The ride is over...I almost died 2 nights ago.

[3lee]

Well, Im not drinking anymore as of 2 days ago. Some will say yeah right but I almost died in my sleep and would have if not for my wife being home with me. That kind of out of controll feeling has hit me hard and I dont desire to drink or pursure shrooms or anything else for any escapes from reallity anymore. How stupid can a guy become? Ive had serious thoughts of suicide in the last month and dropped my dose of Effexor from 150mg back down to 75mg. This had helped alot but the last 2 weekends Ive really hit the bottle hard in hopes of an "accident". 2 weekends ago I drunk till I passed out and woke up the next day at 1:30pm and did it again. This weekend was a 3 dayer for me as I took Friday off. I started at 4:00 and by midnight I had 8oz of Everclear in me and a few beers and about 4 oz of Tequilla. My wife said I passed out 4 different times on her and even once fell straight back hitting my head on the floor and knocked myself out. She put me in the bed on 3 seperate occasions. The last time she said I went to sleep and 10 minutes later tried to puke while still asleep laying on my back. She rolled me over and stayed awake until I woke up the next day. I felt woozy and wobbly all day the next day, was hard to eat or drink...had a massive headace even after getting in the bed on Saturday night. Just today (Sunday) at around 5o clockpm I finally feel OK and normal again. I hit it hard in hopes of just seeing if God would let me die. Im still here so Im off of everything and am going to try and go back to church and see where I end up. Im not dead for some reason??? Who knows.

 

[spinner2]

Glad you're alright. Life is hard sometimes, but you've just gotta keep pushing until you find a way to be happy.

 

[mlb092]

Damn How tall are you and how much do you weigh?....either way sounds like some serious alcohol poisoning. Your wife deserves breakfast in bed haha.

 

[Kal-el]

I started at 4:00 and by midnight I had 8oz of Everclear in me and a few beers and about 4 oz of Tequilla.

Holy shit man. Everclear is some serious liquor. That stuff will make you bite the bark off trees!

 

[Pandora]

Yeah glad you are ok, Why not try pulling your dick all day to relieve stress works for me, or all day hanging, nice and relaxing.

 

[penguinsfan]

I just went to a funeral last week for my buddy's 26 year-old brother who died in his sleep after a night of heavy partying. <

You've definitely overdone it and I hope you commit to staying more sober than you've been in many posts.

 

[8InchMIKE]

Dude, listen to me bro... Stay the fuck away from that shit you hear me ??!!

Do NOT repeat this "crap" ever again... Life is too beautifull for you to waist it like that man... You just have to say no to the damn voices in your head that tell you to do crazy shit like that...

Set short term goals for yourself, see them through and also at the same time set some mid long term goals for yourself. Get in a gymn and hit the weighroom HARD, you will be rewarded for that in litle time and you will feel better about life.

Penis Enlargement until you have to rest and hit Penis Enlargement again and again, stay in the gymn, eat well and stay healthy... leave the booze well alone, in fact, get rid of all of it alltogether...that means, NO BOOZE ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR HOME ok??

Damn bro, get your act together or i will fly over there myself and bitchslap you with a cod fish until you just SUCK IT UP LIKE THE [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words] BREED THAT YOU ARE, brother in a crazy internet forum that binds us all together.

If you want, PM me and we can "get over this lump in the road" together mate...

Now read this post over and over again until you feel afraid enough of that cod fish i was talking about...ok bro ??!!

Get it together now...or face the fish ( i mean this in a serious way )...

Peace

Mike

 

[PenilePersist]

I had previously mentioned that I can relate to you a lot, 3lee, having been through a lot of what you have been describing on this forum.

Myself and others also mentioned that it was okay to experiment with various recreational substances, BUT only if you grasp the critical importance of understanding exactly what it is that you are consuming, how it effects your body and probably most important - the principle of MODERATION, which has a lot to do with self control and knowing your limits.

If I recall correctly, you seemed to initially understand, but then you slipped into excessive drinking, saying that your wife can look after you to make sure you don't screw up so you don't need to pay as much attention, started drinking very potent alcohol very often and very much. Myself and others likely stepped in and reminded you it is okay to be a "happy drunk" but moderation is important and you may need to "chill" a bit.

What seems that happened it what happens to many of us who zealously and naively start enjoying recreational substances for the first time. You think you understand advice people told you but it goes in one ear and out the other and you get caught up in the moment and start consuming too much, too often and eventually suffer consequences that cause feelings of guilt and regret. But ultimately, you have to live with the fact that it was your responsibility and not necessarily the substances or anyone else at all.

We all make mistakes. It is not the mistakes that you make in life that define who you are, but how you react to those mistakes.

