Aren't very friendly. You need to get that preconcived notion turned around.......

With that said:

I think your best approach is to start being more "flirty" with her. Let her catch you staring at her. Not in a drooling gross way...more like checking her out, and then looking away right when she sees you. Then just sort of grin as if you were embarassed. This will give her a subtle sign that you are interested.

My guess is that she will begin sending signals back at you, and you can go to the next level. Maybe help her out on the job more than you usually would....make it a point to be around her even when you don't "have to". Then you can move on to little sweet gestures, like getting her a soda or water when you have a break.....

I dont know - it's been a LOOONG time since I played the romance/flirt game. However I did have an office romance several years ago - and that is exactly how the dude got my attention. Then we would make out in the stair well of our building. Very passionate....and sexy because you always thougth you were goign to get busted.

So...good luck.....and if none of this works....I'm with the previous poster who said show off your bulge....GOD KNOWS that sexy thick thing will get her attention - lol!

Thank you thewife. Your very true. My attitude towards her at times i.e the blunt and sharpness wont help matter. However I'm not changeing that as we speak and treating her more like I do the other woman at work, nice/gentle and with respect ... maybe I've took this too far for too long and sorta held a stupid fuckin grudge ? well its going to stop, shes actually a nice girl.

Okay, I will take you up on that 'stare and look away' tactic ... sounds fun.
I'll also offer her more of a helping hand at work and leave it for a few weeks and keep my eyes open for anything she send back.

Some of the stuff you mentioned, well the older ladies have been doing that to me for AGES now I must watch my bulge at all times.

Lastly, today I worked with the girl related to this thread and I was more polite and talkative to her than usually, but still we didnt actually get into a conversation ... well in our work its hard anyways except at break.

Anyways she is still very nice, polite with me ... she talks to me in a nicer tone than ANY of the other males .... does this mean anything??? the other guy who works their who fancys her and follows her around but hes not a sicko or anything, well she bosses him around and talks down to him ... even residents have told me that I get more respect than he does from the woman and same with her.

Alright LASTLY I did achive, or note something today at break time.
She had her back to me, stood talking to another member of staff in the consrvatory where we go. Anyays I was sat down with a drink. She was tlaking to the woman but their is glass in front of where she was and its light comming through behind where I was sat so one can see like a mirror....get the picture? but it aint crystal clear. Anyways I was checkig out her arse, you know giving it a good look ... I noticed for a split second or two that she looked in the glass and was looking at me ... we did make eye contact via the glass only briefly and than she sat down really quickly so she was to the side of me at the other end of the room [its spaced out anyways] and continued talking to the woman.

I definatly think it's a good sign that she doesn't talk down to you and is nicer to you than other male staff. She either learned her lesson, or just respects you more. Probably the latter. Most of the time us women hold grudges worse than men and aren't good at hiding it, so if she took your bluntness the wrong way and secretly hated you, you'd know it.

I do have one more concern. Is this woman a bitch? I hold an executive position and interact with males that are "below" me as well as my peers on the same level...and I would never dream of "bossing" them around. Nor would I talk down to someone just because I didn't respect them. To me that is not a sign of very good character. I guess I wouldn't want you to end up in a situation where you had this bitchy, bossy, controling she devil to contend with at work every day if something does develop. Of course, on the other hand, that might not bother you. All depends on what you want. While I would never talk down to anyone, I can stand my ground very well....and that is one of the things that attracted hubby....so you never know??

One thing I learned from my office romance was that when it fades or you fall out.....you can't get away from each other very easily. The work is still there....and unless your not fond of your job, you can't escape it. I'm sure you know that already, just thought I'd throw it out there. So be careful and be sure that it's a can of worms you really want to open up.

One way to start a conversation is to state the obvious so that conversation DOESNT end up being awkward. Start by saying something like "Why is it that we've worked together this long, and never had a real conversation?" That will open up the lines of communication to talk about something OTHER than work.

REDZULU2003 said:

Thank you thewife. Your very true. My attitude towards her at times i.e the blunt and sharpness wont help matter. However I'm not changeing that as we speak and treating her more like I do the other woman at work, nice/gentle and with respect ... maybe I've took this too far for too long and sorta held a stupid fuckin grudge ? well its going to stop, shes actually a nice girl.