I made some mistakes by abusing multiples of recreational substances, but now I understand that my initial reaction to this realization was also a mistake. My initial reaction was to reject all of these substances as some sort of evil thing or plague, to quit any use of any of them for several years, to preach to others about not using them, to feel guilty and regretful and convince myself that I need to be "saved" by religion and much more. This reaction was another mistake that I learned from; wherein upon reflecting on the reaction I realized I embarassed myself, became a hypocrite, ostracized good people and things and memories from my life, lost my identity in favor of a brainwashed and traumatized version of me, was no longer true to myself, was no longer really happy - merely in a prolonged state of shock and trauma from a wound that I was reopening every time I talked so poorly about it.

When I reflected more on all the good times I experienced with great people while using recreational substances, I realized that I do not regret using them at all and quite the contrary my life would never have been as beautiful, free feeling, full of life, full of great memories with great people (depending on what substance I was using ) without those experiences and I would not be the man I am today. I would have not learned as much about people and the world without these experiences and I would not have enjoyed life, or really lived it instead of existed in it, nearly as much. The only thing that was destructive was the way I used the substances (too much, too often, with little to no idea of the effect on my body), not the substances themselves - and that is my only mistake and thing that I may have good reason to reget or feel guilty about. BUT, it taught me so much is so many ways I can't even put into words that I am now also greatful that I did abuse the substances the way that I did (though it is a hard and nasty way to learn that I do not suggest everybody do). ALSO, I think the healthy perspective is to not feel guilty or regretful at all, because I did not harm anyone else, I merely made mistakes that only effected me and the final outcome is better than I would be without them and I am only human so such mistakes and learning is natural so there is no reason to regret or feel guilty about the use of the substances themselves.

Due to my extremely excessive use of substances sustained over several years, and more accurately the tragic effect it had on my body, I do think it was right that I went through a "cleansing" period where I completely abstained from any use of of any of these substances. However, I did not find true health until I forgave myself and learned that part of being healthy is having the self control and intelligence to do things that you enjoy without subjecting yourself to the harm. I realized that the final stages of recovery was being able to choose which of those substances is appropriate to consume and consume those substances responsibly, without any negative effects or at least extreme minimizing of them. Alcohol is especially a substance, of multiples, that everyone should be able to consume responsibly if they are truly healthy people. Some of the smartest, wisest, most physically and mentally healthy people in the world happily consume alcohol, and multiple other substances (though not necessarily at the same time), and enjoy the effects with good company.

I'll say again, the key is knowing what you are doing to your body, in a chemisty and biology sense, AND ESPenis EnlargementCIALLY DOING IT IN MODERATION. EVEN DRINKING TOO MUCH WATER CAN KILL YOU: Water intoxication - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia . If you did not know how to drive properly and you did it in excess speed with shitty to no breaks, you would die. Even if you were the best driver in the universe - if you drove non stop without sleep, nutrition ect then you would die. It is likely that ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING in life has these principles of understanding and moderation.

Lastly, I really encourage you to watch the following video!
I found it to help me affirm that I had taken the right track to true recovery and health, AND it really helped some people I know to truly recover, find happiness, health and leave all the guilt and regret and various mental and emotional bars that block a life of true freedom.
Thus, you may be surprised when I tell you that it is South Park episode: Bloody Mary.
Bloody Mary (South Park - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)
Season 9, episode 14 (episode 914).

Unfortunately, it is no longer on Google video or YouTube, and hard to find streaming anywhere else, but Trey and Matt (creators of South Park) endorse downloading their shows wherever you can find them and there are torrents for them. I think it is really a must see for anyone who drinks alcohol, especially if they have problems with it.
"south park" "bloody mary" download - Google Search

SouthPark 914 - Bloody Mary (Razer167) : TV Shows > South Park - Mininova

MrTwig's net Season 9

I hope you continue to grow and stay true to yourself and your wanting to explore all the freedom that life has to offer, but stay safe at the same time. I'm happy that nothing more serious happened to you. Myself and many others have experienced much worse.

Best.

 

[PenilePersist]

I just went to a funeral last week for my buddy's 26 year-old brother who died in his sleep after a night of heavy partying. <

My condolences. That happened to a good friend of mine, kinda like a true brother, right before he turned 21. He took heavy pain meds and drank a lot of alcohol, partied hard, went to sleep and never woke up. Turned out the primary cause was a heart condition that he was obviously not helping.

Like I was going to add to my previous post, to say to 3lee:
I'm happy that nothing more serious happened to you. Myself and many others have experienced similar and much worse. My condolences for the scare, just be more careful with what you are doing to yourself.

Best.

 

[3lee]

thanks guys:blush:

 

[badapiou252]

I can't help but ask... why?? what are you unhappy about?

 

[3lee]

I can't help but ask... why?? what are you unhappy about?

Just life in general. Its so depressing, fake friends, family, church, seems like everything Ive lived by is now so fake and non existant to me. im am so alone. My dad is all I have that is real and I rarely see him. I dunno, ? I feel a tad bit better as Ive learned to just accept it all as just the way it is. thanks for asking though...good to get it out.. Thanks for asking...bro/

 

[8InchMIKE]

Lee... Snap out of it dawg... ASAP

Take control of your life mate, do all you have to do to regain consistency and harmony back in your life. Get in that gymn man or go jogging or some other hobby ( besides Penis Enlargement ) and get your act together dude...

Jump right back on the horse and remember that the Sun in always there, even if there are clowds betwin you and it.

Peace

Mike

 

[badapiou252]

Why don't you make an effort to see your dad more?

 

[10inchadvantage]

I'd recommend vacationing out in nature. Doesn't have to be anywhere that you have to pay money, even local forests and such can do wonders to your overall state of being.

 

[3lee]

Why don't you make an effort to see your dad more?

I do. to the point it is utterly pointless. I go to see him and he hardly even speaks to me when its been months thats went by. i dont get it. But since my last post on here which has been a while...i have started drinking again, AFTER studying up on how it effects the body, and now i do it just for fun on the weekends when Im with friends. I still use Everclear every so often but no where near as much as I did. Ive found Bud Light is my fav. Anyway...just an update and thanks for careing.

 

[AcesHigh]

Dude, listen...I drink way, way, way more than you could ever possibly imagine and still maintain a healthy lifestyle, in a sense. You seem depressed, and that is something I can relate to. Why shouldn't we all be depressed? Life is more trouble than it's worth, right? We all strive to achieve the simple pleasures in life...sex, happiness, and a sense of overall well being.

Being bound to reality is a total drag, I know...if only we had 10 inch dicks and millions of dollars...

Life sucks, ok? There is no getting around it. Life fucking sucks. All you can do is be a man about it and move forward. Forget the negatives and strive for positives. It takes a stronger man to seek the positive aspects of life.

 

[10inchadvantage]

Dude, listen...I drink way, way, way more than you could ever possibly imagine and still maintain a healthy lifestyle, in a sense. You seem depressed, and that is something I can relate to. Why shouldn't we all be depressed? Life is more trouble than it's worth, right? We all strive to achieve the simple pleasures in life...sex, happiness, and a sense of overall well being.

Being bound to reality is a total drag, I know...if only we had 10 inch dicks and millions of dollars...

Life sucks, ok? There is no getting around it. Life fucking sucks. All you can do is be a man about it and move forward. Forget the negatives and strive for positives. It takes a stronger man to seek the positive aspects of life.

Life is great dude. The key to happiness seems to be through detacHydromaxent to material wants and desires. So put on a smile, treat everyone with the joy of being able to walk around and live, and the rest will follow. And a great way to live life, don't live it too seriously, kick it and laugh often.

 

[Reber187]

Life is great dude. The key to happiness seems to be through detacHydromaxent to material wants and desires

if you wish to know the key to life whilst still living, you must do the above.

not saying i've done it, but its absolutely correct.


keep pushing

 

[10inchadvantage]

if you wish to know the key to life whilst still living, you must do the above.

not saying i've done it, but its absolutely correct.


keep pushing

It's almost impossible to achieve, it seems. Although, when I meditate when I'm upset over something it ALWAYS has to do with an attachment to some material possession or desire.

 

[PenilePersist]

Life is great dude. The key to happiness seems to be through detacHydromaxent to material wants and desires. So put on a smile, treat everyone with the joy of being able to walk around and live, and the rest will follow. And a great way to live life, don't live it too seriously, kick it and laugh often.

While I can appreciate Aces' experience, as I do my own, I must agree with this quote from 10inch as the truth MUCH more than Aces' "life sucks, deal with it" perception. Aces' is not entirely wrong, but without balancing that part of reality with the part of reality that 10inch just put very well .... you are more apt to the destruction of yourself and those around you - or at least to existing rather than living or living or existing in a manner that is not of your full potential.

You can be a realist and still be optimistic and pursue the best of life, including materialistic things society and technology of today pressures you toward and also in the absence of that materialism. Find what makes you tick and go with it; do not simply survive a "sucky life", but instead live amongst and or above the parts of life that sucks by either OR both your material wants but also mental evolution - the mind being far more valuable, which in turn works with heart and soul or spirituality.

 

[PenilePersist]

I just remembered that Aces did point out that balance, just didn't say it the same way as 10inch or I did, when he said:

Forget the negatives and strive for positives. It takes a stronger man to seek the positive aspects of life.

Even when you "get it" it's not always easy to convey that in a manner that everyone will easily notice. I think his point is, it takes a stronger man to be a realist - that is to realize how much shit there is going on in this world, which is often much deeper and far reaching than people realize, yet still deal with that and strive for positivity. I agree.