Okay, I will take you up on that 'stare and look away' tactic ... sounds fun.
I'll also offer her more of a helping hand at work and leave it for a few weeks and keep my eyes open for anything she send back.

Some of the stuff you mentioned, well the older ladies have been doing that to me for AGES now I must watch my bulge at all times.

Lastly, today I worked with the girl related to this thread and I was more polite and talkative to her than usually, but still we didnt actually get into a conversation ... well in our work its hard anyways except at break.

Anyways she is still very nice, polite with me ... she talks to me in a nicer tone than ANY of the other males .... does this mean anything??? the other guy who works their who fancys her and follows her around but hes not a sicko or anything, well she bosses him around and talks down to him ... even residents have told me that I get more respect than he does from the woman and same with her.

Alright LASTLY I did achive, or note something today at break time.
She had her back to me, stood talking to another member of staff in the consrvatory where we go. Anyays I was sat down with a drink. She was tlaking to the woman but their is glass in front of where she was and its light comming through behind where I was sat so one can see like a mirror....get the picture? but it aint crystal clear. Anyways I was checkig out her arse, you know giving it a good look ... I noticed for a split second or two that she looked in the glass and was looking at me ... we did make eye contact via the glass only briefly and than she sat down really quickly so she was to the side of me at the other end of the room [its spaced out anyways] and continued talking to the woman.

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As always thanks for the advice. I wouldnt call her a bitch as such, shes a nice gentle careing girl whos good at her job and talks allot but she just has a habit of bossing folk around.

To be honest I dont think she sometimes realises that she is doing it and has infact been told by senior staff and has said sorry to them and said she was trying to help ... perhaps shes just a bossy person but means no harm and needs slapping down now and again .. me thinks.

Now that you've said it, yeah it makes sense she probably respects me more and hence she talks to me in a better tone of voice, I do act more mature and do my job to a higher standard than the other guy, hes also a lazy bastard and I work like a trojan.

At the end of the day I dont really want love with this girl, but just sorta break the ice alittle from the past but have some flirting along the way and see how she reacts to it and if she actually shows positive signs.

As someone who has a qualification in Psychology I have thought to myself that maybe I'm doing this partly out of guilt because of the bluntness and sharpness I send to ger, yet she doesnt rise to that so I guess it has made me feel slightly bad.

Anyways if she send positive vibes back who knows? I myself dont think she would be interested.

I'm also like you in the fact I dont boss folk around and also stand my ground very well.

Finally the part about me checking her arse out and she caught a glimse in the window of me doing so, before she sat down ... what you think?

While it could have been a complete fluke that she sat down when she noticed. I would venture to guess that she actually got a little modest when she realized you were checking her out. The fact that you made eye contact is a GOOD sign because, she was obviously looking to SEE if YOU were LOOKING....get my drift? In other words if she didn't fancy you at least a little, she wouldn't give a shit if you were looking at her arse or not. IMHO a good sign......and the fact that she went on and sat down instead of trying to be a tease shows me she has some class about her.

Keep working it. Based on my conversations w. you and other images I've seen .....your a good catch. I'm sure she's thought about it, even if you think she hasn't or wouldn't. If nothing more, you could have a little "work place fling". Nothing sexier than that......just a one time thing or even the approach like "were both having a shitty day, lets go in the broom closet and make out". No strings attached, and that way it won't get ugly.

REDZULU2003 said:

Finally the part about me checking her arse out and she caught a glimse in the window of me doing so, before she sat down ... what you think?

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cheers. It makes more sense when someone from the outside such as yourself explains these things.

I bet some reading this thread will think I'm stupid or whatever but as you might know I suffer from Aspergers Syndrome. Now this doesnt make me look different from anyone else but my way of thinking is different than a 'normal' person.

A thread in the mental section here explains it all. One of the main areas effected is understanding others body language and gestures so alas its why I ask so much for guidance on this ... I'm worse than most men at seeing the signs because of the AS ... but dont feel sorry for me or anything, its just something that I have learned to control and hide.

If anyone else has more advice on this thread than please do say your piece and I shall keep it updated with whatever happens.

I work again with her on Friday

What i suggest is that you just play cool, be friendly, and say "hi" whenever you cross paths... You can also take the initiative and next time you two are somewhat alone, tell her "you know, i think you and i got off on the wrong foot from day one..." then tell her "maybe we should start over again...," then say in a playful tone "hi my name is RedZulu, what's yours?" and extend your hand to shake hers. This should disarm her and break the ice enough to get the two of you on better speaking terms. You should be able to get a feel for her by her response... from there you can ask her if she wants to get something to eat together at lunch time, then progress to asking her out after work.

thewife said:

Normally when you are sharp and blunt with someone, they assume you either A. Don't like them....or B. Aren't very friendly. You need to get that preconcived notion turned around.......

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Come on, wife. All guys know that if you're a nice guy most women won't give you the time of day.

Not true.....at least not in my case or any of my friends. Let me explain the difference.

A nice guy approach that would be a turn on:

"Hey girl, I haven't seen you around in a while. What have you been up to? We should get together sometime, I bet I could show you a real good time...just let me know when your free"

~Nice, sweet to the point, shows your interested. Put the ball in HER court

A nice guy approach that would repel faster than the plauge (and probably what your referring to):

"Oh, ummm, Hi....ummm.....I know that I don't talk to you much.....but ummmm......and I'm sure you would never go for me, but......I noticed that you were really hot and.....ummmm.....thought you might want to ummmmm..........come over to my place sometime....will you call me???? "

~Goofy, no confidence, and awkward......

Then there is the cocky arse hole approach that will get you kicked in the balls:

"Hey baby, I noticed your fine ass from across the room and I KNOW you were looking at me......when can I get your number and hit you up"

~ ugggg - Need I say more?

BIG DIFFERENCE.........

penguinsfan said:

Come on, wife. All guys know that if you're a nice guy most women won't give you the time of day.

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Thank you peeps, shall try some flirting with her tommorow to become more freindly with her. All great advice.

To be honest I think this girl isnt interested in any romance as I heard from someone that she had a hardtime in her past relationship and hasnt had a man in years. Apparently they were engaged and he did something real bad.

Anyways, me thinks she deep down likes the other arsehole who works at my place. The other guy I was talking about whos cocky, lazy and a fuckin wanker who has ZERO respect.

She does boss him around quite abit, but he follows her around allot which I know is flirting to let her know hes interested. She also talks to him in a tone a mother would sometimes do to their child yet she never uses this with me and is always nice.

Today the tosser came into work 2 hours late and apparently the girl has had words with him about it and also that hes done fuck all during the shift and now she isnt talking to him .... I mean if she didnt harbour some feelings why would she stop talking to him over such a matter?

I will try my best to show I like her and want to know her more but discreetly and using tact than with each success I will make bigger moves like that sikdogg said about us getting off onto the wrong foot blah blah blah. However I would say I'm a GENTLE MAN who treats woman with respect and talks to them with respect but to me this wont do much with her. I'm more mature than him but I think even though she wants a mature man whos gentle he has that WILD and BAD image which to me I feel she likes and she has feelings for him.

Well there is nothing "gentle" about that cock your walk around with, if that doesn't make you feel WILD and BAD....I don't know what would. Maybe you should try to be a little more confident and put yourself out there a little more. I'm sure she will bite sooner or later.....

REDZULU2003 said:

GENTLE MAN who treats woman with respect and talks to them with respect but to me this wont do much with her. I'm more mature than him but I think even though she wants a mature man whos gentle he has that WILD and BAD image which to me I feel she likes and she has feelings for him.

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Your right. Thanks.

Lastly though what do you think about this.......

Today the tosser came into work 2 hours late and apparently the girl has had words with him about it and also that hes done fuck all during the shift and now she isnt talking to him .... I mean if she didnt harbour some feelings why would she stop talking to him over such a matter?

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I talked to the chef who works their and he has dealing with everyone as he sees everyone and is a nice guy. Anyways he said to me he thinks this girls has a soft spot for this other guy and the way she behaved today i.e not talking to him for cooming in late and not pulling ihis weight proves that.

I'm as usual have become confused over that .... thoughts?

thewife said:

Not true.....at least not in my case or any of my friends.

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Wife, you seem pretty cool and maybe your friends are cool too, but trust me when I say many guys out there know what I speak of.

"Hey girl, I haven't seen you around in a while. What have you been up to? We should get together sometime, I bet I could show you a real good time...just let me know when your free"

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Doesn't seem too bad. However, I would think the last part leaves it a little too open-ended.

"Oh, ummm, Hi....ummm.....I know that I don't talk to you much.....but ummmm......and I'm sure you would never go for me, but......I noticed that you were really hot and.....ummmm.....thought you might want to ummmmm..........come over to my place sometime....will you call me???? "

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Well, you obviously can't stutter or fumble around, nor express any lack of self-confidence (maybe jokingly) or forget it.

"Hey baby, I noticed your fine ass from across the room and I KNOW you were looking at me......when can I get your number and hit you up"

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Many women would be inclined to kick such a man in the balls, but I think you'd be surprised how often something like that works...for some arrogant pricks. And the women that fall for that shit are entirely total sluts either.

Believe it or not, one of my closest friends once went home with a woman a few years older than himself, from an upscale bar with one of the worst lines imagineable. He was drunk off his ass and walked up to this woman and said "I'm hung like a horse and I can make you the best breakfast you've ever eaten. Let's fuck." and it worked.

Anyway, I've got a number of things going against me and I'm not in the running right now, but it is forever a gripe of mine, so bare with me.

RED, there is something you have to consider. Maybe she is one of those women that is attracted to dickheads and there is nothing to be done about it. She may not be either, but it's possible. It seems strange for her to be attracted to such a jackoff.

I tend to agree with Penguinsfan about the asshole thing. I also think thewife is partly right too though. I believe that the assholes are way more attractive to GIRLS, and the confident, motivated, sweet, nice guy is more attractive to WOMEN. There is a big difference I believe, and I also think age isn't always an indicator of such. I think I've met more than one 35 year girl (not romantically), and my sister for example, has been a woman since probably turning 12. She is just very mentally mature for her age.

I currently go to school at a University and I would say at least 90% of the females in attendance are GIRLS. I actually tried the asshole thing for a bit last year, and it did get me laid a few times, but it just wasn't me, it felt like I was selling myself out, and the sex felt terribly empty. In one case a girl got with me just to get another guy she had slept with to leave her alone, so that was kind of a wake up call as to what direction my emotional life was headed.

It seems that these girls would rather get with an immature BOY whom they can have a psychological "one up" on than to risk falling for a MAN.
WOMEN appreciate a MAN who is responsible, respectful, and who knows how to take care of himself, as well as take care of her and make her feel safe. Sometimes it seems that the GIRLS I meet at random almost find me threatening. I'm 5'9", caucasian, and a solid 185 pounds with a 330 lb. bench press. I carry myself with my chin up, a relaxed, confident gait, and oftentimes a smile (not a smirk) on my face. I always try to find something to smile about to brighten the day, and it doesn't hurt to look friendly either.

I always try to be outgoing and meet new people, or talk to new girls whenever the opportunity arises. So at the end of the day I find myself getting frustrated at how they almost seem to flock to the scrawny, loud, immature little frat BOYS that are a dime a dozen here. Then, however, I try to remind myself that most of those GIRLS would probably drive me crazy if I got involved with them, but I wonder if that isn't just sour grapes. Right now I'm talking to a cute student in one of my classes who is 3 years older than me. It was amazing how well we seemed to hit it off on the first day we met, and her looks are just my type. The contrast in the quality of simple conversation with this WOMAN compared to the many GIRLS I have gotten to know is grossly obvious and just makes me more certain of the difference. I was actually following this thread with some interest because I want to move forward beyond just regular friendly conversation between the two of us. I think there is good chemistry between us, and she always seems to perk up when she sees me, but I suppose she could just be really nice too. Anyway, take that for what its worth.